So tired of MIL acting like she’s the hostess in my home

[Anonymous]

MIL is stepping in because of OP’s weird, stringent food rules. If you have house guests, feed them. “We eat at 5” and not allowing food and drink otherwise is being a bad host.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every time MIL visits, it’s the same thing. Because our house is centrally located and we have lots of space, we host a lot of holidays, including overnight visitors. DH and I always have the house professionally cleaned, it is nicely decorated, and we stock up on lots of food and beverages. Meals are planned and prepared and get lots of compliments. It is a lot of work.

I can’t stand how MIL fusses over things, gets in the way, messes with our flow and our plans, and offers me things in my own home. *I* set up coffee and am hard at work making breakfast for everyone, and when it’s all set out, she offers it to me as if she has made it. She starts offering people wine and snacks at 3 p.m., when DH and I serve those things at 5 p.m. Then she gets miffed when DH says “No, mom, we’re going to do X and Y at 5 o’clock, and that wine is actually for dinner.” She never sits down and acts like a guest. And no, she doesn’t bring dishes or wine or anything, and doesn’t offer to do anything actually helpful. She basically tries to run our show, but doesn’t actually bring so much as a side dish or an extra bottle of red. I’m so over it.

I'd expect drinks and appetizers out and ready when guests arrive. Do you actually starve your guests and prohibit wine or beer till 5pm? If so, your MIL is a hero.

Definitely. OP sounds stingy AF. Buy more wine if that’s what the people want. Why do you have only enough for dinner?

OP here. Because we were serving specific wine with dinner. We had other wine, beer, cocktails and non-alcoholic beverages for cocktail hour.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MIL is stepping in because of OP’s weird, stringent food rules. If you have house guests, feed them. “We eat at 5” and not allowing food and drink otherwise is being a bad host.

Are you really unable to read? I have said numerous times that I am hosting houseguests for multiple days. We serve breakfast, lunch, cocktail hour with appetizers and dinner, and the kitchen is open any time someone wants anything. But you tried it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It just sounds like a weird quirk of hers. Or she’s got some weird way of trying to piss you off. Either way, “Thanks, Martha, I’ll get some when I’m done x.” She might be jealous that you have your entertaining ish together when she never did.

As far as MIL quirks go, hers isn’t too toxic.

Sure, I get this in response to the offering of the casserole. But what about when she’s pulling out wine and snacks to serve everyone at 3pm when OP and her husband set that wine aside for dinner? My guess is that OP and her husband have created a menu and timing, and MIL steps in to make a different plan. I’m picturing her making some announcement like “Okay everyone, let’s move to the porch where we can have some fabulous chocolate cake and coffee,” when, in fact, OP had planned to serve the cake the next day.

“Sorry, Martha, that’s for dinner. Snacks are…”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It just sounds like a weird quirk of hers. Or she’s got some weird way of trying to piss you off. Either way, “Thanks, Martha, I’ll get some when I’m done x.” She might be jealous that you have your entertaining ish together when she never did.

As far as MIL quirks go, hers isn’t too toxic.

Sure, I get this in response to the offering of the casserole. But what about when she’s pulling out wine and snacks to serve everyone at 3pm when OP and her husband set that wine aside for dinner? My guess is that OP and her husband have created a menu and timing, and MIL steps in to make a different plan. I’m picturing her making some announcement like “Okay everyone, let’s move to the porch where we can have some fabulous chocolate cake and coffee,” when, in fact, OP had planned to serve the cake the next day.

“Sorry, Martha, that’s for dinner. Snacks are…”

Yes, OP’s husband is stepping in and saying this. The issue is that it keeps happening and is annoying to both OP and her spouse. It’s not a one-off, but a regular occurrence every holiday weekend or event where they host.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL is stepping in because of OP’s weird, stringent food rules. If you have house guests, feed them. “We eat at 5” and not allowing food and drink otherwise is being a bad host.

Are you really unable to read? I have said numerous times that I am hosting houseguests for multiple days. We serve breakfast, lunch, cocktail hour with appetizers and dinner, and the kitchen is open any time someone wants anything. But you tried it!

Oh yes, I see now that you posted almost this same exact comment earlier! There is no way that someone like you is the easy-going hostess you’re trying to portray yourself as. You’re being too controlling with what and when your houseguests can eat/drink. Your MIL feels the need to step in, apparently with good reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL is stepping in because of OP’s weird, stringent food rules. If you have house guests, feed them. “We eat at 5” and not allowing food and drink otherwise is being a bad host.

Are you really unable to read? I have said numerous times that I am hosting houseguests for multiple days. We serve breakfast, lunch, cocktail hour with appetizers and dinner, and the kitchen is open any time someone wants anything. But you tried it!

Oh yes, I see now that you posted almost this same exact comment earlier! There is no way that someone like you is the easy-going hostess you’re trying to portray yourself as. You’re being too controlling with what and when your houseguests can eat/drink. Your MIL feels the need to step in, apparently with good reason.

Disagree. MIL is a guest. A guest does not start offering others wine and snacks. She’s certainly welcome to ask for it. But to start serving it as if she is the host? No.
Team OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Isn't dinner at 5 or 5:30? If I had to starve until 5 or 5:30 to finally get a few cheese slices, I'd never come back.

Are you three years old?

