Good friend canceled on us to be with her SO

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP, would you have felt better if she had canceled due to weather, without mentioning the plans with her BF? I think it's reasonable of her to not want to be stuck indoors with multiple houseguests for the weekend (it's not like you all made plans to see a show or had other time-specific plans), but characterizing this as "I got a better offer" is crappy.

How did she characterize it as a better offer? All she said was he had already paid for it?

But why did he pay for it if she already had plans that weekend?

Because men don't listen to or remember what women tell them. Tale as old as time.

This. It’s not her fault the boyfriend changed plans. I could see if she had said she decide to go with him instead last minute but this was already preplanned and paid for by the boyfriend.

She could have told the boyfriend the change of plans didn't work for her and that he should have discussed the change with her before committing money. She didn't want to - she'd rather go on a romantic getaway with her boyfriend than play hostess on a rainy weekend in hew own house - which is understandable but it's also understandable that it makes her friends feel like they got ditched.

This. Everyone sucks here—boyfriend for spending money on something that conflicted with his girlfriend’s plan, girlfriend for not pointing this out to him and staying faithful to her original plans, and OP, for acting a bit entitled and whiny.

Go read OP’s update. This was completely out of the boyfriend and friend’s control. Other people were relying on them to pay for their portion of the trip.

So they find a different weekend they all can go.

Oh so you mean leave the other couples to pony up more money to cover the difference so the friend can stay in the house with the friends? Screw over many people financially to do nothing at home? Got it

First, OP said the money had already been spent. So the other couples are not being screwed over financially. But also, we don’t know that there isn’t some flexibility in the booking. We don’t know very much at all. Neither does OP. My point is that if seeing her friends was truly important to her, she would find a way, even if it meant sending the boyfriend off to the lake house and eating part of the cost. Like if my best friend were visiting from Chicago, wild horses wouldn’t drag me away from that visit, no matter how much my husband had paid. So unfortunately what we’ve learned here is that OP’s friend doesn’t really value her much.

If all the couples paid their portion for the lake house to rent and a couple decides to back out other people would have to pay the difference to cover it.

Again, you’re saying have other people eat the cost (boyfriend and other couples) all so she can sit in the house to do nothing and host for millionth time? As I said, no that’s stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She definitely handled it poorly and double booked. She’s also in the start of a romance. I think we can all relate to what that feels like. I would be annoyed but, I would also cut her slack. Go to New York, and have fun and maybe stay at a cheap hotel.

She is not “in the start of a romance.” They’ve been on and off for 3 years. Frankly doesn’t seem like much of a relationship to me. OP’s friend sounds like a doormat.

I know I said I don’t like him but my friend isn’t a doormat. He is absolutely crazy about her. In fact, I know he loves her more than she loves him but I told her the first day I met him that I didn’t like him and have made no bones about it. We were at her cousin’s wedding and a guest asked her about her boyfriend and I let the guest know she could do much better. She got mad at me and said it wasn’t my business to tell other people but I wanted her to know how I felt.

Wow, you are so immature and judgmental. I wouldn’t even want to be friends with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, get over it. Your friend wants to get laid in a nice place and actually be the one to get away for once.

So much this. Grow up!

Plan for another time.

x10000

[Anonymous]

Get over it. Sounds like you are mad you don’t get your free apartment in the city this weekend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She definitely handled it poorly and double booked. She’s also in the start of a romance. I think we can all relate to what that feels like. I would be annoyed but, I would also cut her slack. Go to New York, and have fun and maybe stay at a cheap hotel.

She is not “in the start of a romance.” They’ve been on and off for 3 years. Frankly doesn’t seem like much of a relationship to me. OP’s friend sounds like a doormat.

I know I said I don’t like him but my friend isn’t a doormat. He is absolutely crazy about her. In fact, I know he loves her more than she loves him but I told her the first day I met him that I didn’t like him and have made no bones about it. We were at her cousin’s wedding and a guest asked her about her boyfriend and I let the guest know she could do much better. She got mad at me and said it wasn’t my business to tell other people but I wanted her to know how I felt.

Wow, you are so immature and judgmental. I wouldn’t even want to be friends with you.

How is that immature and judgmental? If your friend deserves better what’s the problem with letting them know? I’ve only said it a couple of times to her throughout the years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She definitely handled it poorly and double booked. She’s also in the start of a romance. I think we can all relate to what that feels like. I would be annoyed but, I would also cut her slack. Go to New York, and have fun and maybe stay at a cheap hotel.

