AITA: Getting crap for not attending a Friday wedding because we have no childcare

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who the hell gets married at 3 pm on a Friday and gets mad if people aren't able to attend??? I'd send DH by himself. I'm probably in the minority, but I'd offer to help with the cousins. It's just one night.

Even a highly skilled nanny would not take this on. This is the stuff of nightmares.

+1

[Anonymous]

Kids or no kids, a 3 pm weekday wedding is going to be something a lot of people either can’t do or don’t want to do. Agree that it sounds like your BIL assumed you would either be his childcare or that he could tag into plans you made. You are 100 percent NTA for not taking time off to watch his kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your DH goes and you stay home with your kids. Your DH’s SIL could also skip the wedding and stay with her kids since it’s not her family getting married.

. I would only agree to watch BIL’s if he can arrange for them to dropped off at your house once your regular sitter is available to help you juggle four kids.

? OP is not watching BIL’s kids in the above scenario.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:your husband is being a coward for not shielding you from his family

+1 husband should stick with wife. both shouldn't go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am impressed with your BIL - flying with a 1 YO and 3 YO by himself. How long is the flight?
(These is no way I would watch kids after that)

?? Is this one of those things where we applaud dads for being normal parents?

No I think it’s a flying specific thing — some people always do these kinds of things as a family so they’re baffled that other people don’t. I started a thread a while back about flying solo with my 1yo and 3yo (wondering about logistics of strollers and car seats and such) and got a ton of responses claiming I was crazy and/or should cancel and/or should not bring my kids (to a wedding where they were in the wedding party) and/or never spent time with my kids and didn’t understand what I was in for. It went fine but wow those are some crazy responses from DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely NTA

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am confused - who typically provides childcare for your 2 YO after 12:30?

Why can't that person be involved in the childcare for you going to the wedding?

Dh and I both WFH so one of us grabs her on our lunch and then puts her down for nap. We've been at our daycare almost 5 years between the two kids and absolutely love it, but on Fridays their only availability was a half day so we just juggle it.

[Anonymous]

Putting your own 2 kids to bed is enough. No freaking way would I take an additional 1 and 3yo. WTF?!??

This is not your problem.

Your Dh should go alone and you should stay home with the kids. Who the hell has a Friday 3pm wedding?!?? We once went to a 6pm Friday wedding and that was bad enough.

[Anonymous]

Op, just say no. You do not feel comfortable taking care of 1 and 3yo kids. The end.

You are just one idea they threw out.

I mean if someone was dying or was in the hospital, I would take the kids. So SIL can run a race? No way.

[Anonymous]

I admittedly did not read more than your first 10 words “ Dh's cousin is getting married at 3pm on a Friday,” because did not need to read more to say you are NTA. The key words “3 ok on a Friday.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I admittedly did not read more than your first 10 words “ Dh's cousin is getting married at 3pm on a Friday,” because did not need to read more to say you are NTA. The key words “3 pm on a Friday.”

I am above poster and now skimmed rest of your post and even harder NO, No, nope to any proposal if you don’t go to be childcare for anyone else who is going. Hard no. Big pass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who the hell gets married at 3 pm on a Friday and gets mad if people aren't able to attend??? I'd send DH by himself. I'm probably in the minority, but I'd offer to help with the cousins. It's just one night.

Even a highly skilled nanny would not take this on. This is the stuff of nightmares.

Agree. Even if you all decided to attend the wedding and hire on site care, you really should have been looking at two sitters not one for those ages, IMO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this wedding in Nov?
I have a 3 PM Friday Nov Wedding in the middle of no where as well and the logistics are a nightmare.

Yes, it is! Did the bride and groom meet at a grocery store?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. My mom cannot take PTO. Her parents are (thankfully!) still both alive and in their 90s so she uses/saves all her PTO taking them to doctors appts and caring for them. 2/3 of our regular sitters are full time nannies and I feel weird about asking them to leave their full time families in a childcare lurch for the day. The other one is in both grad school and works during the day.

But you're right- I'm pretty indifferent about going in general just because the amount of mental work, logistical planning, and money (wedding gift, 4hr drive, sitter @ $25hr, possible hotel room) just doesn't feel worth it to me.

This is why I haaate "can't your mom help?" My mom is up to HERE with caregiving for adults. Poor sandwich generation grandmas!

Yeah, the default assumption that all parents have grandparents who are able in willing to jump at the chance to babysit bother me. In my case, I'm the sandwich generation. My mom is 78 and wouldn't be able to watch a toddler by herself for 24 hours -- same with my dad and ILs.

[Anonymous]

You can take half a PTO day to watch your own kids at home or work remotelh so DH can attend the wedding. BIL's kids are his and SIL's problem to solve. Unless this was a last minute wedding, you and DH knew about this wedding at the time you made your vacation plans so you could have set aside a PTO day for this event.