Skipping Wife's Birthday

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So my wife's birthday is Friday. I'm not acknowledging it. No dinner, no gift, and I'll do my best to pretend I'm unaware.

We had a tiff three days before fathers' day (about something she was 100% wrong about) and she ignored fathers day. Nothing from the kids, no dinner, nothing. When I mentioned it the following day she said, and I quote "Why would I celebrate someone who was being a jerk?"

Again, it's indisputable that she was wrong. She's just that stubborn.

Anyway- just airing it out there. I'll let you know how it goes.

Well technically speaking your kids are the ones who really ignored you for Father’s Day. I wonder why, hmm…

This. If you have been married for 21 years, I am going to guess you don't have toddlers. And your kids did nothing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So my wife's birthday is Friday. I'm not acknowledging it. No dinner, no gift, and I'll do my best to pretend I'm unaware.

We had a tiff three days before fathers' day (about something she was 100% wrong about) and she ignored fathers day. Nothing from the kids, no dinner, nothing. When I mentioned it the following day she said, and I quote "Why would I celebrate someone who was being a jerk?"

Again, it's indisputable that she was wrong. She's just that stubborn.

Anyway- just airing it out there. I'll let you know how it goes.

We don't care.

You don’t speak for me, thanks.
I care, OP, and I’m in your corner. Sometimes you can’t take the high road. Will be looking for your update.

[Anonymous]

Why is your wife in charge of planning something for Father’s Day when it sounds like your kids are old enough to acknowledge the day. Sounds like they don’t like you very much either. And just because your wife was wrong about something, it doesn’t mean that you weren’t a jerk! You can be right about still be a dick about it.

[Anonymous]

My ex-wife behaved that way. No birthday or Father's Day for me. If I had ever skipped a Mother's Day or birthday for her there would have been an atom bomb going off. That's how narcissists behave. OP needs a therapist and a lawyer.

[Anonymous]

What did you do for Mother’s Day, OP?

[Anonymous]

How old are your children?
What did you do for Mother’s Day?

[Anonymous]

OP, you have posted before. Didn't we all don't do tit-for-tat if you want a decent home for your children?

[Anonymous]

We need to hear her side.

[Anonymous]

Just give her a divorce for her birthday. You sound like a toxic mess as a couple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You, sir, are a dumbass. If you really want to make her feel bad, you should instead be over-the-top celebrating her birthday. She will feel terribly guilty about father's day. Otherwise, you are confirming her comment about you being a jerk.

ha! this is the right answer- you need to really look past the petty tiff and shower her with love and appreciation that she exists b/c petty arguments shouldn't be the defining thread of your relationship- this should also have the happy result of her feeling very guilty about Father's Day. If this doesn't happen- come back for more advice. if you are going to play games- play to win and doing something incredibly loving and generous when someone has been stingy and petty is the way to win!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is your end game? What do you hope will be the result?

You should either decide that the relationship can't be salvaged and begin thinking about divorce or decide that the relationship is worth figuring for and communicate clearly about your feelings, with or without a therapist.

If it were me, my end game would be a sincere apology and a promise to correct her behavior. Nothing would be celebrated until that happened. The bonus for me is that I hate celebrating that stuff anyway so I win as long as she pouts.

So then you communicate, as close to father's day as possible, how you feel. Not this passive aggressive retaliation.

And if you hate celebrating this stuff, why do you care about father's day?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So my wife's birthday is Friday. I'm not acknowledging it. No dinner, no gift, and I'll do my best to pretend I'm unaware.

We had a tiff three days before fathers' day (about something she was 100% wrong about) and she ignored fathers day. Nothing from the kids, no dinner, nothing. When I mentioned it the following day she said, and I quote "Why would I celebrate someone who was being a jerk?"

Again, it's indisputable that she was wrong. She's just that stubborn.

Anyway- just airing it out there. I'll let you know how it goes.

You are playing with fire. This is so dangerous! Your kids are watching and learning lessons from your behavior. They will need so so so much therapy,

[Anonymous]

This makes me sad for you OP. 21 years is nothing to scoff at! But you are both behaving badly, and you are pushing this situation to make it worse. You are letting some petty feelings get in the way of the rest of your life.

Have you talked about fathers day with her? At all? Or are you both pretending like nothing happened? If it bothered you to be ignored you should bring it up. Give her the opening for an apology, or even request one! "It hurt my feelings to have you and the kids ignore me on fathers day. It made me feel lonely and unappreciated, and I've been stewing waiting for an apology - can you work with me to repair this?"

[Anonymous]

Acknowledge with a card and spend time discussing your hurt and pain. Okay, she is wrong. You know two wrongs don't make right. Be the bigger person. Let us know.

[Anonymous]

Why won’t OP tell us how old the kids are? It’s highly relevant to the whole Father’s Day thing. If they are teenagers the whole thing is on them and not their mother.