People who have affairs don't regret it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not regretting hurting people is a sign of a very messed up person. Affairs hurt spouses, you hurt other people’s spouses and kids as well.

It takes a special kind of scumbag to not regret being complicit in another human being’s pain and hurt.

+1. It’s like the drunk driver that doesn’t regret drinking or running over someone’s loved one. YOLO. Everyone else be damned.

No it's not.

Cheating takes many more steps than driving drunk, unless the cheating happened in the bar while drunk.

NP. Driving drunk takes a lot of steps and deliberate decision making. Agree with pp, the analogy is valid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not regretting hurting people is a sign of a very messed up person. Affairs hurt spouses, you hurt other people’s spouses and kids as well.

It takes a special kind of scumbag to not regret being complicit in another human being’s pain and hurt.

Yet they knew how much they would hurt these spouses and kids when they pursued the affair.

Are they claiming they were too dumb to realize how much pain it would cause?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I certainly don't regret my affair. I broke it off, that should be enough.

As we all know, one's mistakes are usually not regretted. We learn from them, so as not to repeat them (so we can make new mistakes).

- woman.

You didn’t caught. That’s key.

PP you replied to. I confessed. Maybe I should have broken it off without telling my husband and saved him pain, but I was young and foolish.

To me, this seems more selfish than the cheating.

I also agree with the PP that it wouldn't be a deal breaker for me. I don't think sleeping around is as big a deal as people make it out to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a good relationship with my spouse and still cheated, PP. It’s just sex and doesn’t mean anything. What matters is who you come home to. People make such a big deal out of it for no reason.

you are a sociopath. Your poor spouse. Does your spouse think it's nbd?

This person is on this board all the time talking about how cheating is NBD. I wish they would come out and explain how their upbringing led to this thinking. Likely they also haven't looked at it from a larger lens than their own case. And then it would be helpful if they were to caveat every comment with that background.

Do you honestly think there is only one poster on DCUM who thinks cheating is no big deal? I sure don’t. There might just be one person on DCUM who is honest enough to express this opinion, though.

Stow the indignation. No one said "There is only ONE poster on all of DCUM who thinks this."

You're confusing "One person keeps posting this" with your imaginary "Only one person thinks this." A couple of us said there is one poster who consistently posts the same idea, using the same basic language, across many threads, over a long time. The two of us calling it out so far know what we're seeing when we see that individual's repeated parroting of the same phrases.

But you were so eager to assert your agreement with this parrot poster, and join the "Cheating is NBD!" club, that you saw what you wanted to see, not what was there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a good relationship with my spouse and still cheated, PP. It’s just sex and doesn’t mean anything. What matters is who you come home to. People make such a big deal out of it for no reason.

you are a sociopath. Your poor spouse. Does your spouse think it's nbd?

I’m a spouse and I haven’t cheated, and don’t intend to, but I don’t think it would be a dealbreaker for me if he did. I think I’d rather talk about it before hand but maybe I’d prefer to just never know. It’s not that important to me, tbh.

Easy to be so breezy about your spouse cheating when it hasn't actually happened to you.

Wait until you're cheated on and then come back and tell us how you feel about that.

Especially if the cheating is not a one night stand, but an ongoing, sustained affair over time, while you're carrying on thinking your spouse is a full and engaged participant in your life as a couple and/or family. No one who's in an affair is fully present in his or her marriage or committed relationship. If you're fine looking back over many months or even years of your own life and realizing you weren't in the relationship you thought you were in -- well, great for you for being able to slough it off without emotion, I guess. But again: You're talking only hypothetically. As far as you know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a good relationship with my spouse and still cheated, PP. It’s just sex and doesn’t mean anything. What matters is who you come home to. People make such a big deal out of it for no reason.

you are a sociopath. Your poor spouse. Does your spouse think it's nbd?

This person is on this board all the time talking about how cheating is NBD. I wish they would come out and explain how their upbringing led to this thinking. Likely they also haven't looked at it from a larger lens than their own case. And then it would be helpful if they were to caveat every comment with that background.

