Man always using phone won’t text me back

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get rid of this guy. It has only been six months and you are having fights about him being on his phone for an entire dinner date? He's taking 5-6 hours to text you back (regularly, occasionally this makes sense if during a work day). You can do better, please move on.

OP: During the 5-6 hours, I leave him alone, but I can see him active on TikTok.

TikTok.... good grief, run away, hon!

Be careful. You might be pissing off a bunch of bored, addicted housewives with this one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get rid of this guy. It has only been six months and you are having fights about him being on his phone for an entire dinner date? He's taking 5-6 hours to text you back (regularly, occasionally this makes sense if during a work day). You can do better, please move on.

OP: During the 5-6 hours, I leave him alone, but I can see him active on TikTok.

Lol, I’m sorry, what? OP, I hope you’re an elementary school teacher because you’ve got more patience dealing with this juvenile behavior than I could EVER hope to muster. Noooooo way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get rid of this guy. It has only been six months and you are having fights about him being on his phone for an entire dinner date? He's taking 5-6 hours to text you back (regularly, occasionally this makes sense if during a work day). You can do better, please move on.

OP: During the 5-6 hours, I leave him alone, but I can see him active on TikTok.

TikTok.... good grief, run away, hon!

No self respecting 36 year old man is on TikTok. DTMF.

OP: He has Snapchat too. Uses it frequently. I have no idea how to see what he’s doing with that. I’m not 14, hence I don’t have one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you want to be in a relationship with him?

OP: Obsessive phone usage aside, he’s a really nice guy. We laugh a lot when we’re together. It’s a relatively new relationship (less than 6 months), so I’m also just trying to get a feel for him and see if this is worth it.

Less than 6 months and you sit in silence at dinner while he is on his phone?! Girl! DTMFA!

[Anonymous]

An immature social media addict who won't give you the time of day.
I sure hope the D is good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m so sorry, but he’s not that into you. Dump, block, next please!

OP: Why won’t he just tell me this? How can I ask him this directly to get a real answer?

I think the next time you go out to eat and he ignores you for his phone, pull out yours, and text him that it’s over. Then get up and leave.

Yes, this. You do not need to tell him anything. Stop worrying about how this means he feels about you and make the big girl decision that you deserve to be someone's priority. I get it, you are not getting any younger and probably want kids so it feels too late to start over. But this is NOT the guy for you. Have some self respect.

[Anonymous]

Two pieces of dating advice -

1) pay more attention to what a person does rather than what he says. Is he showing you by his behavior that he loves and respects you in the way that you want and need? If not, you are not a good match and therefore it is a kindness to you both to move on quickly. As Ariana Grande said, “Thank you, next.”

2) When someone isn’t right for you, it’s important to end the relationship and move on promptly - “bad fit boyfriend” is taking up space and time you could be using to invest in yourself or seek out better fit people.

There’s a phenomenon in economics/finance called “sunk coat theory” - it explains how when we have already put money into an investment, we’re likely to keep investing even when it’s clear the investment is no longer good. Thus the expression, “throwing good money after bad.”. This explains why you keep dating this guy even though he has turned out be a bad investment of your time and energy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He may be stressed and going through some difficult/embarrassing things that he's not quite ready to share yet. People handle stress in a variety of different ways. Give him grace through this difficult time and show a bit of empathy.

Oh, I’d love to hear what you think some of these scenarios could possibly be.

Could be many things. They've only been dating for under 6 months. Some people are not comfortable divulging every little intimate detail of their lives after that amount of time. Especially if it's a difficult or painful issue or involves or implicates family members OP has not met and may not ever meet.

NP. This is a very understandng post and I agree that maybe he has things going on he hasn't divulged. However, and it's a huge however, it's now time for OP to be blunt with him about the impact his behavior is having on her opinion of him.

OP, you can either keep burning time with someone who is only partially present, or you can take the risk of telling him frankly how much this is affecting you. I would wager he really does not believe that his phone usage (1) is as much of a time suck as it actually is, and (2) is as genuinely insulting to you as it actually is. So script what you want to say. Tell him you need to talk (I would not do this over dinner in a restaurant, or someplace where you could be interrupted etc.). And then ask him to leave the phone in his car for this one talk. Use what you've told us, here.

"When we're together, I laugh a lot and have a lot of fun. But that is only part of the time. When you use your phone while you're with me, I feel as if the phone is the top priority. I realize you say you are answering [whatever he actually says--work emails that are SO SO urgent? Responses to family members because....a parent is very ill and needs care and only he can answer some question about that? What is he telling you is this level of crucial?. Is there something at work or with your family that means you are on 24/7 call, which yoiu haven't mentioned it to me? If that's the case, please fill me in. If there is something going on in your life that is a crisis, like a sick relative or work imploding, I get that and would like to know. But as things now stand, I am considering moving on unless this changes. The issue is not the phone it's the fact that when you are with me but also on the phone, I feel you are not truly present."

