Handling fancy destination wedding with small kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, your 1 year has no role in the wedding, right? I realize the bride and groom may want you to be at all the festivities, but I would only commit to the wedding day itself and if possible, leave the 1 year old with a family member or your nanny at home. Not knowing where you are traveling to, I would fly in at the last minute and leave the day after. If your DH wants to stay the entire weekend, that would be fine with me.

Stop it. You’re being a shrew. It’s not the wedding of a distant cousin. It’s the husband’s brother. It’s a year away. It’s four days. It’s in a nice place. Lots of family will be there. Plenty of time to plan and prepare.

[Anonymous]

I would get an Airbnb instead of hotel and bring the nanny. You trust her and your 1 year old will need the help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Could you fly out one of your parents for this role?

They are also invited to the wedding.

I think PP meant in laws.

Yes, my parents (DH’s in laws) are also invited to the wedding and all associated events.

To DH's brother's wedding - love this - such an inclusive family!

OP, no advice except to maybe skip one or two things. I really don't know why couples expect families to these multi-day events, because people have commitments and responsibilities of their own. Are couples getting more selfish?

It’s the brother’s wedding, we’re talking four days, and it’s a YEAR away. Come on man! It’s not remotely selfish. Does anyone in DCUM land not have a dysfunctional family?

[Anonymous]

You both simply don’t attend every event. You cannot do it unless you can afford to bring a nanny. You trade off what you attend — even possibly trading off mid event. And if your parents are going, you ask them to manage the 1 year old during the actual service.

I say this as someone that would bring the nanny. If that isn’t feasible financially for you guys, then don’t do it.

[Anonymous]

Rotate childcare to different family members.

[Anonymous]

Suck it up and just bring the nanny so you can have peace of mind and enjoy yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Rotate childcare to different family members.

Uhh..no. Not family members responsibility. They will avoid you if know they know you would try to do this.

[Anonymous]

Maybe talk with your nanny--see what her expectations would be for pay for that type of thing. She may like the idea of a paid vacation and not require full compensation/overtime for the hours because of the other benefits.

I flew with and stayed for a week with a family I used to babysit for at a popular domestic tourist location. We didn't specify a specific # of hours of care, because I didn't "work" the whole time and got to enjoy the locale plenty. It was like a paid vacation (as a 20-something). I think I earned $500 for the week. Probably about minimum wage at the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe talk with your nanny--see what her expectations would be for pay for that type of thing. She may like the idea of a paid vacation and not require full compensation/overtime for the hours because of the other benefits.

I flew with and stayed for a week with a family I used to babysit for at a popular domestic tourist location. We didn't specify a specific # of hours of care, because I didn't "work" the whole time and got to enjoy the locale plenty. It was like a paid vacation (as a 20-something). I think I earned $500 for the week. Probably about minimum wage at the time.

This will NOT be a vacation for the nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They can very much expect you all to attend and participate, but that's not an order and you don't have to do it all.

If you can't find child care or it's too expensive to pay for your family of four plus someone for child care, find a compromise. Maybe you can't be in the wedding or maybe they help with expenses.

Since it's a year away, talk to them now about your dilemma and see if they'll compromise. Anyone can ask for anything, but that doesn't mean they get it.

Best wishes, OP. I don't mean to be harsh, but I think they're asking too much.

And if it was a no kids wedding, everyone would be complaining about that too. It’s OP’s brother’s what wedding and they want to include the brother, his wife, and the kids. It’s a beautiful thing, it’s taking place at an apparently nice place, it’s a year away, and OP has a nanny.

Start planning and saving now, bring the damned nanny, and go and enjoy the nice wedding of a close relative already.

NP, this seems like an aggressive response to what PP posted. I wouldn’t bring my 2 kids for 4 days of this wedding and they are similar ages to OP.

[Anonymous]

What are all these events that you can't bring the kids? You've only mentioned the brunch besides the wedding itself. Why can't the kid sit with any of the grandparents during the ceremony? And you can watch the kids yourself at the brunch. What else is going on?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are all these events that you can't bring the kids? You've only mentioned the brunch besides the wedding itself. Why can't the kid sit with any of the grandparents during the ceremony? And you can watch the kids yourself at the brunch. What else is going on?

Sounds like a blast. OP can be the only parent on duty in a strange place with toddlers for 4 days while DH hangs with his family. You know someone will call her out if she asks for someone to watch the kids while she uses the restroom. And she can then get more crap for when the kids melt down in their itchy party dress, or stick their finger in the cupcake display, or get cranky when they’re up behind their bedtime (because everyone begs to keep the kids awake).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are all these events that you can't bring the kids? You've only mentioned the brunch besides the wedding itself. Why can't the kid sit with any of the grandparents during the ceremony? And you can watch the kids yourself at the brunch. What else is going on?

- Welcome party on Thursday night
- Rehearsal, rehearsal dinner, post-rehearsal dinner party on Friday night. For close family and friends, there is also a lunch on Friday (for the women) and separate activity for the guys.
- Ceremony, reception, after party on Saturday night. During the day on Saturday, DH and I will be with the wedding party because we’re in the wedding. So for me I assume that means hair/makeup starting sometime mid-morning, plus photos at some point etc.
- Big brunch on Sunday morning for all wedding guests

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Could you fly out one of your parents for this role?

They are also invited to the wedding.

I think PP meant in laws.

Yes, my parents (DH’s in laws) are also invited to the wedding and all associated events.

If they are amenable, I'd have a conversation about them helping with the kids so you can attend some events, and they can attend others.

But really, bringing your nanny is going to be the more seamless way to handle this. Especially with 2 toddlers who might be wary of other adults. Start budgeting for it now and think of it as part of the wedding present to the bride and groom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My niece (maid of honor) rented an airbnb at the site. She and her husband flew his Dad and his StepMom to watch her 4 year old, 2 year old, and 6 week old baby.
Children were not invited.

It was hard on my niece as there were 3 days of events.
Happy hour the night before the wedding from 7-10pm.
Wedding next day from 3:00- 10:00 pm at venue.
Wine tasting day 3 from 11:00 am - 3:00 pm.

That was very gracious of your niece