Assuming you are in the DC area OP, but what state is the wedding? Do you have a time change too? |
I understand your and DH's desire to be there for your BIL, but not at the expense of your own family's comfort (financial and physical) and sanity. And what most of us are saying is, this couple's multi day plans are excessive. You're BIL's family, not indentured servants. There has to be some give and take and some flexibility. Also, will the couple be expecting a lot of their friends? Does the bride have a huge family? I still do not understand why it's so critical that you AND your DH be there for all these events as if there won't be many others? And if it's a small crowd why so many events in the first place?! |
I've been in this situation and my parents helped. At Dh's siblings' wedding, DH's parents were furious that my parents were watching the kids. They wanted them at the wedding and wanted us to watch them instead at the reception. We had thought they didn't want my kids since they weren't flower girls/ring bearers. You can't really win, I guess.
I have this situation coming up again and I'm so annoyed that my parents were also invited. They don't even know the wedding couple. It makes it really hard to get a sitter in a new destination city. Our plan is that DH stays back with the kids until my parents leave the wedding (which they will- super early, which is why you shouldn't invite people you don't know to your wedding...) and then my parents watch the kids to the end. |
+1 I know big, celebratory families that have huge weddings, that are always genuine (not forced) fun, with tons of before and after parties, but none of it is considered obligatory! Have brides and grooms always been this demanding? |
Or is it the type of dysfunctional family that will blame OP, if OP is unable to attend? |
Wow. Welcome to parenthood. Life isn't a party anymore. |
So people moan when kids aren't invited to the wedding because who will watch the kids? Then they complain when kids are invited, because who will watch the kids? You watch your own kids, or ask for parental help, or leave the events as needed. The kids are not the main event, nobody really cares if they are there, come and go as needed. Skip some events, make an appearance, leave early, what's the big deal? |
It’s a two hour time difference. |
I think you just muddle through it all with the kids in tow. With your parents there, they can trade off watching kids while you eat and chat. Then you leave early from the events with the kids. Really, you just need to put in an appearance with the kids at every event, then you can bow out and leave your DH there. My guess is they mainly want to see him anyway. Doubt anyone will notice if you miss the post-rehearsal party etc. the only exception is the wedding ceremony. for that, I think you do need a solid plan for your parents or other sitter to watch kids while you do makeup and photos. really with your parents there, this is doable albeit stressful! |
The parents can also tag team and attend some of the events each. Their invitation was nice, but not crucial to the in-laws. |
We've brought our nanny. The nanny tires them out before they need to sit still, stays with them during nap time, and whisks them out when they can't stay quiet or need a diaper change or something. It's great! |
We have been in this exact situation and my parents (who were also invited) stepped up and skipped events or left events early to watch kids as needed.
Are they not willing to do that OP? How close are they to the couple? |
Why not bring the kids to all the events?
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The thinking behind inviting the in-laws probably was child care. |
-Welcome party: attend briefly with the kids. Bow out early while DH stays.
-Friday night: your parents watch the one year old. You, DH, and the older kid attend rehearsal and dinner. Post-rehearsal dinner party is just excessive. Maybe send DH, but no need for you all to attend. -Wedding day: ask your parents to watch the one year old. DH be fully responsible for the older kid who's in the wedding. You maintain fexibility to switch off with your parents whenever you're not actively needed (for make up, photos, and ceremony). You step back during reception to be with your kids and parents while DH does his duty. -Brunch: bring the kids and enjoy. +1 EXCEPT I would get a local babysitter for the actual wedding/reception. I know you said you aren't comfortable but you can ask the bride/groom (or groom's mom) for help getting a local contact. |