Handling fancy destination wedding with small kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your nanny is probably the best option (or a parent, as PP said). Or is there a younger cousin or niece/nephew in their late teens/early 20s who will be in town for the wedding but doesn't have a major role who could help (for pay, but not as much as paying all of the nanny OT)?

Unfortunately no. DH’s family is tiny. I could potentially fly my own sister out, it just feels like a big ask for her to take time off work even if I pay all of her expenses.

Skip some of the events. Ask your sister and maybe she can fly out on Friday leaving Sunday and you just go to the actual wedding but DH goes to everything else.


This happened to me and my husband flew out early and we had our nanny who was going to babysit for 24 hours basically. Coming Saturday morning and my husband and I would fly back 6 am Sunday morning (and miss the brunch event why weddings have so
Many events now is beyond me) but my flight got cancelled and my nanny ended up being sick so I had to skip the wedding. Stuff happens and people who don’t have kids don’t recognize the juggling until they have kids…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why can't your parents watch the kids at the wedding events?

Welcome party - every one goes, whoever wants to dip early takes kids back to hotel/airbnb
Rehearsal day - you/your parents deal with the kids. Are your parents really involved so much as to be needed to "rehearse" anything for this wedding of their childs brother in law?
Wedding day - your parents watch the kids while youre doing hmu, you can trade off during the reception
brunch - bring em

It seems ideal that your parents are invited, IF they are willing to help out with the kids.

Because so many wedding events are no kids nowadays. Every wedding I have been invited to in the last couple years including family all said no kids at anything and they all had 3-4 days of events 🙄. I usually prioritized the actual day. Only one wedding my in laws stayed at our house and we actually stayed by ourselves for two nights and went to 2/3 events but many friends from graduate school were there so it was fun. They also had kids from their family at their events which I thought was thoughtful. Those people also had to travel far for the wedding.

[Anonymous]

Many moons ago in my single days my bestie asked if I would consider meeting up with her family at a Florida resort and help with childcare in exchange for the trip. I was genuinely very happy to do it and had a great time.

Ask around, I’m sure there is someone who’d want to go and take care of the kids in exchange for the trip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are all these events that you can't bring the kids? You've only mentioned the brunch besides the wedding itself. Why can't the kid sit with any of the grandparents during the ceremony? And you can watch the kids yourself at the brunch. What else is going on?

Sounds like a blast. OP can be the only parent on duty in a strange place with toddlers for 4 days while DH hangs with his family. You know someone will call her out if she asks for someone to watch the kids while she uses the restroom. And she can then get more crap for when the kids melt down in their itchy party dress, or stick their finger in the cupcake display, or get cranky when they’re up behind their bedtime (because everyone begs to keep the kids awake).

Over the top. It's a happy event and children are welcome. Don't let them stick their fingers in other people's food - that is gross - but other than that people will be thrilled to see the kids and I don't understand why a meltdown at a wedding where there are lots of slightly tipsy happy noisy people who love you is so much harder to manage than a meltdown at Target where everyone else is already in a foul mood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven’t read most of this but I recently attended a wedding with my two children (1 and 3) without additional childcare. The kids were in the wedding so they had to be there/at all the events. My advice is that regardless of if parents or nanny or OP and her husband are on kid duty, they should scope out playgrounds/toddler-safe playing areas near all the venues of each event. Have the kid(s) make an appearance when necessary/appropriate and the designated adult takes them out to play ASAP when they show signs of impatience with boring grownup things. Plan their outfits accordingly. (In my case I brought play clothes to the wedding itself and the kids changed out of their fancy clothes after the ceremony.) For the one in the wedding, have a goodie bag of quiet fidget toys/coloring things on their seat in the venue so they’re quietly entertained during the ceremony. Much closer to the actual events, look at the times things happen at that the kids are involved in and consider if naps should be shifted and if so how and when to ensure that they’re in a good mood for the important bits. Don’t expect this to be a restful experience.

