My kid talks to adults too much

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Long story short, he reads well above his grade level and have some niche interests that he'll happily discuss with adults all day long. No Asperger's or anything, just a kid who loves to read and loves discussing what he's learned with people who get it, which most of his peers do not. E.g., last month we hired a fishing charter, and he spent most of the time talking to the captain about barques vs. brigantines. Or he'll chat up the poor deadheading pilot next to him on the plane about what kind of approach he thinks we might be flying in this weather. We've had long discussions about how adults usually want quiet and he needs to be very aware for hints they're done talking, but it doesn't seem to be sticking. "But my friends don't know anything about things like this." He will stop talking to someone who appears to be done, but next time he runs across an adult who seems like they might know something about something he's into, he strikes up a conversation again. He's only 10, and adults hate it. Any advice?

These two seem like opposites to me.

Some people are more social than others. If he's talking to an adult, then stopping when they appear bored or done, then striking up another conversation with another adult, that sounds totally fine? And actually pretty advanced for his age? I do feel like most smart, oldest kids I know go through a phase like this right around 10, but if he's actually watching cues and cutting off when the adult is bored or sending signals he's done, then that all sounds great. And if you're watching from the sidelines thinking "I would hate this"... well that's a you problem.

If, however, the other adults are showing signs that THEY hate it - you can help provide the adult with an opportunity to move on. You can insert yourself and redirect him. Or you can insert an opportunity for that person to step away "I'm sure this man needs to focus on driving the boat" that also gives the boat driver a chance to say "oh, nah, we're on cruise control, here let me show you this lever" or whatever. You should also talk to him about being aware when a person is "trapped" - if you're at a party, it's easier for someone to make excuses and walk over to the snack table, if you're on a plane, the person you're talking to is somewhat trapped and you need to lean more on the side of shutting up.

So which of those bolded options this actually is sounds like a critical difference.

Ok, truthfully, I don't know if they hate it. I'm not a kid person, and I would hate it, so I'm making a lot of assumptions. I mean...don't most adults hate talking to kids? Especially ones who don't act their age?

Many of them do hate it, op. Of course they do!

Even if it’s a “shared” interest. Say I, a grown up woman, am an avid spelunker. unless I’m teaching your child spelunking I would be happy to exchange two sentences with a 10 year old about spelunking on a plane but beyond that I’d be nodding along and wishing you would get a handle on sir talksalot. Especially if he “knew a lot about it.”

So use your words and tell the kid you’d like to read your book/take a nap/watch a movie.

So many awkward adults, the kid isn’t the issue.

See, you sound like someone who would let their 5th grader talk a strangers ear off about a subject they, the 5th grader “know a lot about.” I don’t know any adults who would want to do that for more than 2 minutes. Yes I could eventually get the signal across to the kid but likely not as quickly as I’d like. Why isn’t mom teaching him this, since she’s adamant he is not on the spectrum so it shouldn’t be a big challenge?

I could get a young guest to stop tramping around my house with muddy shoes too but if his mom were right there it would be rude of her not to do it first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Long story short, he reads well above his grade level and have some niche interests that he'll happily discuss with adults all day long. No Asperger's or anything, just a kid who loves to read and loves discussing what he's learned with people who get it, which most of his peers do not. E.g., last month we hired a fishing charter, and he spent most of the time talking to the captain about barques vs. brigantines. Or he'll chat up the poor deadheading pilot next to him on the plane about what kind of approach he thinks we might be flying in this weather. We've had long discussions about how adults usually want quiet and he needs to be very aware for hints they're done talking, but it doesn't seem to be sticking. "But my friends don't know anything about things like this." He will stop talking to someone who appears to be done, but next time he runs across an adult who seems like they might know something about something he's into, he strikes up a conversation again. He's only 10, and adults hate it. Any advice?

These two seem like opposites to me.

Some people are more social than others. If he's talking to an adult, then stopping when they appear bored or done, then striking up another conversation with another adult, that sounds totally fine? And actually pretty advanced for his age? I do feel like most smart, oldest kids I know go through a phase like this right around 10, but if he's actually watching cues and cutting off when the adult is bored or sending signals he's done, then that all sounds great. And if you're watching from the sidelines thinking "I would hate this"... well that's a you problem.