She is not “in the start of a romance.” They’ve been on and off for 3 years. Frankly doesn’t seem like much of a relationship to me. OP’s friend sounds like a doormat.

I know I said I don’t like him but my friend isn’t a doormat. He is absolutely crazy about her. In fact, I know he loves her more than she loves him but I told her the first day I met him that I didn’t like him and have made no bones about it. We were at her cousin’s wedding and a guest asked her about her boyfriend and I let the guest know she could do much better. She got mad at me and said it wasn’t my business to tell other people but I wanted her to know how I felt.

WOW. Just wow. You are really a terrible friend. It's one thing to share with your friend - it's another to go around broadcasting to anyone that will listen how much you despise him and how she can do "better". You sound like a hater and jealous or miserable all around. Your friend should drop you instead of the BF. She does deserve better - a better friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know it sucks but if he already paid for something then what was she supposed to do? She was going to have disappoint someone unfortunately. IMO, I’d rather not disappoint the person whose money is involved.

You people are all really missing the point.

The weekend girls' trip had been planned first. So the BF was a jerk to schedule something at the same time. And they were going to leave on Sunday but then talked about leaving earlier, so it's not like he had booked plane tickets as a surprise and couldn't change them.

Since it was going to be raining, and the visitors just wanted to stay inside, why shouldn’t the friend and her bf go on Friday? Who wants to sit around all day?

OP, do you and your friends ever go to NYC and treat your friend to a nice hotel stay? Hosting takes work.

[Anonymous]

ESH

[Anonymous]

I swear this has been posted before.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She definitely handled it poorly and double booked. She’s also in the start of a romance. I think we can all relate to what that feels like. I would be annoyed but, I would also cut her slack. Go to New York, and have fun and maybe stay at a cheap hotel.

She is not “in the start of a romance.” They’ve been on and off for 3 years. Frankly doesn’t seem like much of a relationship to me. OP’s friend sounds like a doormat.

I know I said I don’t like him but my friend isn’t a doormat. He is absolutely crazy about her. In fact, I know he loves her more than she loves him but I told her the first day I met him that I didn’t like him and have made no bones about it. We were at her cousin’s wedding and a guest asked her about her boyfriend and I let the guest know she could do much better. She got mad at me and said it wasn’t my business to tell other people but I wanted her to know how I felt.

Wow, you are so immature and judgmental. I wouldn’t even want to be friends with you.

How is that immature and judgmental? If your friend deserves better what’s the problem with letting them know? I’ve only said it a couple of times to her throughout the years.

Because you are disrespectful to your friend. She doesn’t need you to inform the world that she could do better.

If the BF was going to be at the apartment, and you all were going to just hang out there, I don’t blame your friend for cancelling given how you talk about him. It’s really none of your business who she dates. You are not her parent. You sound obnoxious and bossy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She definitely handled it poorly and double booked. She’s also in the start of a romance. I think we can all relate to what that feels like. I would be annoyed but, I would also cut her slack. Go to New York, and have fun and maybe stay at a cheap hotel.

She is not “in the start of a romance.” They’ve been on and off for 3 years. Frankly doesn’t seem like much of a relationship to me. OP’s friend sounds like a doormat.

I know I said I don’t like him but my friend isn’t a doormat. He is absolutely crazy about her. In fact, I know he loves her more than she loves him but I told her the first day I met him that I didn’t like him and have made no bones about it. We were at her cousin’s wedding and a guest asked her about her boyfriend and I let the guest know she could do much better. She got mad at me and said it wasn’t my business to tell other people but I wanted her to know how I felt.

WOW. Just wow. You are really a terrible friend. It's one thing to share with your friend - it's another to go around broadcasting to anyone that will listen how much you despise him and how she can do "better". You sound like a hater and jealous or miserable all around. Your friend should drop you instead of the BF. She does deserve better - a better friend.

It sounds worse than it actually was. Her other cousin brought his new girlfriend. It was our first time meeting her so we were chatting with her for a ver long time and I think I just got a little too comfortable. We were drinking the and the girlfriend is very very easy to talk to. So the girlfriend turned to my friend and said she looked smitten to which she said she was and then asked if my friend wanted to marry him. My friend said yes, they were in couples therapy to iron out conflicting communication styles but still wanted to get married. When she brought up them going to therapy I said, “Finally. It’s taken him years to get there. I told her she can do better than him”. After we left she said she was that sure I didn’t mean to do it maliciously but it wasn’t my place and it was her business and that she never judged me for who I’ve dated. I told her I knew that I messed up but I just wanted the best for her and for her to tell me if the tables were turned. She said no, she wouldn’t and hadn’t when I was with my ex who admittedly was terrible. She said she would want me to always feel like I could come to her and not be judged, then reiterated she wouldn’t have done what I did. I apologized and moved on from it and continued to have a good night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know it sucks but if he already paid for something then what was she supposed to do? She was going to have disappoint someone unfortunately. IMO, I’d rather not disappoint the person whose money is involved.

