Morning pouncers—how to handle relatives like this?

[Anonymous]

OP can’t get separate lodgings without causing rift with the in-laws.

PP that said I have the same problem. The last time the person was going to stay with us, I requested he stay elsewhere because it wasn’t a good time. He said ok and showed up at my house early every morning to “spend time with us.” He might as well have just stayed at our house. OP’s in-laws would probably do something similar.

[Anonymous]

I'm a morning person but my inlaws are moning-er -- in shared lodging they are banging around the kitchen at 5 am so they can sit on the porch with their coffee while the sun rises.
Now I'm reading 4 pages of people who can't interact without their coffee but also cant stay in bed because theres no coffee. Clearly the coffee is the problem! You all are adicts.

[Anonymous]

This is why I no longer stay with my ILs at their 2BR condo; despite wanting a FAMILY VACATION WHERE WE ALL STAY TOGETHER-this is unworkable and ridiculous to expect our family of 3DC plus us to eagerly join them!

How can you avoid the Morning Pouncers when
a curtain separates your sleeping area from the main room and kitchen? You can’t.

[Anonymous]

Just popping in to say I get you OP.

[Anonymous]

It's so hard because the person who is like this (or offended by my lack of being like this) in my life is not good at social cues. So if I say I need a half hour with my coffee and the i would love to plan the day, I get her in a stage whisper telling all of the kids in the house to be silent because Aunt Suzie is not a morning person. And then she will walk around the house almost like a caricature of a Geisha head down and taking Very Quiet steps. And that is all too much too. Honestly, I don't mind any activity, I just don't want to engage in it.

[Anonymous]

If OP waited in her room until she was ready to face the day there would not be a problem. But she thinks she should be able to waltz into an open area, grab her coffee, and everyone else should lower their sights at her presence until she ultimately declares her ability to communicate with other humans.

[Anonymous]

Don’t stay with them at their homes, or rent a vacation place with them. We only stay with people if our schedules mesh. Often they do not (for example when our kids were small).

We are very much NOT morning people on weekends or vacations, now that our kids are older. If we have invited houseguests, we do suck it up. Typically DH and I will take turns with guests in the AM (with the person “on” delivering coffee to the bedroom for the person “off”) and/or we each deal with our families/friends in the AM (depends who the guest is).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If OP waited in her room until she was ready to face the day there would not be a problem. But she thinks she should be able to waltz into an open area, grab her coffee, and everyone else should lower their sights at her presence until she ultimately declares her ability to communicate with other humans.

…um, no. That’s not what she’s describing, at all. Quietly pouring a cup of coffee, whispering “good morning” and—if pressed—saying “I need a little more time to wake up, I’ll be back down in about 20 minutes” is fine.

[Anonymous]

It sounds awful. That's why I avoid staying with other people.

[Anonymous]

Can you just bring and/or put a Keurig in your room?!

We actually did that for MIL visits, in one house we had. She was waking up at 5am, we had infant twins, and our house was small with super odd layout where noise carried badly. Coffee and reading the paper on Kindle in her room kept her happy until babies woke up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If OP waited in her room until she was ready to face the day there would not be a problem. But she thinks she should be able to waltz into an open area, grab her coffee, and everyone else should lower their sights at her presence until she ultimately declares her ability to communicate with other humans.

…um, no. That’s not what she’s describing, at all. Quietly pouring a cup of coffee, whispering “good morning” and—if pressed—saying “I need a little more time to wake up, I’ll be back down in about 20 minutes” is fine.

+1 this is totally normal, no? Most people grab a coffee first thing, then shower/dress etc. That is certainly what I would assume someone was doing…not “ignoring me”.

[Anonymous]

Stop vacationing with them.

[Anonymous]

Grab a yeti, throw some ice in at night before you go to bed, and pack some cold brew cans so you can hide out in your room and have iced coffee in the Am. Doesn’t sound too bad to me (as someone dreading her visit to the ILs next weekend…)

[Anonymous]

I wrote about this the exact same scenario last year and people had exactly the same reactions — good to see the consistency! Guess what, we stayed at my parents again this summer — albeit for a shorter amount of time — and this summer I quickly took my coffee up to my bedroom every morning and said I’m still waking up when my mom tried to “pounce” on me with big life questions (eg how’s your job?) or little questions (how was your drinks with your friend last night? What’s she up to? How’s her brother doing these days)? I also made the kids lunches the night before so I wouldn’t be out in the open in the morning with any sort of signal that now is the time to talk.

[Anonymous]

I’m not proud of this, but once when my ILs were visiting and I had been up half the night with a 4-month-old and also had a 3yo, FIL saw me walk into the kitchen and started loudly singing “Hello, Dolly” and I knee-jerk-reaction told him to shut up and if he woke the baby or the 3yo, I would kick him out. He’s never been quite so boisterous in the morning since.