That's just a really rough idea but overall, I would tell him "When you do X, I feel Y" (a good construction for not sounding blaming or nagging). And I'd be clear that I was seriously considering ending things. I would give him the opportunity to divulge any personal stuff that keeps him tied to the phone. But OP please do NOT apologize to him for calling him out on the phone use! He is treating you badly in that regard and you should be willing to leave if he cannot immediately fix it. I'd ask him to leave it in his car from now on, after this talk. (Unless he has a kid(s) and is on the hook to pick them up or be an emergency contact etc.) Otherwise? He changes this or you walk.

[Anonymous]

I’ll ask it, what exactly is his work and family responsibilities that he needs to *always* hop to it whenever he gets an email or text? Are you sure he’s single and that his work is legitimate? This sounds very odd if it’s to the point that you are eating in silence while he types away on his phone.
Having said that, it’s also strange that he’s got *both* family and work doing this at the same time. My dad was in a situation kind of like this when I was a baby, and then again when I was about 12, the first was family, the second was work. Still, they happened years apart, everybody knew what was going on, it wasn’t a vague “be patient with me” dramafest.. and both events ended well before six months. When is this stress going to end?
In my dad’s situations, they were concrete, finite and transparent. this dude wants to have you around, you are referring to what you do as “dates”, he needs to tell you what’s going on, or you need to end it. I’m already skeptical of the work *and* family, yet he still had time to find a woman and call it a romantic relationship? You don’t deserve this, op.


To the poster who said op had better put up with it because nobody will show her grace when she is struggling, that’s nonsense. It actually comes across as a bit bullying, “do what he wants or you’ll be alone at your most vulnurable”.. Why would you suggest such a thing? All that will likely happen is op will put up with this guy, text him after say a car accident and he “won’t see the text” or “didn’t have service” or “thought he hit send”, in other words, he won’t be there for op. That’s how people like this dude roll. Giving people who act weird grace only means you get a bad boyfriend, a bad employee, a bad friend, and when you tell someone about what’s going on, you get people telling you to “be understanding” or “give grace” where frankly, none is deserved. Even my dad has said “I’m real grateful for the people who stuck around.. and I also understand those who didn’t, they weren’t mean, they just couldn’t or didn’t want to deal with the situations.. which is their right”.
Nobody has to put up with behavior from another person that they aren’t comfortable with, and the reason doesn’t much matter. As a side note, I’ve only heard the “People deal with stress differently” in the context of “put up with whatever bad behavior they dish out.. because they’re stressed, grieving, worried.. whatever it is. In some cases you find out that these badly behaving people are people you’d prefer not to associate with, into drugs or drinking, married when they present as single, say they work in a profession when they really do not. In extreme cases, you end up on the news, think Chris Watts girlfriend or Scott Peterson’s girlfriend, both of which who claim to believe what their respective boyfriends were saying. I even think that Scott Peterson along with some of Amber’s friends told her to “be understanding,, he’s grieving” well before Laci died. Nobody told Amber “He’s single, he wants to date you, you let him pick up your kid from school on your second date, why doesn’t he spend Christmas with you guys”. If they had, she might have started to wonder just what Scott was doing when he was “traveling”.. again weeks before anything bad happened to Laci. Amazing with all the true crime podcasts out there, people still give someone acting strangely the benefit of the doubt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I’ll ask it, what exactly is his work and family responsibilities that he needs to *always* hop to it whenever he gets an email or text? Are you sure he’s single and that his work is legitimate? This sounds very odd if it’s to the point that you are eating in silence while he types away on his phone.
Having said that, it’s also strange that he’s got *both* family and work doing this at the same time. My dad was in a situation kind of like this when I was a baby, and then again when I was about 12, the first was family, the second was work. Still, they happened years apart, everybody knew what was going on, it wasn’t a vague “be patient with me” dramafest.. and both events ended well before six months. When is this stress going to end?
In my dad’s situations, they were concrete, finite and transparent. this dude wants to have you around, you are referring to what you do as “dates”, he needs to tell you what’s going on, or you need to end it. I’m already skeptical of the work *and* family, yet he still had time to find a woman and call it a romantic relationship? You don’t deserve this, op.


