Handling fancy destination wedding with small kids

[Anonymous]

DH’s brother is getting married next year. It’s a destination wedding (domestic) in the sense that no one lives in the place where they’re getting married and it’s an expensive tourist town. Our kids will be 1 and 3. DH and I both have roles in the wedding/ceremony and our oldest has been asked to be ring bearer. There are four days of events, starting on Thursday night and culminating with a brunch on Sunday. Our attendance is very much expected at all of the events.

I’m trying to figure out how to deal with childcare. We have a nanny, but it would be super expensive to fly her out and pay all the overtime that would be required. But I think it’s our only real option. I’m not comfortable with hiring someone we don’t know at the location. I don’t think we can have just DH attend the events and have me watch the kids.

Anyone been in a similar situation? Am I missing a potential solution?

[Anonymous]

Could you fly out one of your parents for this role?

[Anonymous]

Your nanny is probably the best option (or a parent, as PP said). Or is there a younger cousin or niece/nephew in their late teens/early 20s who will be in town for the wedding but doesn't have a major role who could help (for pay, but not as much as paying all of the nanny OT)?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Could you fly out one of your parents for this role?

They are also invited to the wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your nanny is probably the best option (or a parent, as PP said). Or is there a younger cousin or niece/nephew in their late teens/early 20s who will be in town for the wedding but doesn't have a major role who could help (for pay, but not as much as paying all of the nanny OT)?

Unfortunately no. DH’s family is tiny. I could potentially fly my own sister out, it just feels like a big ask for her to take time off work even if I pay all of her expenses.

[Anonymous]

My niece (maid of honor) rented an airbnb at the site. She and her husband flew his Dad and his StepMom to watch her 4 year old, 2 year old, and 6 week old baby.
Children were not invited.

It was hard on my niece as there were 3 days of events.
Happy hour the night before the wedding from 7-10pm.
Wedding next day from 3:00- 10:00 pm at venue.
Wine tasting day 3 from 11:00 am - 3:00 pm.

[Anonymous]

If you have the nanny, yes I would pay up and have her attend, it’s the easiest way to handle this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Could you fly out one of your parents for this role?

They are also invited to the wedding.

I think PP meant in laws.

[Anonymous]

If it were me, I’d ask my sister to come, pay her way, and probably buy her a plane ticket somewhere fun for herself as compensation since she wouldn’t accept my money.

[Anonymous]

They can very much expect you all to attend and participate, but that's not an order and you don't have to do it all.

If you can't find child care or it's too expensive to pay for your family of four plus someone for child care, find a compromise. Maybe you can't be in the wedding or maybe they help with expenses.

Since it's a year away, talk to them now about your dilemma and see if they'll compromise. Anyone can ask for anything, but that doesn't mean they get it.

Best wishes, OP. I don't mean to be harsh, but I think they're asking too much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Could you fly out one of your parents for this role?

They are also invited to the wedding.

I think PP meant in laws.

Yes, my parents (DH’s in laws) are also invited to the wedding and all associated events.

[Anonymous]

So, your 1 year has no role in the wedding, right? I realize the bride and groom may want you to be at all the festivities, but I would only commit to the wedding day itself and if possible, leave the 1 year old with a family member or your nanny at home. Not knowing where you are traveling to, I would fly in at the last minute and leave the day after. If your DH wants to stay the entire weekend, that would be fine with me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They can very much expect you all to attend and participate, but that's not an order and you don't have to do it all.

If you can't find child care or it's too expensive to pay for your family of four plus someone for child care, find a compromise. Maybe you can't be in the wedding or maybe they help with expenses.

Since it's a year away, talk to them now about your dilemma and see if they'll compromise. Anyone can ask for anything, but that doesn't mean they get it.

Best wishes, OP. I don't mean to be harsh, but I think they're asking too much.

And if it was a no kids wedding, everyone would be complaining about that too. It’s OP’s brother’s what wedding and they want to include the brother, his wife, and the kids. It’s a beautiful thing, it’s taking place at an apparently nice place, it’s a year away, and OP has a nanny.

Start planning and saving now, bring the damned nanny, and go and enjoy the nice wedding of a close relative already.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Could you fly out one of your parents for this role?

They are also invited to the wedding.

I think PP meant in laws.

Yes, my parents (DH’s in laws) are also invited to the wedding and all associated events.

I think the best option is for them to decline and one to come to be the nanny, or for you to bring the nanny. Expensive? Yes. Annoying? Yes. But this is not that different from buying plane tickets for your kids or another hotel room or whatever. They need what they need, and right now it’s constant supervision. You can always decline to attend or let your husband attend and you stay with the kids. But if you want to make it happen (which makes sense because it’s close family), there’s no way out of the expense of what your family requires to travel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Could you fly out one of your parents for this role?

They are also invited to the wedding.

I think PP meant in laws.

Yes, my parents (DH’s in laws) are also invited to the wedding and all associated events.

To DH's brother's wedding - love this - such an inclusive family!

OP, no advice except to maybe skip one or two things. I really don't know why couples expect families to these multi-day events, because people have commitments and responsibilities of their own. Are couples getting more selfish?