If, however, the other adults are showing signs that THEY hate it - you can help provide the adult with an opportunity to move on. You can insert yourself and redirect him. Or you can insert an opportunity for that person to step away "I'm sure this man needs to focus on driving the boat" that also gives the boat driver a chance to say "oh, nah, we're on cruise control, here let me show you this lever" or whatever. You should also talk to him about being aware when a person is "trapped" - if you're at a party, it's easier for someone to make excuses and walk over to the snack table, if you're on a plane, the person you're talking to is somewhat trapped and you need to lean more on the side of shutting up.

So which of those bolded options this actually is sounds like a critical difference.

Ok, truthfully, I don't know if they hate it. I'm not a kid person, and I would hate it, so I'm making a lot of assumptions. I mean...don't most adults hate talking to kids? Especially ones who don't act their age?

Many of them do hate it, op. Of course they do!

Even if it’s a “shared” interest. Say I, a grown up woman, am an avid spelunker. unless I’m teaching your child spelunking I would be happy to exchange two sentences with a 10 year old about spelunking on a plane but beyond that I’d be nodding along and wishing you would get a handle on sir talksalot. Especially if he “knew a lot about it.”

So use your words and tell the kid you’d like to read your book/take a nap/watch a movie.

So many awkward adults, the kid isn’t the issue.

See, you sound like someone who would let their 5th grader talk a strangers ear off about a subject they, the 5th grader “know a lot about.” I don’t know any adults who would want to do that for more than 2 minutes. Yes I could eventually get the signal across to the kid but likely not as quickly as I’d like. Why isn’t mom teaching him this, since she’s adamant he is not on the spectrum so it shouldn’t be a big challenge?

I could get a young guest to stop tramping around my house with muddy shoes too but if his mom were right there it would be rude of her not to do it first.

I promise you that you're not as smart as you think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Long story short, he reads well above his grade level and have some niche interests that he'll happily discuss with adults all day long. No Asperger's or anything, just a kid who loves to read and loves discussing what he's learned with people who get it, which most of his peers do not. E.g., last month we hired a fishing charter, and he spent most of the time talking to the captain about barques vs. brigantines. Or he'll chat up the poor deadheading pilot next to him on the plane about what kind of approach he thinks we might be flying in this weather. We've had long discussions about how adults usually want quiet and he needs to be very aware for hints they're done talking, but it doesn't seem to be sticking. "But my friends don't know anything about things like this." He will stop talking to someone who appears to be done, but next time he runs across an adult who seems like they might know something about something he's into, he strikes up a conversation again. He's only 10, and adults hate it. Any advice?

These two seem like opposites to me.

Some people are more social than others. If he's talking to an adult, then stopping when they appear bored or done, then striking up another conversation with another adult, that sounds totally fine? And actually pretty advanced for his age? I do feel like most smart, oldest kids I know go through a phase like this right around 10, but if he's actually watching cues and cutting off when the adult is bored or sending signals he's done, then that all sounds great. And if you're watching from the sidelines thinking "I would hate this"... well that's a you problem.

If, however, the other adults are showing signs that THEY hate it - you can help provide the adult with an opportunity to move on. You can insert yourself and redirect him. Or you can insert an opportunity for that person to step away "I'm sure this man needs to focus on driving the boat" that also gives the boat driver a chance to say "oh, nah, we're on cruise control, here let me show you this lever" or whatever. You should also talk to him about being aware when a person is "trapped" - if you're at a party, it's easier for someone to make excuses and walk over to the snack table, if you're on a plane, the person you're talking to is somewhat trapped and you need to lean more on the side of shutting up.

So which of those bolded options this actually is sounds like a critical difference.

Ok, truthfully, I don't know if they hate it. I'm not a kid person, and I would hate it, so I'm making a lot of assumptions. I mean...don't most adults hate talking to kids? Especially ones who don't act their age?

Personally, I’m a kid person and I enjoy talking to kids. Moreover, it sounds like he’s old enough to interact intelligently on topics of mutual interest which most people love. I’d rather talk with a kid who is sincerely interested and possibly somewhat knowledgeable about the topic at hand than an adult who doesn’t know or particularly want to know about my area of interest.

Yes, kids (like adults) should respect that others aren’t always interested to converse and aren’t obligated to do so. They should respect social cues that indicate someone is bored or otherwise not interested in conversation. But you’re not detecting those cues either. That indicates that they are fine with the conversation and you may be the only one who has a problem.

