How to help teen who lost all their elem-mid school friends because of rumors and bullying, canceled

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Send your kid back to school, they’ll find new friends that aren’t raised by wolves.

How do you know what the problem was? What if OP's kid was harassing a girl or what if OP's kid assaulted a girl. Getting dropped by every one of their friends should be a clue that OP's kid did something very far outside of the bounds of acceptable behavior

You’re talking “DC” terms of acceptable. DC doesn’t function like the rest of America.

It actually does. There are tons of boys how are d-bags and still have friends. OP's kid did something bad enough that kids they had been friends with for years dropped them.

DP.. girls are particularly catty and nasty to each other. Boys are rough and slam each other, and then go back to normal. I have two teens - boy and girl. I hear what my DS says to his friends, and I find it a bit shocking, but DS says it's fine, they all talk to each other this way. I asked DH if this is normal for teen boys, and he said yes, boys are like that to each other.

Girls, oth, are much more emotional and catty, and will socially outcast you at the drop of a hat.

OP's DD may have said something that one of the friends took exception to, but girls are also less tolerant. Maybe it's because they are conditioned to behave properly, don't say things that are rude or will hurt feelings, but boys are just boys, and when they say rude things to each other, that's just boys behaving like boys, and they don't mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This culture is alive in schools, it's just hidden from everyone and wrapped in the social justice culture in our public schools. Although the intent seems correct, many people get caught up and hurt by it. For more information, please visit: https://www.nytimes.com/2019/10/31/style/cancel-culture.html. In my child's situation, it wasn't related to rape or anything as severe as nude, but more in the lines of having a Christian value set and experiencing blowback about that, resulting in rumors being started about them being racist and bigoted.

Well, there are a lot of "Christian value set" people who are, in fact, racist and bigoted. I don't support children being "canceled" because their parents (you) taught them to be bigots, but this should be a wakeup call for your child that the beliefs they learned at home are not socially acceptable.

Perhaps teach your kid that in America we have freedom of speech, and faith. Trying to make everyone believe just like you is bigoted.

Don't give me that crap. It's not "intolerant" to tell you that if your kid says bigoted things, people won't want to be friends with them. Don't be such a snowflake. Own your bigotry and accept the consequences for your choices.

The freedoms you listed are granted by the Constitution to the people, not by other people to the people. You are free to say and believe whatever you want. I am free to tell you that I think you're a bigot for your beliefs. I'm not trying to get you to believe anything. I just think it's important that you understand that if you express beliefs that are hateful and intolerant, you can expect social repercussions because it's 2023 and bigotry is not socially acceptable the way you want it to be.

Yeah, no. It is an entirely new and terrifying thing that a kid could make one mistake and be instantly ostracized by the entire peer group in a highly visible manner. Especially since the “mistake” may have been unintentional (see: the Walls “racist” incident.) Even if OP’s daughter said/did something offensive, my guess is that she is not David Duke. The entire school ganging up on her is not right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh Good Lord. It's so easy to get canceled. My daughter was called a fascist because she said she wants to be a prosecutor. She isn't on social media so she wasn't publicly called out, but she was dropped from the group chat. For saying she wanting to be a prosecutor.

So don't assume OP's kid did something heinous. It could have been something as subtle as expressing the wrong political opinion or accidentally misgendering someone.

There is a difference between getting dropped from a group chat and getting dropped by every one of your friends

So your position is that if op’s child is being ostracized by her friend group, she must have done something to deserve it?

My position is that for someone who people have known since elementary school to be ostracized by all of their friends usually requires a reason. It's one think to drop someone from a group chat or cut them out of a wider friend group, but when everyone including best friends dumps them, there is a reason.

NP: If OP’s kid somehow tangled or offended a kid who has strong leadership qualities (a “queen bee” or male equivalent) it is TOTALLY plausible that the OP’s kid is not nearly as at fault as people would think. For example, my DS played a sport in middle school and ended up winning a starting position on a particular sports team. The position was something very specific on the team (not a soccer goalie, but similar). The problem? He won the position and started over the very popular “male queen bee” type kid…which put him on that kid’s sh!t list. Kid turned pretty much the whole sports group against my kid, which escalated into the same treatment at school as well (and brought more kids into it). My son didn’t do anything to deserve it. It is very very easy for a powerful kid to target another kid (and get everyone to follow along) at certain ages…middle school is prime for this type of behavior. My son is fine and made new friends- fortunately this happened at a transition year (8th grade) and it largely blew over socially. And DS quit his sport.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:wow you people are nasty and your kids are no different. so glad we moved abroad. what a hell hole the US has become.

Seriously. This thread is appalling. Op, I hope you’re able to take advice from the handful of people who offered it. The rest of the posters should be ashamed of themselves.

+1

This thread is horrifying. I have new insight into where bullies come from, I guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:wow you people are nasty and your kids are no different. so glad we moved abroad. what a hell hole the US has become.

Seriously. This thread is appalling. Op, I hope you’re able to take advice from the handful of people who offered it. The rest of the posters should be ashamed of themselves.

+1

This thread is horrifying. I have new insight into where bullies come from, I guess.

+2

Horrid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do something deeply unlikeable, and shocker, nobody is going to like you.

yes, conform conform conform always walk in lockstep with others. what was that, the land of the free? what a joke.

Being “nonconformist” means wearing doc martens or ballet flats, not being a homophobe.

