Why is it so acceptable to alienate Dad?

[Anonymous]

I had an MRA dad like OP. My mom’s solution was to send me to boarding school at 14. She moved to a random, semi-remote location herself during that time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see it with my boyfriend, he tries to call the kids, they don't answer, he texts his XW, she doesn't respond or have kids call, rinse and repeat.

Does the custody arrangement specify phone calls? Because it's not really mom's job to make the kids call their dad. It's the dad's job to use his parenting time to build a strong enough relationship that the kids want to talk to him. Plenty of dads manage to do it.

Most custody agreements are meaningless except if you have two rational reasonable people who are willing to work together. Dad cannot have a relationship without mom's support if she refuses contact. How does he get around her? He can't.

You clearly don’t understand custody.

If he has a court order agreement he shows up and gets the kids, if she refuses you request a police stand by.

That sounds very likely to improve your relationship with your child! It's not at all embarrassing or stressful for the kid, right? You must be a super awesome dad.

They must honor commitments whether they like it or not.

They didn't make those commitments. Those commitments were made for them. Hard for them to see why they need to honor them.

Also, you've got your parenting backwards. It's not about what you prefer. It's about what's best for the kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dad wants to see his kid. Mom refuses.

How come dad doesn't have 50/50 custody, like the majority of dads who want it do nowadays?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see it with my boyfriend, he tries to call the kids, they don't answer, he texts his XW, she doesn't respond or have kids call, rinse and repeat.

Does the custody arrangement specify phone calls? Because it's not really mom's job to make the kids call their dad. It's the dad's job to use his parenting time to build a strong enough relationship that the kids want to talk to him. Plenty of dads manage to do it.

Yes, they have it in their agreement to allow one call a day at a reasonable time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see it with my boyfriend, he tries to call the kids, they don't answer, he texts his XW, she doesn't respond or have kids call, rinse and repeat.

Sounds like your boyfriend needs a secretary who can understand custody docs and plan his time appropriately for him.

Snarky much?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dad wants to see his kid. Mom refuses.

How come dad doesn't have 50/50 custody, like the majority of dads who want it do nowadays?

Because as kids age and have neighborhood friends and local activities, forcing them to visit dad in a different neighborhood gets cruel. 50/50 becomes, it's really inconvenient to got there on Thursdays because that's the day dance is late, or she wants to have friends over for a sleep over Friday, can you get her Saturday morning instead... and then dad realizes he gets a couple of days a month

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I've seen this complaint from dads, it's usually because Dad sees his visitation/custody time as something he "owns" and his right to control his child during that time. He doesn't see the time as an opportunity to be part of his kid's life.

A couple years ago there was a several page thread where a Dad was mad that his daughter was on a dance team, and the team practiced on friday nights (he had every other weekend, including friday nights.)
He didn't think his daughter should go to dance rehersal on "his" time. Instead of seeing thisn (bringing her to rehersal) as an opportunity to be part of something she loved he saw it as his ex trying to keep him from having exclusive access to his daughter during "his" time.
Some Dad's feel if their kid happens to have any hobbies, sports, time with friends, etc. on "his" time, it's some devious plot on the part of the mom to "alienate" dad.

This comes up so often with dads. Are they just total narcissists who view time as something they own and control? I don't understand the objection to a child's extracurricular activities on "his" time - why isn't it the child's time and their healthy activities take precedence over both parents' "time" - if they won't support, let the healthy parent cover the activity and resume parenting time at the conclusion of the child's activity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dad wants to see his kid. Mom refuses.

How come dad doesn't have 50/50 custody, like the majority of dads who want it do nowadays?

Because as kids age and have neighborhood friends and local activities, forcing them to visit dad in a different neighborhood gets cruel. 50/50 becomes, it's really inconvenient to got there on Thursdays because that's the day dance is late, or she wants to have friends over for a sleep over Friday, can you get her Saturday morning instead... and then dad realizes he gets a couple of days a month

My ex-husband and I have 50/50, and if dc does activities on his time, he handles them. There's no reason a 50/50 parent can't handle stuff on their time. He gets her 50% of the time. It's not a problem for most people. I'm not sure how dad would " realize ' all of a sudden that he was only getting a few days a month

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dad wants to see his kid. Mom refuses.

How come dad doesn't have 50/50 custody, like the majority of dads who want it do nowadays?

Because as kids age and have neighborhood friends and local activities, forcing them to visit dad in a different neighborhood gets cruel. 50/50 becomes, it's really inconvenient to got there on Thursdays because that's the day dance is late, or she wants to have friends over for a sleep over Friday, can you get her Saturday morning instead... and then dad realizes he gets a couple of days a month

Why can't dad take her to/pick her up from dance? Why can't she have a sleepover at dad's house?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dad wants to see his kid. Mom refuses.

