AITA: Getting crap for not attending a Friday wedding because we have no childcare

[Anonymous]

Child free weddings do suck for parents of young children. Absolutely do not leave your kids with a rando sitter. your BIL and ILs sound inconsiderate. I agree with the PP that you should say you will be able to watch the other kids only if you have extra help. BIL will need to stay there until the extra sitter arrives.

[Anonymous]

your husband is being a coward for not shielding you from his family

[Anonymous]

Is this wedding in Nov?
I have a 3 PM Friday Nov Wedding in the middle of no where as well and the logistics are a nightmare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:lol I love how all these *ssholes can’t figure anything out when the moms (OP and SIL) abdicate their roles.

OP if I were you I would send DH alone and say you can’t help with BIL kids.

OP here and wow, this is it now that you blatantly said this. SIL and I (even though we are the in laws, married to brothers) handle most if not all of extended family planning logistics.

Well, that’s on you and SIL for inserting yourselves and picking up the rope. If my husband told me to plan his family vacations and logistics, I would chuckle and be like, “Nice try, Buddy.” A problem of your making and SIL’s, as you had a part in starting it and perpetuating it.

[Anonymous]

Has anybody told that family that an invitation is not a summons? Lol.

I think if somebody wants a child free wedding, that’s fine and their choice but the risk is having people decline because of childcare issues.

[Anonymous]

You and your kids stay home and do your normal Friday routine. Your DH goes to the wedding alone, and comes home Friday night.

If BIL brings his kids, he can either arrange for a sitter at the venue or ask the cousin if his kids can attend the wedding.

Or, your DH, BIL and BIL’s kids all go to the wedding together, and you stay with your kids.

But under no circumstances should you stay home with four very young children.

[Anonymous]

SIL doing a marathon is just her excuse out of this mess

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dh's cousin is getting married at 3pm on a Friday two hours away from home so we'd have to leave by noon at the latest if we went. Our kids are 5 and 2. On Fridays, our older one gets out of school at 3pm and our little one only has a half day of daycare til 12:30 then comes home for nap. DH's whole family will be at the wedding obviously so they can't watch the kids, my mom still works full time, and our 3 regular sitters also work full time. We are going on a vacation two weeks before the wedding and don't really have extra PTO to burn either.

For some reason this has spiraled into a huge family issue. DH's brother called last night and said that he is planning on coming in to town for the wedding with his 3yo and 1yo because his wife has a marathon that weekend and asked if whoever is watching our kids can watch his too. We said we weren't planning on going because we don't have anyone to watch the kids. Then he suggests that we split an AirBnb near the wedding (in the middle of literal nowhere) and "find a local babysitter" to watch all 4 kids. Then was annoyed when we said we weren't leaving our kids in a strange house with a strange person. Finally, MIL calls and suggests that she, FIL, DH, and BIL just go to the wedding as a family and I take the day off work and have all 4 kids (1, 2, 3, and 5yo) by myself overnight.

I'm perfectly happy with DH going to the wedding alone and staying home with my kids, but I don't have a PTO day to take and just really don't want the 4 little kids alone for the night. AITA?

You are NTA.
We also dont have grandparents (1 non-local, 2 still work, and 1 has early onset dementia) to help so this whole just get a grandparent to watch your kids infuriates me. So does finding a random babysitter on a Friday when most people are working.

Your rotation of kid help doesnt have availability either so it is what it is. If the family wanted you to be there they would have made it kid friendly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:SIL doing a marathon is just her excuse out of this mess

+1 find your excuse

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am impressed with your BIL - flying with a 1 YO and 3 YO by himself. How long is the flight?
(These is no way I would watch kids after that)

I'm less impressed that he booked flights with no childcare plan, just assuming someone else would figure it out for him

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. My mom cannot take PTO. Her parents are (thankfully!) still both alive and in their 90s so she uses/saves all her PTO taking them to doctors appts and caring for them. 2/3 of our regular sitters are full time nannies and I feel weird about asking them to leave their full time families in a childcare lurch for the day. The other one is in both grad school and works during the day.

But you're right- I'm pretty indifferent about going in general just because the amount of mental work, logistical planning, and money (wedding gift, 4hr drive, sitter @ $25hr, possible hotel room) just doesn't feel worth it to me.

This is why I haaate "can't your mom help?" My mom is up to HERE with caregiving for adults. Poor sandwich generation grandmas!

[Anonymous]

Who the hell gets married at 3 pm on a Friday and gets mad if people aren't able to attend??? I'd send DH by himself. I'm probably in the minority, but I'd offer to help with the cousins. It's just one night.

[Anonymous]

Send DH alone, agree to help with the cousins if they pay for one of your usual babysitters to come help with the four kids after they’re off work. No way you should have it do it alone, if at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who the hell gets married at 3 pm on a Friday and gets mad if people aren't able to attend??? I'd send DH by himself. I'm probably in the minority, but I'd offer to help with the cousins. It's just one night.

Even a highly skilled nanny would not take this on. This is the stuff of nightmares.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who the hell gets married at 3 pm on a Friday and gets mad if people aren't able to attend??? I'd send DH by himself. I'm probably in the minority, but I'd offer to help with the cousins. It's just one night.

Doesn't sound like its the bride and groom getting upset. Nobody really sounds upset, sounds like they're trying to come up with a solution.