Skipping Wife's Birthday

[Anonymous]

This is actually the advice often given if a man does nothing for Mother's Day or her Birthday - to reciprocate by doing nothing for him. To not put effort into a guy who puts no effort into you, who was thoughtless, who can't admit fault etc.

The posters rarely tell the woman to take the high road and not be petty and just lavish him with love and gifts anyways,no matter how he treats her.

Very different advice here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is actually the advice often given if a man does nothing for Mother's Day or her Birthday - to reciprocate by doing nothing for him. To not put effort into a guy who puts no effort into you, who was thoughtless, who can't admit fault etc.

The posters rarely tell the woman to take the high road and not be petty and just lavish him with love and gifts anyways,no matter how he treats her.

Very different advice here.

This isn’t true. Go back and look at some of the actual posts you are thinking of and read every comment, not just the ones that confirm your world view.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So my wife's birthday is Friday. I'm not acknowledging it. No dinner, no gift, and I'll do my best to pretend I'm unaware.

We had a tiff three days before fathers' day (about something she was 100% wrong about) and she ignored fathers day. Nothing from the kids, no dinner, nothing. When I mentioned it the following day she said, and I quote "Why would I celebrate someone who was being a jerk?"

Again, it's indisputable that she was wrong. She's just that stubborn.

Anyway- just airing it out there. I'll let you know how it goes.

Well technically speaking your kids are the ones who really ignored you for Father’s Day. I wonder why, hmm…

That's not how fathers day works, especially with younger kids. I bet you want us to believe your 8 year old DD cooked you filet mignon on fathers day and got you a new graphite hybrid driver, right?

They've been married 21 years. Chances are their kids are high schoolers or maybe even young adults. Please. By this point those kids should be making the effort, not being reminded by mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So my wife's birthday is Friday. I'm not acknowledging it. No dinner, no gift, and I'll do my best to pretend I'm unaware.

We had a tiff three days before fathers' day (about something she was 100% wrong about) and she ignored fathers day. Nothing from the kids, no dinner, nothing. When I mentioned it the following day she said, and I quote "Why would I celebrate someone who was being a jerk?"

Again, it's indisputable that she was wrong. She's just that stubborn.

Anyway- just airing it out there. I'll let you know how it goes.

You guys are both being horrible role models for your children and behaving poorly towards one another. I'm sorry your kids also didn't lift a finger to celebrate you on Father's Day. If you've been married 21 years they can't be so young that they don't understand the assignment, but I'm wondering if punishing each other this way is something you've modeled for them through the years and they try not to get in the middle of you two.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So my wife's birthday is Friday. I'm not acknowledging it. No dinner, no gift, and I'll do my best to pretend I'm unaware.

We had a tiff three days before fathers' day (about something she was 100% wrong about) and she ignored fathers day. Nothing from the kids, no dinner, nothing. When I mentioned it the following day she said, and I quote "Why would I celebrate someone who was being a jerk?"

Again, it's indisputable that she was wrong. She's just that stubborn.

Anyway- just airing it out there. I'll let you know how it goes.

You guys are both being horrible role models for your children and behaving poorly towards one another. I'm sorry your kids also didn't lift a finger to celebrate you on Father's Day. If you've been married 21 years they can't be so young that they don't understand the assignment, but I'm wondering if punishing each other this way is something you've modeled for them through the years and they try not to get in the middle of you two.

+ 1. I can't imagine the house is pleasant

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So my wife's birthday is Friday. I'm not acknowledging it. No dinner, no gift, and I'll do my best to pretend I'm unaware.

We had a tiff three days before fathers' day (about something she was 100% wrong about) and she ignored fathers day. Nothing from the kids, no dinner, nothing. When I mentioned it the following day she said, and I quote "Why would I celebrate someone who was being a jerk?"

Again, it's indisputable that she was wrong. She's just that stubborn.

Anyway- just airing it out there. I'll let you know how it goes.

You guys are both being horrible role models for your children and behaving poorly towards one another. I'm sorry your kids also didn't lift a finger to celebrate you on Father's Day. If you've been married 21 years they can't be so young that they don't understand the assignment, but I'm wondering if punishing each other this way is something you've modeled for them through the years and they try not to get in the middle of you two.

This. OP has been fuming and letting the Father's Day thing fester for nearly two months, waiting for his chance to retaliate. It's just gross and so petty that petty doesn't even seem adequate. Sounds like your wife is also to blame. You're awful together and your kids don't need to bear witness to your dysfunctional marriage that is apparently based on loathing and resentment. Just get a divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is actually the advice often given if a man does nothing for Mother's Day or her Birthday - to reciprocate by doing nothing for him. To not put effort into a guy who puts no effort into you, who was thoughtless, who can't admit fault etc.