Hahahahaha you all are acting like you’re about to embark on the most challenging experience of anyone’s lives! It’s absolutely hilarious.

Millions of babies and toddlers have attended weddings, festivals, concerts, games and other joyous events over the years. The mothers all survived, and many didn’t plan them out months and months in advance!

You’ve never been to a wedding/reception in Latin America, obviously. Babies everywhere making all kinds of noise with nobody caring, later sleeping on the floor late into the night at raucous receptions. Now THAT’S fun. THAT’’S a wedding reception. THAT’S a party. You are all so uptight it’s insane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven’t read most of this but I recently attended a wedding with my two children (1 and 3) without additional childcare. The kids were in the wedding so they had to be there/at all the events. My advice is that regardless of if parents or nanny or OP and her husband are on kid duty, they should scope out playgrounds/toddler-safe playing areas near all the venues of each event. Have the kid(s) make an appearance when necessary/appropriate and the designated adult takes them out to play ASAP when they show signs of impatience with boring grownup things. Plan their outfits accordingly. (In my case I brought play clothes to the wedding itself and the kids changed out of their fancy clothes after the ceremony.) For the one in the wedding, have a goodie bag of quiet fidget toys/coloring things on their seat in the venue so they’re quietly entertained during the ceremony. Much closer to the actual events, look at the times things happen at that the kids are involved in and consider if naps should be shifted and if so how and when to ensure that they’re in a good mood for the important bits. Don’t expect this to be a restful experience.

Hahahahaha you all are acting like you’re about to embark on the most challenging experience of anyone’s lives! It’s absolutely hilarious.

Millions of babies and toddlers have attended weddings, festivals, concerts, games and other joyous events over the years. The mothers all survived, and many didn’t plan them out months and months in advance!

You’ve never been to a wedding/reception in Latin America, obviously. Babies everywhere making all kinds of noise with nobody caring, later sleeping on the floor late into the night at raucous receptions. Now THAT’S fun. THAT’’S a wedding reception. THAT’S a party. You are all so uptight it’s insane.

OP. This is funny because I actually am Latina and don’t even disagree with you. Weddings are better with kids! Doesn’t change the fact that I need to budget this trip in advance and therefore need to figure out what to do.

[Anonymous]

If it were my family, my own parents would fill this role, even if invited to the wedding. My mother especially would not hear otherwise.

[Anonymous]

I did the wedding nanny thing back in college quite a few times. Even attended parts of ceremonies and receptions to monitor the kids table, then take the kids home or to their hotel early. And this was in NY where I had to transport kids by cab. Using a nanny you don’t know for the first time is just not that big a deal. So what if they don’t know your kids well? They only have to keep your kids alive for a few hours at a time.

[Anonymous]

I would absolutely do this for my sister if I were single and had the free time. Especially if it’s a cool location and sister paid for my airfare and hotel. A few hours of spending time with my nieces and nephews during wedding stuff, and the rest of the time free to do what I want? Sure!

But OP, you know your sister best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, the kids will be 2 and 4 at the wedding. Not one and three. Pretty big difference.

Sure, the 4 YO will be easier, but it’s not like the leap from 1-2 is all that much. I say that with a very well behaved kid, even the best behaved 2 YO is going to be a wiggly, show stealing toddler.

It’s easier for a grandparent to deal with a 2 year old than a 1 year old. Ask me how I know.

DP - the OP said that the kids "will be" one and three at the time of the wedding.

Also, plenty of one year olds (true one year olds, not a 19 month old) are easier to manage than a two year old. They're usually less mobile, less tantrumy, etc. My kids were far easier at one year than they were at two years.

Again, I am talking about this from a grandparent perspective, and you are not one.

How do you know that? Are you in PP's living room? Checking out her family tree on ancestry.com?

Snort. I'm the PP in question. I'm not a grandparent, but I also don't see how that matters. The grandparent on this thread doesn't speak for all grandparents; also, not all two year olds are more difficult than all one year olds (again, for all grandparents). That's utter nonsense.