I think kids are too often devalued. They may not know as many facts to inform their reasoning, but they are quite capable of reasoning. (Let’s face it, a lot of adults aren’t very well informed either.). In areas of specific interest, kids can become very knowledgeable and have discussions with nuance and depth. I think you should let your child converse with adults (safely, of course), unless you detect a clear indication that they want to extricate themselves from the conversation. Moreover, I think you should put aside your prejudice against children and have more conversations with him. They don’t have to be “kid conversations”. It sounds like he’d be willing and able to talk about any number of subjects. Talk about current events, history, science, politics, philosophy, whatever you find interesting. Just pay attention to his social cues, because he might find certain topics somewhat boring himself. Also, keep it conversational and don’t turn it into a lecture.

Enjoy these moments. Before you know it he’ll be grown and by the time you recognize what an amazing individual he is, he’ll be moving away and building an independent life with fewer opportunities for interaction.

+1. Good answer.

My oldest was like this as well. Just a curious kid who lacked the shyness gene. As long as they're not somewhere on the spectrum and can read social cues, it's fine. I think a lot of adults with some kind of speciality, whether flying or geology, would be totally happy talking to some 10 year old who shared the same passions.

Pp what do you mean " as long as they are not somewhere on the spectrum?" That sounds to me as if you don't want any person who has Autism to actively partipate in the world.

Oh, apologies. I was referring to reading social cues. A 10 year old who has a tough time with that will just need a little more guidance when it comes to their interaction with random adults.

[Anonymous]

Nothing is wrong with your kid. Stop trying to hide the world from him. He's ptecoc6 and curious and he'll do great things one day if you stop hamstringing him.
An adult can exit the conversation if they want to. You can wiggle your eyebrows at the adult to check their preference and tell your kid when it's too much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nothing is wrong with your kid. Stop trying to hide the world from him. He's ptecoc6 and curious and he'll do great things one day if you stop hamstringing him.
An adult can exit the conversation if they want to. You can wiggle your eyebrows at the adult to check their preference and tell your kid when it's too much.

More trying to hide him from the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Long story short, he reads well above his grade level and have some niche interests that he'll happily discuss with adults all day long. No Asperger's or anything, just a kid who loves to read and loves discussing what he's learned with people who get it, which most of his peers do not. E.g., last month we hired a fishing charter, and he spent most of the time talking to the captain about barques vs. brigantines. Or he'll chat up the poor deadheading pilot next to him on the plane about what kind of approach he thinks we might be flying in this weather. We've had long discussions about how adults usually want quiet and he needs to be very aware for hints they're done talking, but it doesn't seem to be sticking. "But my friends don't know anything about things like this." He will stop talking to someone who appears to be done, but next time he runs across an adult who seems like they might know something about something he's into, he strikes up a conversation again. He's only 10, and adults hate it. Any advice?

These two seem like opposites to me.

Some people are more social than others. If he's talking to an adult, then stopping when they appear bored or done, then striking up another conversation with another adult, that sounds totally fine? And actually pretty advanced for his age? I do feel like most smart, oldest kids I know go through a phase like this right around 10, but if he's actually watching cues and cutting off when the adult is bored or sending signals he's done, then that all sounds great. And if you're watching from the sidelines thinking "I would hate this"... well that's a you problem.

If, however, the other adults are showing signs that THEY hate it - you can help provide the adult with an opportunity to move on. You can insert yourself and redirect him. Or you can insert an opportunity for that person to step away "I'm sure this man needs to focus on driving the boat" that also gives the boat driver a chance to say "oh, nah, we're on cruise control, here let me show you this lever" or whatever. You should also talk to him about being aware when a person is "trapped" - if you're at a party, it's easier for someone to make excuses and walk over to the snack table, if you're on a plane, the person you're talking to is somewhat trapped and you need to lean more on the side of shutting up.

So which of those bolded options this actually is sounds like a critical difference.

Ok, truthfully, I don't know if they hate it. I'm not a kid person, and I would hate it, so I'm making a lot of assumptions. I mean...don't most adults hate talking to kids? Especially ones who don't act their age?

Many of them do hate it, op. Of course they do!

Even if it’s a “shared” interest. Say I, a grown up woman, am an avid spelunker. unless I’m teaching your child spelunking I would be happy to exchange two sentences with a 10 year old about spelunking on a plane but beyond that I’d be nodding along and wishing you would get a handle on sir talksalot. Especially if he “knew a lot about it.”