Do you honestly think there is only one poster on DCUM who thinks cheating is no big deal? I sure don’t. There might just be one person on DCUM who is honest enough to express this opinion, though.

Stow the indignation. No one said "There is only ONE poster on all of DCUM who thinks this."

You're confusing "One person keeps posting this" with your imaginary "Only one person thinks this." A couple of us said there is one poster who consistently posts the same idea, using the same basic language, across many threads, over a long time. The two of us calling it out so far know what we're seeing when we see that individual's repeated parroting of the same phrases.

But you were so eager to assert your agreement with this parrot poster, and join the "Cheating is NBD!" club, that you saw what you wanted to see, not what was there.

NP, whenever I chime in with opinions about how cheating can be not a huge deal, somebody always says I’m whatever same person always says this. Y’all really do wish that it was just me person. But we’re out here. And we don’t think cheaters are the devil incarnate.

[Anonymous]

I certainly don't regret my affair. I broke it off, that should be enough.

As we all know, one's mistakes are usually not regretted. We learn from them, so as not to repeat them (so we can make new mistakes).

- woman.

Actually, sociopaths don't regret their mistakes, but emotionally healthy adults definitely do. I regret my mistakes AND learn from them. It's a dialectic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a good relationship with my spouse and still cheated, PP. It’s just sex and doesn’t mean anything. What matters is who you come home to. People make such a big deal out of it for no reason.

you are a sociopath. Your poor spouse. Does your spouse think it's nbd?

This person is on this board all the time talking about how cheating is NBD. I wish they would come out and explain how their upbringing led to this thinking. Likely they also haven't looked at it from a larger lens than their own case. And then it would be helpful if they were to caveat every comment with that background.

Do you honestly think there is only one poster on DCUM who thinks cheating is no big deal? I sure don’t. There might just be one person on DCUM who is honest enough to express this opinion, though.

Stow the indignation. No one said "There is only ONE poster on all of DCUM who thinks this."

You're confusing "One person keeps posting this" with your imaginary "Only one person thinks this." A couple of us said there is one poster who consistently posts the same idea, using the same basic language, across many threads, over a long time. The two of us calling it out so far know what we're seeing when we see that individual's repeated parroting of the same phrases.

But you were so eager to assert your agreement with this parrot poster, and join the "Cheating is NBD!" club, that you saw what you wanted to see, not what was there.

NP, whenever I chime in with opinions about how cheating can be not a huge deal, somebody always says I’m whatever same person always says this. Y’all really do wish that it was just me person. But we’re out here. And we don’t think cheaters are the devil incarnate.

Yea they say the same thing to me too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m confused. What % have no remorse. It doesn’t say.

Also the group are Ashley Madison users which is not a normal cohort.

It is such a flawed study which is why it's ridiculous it came out of Johns Hopkins---good lord.

Again, surveys by cheaters that weren't caught or had to face themselves or consequences. Numerous 'legitimate' studies have been done where people in that limerence and fantasy world don't think normally. They are very different when they come back to earth and have to live with themselves and see that poor character reflected back in the mirror and the severe hurt to the person they loved.

"We surveyed bank robbers in their brand new luxury home a year after the heist and not being caught, and we asked them 'do you regret robbing the bank?'

Well put, PP. You nailed it. I can't believe a supposedly reputable place like Hopkins didn't account for the fact they were using a highly skewed cohort. If that group had been one of many, that would be different, but if the inquiry was really only among Ashley Madison users--? Wow, that undermines my respect for the study and for Hopkins research overall.

Agreed. Why didn't they do a better study?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a good relationship with my spouse and still cheated, PP. It’s just sex and doesn’t mean anything. What matters is who you come home to. People make such a big deal out of it for no reason.

you are a sociopath. Your poor spouse. Does your spouse think it's nbd?

This person is on this board all the time talking about how cheating is NBD. I wish they would come out and explain how their upbringing led to this thinking. Likely they also haven't looked at it from a larger lens than their own case. And then it would be helpful if they were to caveat every comment with that background.