No, but it's a big gathering, not a busy work night. They show up around 2 or 3, have appetizers and booze until dinner at 5 or 5:30pm, offer dessert an hour after dinner, circa 7pm, can do it buffet. Then sit around hang out. By 8pm, everybody has been there 5+ hours already and some might be ready to go home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Isn't dinner at 5 or 5:30? If I had to starve until 5 or 5:30 to finally get a few cheese slices, I'd never come back.

Are you three years old?

No, but it's a big gathering, not a busy work night. They show up around 2 or 3, have appetizers and booze until dinner at 5 or 5:30pm, offer dessert an hour after dinner, circa 7pm, can do it buffet. Then sit around hang out. By 8pm, everybody has been there 5+ hours already and some might be ready to go home.

and really, the most fun part is the chatting over drinks and appetizers before dinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL is stepping in because of OP’s weird, stringent food rules. If you have house guests, feed them. “We eat at 5” and not allowing food and drink otherwise is being a bad host.

Are you really unable to read? I have said numerous times that I am hosting houseguests for multiple days. We serve breakfast, lunch, cocktail hour with appetizers and dinner, and the kitchen is open any time someone wants anything. But you tried it!

Oh yes, I see now that you posted almost this same exact comment earlier! There is no way that someone like you is the easy-going hostess you’re trying to portray yourself as. You’re being too controlling with what and when your houseguests can eat/drink. Your MIL feels the need to step in, apparently with good reason.

Disagree. MIL is a guest. A guest does not start offering others wine and snacks. She’s certainly welcome to ask for it. But to start serving it as if she is the host? No.
Team OP!

She is also serving it to OP…she knows she’s not the host. She’s trying to be helpful to her host, trying to take something off her hands, and OP is being a childish ass.

[Anonymous]

Do you have a sense of why this bothers you? It seems extremely harmless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL is stepping in because of OP’s weird, stringent food rules. If you have house guests, feed them. “We eat at 5” and not allowing food and drink otherwise is being a bad host.

Are you really unable to read? I have said numerous times that I am hosting houseguests for multiple days. We serve breakfast, lunch, cocktail hour with appetizers and dinner, and the kitchen is open any time someone wants anything. But you tried it!

Oh yes, I see now that you posted almost this same exact comment earlier! There is no way that someone like you is the easy-going hostess you’re trying to portray yourself as. You’re being too controlling with what and when your houseguests can eat/drink. Your MIL feels the need to step in, apparently with good reason.

This. Why else would it not be ok to open wine at 3?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL is stepping in because of OP’s weird, stringent food rules. If you have house guests, feed them. “We eat at 5” and not allowing food and drink otherwise is being a bad host.

Are you really unable to read? I have said numerous times that I am hosting houseguests for multiple days. We serve breakfast, lunch, cocktail hour with appetizers and dinner, and the kitchen is open any time someone wants anything. But you tried it!

Oh yes, I see now that you posted almost this same exact comment earlier! There is no way that someone like you is the easy-going hostess you’re trying to portray yourself as. You’re being too controlling with what and when your houseguests can eat/drink. Your MIL feels the need to step in, apparently with good reason.

This. Why else would it not be ok to open wine at 3?

Can you read? Husband had to step in to say, “No mom, that’s the wine we’re serving at dinner.”
Would any of you go to someone’s home and start opening wine and serving it to other guests at 3pm? Seriously?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL is stepping in because of OP’s weird, stringent food rules. If you have house guests, feed them. “We eat at 5” and not allowing food and drink otherwise is being a bad host.

Are you really unable to read? I have said numerous times that I am hosting houseguests for multiple days. We serve breakfast, lunch, cocktail hour with appetizers and dinner, and the kitchen is open any time someone wants anything. But you tried it!

Oh yes, I see now that you posted almost this same exact comment earlier! There is no way that someone like you is the easy-going hostess you’re trying to portray yourself as. You’re being too controlling with what and when your houseguests can eat/drink. Your MIL feels the need to step in, apparently with good reason.

This. Why else would it not be ok to open wine at 3?

Can you read? Husband had to step in to say, “No mom, that’s the wine we’re serving at dinner.”
Would any of you go to someone’s home and start opening wine and serving it to other guests at 3pm? Seriously?

I wouldn’t have a single, very special bottle of wine that could not be opened for my house guests. I would have plenty of food and wine available, and save that specific bottle until dinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Isn't dinner at 5 or 5:30? If I had to starve until 5 or 5:30 to finally get a few cheese slices, I'd never come back.

Are you 85? We are hosting multiple houseguests for multiple days. We serve breakfast around 7, lunch around 12, cocktail hour at 5, dinner around 6/6:30. And the kitchen is open all day. Who is starving?!

No, I am 48, and my relatives throw "holidays" for about 30-75 people, maybe 10 trays of appetizers, a full size bar with 15 stools and booze flowing, oh I forgot the bar has 5-10 more appetizers, fully stocked, real arcade games, poker table going, movie room going, and then yes we have dinner at 5:30, they have catering equipment, some have sternos going for heat, maybe main dish is a few 19 pound turkeys, all homemade sides. Nobody has to fuss about getting food or serving it. It's just there everywhere the entire freaking time. You did say you throw holidays. Booze is not rationed to cocktail hour, food is not saved for a particular time slot. You are a weirdo. Even if guests stay for the day before or after the holiday, it's polite to leave out food for people to snack on and drinks mid-afternoon. I use an island to display chips, nuts, cheeses, crackers. After 2 days maybe I drop the cheeses. Who doesn't do that? Who sets an hour for when drinks and snacks are permitted? I know some hotels offer a cocktail hour, but that's different.