So use your words and tell the kid you’d like to read your book/take a nap/watch a movie.

So many awkward adults, the kid isn’t the issue.

See, you sound like someone who would let their 5th grader talk a strangers ear off about a subject they, the 5th grader “know a lot about.” I don’t know any adults who would want to do that for more than 2 minutes. Yes I could eventually get the signal across to the kid but likely not as quickly as I’d like. Why isn’t mom teaching him this, since she’s adamant he is not on the spectrum so it shouldn’t be a big challenge?

I could get a young guest to stop tramping around my house with muddy shoes too but if his mom were right there it would be rude of her not to do it first.

I promise you that you're not as smart as you think.

I didn’t say I was smart. I just don’t want to talk to op’s kid for more than two minutes on a plane. (And I’m not alone!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Long story short, he reads well above his grade level and have some niche interests that he'll happily discuss with adults all day long. No Asperger's or anything, just a kid who loves to read and loves discussing what he's learned with people who get it, which most of his peers do not. E.g., last month we hired a fishing charter, and he spent most of the time talking to the captain about barques vs. brigantines. Or he'll chat up the poor deadheading pilot next to him on the plane about what kind of approach he thinks we might be flying in this weather. We've had long discussions about how adults usually want quiet and he needs to be very aware for hints they're done talking, but it doesn't seem to be sticking. "But my friends don't know anything about things like this." He will stop talking to someone who appears to be done, but next time he runs across an adult who seems like they might know something about something he's into, he strikes up a conversation again. He's only 10, and adults hate it. Any advice?

These two seem like opposites to me.

Some people are more social than others. If he's talking to an adult, then stopping when they appear bored or done, then striking up another conversation with another adult, that sounds totally fine? And actually pretty advanced for his age? I do feel like most smart, oldest kids I know go through a phase like this right around 10, but if he's actually watching cues and cutting off when the adult is bored or sending signals he's done, then that all sounds great. And if you're watching from the sidelines thinking "I would hate this"... well that's a you problem.

If, however, the other adults are showing signs that THEY hate it - you can help provide the adult with an opportunity to move on. You can insert yourself and redirect him. Or you can insert an opportunity for that person to step away "I'm sure this man needs to focus on driving the boat" that also gives the boat driver a chance to say "oh, nah, we're on cruise control, here let me show you this lever" or whatever. You should also talk to him about being aware when a person is "trapped" - if you're at a party, it's easier for someone to make excuses and walk over to the snack table, if you're on a plane, the person you're talking to is somewhat trapped and you need to lean more on the side of shutting up.

So which of those bolded options this actually is sounds like a critical difference.

Ok, truthfully, I don't know if they hate it. I'm not a kid person, and I would hate it, so I'm making a lot of assumptions. I mean...don't most adults hate talking to kids? Especially ones who don't act their age?

Many of them do hate it, op. Of course they do!

Even if it’s a “shared” interest. Say I, a grown up woman, am an avid spelunker. unless I’m teaching your child spelunking I would be happy to exchange two sentences with a 10 year old about spelunking on a plane but beyond that I’d be nodding along and wishing you would get a handle on sir talksalot. Especially if he “knew a lot about it.”

If you were "an avid spelunker" you would know that caving is the preferred term. You know, like OP's kid probably does.

lol-It was a hypothetical example but sick burn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Frankly, he sounds obnoxious. I’ve met a few kids like this.

My oldest loves facts, history, constantly curious, but at 10 would never constantly badger strange adults. In fact he had the social cues and would likely comment how annoying little Jimmy was who wouldn’t shut the hell up.

Your kid sounds like an illiterate brat with no friends.

Dp and you pp are a bully

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Long story short, he reads well above his grade level and have some niche interests that he'll happily discuss with adults all day long. No Asperger's or anything, just a kid who loves to read and loves discussing what he's learned with people who get it, which most of his peers do not. E.g., last month we hired a fishing charter, and he spent most of the time talking to the captain about barques vs. brigantines. Or he'll chat up the poor deadheading pilot next to him on the plane about what kind of approach he thinks we might be flying in this weather. We've had long discussions about how adults usually want quiet and he needs to be very aware for hints they're done talking, but it doesn't seem to be sticking. "But my friends don't know anything about things like this." He will stop talking to someone who appears to be done, but next time he runs across an adult who seems like they might know something about something he's into, he strikes up a conversation again. He's only 10, and adults hate it. Any advice?