Do you honestly think there is only one poster on DCUM who thinks cheating is no big deal? I sure don’t. There might just be one person on DCUM who is honest enough to express this opinion, though.

I don't know but there are a lot of very similar comments written exactly the same way. Whether one or many can you answer the question below I posed?

I wish they would come out and explain how their upbringing led to this thinking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a good relationship with my spouse and still cheated, PP. It’s just sex and doesn’t mean anything. What matters is who you come home to. People make such a big deal out of it for no reason.

you are a sociopath. Your poor spouse. Does your spouse think it's nbd?

I’m a spouse and I haven’t cheated, and don’t intend to, but I don’t think it would be a dealbreaker for me if he did. I think I’d rather talk about it before hand but maybe I’d prefer to just never know. It’s not that important to me, tbh.

Easy to be so breezy about your spouse cheating when it hasn't actually happened to you.

Wait until you're cheated on and then come back and tell us how you feel about that.

Especially if the cheating is not a one night stand, but an ongoing, sustained affair over time, while you're carrying on thinking your spouse is a full and engaged participant in your life as a couple and/or family. No one who's in an affair is fully present in his or her marriage or committed relationship. If you're fine looking back over many months or even years of your own life and realizing you weren't in the relationship you thought you were in -- well, great for you for being able to slough it off without emotion, I guess. But again: You're talking only hypothetically. As far as you know.

+1.


The actual sex with someone else is not as bad. But the cheating spouse tends to lie and gas light, act defensive, throw blame around etc. You could go crazy trying to figure out why your spouse has turned into someone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a good relationship with my spouse and still cheated, PP. It’s just sex and doesn’t mean anything. What matters is who you come home to. People make such a big deal out of it for no reason.

you are a sociopath. Your poor spouse. Does your spouse think it's nbd?

This person is on this board all the time talking about how cheating is NBD. I wish they would come out and explain how their upbringing led to this thinking. Likely they also haven't looked at it from a larger lens than their own case. And then it would be helpful if they were to caveat every comment with that background.

Do you honestly think there is only one poster on DCUM who thinks cheating is no big deal? I sure don’t. There might just be one person on DCUM who is honest enough to express this opinion, though.

I don't know but there are a lot of very similar comments written exactly the same way. Whether one or many can you answer the question below I posed?

I wish they would come out and explain how their upbringing led to this thinking.

DP.

Can you explain how your upbringing led you to thinking that it makes sense to get married with the knowledge that a significant number of people cheat and then act like it's the end of the world when your spouse ?

[Anonymous]

I like fantasying I'm having sexx with other women in my dreams. It gets me hard and very in the mood.
Everyone is attracted to others they can't have

[Anonymous]

Have a look at the most recent NY Times "Modern Love" essay: My Spectacular Betrayal by Samantha Silva.

That woman clearly didn't regret her affair and is still with her affair partner 12 years later. In her case, she wasn't totally unhappy with her husband, she had a one night stand with her best friend's husband. Apparently, the sex was hot enough that they continued to sneak around to have it, and eventually developed feelings and then left their spouses to be together. The two couples had been friends for years. If the ONS hadn't happened, do the affair and the divorces happen? I'd think not, at least not at that time. Maybe eventually.

I think people get settled into the monotony of married life and monogamy, forget what excitement feels like, have a fling with someone else and then can't resist the dopamine high. It sucks for the spouse who is in the dark and gets left, but it's also... human. Monogamy is just really hard, and not everyone is cut out for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I certainly don't regret my affair. I broke it off, that should be enough.

As we all know, one's mistakes are usually not regretted. We learn from them, so as not to repeat them (so we can make new mistakes).

- woman.

Actually, sociopaths don't regret their mistakes, but emotionally healthy adults definitely do. I regret my mistakes AND learn from them. It's a dialectic.

+1 seriously. Reading comments like the other pps are so mind-boggling. The selfishness and the self-centeredness and lack of personal accountability. Definitely raised by a narcissist. They are very borderline personality-like comments.