Why do people keep inferring that OP’s kid is homophobic or racist etc?! That was a different reply, not OP.

OP has not provided any additional info about what her kid did

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do something deeply unlikeable, and shocker, nobody is going to like you.

yes, conform conform conform always walk in lockstep with others. what was that, the land of the free? what a joke.

Being “nonconformist” means wearing doc martens or ballet flats, not being a homophobe.

You’re going off an unsubstantiated rumor that the child is a “homophobe”. And we wonder why our children have such poor mental health these days.

[Anonymous]

I think it's odd that OP posted looking for advice but hasn't returned or responded. This is a troll post designed to get a politically charged reaction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This culture is alive in schools, it's just hidden from everyone and wrapped in the social justice culture in our public schools. Although the intent seems correct, many people get caught up and hurt by it. For more information, please visit: https://www.nytimes.com/2019/10/31/style/cancel-culture.html. In my child's situation, it wasn't related to rape or anything as severe as nude, but more in the lines of having a Christian value set and experiencing blowback about that, resulting in rumors being started about them being racist and bigoted.

Well, there are a lot of "Christian value set" people who are, in fact, racist and bigoted. I don't support children being "canceled" because their parents (you) taught them to be bigots, but this should be a wakeup call for your child that the beliefs they learned at home are not socially acceptable.

Perhaps teach your kid that in America we have freedom of speech, and faith. Trying to make everyone believe just like you is bigoted.

Don't give me that crap. It's not "intolerant" to tell you that if your kid says bigoted things, people won't want to be friends with them. Don't be such a snowflake. Own your bigotry and accept the consequences for your choices.

The freedoms you listed are granted by the Constitution to the people, not by other people to the people. You are free to say and believe whatever you want. I am free to tell you that I think you're a bigot for your beliefs. I'm not trying to get you to believe anything. I just think it's important that you understand that if you express beliefs that are hateful and intolerant, you can expect social repercussions because it's 2023 and bigotry is not socially acceptable the way you want it to be.

Yeah, no. It is an entirely new and terrifying thing that a kid could make one mistake and be instantly ostracized by the entire peer group in a highly visible manner. Especially since the “mistake” may have been unintentional (see: the Walls “racist” incident.) Even if OP’s daughter said/did something offensive, my guess is that she is not David Duke. The entire school ganging up on her is not right.

Of course it is, if the whole school dislikes what she did.

Not OP, but the chances are that 99.9% of the kids involved here have no idea what actually happened and believe the "queen bee" who started the rumor/told others a version of what happened this is incomplete and/or inaccurate. So, they dislike what they think she did based on a warped version of events or complete lies. They do not have the moral high ground here.

And there is a huge difference between someone choosing not to be friends with someone and what is likely happening, which is OP's child being targeted for nasty comments, and excluded/isolated during the school day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:wow you people are nasty and your kids are no different. so glad we moved abroad. what a hell hole the US has become.

Seriously. This thread is appalling. Op, I hope you’re able to take advice from the handful of people who offered it. The rest of the posters should be ashamed of themselves.

+1

This thread is horrifying. I have new insight into where bullies come from, I guess.

+2

Horrid.

Why do you think you can force people to like you, be friends with you or be in group chats with you?

Thankfully we have anti-bullying laws to protect against violent horror shows like you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's odd that OP posted looking for advice but hasn't returned or responded. This is a troll post designed to get a politically charged reaction.

Probably. Or OP's kid really did do something awful enough to deserve this and that's why they want advice without giving the reason for the canceling

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:wow you people are nasty and your kids are no different. so glad we moved abroad. what a hell hole the US has become.

Seriously. This thread is appalling. Op, I hope you’re able to take advice from the handful of people who offered it. The rest of the posters should be ashamed of themselves.

+1

This thread is horrifying. I have new insight into where bullies come from, I guess.

+2

Horrid.

Why do you think you can force people to like you, be friends with you or be in group chats with you?

Thankfully we have anti-bullying laws to protect against violent horror shows like you.

Doesn't answer the Q.

NP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:wow you people are nasty and your kids are no different. so glad we moved abroad. what a hell hole the US has become.

Seriously. This thread is appalling. Op, I hope you’re able to take advice from the handful of people who offered it. The rest of the posters should be ashamed of themselves.

+1

This thread is horrifying. I have new insight into where bullies come from, I guess.

+2

Horrid.

Why do you think you can force people to like you, be friends with you or be in group chats with you?

Thankfully we have anti-bullying laws to protect against violent horror shows like you.

Well said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's odd that OP posted looking for advice but hasn't returned or responded. This is a troll post designed to get a politically charged reaction.

Probably. Or OP's kid really did do something awful enough to deserve this and that's why they want advice without giving the reason for the canceling

I don’t believe this any more. The online landscape is too vicious. A kid who speaks up about her own boundaries could be in this position.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:wow you people are nasty and your kids are no different. so glad we moved abroad. what a hell hole the US has become.

Seriously. This thread is appalling. Op, I hope you’re able to take advice from the handful of people who offered it. The rest of the posters should be ashamed of themselves.

+1

This thread is horrifying. I have new insight into where bullies come from, I guess.

+2

Horrid.

Why do you think you can force people to like you, be friends with you or be in group chats with you?

Thankfully we have anti-bullying laws to protect against violent horror shows like you.

Ceasing to be friends with someone isn’t “bullying.”

When you round up all the jackals you call friends to do the same thing, it is, and there are actually laws against it when the target is a child.