These two seem like opposites to me.

Some people are more social than others. If he's talking to an adult, then stopping when they appear bored or done, then striking up another conversation with another adult, that sounds totally fine? And actually pretty advanced for his age? I do feel like most smart, oldest kids I know go through a phase like this right around 10, but if he's actually watching cues and cutting off when the adult is bored or sending signals he's done, then that all sounds great. And if you're watching from the sidelines thinking "I would hate this"... well that's a you problem.

If, however, the other adults are showing signs that THEY hate it - you can help provide the adult with an opportunity to move on. You can insert yourself and redirect him. Or you can insert an opportunity for that person to step away "I'm sure this man needs to focus on driving the boat" that also gives the boat driver a chance to say "oh, nah, we're on cruise control, here let me show you this lever" or whatever. You should also talk to him about being aware when a person is "trapped" - if you're at a party, it's easier for someone to make excuses and walk over to the snack table, if you're on a plane, the person you're talking to is somewhat trapped and you need to lean more on the side of shutting up.

So which of those bolded options this actually is sounds like a critical difference.

Ok, truthfully, I don't know if they hate it. I'm not a kid person, and I would hate it, so I'm making a lot of assumptions. I mean...don't most adults hate talking to kids? Especially ones who don't act their age?

Many of them do hate it, op. Of course they do!

Even if it’s a “shared” interest. Say I, a grown up woman, am an avid spelunker. unless I’m teaching your child spelunking I would be happy to exchange two sentences with a 10 year old about spelunking on a plane but beyond that I’d be nodding along and wishing you would get a handle on sir talksalot. Especially if he “knew a lot about it.”

So use your words and tell the kid you’d like to read your book/take a nap/watch a movie.

So many awkward adults, the kid isn’t the issue.

See, you sound like someone who would let their 5th grader talk a strangers ear off about a subject they, the 5th grader “know a lot about.” I don’t know any adults who would want to do that for more than 2 minutes. Yes I could eventually get the signal across to the kid but likely not as quickly as I’d like. Why isn’t mom teaching him this, since she’s adamant he is not on the spectrum so it shouldn’t be a big challenge?

I could get a young guest to stop tramping around my house with muddy shoes too but if his mom were right there it would be rude of her not to do it first.

I promise you that you're not as smart as you think.

I didn’t say I was smart. I just don’t want to talk to op’s kid for more than two minutes on a plane. (And I’m not alone!)

So don’t. Sometimes adults may want to talk on a plane when their neighbors don’t want to reciprocate. Just use the same responses you would to an adult you don’t want to talk to: pull out a book, put in earphones, settle in for a nap, or simply tell them directly that you prefer not to talk.

On the other hand, if you’re in a gathering wanting to show everyone your vacation pictures of caves and going into technical details about spelunking, the other adults present might not last even 2 minutes, but a kid might think it was the coolest thing in the world and listen raptly to every word out of your mouth.

Nobody is saying that adults who don’t want to participate in a conversation (with anyone, regardless of age), should have to suffer through it. On the other hand, if both parties are engaged and enjoying the conversation, it’s rude to both parties to cut it short and especially insulting to the child who is summarily dismissed as unworthy because of their age. They’re an individual, like any other. Some are going to be good conversationalists, others aren’t. Sometimes you may want to talk to them, other times you won’t. That’s why it’s important to pay attention to social cues. If the child is missing social cues, them the parent should intervene. But OP says the boy, himself, drops the conversation when (or before) the adult gets bored. Why intervene when all external cues indicate the other party is fine with the interaction?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Long story short, he reads well above his grade level and have some niche interests that he'll happily discuss with adults all day long. No Asperger's or anything, just a kid who loves to read and loves discussing what he's learned with people who get it, which most of his peers do not. E.g., last month we hired a fishing charter, and he spent most of the time talking to the captain about barques vs. brigantines. Or he'll chat up the poor deadheading pilot next to him on the plane about what kind of approach he thinks we might be flying in this weather. We've had long discussions about how adults usually want quiet and he needs to be very aware for hints they're done talking, but it doesn't seem to be sticking. "But my friends don't know anything about things like this." He will stop talking to someone who appears to be done, but next time he runs across an adult who seems like they might know something about something he's into, he strikes up a conversation again. He's only 10, and adults hate it. Any advice?

