Getting over my affair partner.

[Anonymous]

The friendly neighborhood long-posting Relationships troll is back!

Settling in for more angst-ridden fiction.

[Anonymous]

he has done this with many women.. so, stop feeling like you are that one special one.

Please focus on your kids and family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, does the wife know what you look like? Will she be able to recognize you if she sees you around town or at the supermarket?

OP says the wife has found her on Facebook

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are moving into your neighborhood?

Yes. About a half mile from my home.

If the wife has your full name from Facebook, and has threatened to call your husband, she knows where you live.

She’s probably already done a deep dive into who you are and everything about you. Facebook!? She knows where you work, your kids names and where they go to school, and has probably gone through all of your family pictures. That, and she is probably forcing her husband to tell her all of the details about your relationship, where you normally meet, how you met, etc.

If she is threatened, she will not move into your neighborhood. And if she does, you can guarantee at some point she’s gonna run into your husband either on accident or on purpose.


If this story is true, you are doomed.

She knows my husband. They actually graduated from high school together. She told me, “walk away & fix your marriage to avoid putting (husband’s name) through the hell I’m going through.”

[Anonymous]

I had a relatively brief, extremely stupid emotional affair which I ended. I was so so lucky that I had a therapist who firmly and kindly told me I should block my EAP (are therapists even supposed to do that?), and she possibly saved both of our families and saved me from progressing to a full on physical affair with this man.

I can totally relate to how OP is feeling- the validation you get from an AP is ridiculously addictive and losing it is such a crash. I can also understand how she is so disengaged from the harm the affair did- to the spouses, kids, etc. If the wife contacting you did not snap you back to reality, OP, I'm not sure what will.

OP I speak from experience when I say that you will not feel ok for a long time, and that is the result of your actions. And don't worry, you would have felt a similar type of withdrawal even if you were the one doing the dumping. What's important is that you never contact this man again regardless of your feelings. It was wrong, you know it was wrong, and it is time to start working on yourself and fixing what you have broken, which is mostly yourself and your marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a relatively brief, extremely stupid emotional affair which I ended. I was so so lucky that I had a therapist who firmly and kindly told me I should block my EAP (are therapists even supposed to do that?), and she possibly saved both of our families and saved me from progressing to a full on physical affair with this man.

I can totally relate to how OP is feeling- the validation you get from an AP is ridiculously addictive and losing it is such a crash. I can also understand how she is so disengaged from the harm the affair did- to the spouses, kids, etc. If the wife contacting you did not snap you back to reality, OP, I'm not sure what will.

OP I speak from experience when I say that you will not feel ok for a long time, and that is the result of your actions. And don't worry, you would have felt a similar type of withdrawal even if you were the one doing the dumping. What's important is that you never contact this man again regardless of your feelings. It was wrong, you know it was wrong, and it is time to start working on yourself and fixing what you have broken, which is mostly yourself and your marriage.

Thank you. I’m trying my best today. It’s only day 2. I just want this pain to be gone, as selfish as that sounds. I feel disgusting. I feel like I’ve suddenly lost a best friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a relatively brief, extremely stupid emotional affair which I ended. I was so so lucky that I had a therapist who firmly and kindly told me I should block my EAP (are therapists even supposed to do that?), and she possibly saved both of our families and saved me from progressing to a full on physical affair with this man.

I can totally relate to how OP is feeling- the validation you get from an AP is ridiculously addictive and losing it is such a crash. I can also understand how she is so disengaged from the harm the affair did- to the spouses, kids, etc. If the wife contacting you did not snap you back to reality, OP, I'm not sure what will.

OP I speak from experience when I say that you will not feel ok for a long time, and that is the result of your actions. And don't worry, you would have felt a similar type of withdrawal even if you were the one doing the dumping. What's important is that you never contact this man again regardless of your feelings. It was wrong, you know it was wrong, and it is time to start working on yourself and fixing what you have broken, which is mostly yourself and your marriage.

Thank you. I’m trying my best today. It’s only day 2. I just want this pain to be gone, as selfish as that sounds. I feel disgusting. I feel like I’ve suddenly lost a best friend.