How come dad doesn't have 50/50 custody, like the majority of dads who want it do nowadays?

Because as kids age and have neighborhood friends and local activities, forcing them to visit dad in a different neighborhood gets cruel. 50/50 becomes, it's really inconvenient to got there on Thursdays because that's the day dance is late, or she wants to have friends over for a sleep over Friday, can you get her Saturday morning instead... and then dad realizes he gets a couple of days a month

Why can't dad take her to/pick her up from dance? Why can't she have a sleepover at dad's house?

Because dad lives a half hour away in a bachelor's apartment? Not everyone can afford to maintain two households

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had an MRA dad like OP. My mom’s solution was to send me to boarding school at 14. She moved to a random, semi-remote location herself during that time.

That's pretty terrible she didn't want to be bothered parenting you but wouldn't let your Dad parent you either. Ever stop to think your mom was the issue?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dad wants to see his kid. Mom refuses.

How come dad doesn't have 50/50 custody, like the majority of dads who want it do nowadays?

Because as kids age and have neighborhood friends and local activities, forcing them to visit dad in a different neighborhood gets cruel. 50/50 becomes, it's really inconvenient to got there on Thursdays because that's the day dance is late, or she wants to have friends over for a sleep over Friday, can you get her Saturday morning instead... and then dad realizes he gets a couple of days a month

Why can't dad take her to/pick her up from dance? Why can't she have a sleepover at dad's house?

Friends and activities don't take importance over family. If you are teaching your kids that, the values are completely off. Dad doesn't get a couple of days a month if Mom schedules everything on Dad's weekends and refuses to let the kids go as their friends and activities are more important?

Majority of Dads do want their kids and custody. Mom's don't want it because it impacts child support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dad wants to see his kid. Mom refuses.

How come dad doesn't have 50/50 custody, like the majority of dads who want it do nowadays?

Because as kids age and have neighborhood friends and local activities, forcing them to visit dad in a different neighborhood gets cruel. 50/50 becomes, it's really inconvenient to got there on Thursdays because that's the day dance is late, or she wants to have friends over for a sleep over Friday, can you get her Saturday morning instead... and then dad realizes he gets a couple of days a month

If you feel the kids should be with their friends and activities as a mom you can give custody to dad and just see them a few times a month since you think living with one parent is important and just casual visits to the other every few weeks is ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dad wants to see his kid. Mom refuses.

How come dad doesn't have 50/50 custody, like the majority of dads who want it do nowadays?

Because as kids age and have neighborhood friends and local activities, forcing them to visit dad in a different neighborhood gets cruel. 50/50 becomes, it's really inconvenient to got there on Thursdays because that's the day dance is late, or she wants to have friends over for a sleep over Friday, can you get her Saturday morning instead... and then dad realizes he gets a couple of days a month

Why can't dad take her to/pick her up from dance? Why can't she have a sleepover at dad's house?

Friends and activities don't take importance over family. If you are teaching your kids that, the values are completely off. Dad doesn't get a couple of days a month if Mom schedules everything on Dad's weekends and refuses to let the kids go as their friends and activities are more important?

Majority of Dads do want their kids and custody. Mom's don't want it because it impacts child support.

In the majority of cases, mom isn't "scheduling" anything. Many many sports and other activities have set days/times for practice. Mom has NO control over it. If the kid wants to do the activity, they have to to the set days and times. The entire league, team, every other family involved is not going to adjust their schedule to accommodate Dad demanding "his time" exclusively for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see it with my boyfriend, he tries to call the kids, they don't answer, he texts his XW, she doesn't respond or have kids call, rinse and repeat.

Does the custody arrangement specify phone calls? Because it's not really mom's job to make the kids call their dad. It's the dad's job to use his parenting time to build a strong enough relationship that the kids want to talk to him. Plenty of dads manage to do it.

Most custody agreements are meaningless except if you have two rational reasonable people who are willing to work together. Dad cannot have a relationship without mom's support if she refuses contact. How does he get around her? He can't.

What? I would be in contempt if I refused the measly visitation that my ex requested. Not that I ever refused him a chance to see his child. I think he is a despicable human but our child needs him so I would never refuse visitation or put my son in that situaion. It is not my job to make you look good to your child.

By contrast my BF is an amazing father. His kids prefer him to their mom because he has been the adult and the parent in their life. They live with him full time and I absolutely love him for it.