Husband won't take the kids swimming of even go with us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He sounds pretty bad at parenting. What *is* he bringing to the table?

Swimming is non-negotiable for me. Maybe offer your husband to do all the housework and bedtime on days you do swimming?

He also doesn't like housework and I would have to nag the hell out of him to get ANYTHING done. He only cooks eggs one style, and the kids do not like eggs. I am so resentful and tired.

So what’s keeping you in this marriage?

I wonder that sometimes. Dh makes a lot more money. Who has a single parent swim membership but is married? Me. I'm tired of doing all the activities solo. It's not fair he can sit on his ass while I am out with the kids multiple times a week.

So your husband makes the money and provides for the family. That means it’s your job to raise the kids and support your husband. What part of this don’t you understand?

Lol nice try.

She did 100% of the pregnancy/childbirth. He still owes her.

And she said *more* money. Meaning she does all this and still works. So it’s his job to get off his lazy backside and raise his kids or he’s going to find himself spending quite a lot more time with them soon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hem doesn’t have to take them swimming if he doesn’t like it. Neither do you. But he does have to do something. Try leaving them with him with no instructions or demands. He will figure something out.

No way. This is op, and kids must learn to swim for safety reasons. That is lazy parenting, and I will not be that parent. You can't opt out if you don't like something as basic as swimming. Kids shouldn't be indoors all the time. We all know that isn't healthy.

If you have chosen swimming as the hill you want to die on then yes, you will have to take them yourself. There are plenty of other things to do outside. You can’t dictate the way he watches the kids - just make him take equal time and let him figure it out. He will likely realize it’s better to get them outside anyway but not if you’re berating him.

[Anonymous]

Same. Kids are 8 and 11. He won’t go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hem doesn’t have to take them swimming if he doesn’t like it. Neither do you. But he does have to do something. Try leaving them with him with no instructions or demands. He will figure something out.

No way. This is op, and kids must learn to swim for safety reasons. That is lazy parenting, and I will not be that parent. You can't opt out if you don't like something as basic as swimming. Kids shouldn't be indoors all the time. We all know that isn't healthy.

If you have chosen swimming as the hill you want to die on then yes, you will have to take them yourself. There are plenty of other things to do outside. You can’t dictate the way he watches the kids - just make him take equal time and let him figure it out. He will likely realize it’s better to get them outside anyway but not if you’re berating him.

Her husband is lazy. Stop with the excuses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hem doesn’t have to take them swimming if he doesn’t like it. Neither do you. But he does have to do something. Try leaving them with him with no instructions or demands. He will figure something out.

No way. This is op, and kids must learn to swim for safety reasons. That is lazy parenting, and I will not be that parent. You can't opt out if you don't like something as basic as swimming. Kids shouldn't be indoors all the time. We all know that isn't healthy.

If you have chosen swimming as the hill you want to die on then yes, you will have to take them yourself. There are plenty of other things to do outside. You can’t dictate the way he watches the kids - just make him take equal time and let him figure it out. He will likely realize it’s better to get them outside anyway but not if you’re berating him.

This is just a sad way to live. No family time at the pool ever seems extreme.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because he doesn't like swimming. He knows how to swim but refuses to inconvenience himself. He says he does his share by taking them once a week to gym childcare so they can be away from him. It makes me so mad. We both have kids. He should pull his weight even if he doesn't like something. I don't like wading in 1 foot water but I do it because they like swimming and it's a rule I need to be in the water with them until they can pass a swim test. I think it's so selfish to refuse this activity.

Hire a high school kid to supervise them during their swim lessons. Yes, its extra money but only a fraction of what a marriage counselor or a divorce lawyer would charge.

[Anonymous]

You should meet up with the other DCUM lady complaining about going to the pool without her DH. You two could talk it up while babysitting the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hem doesn’t have to take them swimming if he doesn’t like it. Neither do you. But he does have to do something. Try leaving them with him with no instructions or demands. He will figure something out.