I understand and I felt the same. It's not going to be gone for awhile. You built an intense and totally inappropriate bond with this person, and now the only thing you can do is never contact him ever again. I felt probably a fraction of what you feel and it was absolutely awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are moving into your neighborhood?

Yes. About a half mile from my home.

If the wife has your full name from Facebook, and has threatened to call your husband, she knows where you live.

She’s probably already done a deep dive into who you are and everything about you. Facebook!? She knows where you work, your kids names and where they go to school, and has probably gone through all of your family pictures. That, and she is probably forcing her husband to tell her all of the details about your relationship, where you normally meet, how you met, etc.

If she is threatened, she will not move into your neighborhood. And if she does, you can guarantee at some point she’s gonna run into your husband either on accident or on purpose.


If this story is true, you are doomed.

She knows my husband. They actually graduated from high school together. She told me, “walk away & fix your marriage to avoid putting (husband’s name) through the hell I’m going through.”

Take this advice. If you can't, then at least ask for a divorce. What's stopping you from getting a divorce? You obviously do not love your husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are moving into your neighborhood?

Yes. About a half mile from my home.

If the wife has your full name from Facebook, and has threatened to call your husband, she knows where you live.

She’s probably already done a deep dive into who you are and everything about you. Facebook!? She knows where you work, your kids names and where they go to school, and has probably gone through all of your family pictures. That, and she is probably forcing her husband to tell her all of the details about your relationship, where you normally meet, how you met, etc.

If she is threatened, she will not move into your neighborhood. And if she does, you can guarantee at some point she’s gonna run into your husband either on accident or on purpose.


If this story is true, you are doomed.

She knows my husband. They actually graduated from high school together. She told me, “walk away & fix your marriage to avoid putting (husband’s name) through the hell I’m going through.”

Take this advice. If you can't, then at least ask for a divorce. What's stopping you from getting a divorce? You obviously do not love your husband.

OP hit some sort of jackpot that this guy's wife is so self-possessed. Meanwhile, he's been crying like a baby about his affair every time he drinks. How do women get stuck with these losers?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, almost no reasonable therapist would tell you to tell your DH unless you 100% will be outed. Don’t blow it up. You have a chance to recover. If you want to stay married, do whatever you can to keep it secret and so intense work with a therapist. That’s most likely the best outcome for everyone.

I highly doubt I will be outed, but I feel the immense weight of what I’ve done. I can’t eat or get out of bed. I haven’t eaten since Saturday night. I feel sad without my affair partner, as crazy as that sounds. I keep checking my phone to see if he’s texted me.

Since Saturday night? Happened abruptly yesterday morning? Yet he just told her last night?

You really need to work on your timeline, OP. Continuity is important when making up shyte.

I’m not making this up. I last ate dinner on Saturday night. He told her sometime between then & Sunday morning. She sent me a message on Sunday morning. I have no appetite. The entire thing makes me feel sick.

Fk off. Try being his wife. I Couldn’t eat for 2 months or sleep for 3 and I wasn’t even the cheater.

What you are feeling is scared of getting caught absolutely nothing like the PTSD trauma of betrayal.

And I ended up telling her husband 2 months later. You are never free. She can decide at any point in time to out you. I know someone outed 4 years later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, almost no reasonable therapist would tell you to tell your DH unless you 100% will be outed. Don’t blow it up. You have a chance to recover. If you want to stay married, do whatever you can to keep it secret and so intense work with a therapist. That’s most likely the best outcome for everyone.

I highly doubt I will be outed, but I feel the immense weight of what I’ve done. I can’t eat or get out of bed. I haven’t eaten since Saturday night. I feel sad without my affair partner, as crazy as that sounds. I keep checking my phone to see if he’s texted me.

Since Saturday night? Happened abruptly yesterday morning? Yet he just told her last night?

You really need to work on your timeline, OP. Continuity is important when making up shyte.