No, THIS is utter nonsense:

“I’m trying to figure out how to deal with childcare. We have a nanny, but it would be super expensive to fly her out and pay all the overtime that would be required. But I think it’s our only real option. I’m not comfortable with hiring someone we don’t know at the location. I don’t think we can have just DH attend the events and have me watch the kids.

Anyone been in a similar situation? Am I missing a potential solution?”

And she never mentions that her parents have been invited and have even offered to babysit!

Why are you even bothering to post on this thread, if you think it's so ridiculous? The OP acknowledged she forgot that her parents offered to help; people sometimes forget things, especially parents of very young kids. Why are you so worked up?

[Anonymous]

I just got back from a no kids wedding at a vineyard in California.

Weddings used to be about the vows and about family.

Now weddings are about the instagram.

We had 3 days of events. The wedding was on Saturday and went from 3:30 pm until 10:00 pm.
I think these extremely long times are so that the wedding venue can simply charge thousands of dollars more. I prefer 30 minutes at a house of worship. This followed by 15 minute drive to the reception venue followed by several hours at the reception venue.

[Anonymous]

Babies and children have been the norm at weddings for thousands of years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We’ve taken nannies on trips like this and have a set rate (vs hourly overtime). If it’s a fun tourist destination, as long as they aren’t babysitting the whole time, it can be fun for them, too. Once we flew a friend out for our nanny so they could pal around when she warn working. It was still cheaper than overtime hours.

just want to point out that this is illegal - you can’t get around overtime laws by claiming it’s a “set rate.” I believe that you could limit the amount of time the nanny is on duty, but the times she is off duty she would have to be totally off duty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven’t read most of this but I recently attended a wedding with my two children (1 and 3) without additional childcare. The kids were in the wedding so they had to be there/at all the events. My advice is that regardless of if parents or nanny or OP and her husband are on kid duty, they should scope out playgrounds/toddler-safe playing areas near all the venues of each event. Have the kid(s) make an appearance when necessary/appropriate and the designated adult takes them out to play ASAP when they show signs of impatience with boring grownup things. Plan their outfits accordingly. (In my case I brought play clothes to the wedding itself and the kids changed out of their fancy clothes after the ceremony.) For the one in the wedding, have a goodie bag of quiet fidget toys/coloring things on their seat in the venue so they’re quietly entertained during the ceremony. Much closer to the actual events, look at the times things happen at that the kids are involved in and consider if naps should be shifted and if so how and when to ensure that they’re in a good mood for the important bits. Don’t expect this to be a restful experience.

Hahahahaha you all are acting like you’re about to embark on the most challenging experience of anyone’s lives! It’s absolutely hilarious.

Millions of babies and toddlers have attended weddings, festivals, concerts, games and other joyous events over the years. The mothers all survived, and many didn’t plan them out months and months in advance!

You’ve never been to a wedding/reception in Latin America, obviously. Babies everywhere making all kinds of noise with nobody caring, later sleeping on the floor late into the night at raucous receptions. Now THAT’S fun. THAT’’S a wedding reception. THAT’S a party. You are all so uptight it’s insane.

OP. This is funny because I actually am Latina and don’t even disagree with you. Weddings are better with kids! Doesn’t change the fact that I need to budget this trip in advance and therefore need to figure out what to do.

Man, I hope you never have any real problems in your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just got back from a no kids wedding at a vineyard in California.

Weddings used to be about the vows and about family.

Now weddings are about the instagram.

We had 3 days of events. The wedding was on Saturday and went from 3:30 pm until 10:00 pm.
I think these extremely long times are so that the wedding venue can simply charge thousands of dollars more. I prefer 30 minutes at a house of worship. This followed by 15 minute drive to the reception venue followed by several hours at the reception venue.

You are allowed to throw the wedding that you want to have. I am allowed to throw the wedding that I want to have. An invitation is not a summons; if you don't want to attend, don't.