People who have affairs don't regret it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have a look at the most recent NY Times "Modern Love" essay: My Spectacular Betrayal by Samantha Silva.

That woman clearly didn't regret her affair and is still with her affair partner 12 years later. In her case, she wasn't totally unhappy with her husband, she had a one night stand with her best friend's husband. Apparently, the sex was hot enough that they continued to sneak around to have it, and eventually developed feelings and then left their spouses to be together. The two couples had been friends for years. If the ONS hadn't happened, do the affair and the divorces happen? I'd think not, at least not at that time. Maybe eventually.

I think people get settled into the monotony of married life and monogamy, forget what excitement feels like, have a fling with someone else and then can't resist the dopamine high. It sucks for the spouse who is in the dark and gets left, but it's also... human. Monogamy is just really hard, and not everyone is cut out for it.

That’s the rare result. Like 2%. More men are out there variety banging in midlife and in 2023 it just is too easy with the internet availability. It’s not some Bridges of Madison County love, it’s some whore they met on the internet . They don’t regret it when they think nobody is getting hurt. It’s only when the two worlds come crashing down that they are able to see the destruction. As others have stated, this was such a ridiculously skewed study. It is very like the bank robber that didn’t get caught and then asked if he regretted doing it a year later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That’s the rare result. Like 2%. More men are out there variety banging in midlife and in 2023 it just is too easy with the internet availability. It’s not some Bridges of Madison County love, it’s some whore they met on the internet . They don’t regret it when they think nobody is getting hurt. It’s only when the two worlds come crashing down that they are able to see the destruction. As others have stated, this was such a ridiculously skewed study. It is very like the bank robber that didn’t get caught and then asked if he regretted doing it a year later.

Variety banging... lol.

Well, I think the point that I was trying to make is that someone can catch feelings from variety banging and voluntarily upend their life for that person. I actually think that happens a lot. Maybe they will regret it, maybe they won't. They usually don't regret much because they got what they wanted and they figure that the kids will eventually be okay. They don't care about how their ex feels because they are done with them. It's an "I'm sorry you're upset" situation there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That’s the rare result. Like 2%. More men are out there variety banging in midlife and in 2023 it just is too easy with the internet availability. It’s not some Bridges of Madison County love, it’s some whore they met on the internet . They don’t regret it when they think nobody is getting hurt. It’s only when the two worlds come crashing down that they are able to see the destruction. As others have stated, this was such a ridiculously skewed study. It is very like the bank robber that didn’t get caught and then asked if he regretted doing it a year later.

Variety banging... lol.

Well, I think the point that I was trying to make is that someone can catch feelings from variety banging and voluntarily upend their life for that person. I actually think that happens a lot. Maybe they will regret it, maybe they won't. They usually don't regret much because they got what they wanted and they figure that the kids will eventually be okay. They don't care about how their ex feels because they are done with them. It's an "I'm sorry you're upset" situation there.

You must see a lot of people divorcing. I’m in my 50s and not seeing it. Pretty much everyone I know is still with there first spouse of over 25-30 years.

[Anonymous]

^their

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That’s the rare result. Like 2%. More men are out there variety banging in midlife and in 2023 it just is too easy with the internet availability. It’s not some Bridges of Madison County love, it’s some whore they met on the internet . They don’t regret it when they think nobody is getting hurt. It’s only when the two worlds come crashing down that they are able to see the destruction. As others have stated, this was such a ridiculously skewed study. It is very like the bank robber that didn’t get caught and then asked if he regretted doing it a year later.

Variety banging... lol.

Well, I think the point that I was trying to make is that someone can catch feelings from variety banging and voluntarily upend their life for that person. I actually think that happens a lot. Maybe they will regret it, maybe they won't. They usually don't regret much because they got what they wanted and they figure that the kids will eventually be okay. They don't care about how their ex feels because they are done with them. It's an "I'm sorry you're upset" situation there.

Only 2% of men leave their wife for the OW. No matter what sweet anecdotal stories you want to report about your Aunt or somebody you read about in the paper.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That’s the rare result. Like 2%. More men are out there variety banging in midlife and in 2023 it just is too easy with the internet availability. It’s not some Bridges of Madison County love, it’s some whore they met on the internet . They don’t regret it when they think nobody is getting hurt. It’s only when the two worlds come crashing down that they are able to see the destruction. As others have stated, this was such a ridiculously skewed study. It is very like the bank robber that didn’t get caught and then asked if he regretted doing it a year later.

Variety banging... lol.

Well, I think the point that I was trying to make is that someone can catch feelings from variety banging and voluntarily upend their life for that person. I actually think that happens a lot. Maybe they will regret it, maybe they won't. They usually don't regret much because they got what they wanted and they figure that the kids will eventually be okay. They don't care about how their ex feels because they are done with them. It's an "I'm sorry you're upset" situation there.