I’m not making this up. I last ate dinner on Saturday night. He told her sometime between then & Sunday morning. She sent me a message on Sunday morning. I have no appetite. The entire thing makes me feel sick.

Fk off. Try being his wife. I Couldn’t eat for 2 months or sleep for 3 and I wasn’t even the cheater.

What you are feeling is scared of getting caught absolutely nothing like the PTSD trauma of betrayal.

And I ended up telling her husband 2 months later. You are never free. She can decide at any point in time to out you. I know someone outed 4 years later.

+100000. When I found out about my husband's affair I lost so much weight that I literally could not keep myself warm. I was shivering nonstop in the middle of summer. I also told the other betrayed spouse after the dust settled and OW probably thought she was in the clear. I collected all the evidence and send it over to him. You're never in the clear. She is prepared to blow your entire life up at any given second.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are moving into your neighborhood?

Yes. About a half mile from my home.

If the wife has your full name from Facebook, and has threatened to call your husband, she knows where you live.

She’s probably already done a deep dive into who you are and everything about you. Facebook!? She knows where you work, your kids names and where they go to school, and has probably gone through all of your family pictures. That, and she is probably forcing her husband to tell her all of the details about your relationship, where you normally meet, how you met, etc.

If she is threatened, she will not move into your neighborhood. And if she does, you can guarantee at some point she’s gonna run into your husband either on accident or on purpose.


If this story is true, you are doomed.

She knows my husband. They actually graduated from high school together. She told me, “walk away & fix your marriage to avoid putting (husband’s name) through the hell I’m going through.”

And yet you are not at all impacted by her deep pain, but only your own. You are hoping to continue the affair despite knowing she is in he** - because of your affair with her DH. Those are some borderline personality vibes right there. I’m disgusted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are moving into your neighborhood?

Yes. About a half mile from my home.

If the wife has your full name from Facebook, and has threatened to call your husband, she knows where you live.

She’s probably already done a deep dive into who you are and everything about you. Facebook!? She knows where you work, your kids names and where they go to school, and has probably gone through all of your family pictures. That, and she is probably forcing her husband to tell her all of the details about your relationship, where you normally meet, how you met, etc.

If she is threatened, she will not move into your neighborhood. And if she does, you can guarantee at some point she’s gonna run into your husband either on accident or on purpose.


If this story is true, you are doomed.

100%

My spouse confessed sober after going to therapy and ending it. I knew everything, very deep dive.

Unless you confess this is going to hang over you forever.

You disgust me as the only remorse you feel is for yourself. Still not contemplating the huge trauma you helped cause in so many lives—spouses, extended families, kids, friends, etc.

Repulsive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, she didn’t threaten physical harm. She threatened to contact my husband if I reached out to her husband again. I’m tempted to reach out to him. That’s my worst issue. That and wondering why he hasn’t reached out to me.

You do t seem to give a f**k about what she is going through - zero empathy. He’s not reaching out because he is done with the affair (his actions reflect that he wanted out - I don’t care if he was drinking), and is focusing on repairing his marriage.

I’m literally recoiling at your desperation and narcissism. You are in the throes of addiction withdrawal. Think of him as crack cocaine or meth.

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are moving into your neighborhood?

Yes. About a half mile from my home.

If the wife has your full name from Facebook, and has threatened to call your husband, she knows where you live.

She’s probably already done a deep dive into who you are and everything about you. Facebook!? She knows where you work, your kids names and where they go to school, and has probably gone through all of your family pictures. That, and she is probably forcing her husband to tell her all of the details about your relationship, where you normally meet, how you met, etc.

If she is threatened, she will not move into your neighborhood. And if she does, you can guarantee at some point she’s gonna run into your husband either on accident or on purpose.


If this story is true, you are doomed.

100%

My spouse confessed sober after going to therapy and ending it. I knew everything, very deep dive.

Unless you confess this is going to hang over you forever.

You disgust me as the only remorse you feel is for yourself. Still not contemplating the huge trauma you helped cause in so many lives—spouses, extended families, kids, friends, etc.

Repulsive.

+1 Crying only for yourself. I was trying to help but I’m out of this thread.