Backed out of paid activity - did I do the right thing?

[Anonymous]

I really think that when you aren’t pushed you develop social anxiety. I think she should have gone because you paid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, it was zip lining. DD is being treated for certain issues and is not "typical" in some ways. So it can be very difficult to know how to navigate day to day with her. I went with my instincts on this but am paying for it now.

For zip lining, or any “scary” activity (whitewater rafting, etc.) I absolutely would NOT force my child to do it. If it were something safe like mini golf or I’d make them go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, it was zip lining. DD is being treated for certain issues and is not "typical" in some ways. So it can be very difficult to know how to navigate day to day with her. I went with my instincts on this but am paying for it now.

For zip lining, or any “scary” activity (whitewater rafting, etc.) I absolutely would NOT force my child to do it. If it were something safe like mini golf or I’d make them go.

+100. OP, ignore anyone who would make a child go zip lining. That is crazy, and I really like to zipline.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a kid like this and it’s a balance to know when to push and when to take their cue. I do both, but personally here I think you did the right thing. The others were able to enjoy it and your daughter felt that you understood her and prioritized her feelings and fears even if you didn’t share them .

Agree

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really think that when you aren’t pushed you develop social anxiety. I think she should have gone because you paid

She did go. She literally tried it. She didn’t stay back in the hotel or something. She went, she tried.

There is a difference between “social anxiety” and a fear of heights, nitwit. I’ve spoken to audiences of thousands, and met international dignitaries. But I don’t want to go bungee jumping. It’s called personal preference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are teaching her to be a confident, self-sufficient adult. That’s the goal, right?

Well confident, self-sufficient adults speak up when they don’t want to do something, or don’t feel well, or can’t afford something, etc. Grown adults get to decide how to spend their vacation.

DD spoke up about her feelings and was ignored. So any sunk cost is on DH, not her. The unplanned group separation is on DH, not her. Maybe next time he will listen to, respect, and consider all the wants, needs and preferences of everyone going on the vacation. Your daughters are clearly past the age of being dragged around with no say-so.

No, you don’t build confidence by always getting your way. Lol

She went and tried it. She didn’t want to. Is this how you would talk to an adult friend or co-worker? What a great person you are, “LOL.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, it was zip lining. DD is being treated for certain issues and is not "typical" in some ways. So it can be very difficult to know how to navigate day to day with her. I went with my instincts on this but am paying for it now.

Ok I just posted and your DH is an ass. I am a 52 year old woman and refuse to zipline.

+1

[Anonymous]

Good for your daughter for giving it a try!! She should be praised for trying. Maybe one day she’ll do it, or maybe she won’t, but it’s great that she tried. Sounds like you did the right thing — you got her to give it a try, but didn’t force her in the end.

[Anonymous]

OP long thread. I only read the first page. Of course you did the right thing. I hope your DD is ok and that together you can work through some of her anxieties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, it was zip lining. DD is being treated for certain issues and is not "typical" in some ways. So it can be very difficult to know how to navigate day to day with her. I went with my instincts on this but am paying for it now.

Yeah, that’s what I figured. Your husband knew he was taking a risk in that she wouldn’t be ready for it. His tantrum right now is unacceptable. My guess is that he’s also a jerk about your kid’s anxiety. He needs to get over himself.

Aside from the kids, I might read him a small riot act: “You knew Larla was hesitant to do this when you signed us all up. She’s not ready, which is perfectly fine. What’s not fine is you pouting over it on our vacation. You can choose to regulate your disappointment by being supportive or you can continue to pout. Which is it?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really think that when you aren’t pushed you develop social anxiety. I think she should have gone because you paid

Disagree. As a kid I had severe social anxiety. I was pushed by my parents because they just didn’t understand mental illness. It has taken years to undo the damage.

[Anonymous]

The fact that your DH is making you “pay for it” says a lot about who he is, none of it good.

+1

[Anonymous]

See, I would have taken this a win. I have an anxious son and we went to a resort that had zip lining. He said he wanted to try (I’m smarter than that and said no way), so he did the training, I watched him go up the tower, and waited for him to come out. A few minutes later I saw him start to climb back down the tower, and he walked back. I was proud of this kid for trying, and the money was gone whether he slid down or walked back. You husband is a jerk.

[Anonymous]

I think you are correct here and sunk cost is on DH. An anxiety provoking activity is different from refusing to do, say, a museum visit out of brattiness. My DH and I like to scuba dive. None of our teens wants to learn. We wouldn't force them into that activity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:See, I would have taken this a win. I have an anxious son and we went to a resort that had zip lining. He said he wanted to try (I’m smarter than that and said no way), so he did the training, I watched him go up the tower, and waited for him to come out. A few minutes later I saw him start to climb back down the tower, and he walked back. I was proud of this kid for trying, and the money was gone whether he slid down or walked back. You husband is a jerk.

I love this and feel the same way. Any time my anxious teen tries something, I'm thrilled.