You people are all really missing the point.

The weekend girls' trip had been planned first. So the BF was a jerk to schedule something at the same time. And they were going to leave on Sunday but then talked about leaving earlier, so it's not like he had booked plane tickets as a surprise and couldn't change them.

Since it was going to be raining, and the visitors just wanted to stay inside, why shouldn’t the friend and her bf go on Friday? Who wants to sit around all day?

OP, do you and your friends ever go to NYC and treat your friend to a nice hotel stay? Hosting takes work.

All of this. Hosting gets tiresome and plans were ruined because of the rain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't really blame her. She handled it poorly but I can understand not wanting to host people in my home when the weather is miserable - it dramatically increases the amount of cleaning, cooking, and hosting to have everyone in your home for the whole weekend compared to being out on the town but just sleeping at the home. I think you are disappointed because you are not getting to stay in her nice house. If you want to go to the city that weekend and just hang out, get a hotel. It doesn't really sound like you are upset about not seeing her just the loss of a free place to stay.

BINGO. OP just uses her friend. I read the update where OP refused to answer her friend’s call or text. I’d drop OP like a hot potato. Everyone loves being a guest sometimes, even if in the country. The OP is just mad her free NYC stay is cancelled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She definitely handled it poorly and double booked. She’s also in the start of a romance. I think we can all relate to what that feels like. I would be annoyed but, I would also cut her slack. Go to New York, and have fun and maybe stay at a cheap hotel.

She is not “in the start of a romance.” They’ve been on and off for 3 years. Frankly doesn’t seem like much of a relationship to me. OP’s friend sounds like a doormat.

I know I said I don’t like him but my friend isn’t a doormat. He is absolutely crazy about her. In fact, I know he loves her more than she loves him but I told her the first day I met him that I didn’t like him and have made no bones about it. We were at her cousin’s wedding and a guest asked her about her boyfriend and I let the guest know she could do much better. She got mad at me and said it wasn’t my business to tell other people but I wanted her to know how I felt.

WOW. Just wow. You are really a terrible friend. It's one thing to share with your friend - it's another to go around broadcasting to anyone that will listen how much you despise him and how she can do "better". You sound like a hater and jealous or miserable all around. Your friend should drop you instead of the BF. She does deserve better - a better friend.

It sounds worse than it actually was. Her other cousin brought his new girlfriend. It was our first time meeting her so we were chatting with her for a ver long time and I think I just got a little too comfortable. We were drinking the and the girlfriend is very very easy to talk to. So the girlfriend turned to my friend and said she looked smitten to which she said she was and then asked if my friend wanted to marry him. My friend said yes, they were in couples therapy to iron out conflicting communication styles but still wanted to get married. When she brought up them going to therapy I said, “Finally. It’s taken him years to get there. I told her she can do better than him”. After we left she said she was that sure I didn’t mean to do it maliciously but it wasn’t my place and it was her business and that she never judged me for who I’ve dated. I told her I knew that I messed up but I just wanted the best for her and for her to tell me if the tables were turned. She said no, she wouldn’t and hadn’t when I was with my ex who admittedly was terrible. She said she would want me to always feel like I could come to her and not be judged, then reiterated she wouldn’t have done what I did. I apologized and moved on from it and continued to have a good night.

You are back tracking.

[Anonymous]

So you want to go to your friend’s house and just hang out which probably means eat her food, drink her alcohol, require/expect her to set up sleeping spaces and you wonder why she’d prefer to spend the weekend cuddled up with her boyfriend at a lake house? You ladies sound like a bunch of locusts.

I’m also not a fan of “we all don’t like him”, really? I get the sense you wouldn’t like any of her boyfriends since it means she would be doing healthy couple things that don’t involve you.

I’m also wondering what you’d have done if she’d told you earlier that she had plans, would you all tag team texting her about how she was “letting us all down” how “we were all looking so forward to seeing you” “My husband even got time off work so I could come see you”, your dynamic sounds like she’d never hear the end of it.

On a side note, I would stay as far away from drunk women as I could if I was this woman’s boyfriend.. way too easy for one of you to imply I did something creepy.
If you ladies like the city so much, you can.. buy/rent a place there.