Another one - what’s wrong with my MIL??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All I get out of this is that you think chubby people don't look young.

Yes, and she doesn’t have a right to her life of leisure and pompous self assessments bc she’s chubby. But, still, I do commiserate…it’s not a MIL I’d be thrilled to have…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here - I’m really not trying to be a jerk. I am being judgmental, that’s true. and I didn’t give any information about me. I just honestly have had a hard time figuring out how to deal with her oddities when they impact me - during visits, money asking, judging me, kids. Not in the abstract. I was just thinking I may have more empathy if I understand her better.

You will never understand her, but the standard advice is to not engage. Give her pat easy answers, even half-truths. Withhold info if she is judgy. Continue to be friendly and a good host when/if she visits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here - I’m really not trying to be a jerk. I am being judgmental, that’s true. and I didn’t give any information about me. I just honestly have had a hard time figuring out how to deal with her oddities when they impact me - during visits, money asking, judging me, kids. Not in the abstract. I was just thinking I may have more empathy if I understand her better.

You will never understand her, but the standard advice is to not engage. Give her pat easy answers, even half-truths. Withhold info if she is judgy. Continue to be friendly and a good host when/if she visits.

+1

Don't give her money (or a form of income) it only gets worse, OP - she will become entitled. Change the subject if she asks you for money.

Judgy people gonna judge. Give her limited information and have limited contact. Let your DH deal with her - if he wants to - she has her husband, she is not alone.

Anxious people become more anxious with age. The self congratulatory stuff is insecurity. MIL has this, and we just go along with it, because she is also very argumentative and tends to disagree for the sake of it. She wants to feel important and noticed. You have to humor them as much as possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Listen, I get that this is totally annoying to be around. But she has severe anxiety. Let it go and stop being so judgmental. You are coming off like a total jerk.

It is fine to try to manage around having a lot of contact when someone is annoying. It isn’t ok to trash them.

+100 op this is on you. She has anxiety. It might be annoying but she is your family now. Do you have kids? She will be their grandmother if you don't already and having a good relationship with her will greatly benefit your kids if you decide to have them. Try not to be petty and be understanding.

Oh yes, older kids. She has an odd relationship with them. Very excited about them in theory, can’t handle them in reality.

Maybe you should look in the mirror to understand why you raised kids that need "handling".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Listen, I get that this is totally annoying to be around. But she has severe anxiety. Let it go and stop being so judgmental. You are coming off like a total jerk.

It is fine to try to manage around having a lot of contact when someone is annoying. It isn’t ok to trash them.

+100 op this is on you. She has anxiety. It might be annoying but she is your family now. Do you have kids? She will be their grandmother if you don't already and having a good relationship with her will greatly benefit your kids if you decide to have them. Try not to be petty and be understanding.

Oh yes, older kids. She has an odd relationship with them. Very excited about them in theory, can’t handle them in reality.

Maybe you should look in the mirror to understand why you raised kids that need "handling".

They don’t. I’m talking about nice well behaved children. She just finds interacting with them tiring. Nobody is asking her to handle anything, ever. Nor would they, trust me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here - I’m really not trying to be a jerk. I am being judgmental, that’s true. and I didn’t give any information about me. I just honestly have had a hard time figuring out how to deal with her oddities when they impact me - during visits, money asking, judging me, kids. Not in the abstract. I was just thinking I may have more empathy if I understand her better.

OP you mentioned NOTHING about her asking you for money in your post. In fact, it only came up in response to a different poster mentioning the POTENTIAL that she may eventually ask for money.

Has she or has she not asked your family for money?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here - I’m really not trying to be a jerk. I am being judgmental, that’s true. and I didn’t give any information about me. I just honestly have had a hard time figuring out how to deal with her oddities when they impact me - during visits, money asking, judging me, kids. Not in the abstract. I was just thinking I may have more empathy if I understand her better.

OP you mentioned NOTHING about her asking you for money in your post. In fact, it only came up in response to a different poster mentioning the POTENTIAL that she may eventually ask for money.

Has she or has she not asked your family for money?

I have said multiple times that she has. My original post while probably more judgy than appropriate was coming fresh off a way too long visit. So I’m feeling it rn. And honestly I am interested in what kind of “mental illness” this is. I realize the way I asked has not generated much helpful input.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here - I’m really not trying to be a jerk. I am being judgmental, that’s true. and I didn’t give any information about me. I just honestly have had a hard time figuring out how to deal with her oddities when they impact me - during visits, money asking, judging me, kids. Not in the abstract. I was just thinking I may have more empathy if I understand her better.

OP you mentioned NOTHING about her asking you for money in your post. In fact, it only came up in response to a different poster mentioning the POTENTIAL that she may eventually ask for money.

Has she or has she not asked your family for money?

I have said multiple times that she has. My original post while probably more judgy than appropriate was coming fresh off a way too long visit. So I’m feeling it rn. And honestly I am interested in what kind of “mental illness” this is. I realize the way I asked has not generated much helpful input.

Please show me where you said multiple times that she has asked you for money?

And if she has (notwithstanding her apparently codependent husband) what happened? How did she ask? What did she ask for? Did you give it?

Why was this not the subject of your concern/OP? Rather it was that she is chubby, cares about health, and spends money on beauty…

And why do you think she has a mental illness?

[Anonymous]

How is any of this your problem? You are worse than her!

[Anonymous]

What's with your video op? Are you calling her a donkey or a mule?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What's with your video op? Are you calling her a donkey or a mule?

This is the new ad placement on DCUM. Not part of the OP. You'll notice it on all posts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's with your video op? Are you calling her a donkey or a mule?

This is the new ad placement on DCUM. Not part of the OP. You'll notice it on all posts.

Yes, I just did. I don't check in for a few days and got donkey adds! Jeff making mula!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here - I’m really not trying to be a jerk. I am being judgmental, that’s true. and I didn’t give any information about me. I just honestly have had a hard time figuring out how to deal with her oddities when they impact me - during visits, money asking, judging me, kids. Not in the abstract. I was just thinking I may have more empathy if I understand her better.

OP you mentioned NOTHING about her asking you for money in your post. In fact, it only came up in response to a different poster mentioning the POTENTIAL that she may eventually ask for money.

Has she or has she not asked your family for money?

I have said multiple times that she has. My original post while probably more judgy than appropriate was coming fresh off a way too long visit. So I’m feeling it rn. And honestly I am interested in what kind of “mental illness” this is. I realize the way I asked has not generated much helpful input.

Stop worrying about diagnosing her and just manage around her. You are spending too much time thinking about this woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here - I’m really not trying to be a jerk. I am being judgmental, that’s true. and I didn’t give any information about me. I just honestly have had a hard time figuring out how to deal with her oddities when they impact me - during visits, money asking, judging me, kids. Not in the abstract. I was just thinking I may have more empathy if I understand her better.

OP you mentioned NOTHING about her asking you for money in your post. In fact, it only came up in response to a different poster mentioning the POTENTIAL that she may eventually ask for money.

Has she or has she not asked your family for money?

I have said multiple times that she has. My original post while probably more judgy than appropriate was coming fresh off a way too long visit. So I’m feeling it rn. And honestly I am interested in what kind of “mental illness” this is. I realize the way I asked has not generated much helpful input.

Stop worrying about diagnosing her and just manage around her. You are spending too much time thinking about this woman.

DP. Right? I mean pot meet kettle!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's with your video op? Are you calling her a donkey or a mule?

This is the new ad placement on DCUM. Not part of the OP. You'll notice it on all posts.

LOL! I love that someone thought OP did that. If only! That's hilarious.