To the poster who said op had better put up with it because nobody will show her grace when she is struggling, that’s nonsense. It actually comes across as a bit bullying, “do what he wants or you’ll be alone at your most vulnurable”.. Why would you suggest such a thing? All that will likely happen is op will put up with this guy, text him after say a car accident and he “won’t see the text” or “didn’t have service” or “thought he hit send”, in other words, he won’t be there for op. That’s how people like this dude roll. Giving people who act weird grace only means you get a bad boyfriend, a bad employee, a bad friend, and when you tell someone about what’s going on, you get people telling you to “be understanding” or “give grace” where frankly, none is deserved. Even my dad has said “I’m real grateful for the people who stuck around.. and I also understand those who didn’t, they weren’t mean, they just couldn’t or didn’t want to deal with the situations.. which is their right”.
Nobody has to put up with behavior from another person that they aren’t comfortable with, and the reason doesn’t much matter. As a side note, I’ve only heard the “People deal with stress differently” in the context of “put up with whatever bad behavior they dish out.. because they’re stressed, grieving, worried.. whatever it is. In some cases you find out that these badly behaving people are people you’d prefer not to associate with, into drugs or drinking, married when they present as single, say they work in a profession when they really do not. In extreme cases, you end up on the news, think Chris Watts girlfriend or Scott Peterson’s girlfriend, both of which who claim to believe what their respective boyfriends were saying. I even think that Scott Peterson along with some of Amber’s friends told her to “be understanding,, he’s grieving” well before Laci died. Nobody told Amber “He’s single, he wants to date you, you let him pick up your kid from school on your second date, why doesn’t he spend Christmas with you guys”. If they had, she might have started to wonder just what Scott was doing when he was “traveling”.. again weeks before anything bad happened to Laci. Amazing with all the true crime podcasts out there, people still give someone acting strangely the benefit of the doubt.

Be more concise, bruh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I’ll ask it, what exactly is his work and family responsibilities that he needs to *always* hop to it whenever he gets an email or text? Are you sure he’s single and that his work is legitimate? This sounds very odd if it’s to the point that you are eating in silence while he types away on his phone.
Having said that, it’s also strange that he’s got *both* family and work doing this at the same time. My dad was in a situation kind of like this when I was a baby, and then again when I was about 12, the first was family, the second was work. Still, they happened years apart, everybody knew what was going on, it wasn’t a vague “be patient with me” dramafest.. and both events ended well before six months. When is this stress going to end?
In my dad’s situations, they were concrete, finite and transparent. this dude wants to have you around, you are referring to what you do as “dates”, he needs to tell you what’s going on, or you need to end it. I’m already skeptical of the work *and* family, yet he still had time to find a woman and call it a romantic relationship? You don’t deserve this, op.


To the poster who said op had better put up with it because nobody will show her grace when she is struggling, that’s nonsense. It actually comes across as a bit bullying, “do what he wants or you’ll be alone at your most vulnurable”.. Why would you suggest such a thing? All that will likely happen is op will put up with this guy, text him after say a car accident and he “won’t see the text” or “didn’t have service” or “thought he hit send”, in other words, he won’t be there for op. That’s how people like this dude roll. Giving people who act weird grace only means you get a bad boyfriend, a bad employee, a bad friend, and when you tell someone about what’s going on, you get people telling you to “be understanding” or “give grace” where frankly, none is deserved. Even my dad has said “I’m real grateful for the people who stuck around.. and I also understand those who didn’t, they weren’t mean, they just couldn’t or didn’t want to deal with the situations.. which is their right”.
Nobody has to put up with behavior from another person that they aren’t comfortable with, and the reason doesn’t much matter. As a side note, I’ve only heard the “People deal with stress differently” in the context of “put up with whatever bad behavior they dish out.. because they’re stressed, grieving, worried.. whatever it is. In some cases you find out that these badly behaving people are people you’d prefer not to associate with, into drugs or drinking, married when they present as single, say they work in a profession when they really do not. In extreme cases, you end up on the news, think Chris Watts girlfriend or Scott Peterson’s girlfriend, both of which who claim to believe what their respective boyfriends were saying. I even think that Scott Peterson along with some of Amber’s friends told her to “be understanding,, he’s grieving” well before Laci died. Nobody told Amber “He’s single, he wants to date you, you let him pick up your kid from school on your second date, why doesn’t he spend Christmas with you guys”. If they had, she might have started to wonder just what Scott was doing when he was “traveling”.. again weeks before anything bad happened to Laci. Amazing with all the true crime podcasts out there, people still give someone acting strangely the benefit of the doubt.

OP: First of all, thank you so much for these incredibly thoughtful replies, everyone. I can't tell you how much I appreciate people taking time out of their Friday to talk some sense into me. I apologize for the length of this, but so many of you have given me such incredible insight, I wanted to take the time to respond to your questions.

