Husband won't take the kids swimming of even go with us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

This is op. He wouldn't swim even on our beach vacation in the swimming pool. He sucks all the joy out of my life. I have been working on swimming for years with our 7-year-old. He loves water play but is very scared to emerge his face in the water for more than a few seconds. We do lessons, but of course, I need to drive them. All the unpleasant is on me. If I didn't do it, I would be in zero activities. It's a lot of pressure on me. I feel like I am a single mom sometimes. I'm always the only solo parent. I feel like this, even on vacations. I took the kids to see the fireworks on the fourth alone!! Who dies when they are married?

The OP is either a troll or she is bat$$hit crazy. Maybe both.

At first, she was just doing the normal DCUM "I am the martyr wife whose DH does not do X when I really need him to." Now, he is sucking all the joy out of her life. Really?

All the joy in her life is related to pool days with her kids? She feels like a single mom sometimes?

NEWS FLASH!! - Every parent feels, at some point, that they carry the parenting responsibilities all on their own. And most of us can feel this way without asking "Who dies when they married?"

So, OP, grow up and STFU.

This clearly isn't about only the pool. She spent the fourth of July as a single mom. Her husband doesn't participate in swimming on vacations. It sounds like he never goes on outings. Have you looked around at the fireworks? Everyone is with another adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He sounds pretty bad at parenting. What *is* he bringing to the table?

Swimming is non-negotiable for me. Maybe offer your husband to do all the housework and bedtime on days you do swimming?

He also doesn't like housework and I would have to nag the hell out of him to get ANYTHING done. He only cooks eggs one style, and the kids do not like eggs. I am so resentful and tired.

So what’s keeping you in this marriage?

I wonder that sometimes. Dh makes a lot more money. Who has a single parent swim membership but is married? Me. I'm tired of doing all the activities solo. It's not fair he can sit on his ass while I am out with the kids multiple times a week.

So your husband makes the money and provides for the family. That means it’s your job to raise the kids and support your husband. What part of this don’t you understand?

No. Take this nonsense back to 1955 where it belongs. Thanks.

Just because the wife has a fake “career” where she earns a small fraction of her husband’s income doesn’t mean she gets to dump all the child-raising on him.

She presumably takes care of them while he works. That's not dumping the child raising on him. It takes two parents to create the kids, and it takes two to raise them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hem doesn’t have to take them swimming if he doesn’t like it. Neither do you. But he does have to do something. Try leaving them with him with no instructions or demands. He will figure something out.

No way. This is op, and kids must learn to swim for safety reasons. That is lazy parenting, and I will not be that parent. You can't opt out if you don't like something as basic as swimming. Kids shouldn't be indoors all the time. We all know that isn't healthy.

If you have chosen swimming as the hill you want to die on then yes, you will have to take them yourself. There are plenty of other things to do outside. You can’t dictate the way he watches the kids - just make him take equal time and let him figure it out. He will likely realize it’s better to get them outside anyway but not if you’re berating him.

Her husband is lazy. Stop with the excuses.

He certainly may be. But to pick one activity that apparently they BOTH hate and insist he do it all the time is unreasonable. Find another solution.

This is op. Dh hates everything, and it's not fair. Who said anything about insisting he takes them swimming all the time? You're making up sh**
I would like it if he came sometimes to see them swim, and so would the kids. Dh is also an amazing swimmer. He could teach them. Most of the time the entire family goes swimming. That's what is the norm. I'm not asking him to go every week, but I want to feel like he's also invested in helping them. He sees that I am burnt out, and they beg to swim. It feels selfish to refuse. They are little. We do things for our kids to make them happy and he doesn't give a f about this one.

I am afraid you’re going to have to divorce him.

Honestly if what you’re writing is accurate and he really isn’t doing anything on a Saturday other than working out, I don’t see why you’re staying married. If he makes so much money the settlement should be fine.

[Anonymous]

Well, I grew up in a small town w/out a pool and had to learn to swim in a gross lake. My dad took me to my lessons and to hang out there. I think my mom went once. She did not like to be outside. I turned out fine and she and I had a good relationship.

Their dad skipping the pool is not going to scar your children. Hire a pool nanny if you must.

[Anonymous]

You hate your husband. You should separate..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does your DH handle ANY unpleasant tasks? Could he have a similar gripe about you? Something to think about. I’m sure you are not perfect.

Taking non swimmers (especially more than one) to the pool is no fun. Never was for me. As a family, go stay at a hotel or vrbo with a pool, and get the 7yo swimming confidently at least. Both you and DH, together. Likely he will be more inclined to assist on a vacation as opposed to a crowded pool full of neighbors. Lessons year round for both kids. Next summer work on your 4yo as above. YES you still need to watch like a hawk but you will be well on your way to having a far more pleasant time at the pool.