I think you are being too harsh on cheaters. It's not that they don't care at all about how their exes feel. They care some, but they care about their urge more.

There is a difference between not caring at all and caring about their urge more than caring about their spouse's feelings.

I think some of these people don't love themselves enough so they are willing to disrupt their lives/ risk their reputations for a few moments of pleasure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did not regret my affair. I think it saved my life, actually. I was not caught and divorced on my own volition.

I'm now on my second marriage and this H cheated on me so profoundly, he gave me herpes. I was angry about it for awhile but I do not care anymore. He is abusive and awful in every way, not just cheating.

What I don't understand is the people who actually have good relationships with their spouses and still cheat despite this.

Is he the guy you cheated with?

[Anonymous]

I don’t regret it. I’ve never been caught.

I regret my marriage and regret having children with my DH.

The kindness my AP showed me - the tenderness- gave me hope. It has since ended and I would do it all over again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That’s the rare result. Like 2%. More men are out there variety banging in midlife and in 2023 it just is too easy with the internet availability. It’s not some Bridges of Madison County love, it’s some whore they met on the internet . They don’t regret it when they think nobody is getting hurt. It’s only when the two worlds come crashing down that they are able to see the destruction. As others have stated, this was such a ridiculously skewed study. It is very like the bank robber that didn’t get caught and then asked if he regretted doing it a year later.

Variety banging... lol.

Well, I think the point that I was trying to make is that someone can catch feelings from variety banging and voluntarily upend their life for that person. I actually think that happens a lot. Maybe they will regret it, maybe they won't. They usually don't regret much because they got what they wanted and they figure that the kids will eventually be okay. They don't care about how their ex feels because they are done with them. It's an "I'm sorry you're upset" situation there.

They rarely end up with what they wanted. They usually find themselves in the exact same situation but realize blowing up a relationship doesn’t fix it so they settle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t regret it. I’ve never been caught.

I regret my marriage and regret having children with my DH.

The kindness my AP showed me - the tenderness- gave me hope. It has since ended and I would do it all over again.

Gross

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have a look at the most recent NY Times "Modern Love" essay: My Spectacular Betrayal by Samantha Silva.

That woman clearly didn't regret her affair and is still with her affair partner 12 years later. In her case, she wasn't totally unhappy with her husband, she had a one night stand with her best friend's husband. Apparently, the sex was hot enough that they continued to sneak around to have it, and eventually developed feelings and then left their spouses to be together. The two couples had been friends for years. If the ONS hadn't happened, do the affair and the divorces happen? I'd think not, at least not at that time. Maybe eventually.

I think people get settled into the monotony of married life and monogamy, forget what excitement feels like, have a fling with someone else and then can't resist the dopamine high. It sucks for the spouse who is in the dark and gets left, but it's also... human. Monogamy is just really hard, and not everyone is cut out for it.

Thank you for sharing this, it's a great article. "Despite the fear and guilt, I sometimes felt a sense of expansive possibility, the exquisite beauty of being human. "

I have no dog in this fight, never had an affair and likely never will, but I'm always surprised by the black-and-white thinking that many women in this forum have about affairs. They just seem incapable of understanding nuance and complexity and human relationships. So many women posting here are straight out of the Scarlett Letter, do you even recognize yourself? You might want to read that book again

[Anonymous]

PP here. Just to clarify, I'm not talking about Hester Prynne, I'm talking about the mob of petty angry shrewish women who attacked her.

[Anonymous]

Without fail, the Stats Poster shows up with her utterly meaningless percentages. Cling to them, lady, if that's what helps you sleep at night.

PS. Your husband is cheating on you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have a look at the most recent NY Times "Modern Love" essay: My Spectacular Betrayal by Samantha Silva.

That woman clearly didn't regret her affair and is still with her affair partner 12 years later. In her case, she wasn't totally unhappy with her husband, she had a one night stand with her best friend's husband. Apparently, the sex was hot enough that they continued to sneak around to have it, and eventually developed feelings and then left their spouses to be together. The two couples had been friends for years. If the ONS hadn't happened, do the affair and the divorces happen? I'd think not, at least not at that time. Maybe eventually.

I think people get settled into the monotony of married life and monogamy, forget what excitement feels like, have a fling with someone else and then can't resist the dopamine high. It sucks for the spouse who is in the dark and gets left, but it's also... human. Monogamy is just really hard, and not everyone is cut out for it.

Thank you for sharing this, it's a great article. "Despite the fear and guilt, I sometimes felt a sense of expansive possibility, the exquisite beauty of being human. "

I have no dog in this fight, never had an affair and likely never will, but I'm always surprised by the black-and-white thinking that many women in this forum have about affairs. They just seem incapable of understanding nuance and complexity and human relationships. So many women posting here are straight out of the Scarlett Letter, do you even recognize yourself? You might want to read that book again

exactly

[Anonymous]

The feeling of being alive again, after a long period of mere existence, can be amazing.