Another one - what’s wrong with my MIL??

[Anonymous]

Listen, I get that this is totally annoying to be around. But she has severe anxiety. Let it go and stop being so judgmental. You are coming off like a total jerk.

It is fine to try to manage around having a lot of contact when someone is annoying. It isn’t ok to trash them.

[Anonymous]

She was sexually molested as a child and is overweight due to too much cortisol and does all the other stuff to try to control her body since she lost control at some point in her life.

She wants to believe that there is control in the world and nothing terrible will happen if she controls everything which is why she blames people for their own health issues, she also blames herself for being molested.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Listen, I get that this is totally annoying to be around. But she has severe anxiety. Let it go and stop being so judgmental. You are coming off like a total jerk.

It is fine to try to manage around having a lot of contact when someone is annoying. It isn’t ok to trash them.

+100 op this is on you. She has anxiety. It might be annoying but she is your family now. Do you have kids? She will be their grandmother if you don't already and having a good relationship with her will greatly benefit your kids if you decide to have them. Try not to be petty and be understanding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I am simply puzzled.

Oh, no. No, you're not, and while your MIL sounds annoying to be around -- at least, it's those traits you're focusing on -- I somehow like her more than I like you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay, let’s suspend my role in any issues here. Tell me what you think rbis is or if I’m looking for a fight. The woman is just odd and I can’t put my finger on it. She is obsessed with looking young, yet is chubby. She gets Botox, filler, lip injections, lasers, has designer clothes and bags I would never get - $7k style - on a low income. She’s obsessed with health, her own. She spends hours every day figuring out what to eat, drinking water and supplements, making Keri/paleo/whatever the hell meals. She talks about it constantly. She has to assign blame to anyone that has a health issue and figure out “why”. She is incredibly codependent on her husband. She can’t go anywhere without him, he does all the chores, cooks, etc. She leaves the house really rarely. She’s got intense anxiety. She’s also on top of all this competitive and very self congratulatory. She thinks she is simply incredible. This is not insecurity. She really does. She is also always trying to get stuff for free - like at restaurants etc., returning stuff she’s worn.

Any thoughts? I am simply puzzled.

Tell us about your parents. You sound like a poorly raised, ill-bred person.

[Anonymous]

"She has to assign blame to anyone that has a health issue and figure out “why”."

Gee, doesn't sound like you at all, OP. You're so different!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think any of this needs to impact you. Just go gray rock and don’t engage on the oddness.

The only part of your post that is potentially concerning is if she is overspending and your husband (their own kid) is worried about their financial sustainability. If so, he could have a conversation (without you there!) about how he is worried about their retirement and that he’s happy to help do some financial planning with them.

This is OP - yep the asking for $ is definitely part of it. She’s also constantly judging me for all my failings and I’m like um okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I am simply puzzled.

Oh, no. No, you're not, and while your MIL sounds annoying to be around -- at least, it's those traits you're focusing on -- I somehow like her more than I like you.

Lol, okay. Not spoiling for a little squabble at all there! Please.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's an old lady. Stop being so judgmental. Maybe the issue is you? Love her for who she is, not who you want her to be.

Well, she’s 67.

OK, and?

NP. 67 isn’t very old.

[Anonymous]

1. There is nothing you are going to do to change her. At that age she is who she is.
2. This is the wokan who raised your spouse with all the love she could. You are not going to get another MIL and he is not going to get another mother.
3. The only choice you have to make is whether you have a comfortable, drama free relationship with her or whether you spend your time making quiet lists of all her failings.

Work on finding your own happiness. It won’t come from judging her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's an old lady. Stop being so judgmental. Maybe the issue is you? Love her for who she is, not who you want her to be.

This post is a riot. The MIL is judgmental and yet you attack the OP. You're super strange. Yes, that's a judgment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She was sexually molested as a child and is overweight due to too much cortisol and does all the other stuff to try to control her body since she lost control at some point in her life.

She wants to believe that there is control in the world and nothing terrible will happen if she controls everything which is why she blames people for their own health issues, she also blames herself for being molested.

This is actually my thoughts also, and in worry about it. I’m not sure she can get help for this now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
No, it is actually anxiety, OP. It's ALL anxiety. This reads like a list of anxious behaviors, even the fake confidence and projecting blame on others' health issues, because she knows something isn't quite right with her.

Leave her alone. I doubt she'd seek medication and therapy at her age.

I agree with this. It's all rooted in anxiety that has probably been getting worse each decade.

My inlaws are also difficult, and many of their more exasperating traits are because of some type of anxiety they are not controlling well (mainly my FIL). Or depression (mainly my MIL).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Listen, I get that this is totally annoying to be around. But she has severe anxiety. Let it go and stop being so judgmental. You are coming off like a total jerk.

It is fine to try to manage around having a lot of contact when someone is annoying. It isn’t ok to trash them.

+100 op this is on you. She has anxiety. It might be annoying but she is your family now. Do you have kids? She will be their grandmother if you don't already and having a good relationship with her will greatly benefit your kids if you decide to have them. Try not to be petty and be understanding.

I try to limit my severely anxious FIL's time around my children. He is spends most of it telling me all the ways the kids could die doing whatever they are doing. Examples: if they are swimming, they might hit their heads and drown. If they are climbing, they can fall. If they are crossing the street, they are not watching enough. If they are running, they might fall down and hurt themselves. On and on and on.

Untreated anxiety does not make "good relationships" with anyone, much less children.

[Anonymous]

She does sound super odd… Does she also write on websites asking strangers to weigh in on people whose lifestyle she does not agree with 100%, Odd behaviors like that?