No way. This is op, and kids must learn to swim for safety reasons. That is lazy parenting, and I will not be that parent. You can't opt out if you don't like something as basic as swimming. Kids shouldn't be indoors all the time. We all know that isn't healthy.

If you have chosen swimming as the hill you want to die on then yes, you will have to take them yourself. There are plenty of other things to do outside. You can’t dictate the way he watches the kids - just make him take equal time and let him figure it out. He will likely realize it’s better to get them outside anyway but not if you’re berating him.

This is just a sad way to live. No family time at the pool ever seems extreme.

NP: I have three teens and I don’t believe we have ever had “family time” at a pool (or ever had both parents there) unless we were on vacation. Happily married, and all kids swim well.

If this is a hill to die on, then by all means let your DH know, OP. That said, I really don’t understand what the big deal is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should meet up with the other DCUM lady complaining about going to the pool without her DH. You two could talk it up while babysitting the kids.

+1

LOL. Meet up with her and her kids, then drop the kids off at home with your DHs and go out to drink wine. Win-win.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hem doesn’t have to take them swimming if he doesn’t like it. Neither do you. But he does have to do something. Try leaving them with him with no instructions or demands. He will figure something out.

No way. This is op, and kids must learn to swim for safety reasons. That is lazy parenting, and I will not be that parent. You can't opt out if you don't like something as basic as swimming. Kids shouldn't be indoors all the time. We all know that isn't healthy.

If you have chosen swimming as the hill you want to die on then yes, you will have to take them yourself. There are plenty of other things to do outside. You can’t dictate the way he watches the kids - just make him take equal time and let him figure it out. He will likely realize it’s better to get them outside anyway but not if you’re berating him.

Her husband is lazy. Stop with the excuses.

He certainly may be. But to pick one activity that apparently they BOTH hate and insist he do it all the time is unreasonable. Find another solution.

[Anonymous]

Does your DH handle ANY unpleasant tasks? Could he have a similar gripe about you? Something to think about. I’m sure you are not perfect.

Taking non swimmers (especially more than one) to the pool is no fun. Never was for me. As a family, go stay at a hotel or vrbo with a pool, and get the 7yo swimming confidently at least. Both you and DH, together. Likely he will be more inclined to assist on a vacation as opposed to a crowded pool full of neighbors. Lessons year round for both kids. Next summer work on your 4yo as above. YES you still need to watch like a hawk but you will be well on your way to having a far more pleasant time at the pool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hem doesn’t have to take them swimming if he doesn’t like it. Neither do you. But he does have to do something. Try leaving them with him with no instructions or demands. He will figure something out.

No way. This is op, and kids must learn to swim for safety reasons. That is lazy parenting, and I will not be that parent. You can't opt out if you don't like something as basic as swimming. Kids shouldn't be indoors all the time. We all know that isn't healthy.

If you have chosen swimming as the hill you want to die on then yes, you will have to take them yourself. There are plenty of other things to do outside. You can’t dictate the way he watches the kids - just make him take equal time and let him figure it out. He will likely realize it’s better to get them outside anyway but not if you’re berating him.

Her husband is lazy. Stop with the excuses.

He certainly may be. But to pick one activity that apparently they BOTH hate and insist he do it all the time is unreasonable. Find another solution.

This is op. Dh hates everything, and it's not fair. Who said anything about insisting he takes them swimming all the time? You're making up sh**
I would like it if he came sometimes to see them swim, and so would the kids. Dh is also an amazing swimmer. He could teach them. Most of the time the entire family goes swimming. That's what is the norm. I'm not asking him to go every week, but I want to feel like he's also invested in helping them. He sees that I am burnt out, and they beg to swim. It feels selfish to refuse. They are little. We do things for our kids to make them happy and he doesn't give a f about this one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hem doesn’t have to take them swimming if he doesn’t like it. Neither do you. But he does have to do something. Try leaving them with him with no instructions or demands. He will figure something out.

