We had to move my mom in with us and it may wreck my marriage - advice needed

[Anonymous]

I'd put my husband out before I'd put my mother out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you build her an accessory dwelling unit? Also called "granny flat". Keep an eye out, ake care of her, but have some boundaries.

Average price is $250k.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would it help if you asked her to pay rent to get a hold of her shopping habit? You could put the money aside and use it for when she needs nursing home care. The main goal is to avoid the money going to Amazon and qvc and avoid overloading your home with cheap crap.

This. You have to get control of the money to stop the buying and hoarding.
The passive aggressive comments have to stop. Speak to her directly about it. “Stop interfering.” “Your comment is rude. Either stop or we will find a different place for you to live.” My guess is that you haven’t gone nuclear on her because she’ll respond with crying and pouting. Be okay with that.
As another poster said, you could look at a studio apartment.

Did OP mention her mother was passive aggressive?

Yes, and OP said she is a spender + hoarder. Read the thread. There are not that many comments.

I read the thread, doofus. There are no posts about it.

Yes, there are, doofus. OP screwed up the formatting, so it’s in the blue box rather than the white text field.

You’re welcome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would look for more of a senior community nearby for her so that she has people her age to socialize with. And if you are subsidizing I would take over her finances and put her on a cash card only budget, and block online shopping on her devices.

And what if OP's mom does not allow OP to take over the finances?

Them she no longer is welcome to live under OP’s roof.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn't you have moved her into a Medicaid facility?

Like a nursing home? Are there Medicaid independent living facilities?

No, you have to qualify to need nursing care. There is low income senior housing but I think the waitlist is long and varies by area.

My dad thankfully has a paid for small house in a lcol area, because he definitely could not live with us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd put my husband out before I'd put my mother out.

Then you married the wrong person.

[Anonymous]

This is your mother!!! Take care of her. People in this country astound me and then they wonder why there are so many mass shootings. There is zero sense of community and filial obligations. People are alone and isolated and they go crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is your mother!!! Take care of her. People in this country astound me and then they wonder why there are so many mass shootings. There is zero sense of community and filial obligations. People are alone and isolated and they go crazy.

It sounds like OP is taking care of her mother. Finding affordable housing for her would also qualify as taking care of her mother in this situation. Her mother isn't disabled or needing home care, she's just been irresponsible with her money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you build her an accessory dwelling unit? Also called "granny flat". Keep an eye out, ake care of her, but have some boundaries.

Average price is $250k.

ridiculous. It is not. Ben a top og the line tiny home is $100k

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is your mother!!! Take care of her. People in this country astound me and then they wonder why there are so many mass shootings. There is zero sense of community and filial obligations. People are alone and isolated and they go crazy.

Not everyone has parents who cares for them or took care of them or did anything for them. Some were straight up abused or neglected. Check your bubble.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn't you have moved her into a Medicaid facility?

Like a nursing home? Are there Medicaid independent living facilities?

No, you have to qualify to need nursing care. There is low income senior housing but I think the waitlist is long and varies by area.

My dad thankfully has a paid for small house in a lcol area, because he definitely could not live with us.

My MIL did much the same as OP's mother, despite her children begging her for years to stop spending so much and save for retirement. She currently lives in a very nice building in Oak Park, Illinois. It's a great location. I would be happy to live there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is your mother!!! Take care of her. People in this country astound me and then they wonder why there are so many mass shootings. There is zero sense of community and filial obligations. People are alone and isolated and they go crazy.

FFS. OP isn't suggesting not taking care of his mother. He asking for help on how to take care of his mother, while saving his marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn't you have moved her into a Medicaid facility?

She's not going to qualify with 60K in savings for Medicaid. And it's not that simple. (NP)

She could private pay and spend down that 60k very quickly, yes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn't you have moved her into a Medicaid facility?

She's not going to qualify with 60K in savings for Medicaid. And it's not that simple. (NP)

She could private pay and spend down that 60k very quickly, yes?

Medicaid usually requires you need assistance with more than one of the 6 ADL’s (activities for daily living). They are:

Bathing
Dressing
Eating
Transferring
Toileting
Continence

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Again with this?

It’s never a good idea to do this, OP, there are tons of threads on the subject.

Put her on the list for a Medicare home.

Medicaid