These two seem like opposites to me.

Some people are more social than others. If he's talking to an adult, then stopping when they appear bored or done, then striking up another conversation with another adult, that sounds totally fine? And actually pretty advanced for his age? I do feel like most smart, oldest kids I know go through a phase like this right around 10, but if he's actually watching cues and cutting off when the adult is bored or sending signals he's done, then that all sounds great. And if you're watching from the sidelines thinking "I would hate this"... well that's a you problem.

If, however, the other adults are showing signs that THEY hate it - you can help provide the adult with an opportunity to move on. You can insert yourself and redirect him. Or you can insert an opportunity for that person to step away "I'm sure this man needs to focus on driving the boat" that also gives the boat driver a chance to say "oh, nah, we're on cruise control, here let me show you this lever" or whatever. You should also talk to him about being aware when a person is "trapped" - if you're at a party, it's easier for someone to make excuses and walk over to the snack table, if you're on a plane, the person you're talking to is somewhat trapped and you need to lean more on the side of shutting up.

So which of those bolded options this actually is sounds like a critical difference.

Ok, truthfully, I don't know if they hate it. I'm not a kid person, and I would hate it, so I'm making a lot of assumptions. I mean...don't most adults hate talking to kids? Especially ones who don't act their age?

Many of them do hate it, op. Of course they do!

Even if it’s a “shared” interest. Say I, a grown up woman, am an avid spelunker. unless I’m teaching your child spelunking I would be happy to exchange two sentences with a 10 year old about spelunking on a plane but beyond that I’d be nodding along and wishing you would get a handle on sir talksalot. Especially if he “knew a lot about it.”

So use your words and tell the kid you’d like to read your book/take a nap/watch a movie.

So many awkward adults, the kid isn’t the issue.

See, you sound like someone who would let their 5th grader talk a strangers ear off about a subject they, the 5th grader “know a lot about.” I don’t know any adults who would want to do that for more than 2 minutes. Yes I could eventually get the signal across to the kid but likely not as quickly as I’d like. Why isn’t mom teaching him this, since she’s adamant he is not on the spectrum so it shouldn’t be a big challenge?

I could get a young guest to stop tramping around my house with muddy shoes too but if his mom were right there it would be rude of her not to do it first.

I promise you that you're not as smart as you think.

I didn’t say I was smart. I just don’t want to talk to op’s kid for more than two minutes on a plane. (And I’m not alone!)

So don’t. Sometimes adults may want to talk on a plane when their neighbors don’t want to reciprocate. Just use the same responses you would to an adult you don’t want to talk to: pull out a book, put in earphones, settle in for a nap, or simply tell them directly that you prefer not to talk.

On the other hand, if you’re in a gathering wanting to show everyone your vacation pictures of caves and going into technical details about spelunking, the other adults present might not last even 2 minutes, but a kid might think it was the coolest thing in the world and listen raptly to every word out of your mouth.

Nobody is saying that adults who don’t want to participate in a conversation (with anyone, regardless of age), should have to suffer through it. On the other hand, if both parties are engaged and enjoying the conversation, it’s rude to both parties to cut it short and especially insulting to the child who is summarily dismissed as unworthy because of their age. They’re an individual, like any other. Some are going to be good conversationalists, others aren’t. Sometimes you may want to talk to them, other times you won’t. That’s why it’s important to pay attention to social cues. If the child is missing social cues, them the parent should intervene. But OP says the boy, himself, drops the conversation when (or before) the adult gets bored. Why intervene when all external cues indicate the other party is fine with the interaction?

Well said! OP extrapolated that other adults would be annoyed not that she was seeing signs that they actually were. I hate being talked to on planes but that’s not because it’s a kid, that’s because it’s on a plane. And I would often rather talk to a 10yo about a shared interest than make boring normal grown up small talk in a lot of situations.