No way. This is op, and kids must learn to swim for safety reasons. That is lazy parenting, and I will not be that parent. You can't opt out if you don't like something as basic as swimming. Kids shouldn't be indoors all the time. We all know that isn't healthy.

If you have chosen swimming as the hill you want to die on then yes, you will have to take them yourself. There are plenty of other things to do outside. You can’t dictate the way he watches the kids - just make him take equal time and let him figure it out. He will likely realize it’s better to get them outside anyway but not if you’re berating him.

Her husband is lazy. Stop with the excuses.

He certainly may be. But to pick one activity that apparently they BOTH hate and insist he do it all the time is unreasonable. Find another solution.

This is op. Dh hates everything, and it's not fair. Who said anything about insisting he takes them swimming all the time? You're making up sh**
I would like it if he came sometimes to see them swim, and so would the kids. Dh is also an amazing swimmer. He could teach them. Most of the time the entire family goes swimming. That's what is the norm. I'm not asking him to go every week, but I want to feel like he's also invested in helping them. He sees that I am burnt out, and they beg to swim. It feels selfish to refuse. They are little. We do things for our kids to make them happy and he doesn't give a f about this one.

I am afraid you’re going to have to divorce him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does your DH handle ANY unpleasant tasks? Could he have a similar gripe about you? Something to think about. I’m sure you are not perfect.

Taking non swimmers (especially more than one) to the pool is no fun. Never was for me. As a family, go stay at a hotel or vrbo with a pool, and get the 7yo swimming confidently at least. Both you and DH, together. Likely he will be more inclined to assist on a vacation as opposed to a crowded pool full of neighbors. Lessons year round for both kids. Next summer work on your 4yo as above. YES you still need to watch like a hawk but you will be well on your way to having a far more pleasant time at the pool.

This is op. He wouldn't swim even on our beach vacation in the swimming pool. He sucks all the joy out of my life. I have been working on swimming for years with our 7-year-old. He loves water play but is very scared to emerge his face in the water for more than a few seconds. We do lessons, but of course, I need to drive them. All the unpleasant is on me. If I didn't do it, I would be in zero activities. It's a lot of pressure on me. I feel like I am a single mom sometimes. I'm always the only solo parent. I feel like this, even on vacations. I took the kids to see the fireworks on the fourth alone!! Who dies when they are married?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does your DH handle ANY unpleasant tasks? Could he have a similar gripe about you? Something to think about. I’m sure you are not perfect.

Taking non swimmers (especially more than one) to the pool is no fun. Never was for me. As a family, go stay at a hotel or vrbo with a pool, and get the 7yo swimming confidently at least. Both you and DH, together. Likely he will be more inclined to assist on a vacation as opposed to a crowded pool full of neighbors. Lessons year round for both kids. Next summer work on your 4yo as above. YES you still need to watch like a hawk but you will be well on your way to having a far more pleasant time at the pool.

This is op. He wouldn't swim even on our beach vacation in the swimming pool. He sucks all the joy out of my life. I have been working on swimming for years with our 7-year-old. He loves water play but is very scared to emerge his face in the water for more than a few seconds. We do lessons, but of course, I need to drive them. All the unpleasant is on me. If I didn't do it, I would be in zero activities. It's a lot of pressure on me. I feel like I am a single mom sometimes. I'm always the only solo parent. I feel like this, even on vacations. I took the kids to see the fireworks on the fourth alone!! Who dies when they are married?

Ugh. I’m so sorry OP. I’m of the opinion that parents can not enjoy a certain task/activity (for example I hate playing board games with my kids - DH does it) and can skip things once in awhile but sounds like your DH won’t do ANY activities of any kind , ever. This would be a dealbreaker for me.

Out of curiosity what IS he doing during these times? Like during fireworks? Or all afternoon while you are at the pool? Watching tv or something?