This is op. He wouldn't swim even on our beach vacation in the swimming pool. He sucks all the joy out of my life. I have been working on swimming for years with our 7-year-old. He loves water play but is very scared to emerge his face in the water for more than a few seconds. We do lessons, but of course, I need to drive them. All the unpleasant is on me. If I didn't do it, I would be in zero activities. It's a lot of pressure on me. I feel like I am a single mom sometimes. I'm always the only solo parent. I feel like this, even on vacations. I took the kids to see the fireworks on the fourth alone!! Who dies when they are married?

NP. You seem overly invested in this. My kid was like yours and didn’t really learn to swim until middle school because it was painful to watch him.

It sounds like you really hate your DH. Maybe you’re spending so much time with the kids he doesn’t feel like your partner? There’s always two to make a relationship. If you don’t want to divorce, change your behavior and/or thoughts and see if your DH positively responds. If not, call divorce lawyers on Monday. Life is too short.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, I grew up in a small town w/out a pool and had to learn to swim in a gross lake. My dad took me to my lessons and to hang out there. I think my mom went once. She did not like to be outside. I turned out fine and she and I had a good relationship.

Their dad skipping the pool is not going to scar your children. Hire a pool nanny if you must.

Yeah I don't remember my dad ever being at the pool. He is a great swimmer -- he was on naval ships and is an avid scuba diver -- but he was also not into the pool dad thing. I don't resent it at all.

[Anonymous]

I’m the pp, and what I mean is that I stopped swim lessons and swimming with him because I didn’t see a point in pushing him in something that scared him. He picked it up in middle school and can now swim.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m the pp, and what I mean is that I stopped swim lessons and swimming with him because I didn’t see a point in pushing him in something that scared him. He picked it up in middle school and can now swim.

Op, but he LOVES swimming. It's seriously his thing!! He may not do it perfectly, but he has fun. Good parents take their kids to activities like this because they want them to be happy and get their energy out. He tells me often the best part of his life is going to the pool.

[Anonymous]

My husband was "the guy married to the single mom." But had a brain disorder (epilepsy) and a few other things going on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does your DH handle ANY unpleasant tasks? Could he have a similar gripe about you? Something to think about. I’m sure you are not perfect.

Taking non swimmers (especially more than one) to the pool is no fun. Never was for me. As a family, go stay at a hotel or vrbo with a pool, and get the 7yo swimming confidently at least. Both you and DH, together. Likely he will be more inclined to assist on a vacation as opposed to a crowded pool full of neighbors. Lessons year round for both kids. Next summer work on your 4yo as above. YES you still need to watch like a hawk but you will be well on your way to having a far more pleasant time at the pool.

This is op. He wouldn't swim even on our beach vacation in the swimming pool. He sucks all the joy out of my life. I have been working on swimming for years with our 7-year-old. He loves water play but is very scared to emerge his face in the water for more than a few seconds. We do lessons, but of course, I need to drive them. All the unpleasant is on me. If I didn't do it, I would be in zero activities. It's a lot of pressure on me. I feel like I am a single mom sometimes. I'm always the only solo parent. I feel like this, even on vacations. I took the kids to see the fireworks on the fourth alone!! Who dies when they are married?

Ugh. I’m so sorry OP. I’m of the opinion that parents can not enjoy a certain task/activity (for example I hate playing board games with my kids - DH does it) and can skip things once in awhile but sounds like your DH won’t do ANY activities of any kind , ever. This would be a dealbreaker for me.

Out of curiosity what IS he doing during these times? Like during fireworks? Or all afternoon while you are at the pool? Watching tv or something?

I׳’m wondering this too. It’s unusual not to go see the fireworks with the family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does your DH handle ANY unpleasant tasks? Could he have a similar gripe about you? Something to think about. I’m sure you are not perfect.

Taking non swimmers (especially more than one) to the pool is no fun. Never was for me. As a family, go stay at a hotel or vrbo with a pool, and get the 7yo swimming confidently at least. Both you and DH, together. Likely he will be more inclined to assist on a vacation as opposed to a crowded pool full of neighbors. Lessons year round for both kids. Next summer work on your 4yo as above. YES you still need to watch like a hawk but you will be well on your way to having a far more pleasant time at the pool.

This is op. He wouldn't swim even on our beach vacation in the swimming pool. He sucks all the joy out of my life. I have been working on swimming for years with our 7-year-old. He loves water play but is very scared to emerge his face in the water for more than a few seconds. We do lessons, but of course, I need to drive them. All the unpleasant is on me. If I didn't do it, I would be in zero activities. It's a lot of pressure on me. I feel like I am a single mom sometimes. I'm always the only solo parent. I feel like this, even on vacations. I took the kids to see the fireworks on the fourth alone!! Who dies when they are married?

Ugh. I’m so sorry OP. I’m of the opinion that parents can not enjoy a certain task/activity (for example I hate playing board games with my kids - DH does it) and can skip things once in awhile but sounds like your DH won’t do ANY activities of any kind , ever. This would be a dealbreaker for me.