The posters rarely tell the woman to take the high road and not be petty and just lavish him with love and gifts anyways,no matter how he treats her.

Very different advice here.

Yep. This is a nasty bunch of women here. They can spin any situation to make everything a man's fault, even if they completely contradict themselves

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So my wife's birthday is Friday. I'm not acknowledging it. No dinner, no gift, and I'll do my best to pretend I'm unaware.

We had a tiff three days before fathers' day (about something she was 100% wrong about) and she ignored fathers day. Nothing from the kids, no dinner, nothing. When I mentioned it the following day she said, and I quote "Why would I celebrate someone who was being a jerk?"

Again, it's indisputable that she was wrong. She's just that stubborn.

Anyway- just airing it out there. I'll let you know how it goes.

Well technically speaking your kids are the ones who really ignored you for Father’s Day. I wonder why, hmm…

That's not how fathers day works, especially with younger kids. I bet you want us to believe your 8 year old DD cooked you filet mignon on fathers day and got you a new graphite hybrid driver, right?

They've been married 21 years. Chances are their kids are high schoolers or maybe even young adults. Please. By this point those kids should be making the effort, not being reminded by mom.

BWABABAHAHAHAH. Of course they get reminded by mom. OMG. Of course. They don't spontaneously think of father's day or their parent's birthdays. But that's OK. They should get a level of help/reminders appropriate to their age. For my practically adult (16&17 yo )kids that means me reminding them multiple times over the two weeks before an event, but letting them get/make a gift/card on their own. I'll give them suggestions if they want them.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't do this, and I'm petty as all get out and something I struggle with. My DH forgot a milestone anniversary; just simply forgot. I passively aggressively treated him like crap for two days before I realized that my end game was not to treat him like crap but to let him know that my feelings were hurt. So I went up to him and said, "I apologize for my behavior, that's not how I want things to be. I'm reacting out of being hurt that you didn't remember our anniversary. I'm going to let it go, but I apologize for the way I treated you the past two days." And then we talked about it. So I just offer, from one petty person to another, just don't do it. It's not worth the fall out. It's just not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is your wife in charge of planning something for Father’s Day when it sounds like your kids are old enough to acknowledge the day. Sounds like they don’t like you very much either. And just because your wife was wrong about something, it doesn’t mean that you weren’t a jerk! You can be right about still be a dick about it.

Yeah right. Because if a woman came on here and said my DH played golf and ordered pizza for mothers day everyone would think that was fine. LOL.

[Anonymous]

How sad for your children that they are growing up with two adults like you.

Please for their sake, seek counseling. Your dynamic as a couple is totally maladaptive, and you are their role models!!

[Anonymous]

This is just going to make you look petty and ratchet up all of your problems. Do something along the lines of what you normally do. After that, make decisions about how you're going to handle your relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So my wife's birthday is Friday. I'm not acknowledging it. No dinner, no gift, and I'll do my best to pretend I'm unaware.

We had a tiff three days before fathers' day (about something she was 100% wrong about) and she ignored fathers day. Nothing from the kids, no dinner, nothing. When I mentioned it the following day she said, and I quote "Why would I celebrate someone who was being a jerk?"

Again, it's indisputable that she was wrong. She's just that stubborn.

Anyway- just airing it out there. I'll let you know how it goes.

You guys are both being horrible role models for your children and behaving poorly towards one another. I'm sorry your kids also didn't lift a finger to celebrate you on Father's Day. If you've been married 21 years they can't be so young that they don't understand the assignment, but I'm wondering if punishing each other this way is something you've modeled for them through the years and they try not to get in the middle of you two.

This. OP has been fuming and letting the Father's Day thing fester for nearly two months, waiting for his chance to retaliate. It's just gross and so petty that petty doesn't even seem adequate. Sounds like your wife is also to blame. You're awful together and your kids don't need to bear witness to your dysfunctional marriage that is apparently based on loathing and resentment. Just get a divorce.

Ya think? She skipped fathers day for Christ Sake. Just imagine if your DH skipped mothers day. Seriously. You all are so hypocritical it is pathetic.

[Anonymous]

Not a good idea to escalate the petty retaliations. DH blew off my birthday other than a 5-min flower order but expects elaborate meals and nice presents on his. I'm annoyed, I'm human, but don't want to be petty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, I can tell you how it goes. You will be one step further to divorce. I guess making this point is better than trying to better your relationship? Go to therapy, either to save your marriage or to end it as amicably as possible.

This,OP. Very much this. Your choice: therapy or divorce.