[Anonymous]

You are pulling him away from conversations based on your discomfort rather than social cues from the other adults? If I have that right, your anxiety is preventing him from learning when and how to modulate conversation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Long story short, he reads well above his grade level and have some niche interests that he'll happily discuss with adults all day long. No Asperger's or anything, just a kid who loves to read and loves discussing what he's learned with people who get it, which most of his peers do not. E.g., last month we hired a fishing charter, and he spent most of the time talking to the captain about barques vs. brigantines. Or he'll chat up the poor deadheading pilot next to him on the plane about what kind of approach he thinks we might be flying in this weather. We've had long discussions about how adults usually want quiet and he needs to be very aware for hints they're done talking, but it doesn't seem to be sticking. "But my friends don't know anything about things like this." He will stop talking to someone who appears to be done, but next time he runs across an adult who seems like they might know something about something he's into, he strikes up a conversation again. He's only 10, and adults hate it. Any advice?

These two seem like opposites to me.

Some people are more social than others. If he's talking to an adult, then stopping when they appear bored or done, then striking up another conversation with another adult, that sounds totally fine? And actually pretty advanced for his age? I do feel like most smart, oldest kids I know go through a phase like this right around 10, but if he's actually watching cues and cutting off when the adult is bored or sending signals he's done, then that all sounds great. And if you're watching from the sidelines thinking "I would hate this"... well that's a you problem.

If, however, the other adults are showing signs that THEY hate it - you can help provide the adult with an opportunity to move on. You can insert yourself and redirect him. Or you can insert an opportunity for that person to step away "I'm sure this man needs to focus on driving the boat" that also gives the boat driver a chance to say "oh, nah, we're on cruise control, here let me show you this lever" or whatever. You should also talk to him about being aware when a person is "trapped" - if you're at a party, it's easier for someone to make excuses and walk over to the snack table, if you're on a plane, the person you're talking to is somewhat trapped and you need to lean more on the side of shutting up.

So which of those bolded options this actually is sounds like a critical difference.

Ok, truthfully, I don't know if they hate it. I'm not a kid person, and I would hate it, so I'm making a lot of assumptions. I mean...don't most adults hate talking to kids? Especially ones who don't act their age?

Many of them do hate it, op. Of course they do!

Even if it’s a “shared” interest. Say I, a grown up woman, am an avid spelunker. unless I’m teaching your child spelunking I would be happy to exchange two sentences with a 10 year old about spelunking on a plane but beyond that I’d be nodding along and wishing you would get a handle on sir talksalot. Especially if he “knew a lot about it.”

So use your words and tell the kid you’d like to read your book/take a nap/watch a movie.

So many awkward adults, the kid isn’t the issue.

See, you sound like someone who would let their 5th grader talk a strangers ear off about a subject they, the 5th grader “know a lot about.” I don’t know any adults who would want to do that for more than 2 minutes. Yes I could eventually get the signal across to the kid but likely not as quickly as I’d like. Why isn’t mom teaching him this, since she’s adamant he is not on the spectrum so it shouldn’t be a big challenge?

I could get a young guest to stop tramping around my house with muddy shoes too but if his mom were right there it would be rude of her not to do it first.

What OP describes is her kid initiating conversations, not talking someone’s ear off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s fair to say that most adults - most, not all - don’t want to spend a lot of time talking with a stranger’s kid. The polite thing for you to do would be to nip this in the bud every time. Don’t let him do it, even if the adult seems interested. Just don’t.

Surely there are other avenues for discussing his interests. Sign him up for clubs. Explore on line opportunities for interactions (safe ones, of course). Just don’t tell yourself that he’s different, smarter, more enjoyable, or whatever else you think he might be and that this justifies your allowing him to talk other adults’ ears off. You may think he’s all of these things, and he very well may be. But to the vast majority of the stranger adults he deals with, after a minute or two he’s just another annoying kid.

You really think it would be good parenting for OP to tell her kid that adults don’t want him to speak to them? Really? What message does that send? He’d end up with his mom’s crippling anxiety and your lack of social skills. His mom is probably going to listen to your crappy advice because she’s so embarrassed to have a kid who can carry a conversation. That kid sounds great and you guys just want to bring him down to your level.

[Anonymous]

On a plane this young man shouldn't be sitting next to a stranger unless a parent is literally also sitting right next to him and can intervene if things get awkward. The easiest preventative is to sit him by the window and you sit in the middle seat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On a plane this young man shouldn't be sitting next to a stranger unless a parent is literally also sitting right next to him and can intervene if things get awkward. The easiest preventative is to sit him by the window and you sit in the middle seat.

Lol. Kids get the middle.