Out of curiosity what IS he doing during these times? Like during fireworks? Or all afternoon while you are at the pool? Watching tv or something?

I׳’m wondering this too. It’s unusual not to go see the fireworks with the family.

Eh, I know of people who don’t care for fireworks and never go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does your DH handle ANY unpleasant tasks? Could he have a similar gripe about you? Something to think about. I’m sure you are not perfect.

Taking non swimmers (especially more than one) to the pool is no fun. Never was for me. As a family, go stay at a hotel or vrbo with a pool, and get the 7yo swimming confidently at least. Both you and DH, together. Likely he will be more inclined to assist on a vacation as opposed to a crowded pool full of neighbors. Lessons year round for both kids. Next summer work on your 4yo as above. YES you still need to watch like a hawk but you will be well on your way to having a far more pleasant time at the pool.

This is op. He wouldn't swim even on our beach vacation in the swimming pool. He sucks all the joy out of my life. I have been working on swimming for years with our 7-year-old. He loves water play but is very scared to emerge his face in the water for more than a few seconds. We do lessons, but of course, I need to drive them. All the unpleasant is on me. If I didn't do it, I would be in zero activities. It's a lot of pressure on me. I feel like I am a single mom sometimes. I'm always the only solo parent. I feel like this, even on vacations. I took the kids to see the fireworks on the fourth alone!! Who dies when they are married?

Ugh. I’m so sorry OP. I’m of the opinion that parents can not enjoy a certain task/activity (for example I hate playing board games with my kids - DH does it) and can skip things once in awhile but sounds like your DH won’t do ANY activities of any kind , ever. This would be a dealbreaker for me.

Out of curiosity what IS he doing during these times? Like during fireworks? Or all afternoon while you are at the pool? Watching tv or something?

I׳’m wondering this too. It’s unusual not to go see the fireworks with the family.

Eh, I know of people who don’t care for fireworks and never go.

Per OP, The husband doesn’t care for most activities that involve being with his family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does your DH handle ANY unpleasant tasks? Could he have a similar gripe about you? Something to think about. I’m sure you are not perfect.

Taking non swimmers (especially more than one) to the pool is no fun. Never was for me. As a family, go stay at a hotel or vrbo with a pool, and get the 7yo swimming confidently at least. Both you and DH, together. Likely he will be more inclined to assist on a vacation as opposed to a crowded pool full of neighbors. Lessons year round for both kids. Next summer work on your 4yo as above. YES you still need to watch like a hawk but you will be well on your way to having a far more pleasant time at the pool.

This is op. He wouldn't swim even on our beach vacation in the swimming pool. He sucks all the joy out of my life. I have been working on swimming for years with our 7-year-old. He loves water play but is very scared to emerge his face in the water for more than a few seconds. We do lessons, but of course, I need to drive them. All the unpleasant is on me. If I didn't do it, I would be in zero activities. It's a lot of pressure on me. I feel like I am a single mom sometimes. I'm always the only solo parent. I feel like this, even on vacations. I took the kids to see the fireworks on the fourth alone!! Who dies when they are married?

Ugh. I’m so sorry OP. I’m of the opinion that parents can not enjoy a certain task/activity (for example I hate playing board games with my kids - DH does it) and can skip things once in awhile but sounds like your DH won’t do ANY activities of any kind , ever. This would be a dealbreaker for me.

Out of curiosity what IS he doing during these times? Like during fireworks? Or all afternoon while you are at the pool? Watching tv or something?

I׳’m wondering this too. It’s unusual not to go see the fireworks with the family.

Eh, I know of people who don’t care for fireworks and never go.

Per OP, The husband doesn’t care for most activities that involve being with his family.

Op here. Yes, this. When we want to do an outing, his response is always I don't like that. I explained we need to comprise sometimes and he says I can just do all the outings. I explained that we want to do things as a family. I swear his mind doesn't get it or he's fuc***** with me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He sounds pretty bad at parenting. What *is* he bringing to the table?

Swimming is non-negotiable for me. Maybe offer your husband to do all the housework and bedtime on days you do swimming?

He also doesn't like housework and I would have to nag the hell out of him to get ANYTHING done. He only cooks eggs one style, and the kids do not like eggs. I am so resentful and tired.

So what’s keeping you in this marriage?

I wonder that sometimes. Dh makes a lot more money. Who has a single parent swim membership but is married? Me. I'm tired of doing all the activities solo. It's not fair he can sit on his ass while I am out with the kids multiple times a week.

Take the lot more money and give it to a nanny. Problem solved. Add a 15% constulting fee for yourself if he doesn't want to set up the nanny.

Does you husband want the kids? Does he want a relationship with the kids? Does he want a relationship with you?


If he wants you but not the kids, or not do the work for the kids, let him pay to get away from the kids. It's OK. No need to resent that.
Tell kids dad provide for them, let them fill in the blanks.