To get into the meat of the questions, he is a nurse. He has a set schedule, and no one is texting him questions from work during times when he's not working. Period. It doesn't happen. What he is getting from work, however, are messages from his 20-something, gorgeous nurse colleague girls. I say "girls" because I've met some of them, and they are still very much chaotic, immature girls. (I think this is where a lot of his social media obsession comes from. This is what they do, so he does it too.) So, what are they doing? They're texting and chatting about stuff. I try very hard not to eavesdrop when he's texting because I feel like that's rude, but I do occasionally catch a glimpse and it's not uncommon for it to be from one of them. It doesn't appear flirtatious or sexual in nature, but we all know what he's doing in chatting with them outside of work.
Second, he has a side business. He is the only employee, so all correspondence goes through him.
Third, he has 2 kids with his ex-wife. They also have a set schedule of visitation, and he does not get along with the ex, so they're definitely not texting throughout the day.
Fourth, he has a best friend (female) who is obsessed with him. This is the bulk of his phone communication from what I gather. She watches his dog for him when he's at work and texts/Snapchats him constantly. (I've posted on here about their relationship before. I can dig up the post subject title if you're interested in that.) They meet up regularly for dinner, drinks, and hanging out. She caused his last relationship to end. She is a problem, and I have told him she is blocking our ability to develop an intimate attachment because she's acting as his confidante and girlfriend already. Since we chatted about this, he has stopped spending so much time with her, but the virtual communication remains near-constant.

So, for the tl;dr version, where is this urgent communication coming from?
1. Work friends
2. Side business
3. Kids
4. Best friend who is a woman

In my mind, none of that feels like particularly urgent communication to me, aside from the children. I would never, ever ask him to delay responding to an issue related to his children. They come first, now and forever.

Before I get totally roasted for having no self respect, let me also say that I'm not typically a very insecure woman. I do not try to control my partner in a relationship. If he has female friends, he can have at it. He wants to go out with them? Have a great time. If his best friend is a woman, fine. You should be your most free and happy self in a relationship. I have no problem with any of this until a problem becomes evident. Then, because I give such a great deal of trust to my partners, I'm done when it's abused.

The issues I have are three-fold:
1. The excessive phone use when we're together, which has already been talked about extensively here.
2. The fact that when I try to be understanding of his his excessive phone, I'm not receiving communication consistent with someone always on their phone.
3. He seems to be prioritizing communication with his female friends over communication with me.

[Anonymous]

Oh dear…He’s clearly in some type of emotional relationship with this female best friend. Who knows, maybe physical too. You sound too good to put up with this b.s. End it and find someone worth your time. This guy is clearly not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I’ll ask it, what exactly is his work and family responsibilities that he needs to *always* hop to it whenever he gets an email or text? Are you sure he’s single and that his work is legitimate? This sounds very odd if it’s to the point that you are eating in silence while he types away on his phone.
Having said that, it’s also strange that he’s got *both* family and work doing this at the same time. My dad was in a situation kind of like this when I was a baby, and then again when I was about 12, the first was family, the second was work. Still, they happened years apart, everybody knew what was going on, it wasn’t a vague “be patient with me” dramafest.. and both events ended well before six months. When is this stress going to end?
In my dad’s situations, they were concrete, finite and transparent. this dude wants to have you around, you are referring to what you do as “dates”, he needs to tell you what’s going on, or you need to end it. I’m already skeptical of the work *and* family, yet he still had time to find a woman and call it a romantic relationship? You don’t deserve this, op.


To the poster who said op had better put up with it because nobody will show her grace when she is struggling, that’s nonsense. It actually comes across as a bit bullying, “do what he wants or you’ll be alone at your most vulnurable”.. Why would you suggest such a thing? All that will likely happen is op will put up with this guy, text him after say a car accident and he “won’t see the text” or “didn’t have service” or “thought he hit send”, in other words, he won’t be there for op. That’s how people like this dude roll. Giving people who act weird grace only means you get a bad boyfriend, a bad employee, a bad friend, and when you tell someone about what’s going on, you get people telling you to “be understanding” or “give grace” where frankly, none is deserved. Even my dad has said “I’m real grateful for the people who stuck around.. and I also understand those who didn’t, they weren’t mean, they just couldn’t or didn’t want to deal with the situations.. which is their right”.
Nobody has to put up with behavior from another person that they aren’t comfortable with, and the reason doesn’t much matter. As a side note, I’ve only heard the “People deal with stress differently” in the context of “put up with whatever bad behavior they dish out.. because they’re stressed, grieving, worried.. whatever it is. In some cases you find out that these badly behaving people are people you’d prefer not to associate with, into drugs or drinking, married when they present as single, say they work in a profession when they really do not. In extreme cases, you end up on the news, think Chris Watts girlfriend or Scott Peterson’s girlfriend, both of which who claim to believe what their respective boyfriends were saying. I even think that Scott Peterson along with some of Amber’s friends told her to “be understanding,, he’s grieving” well before Laci died. Nobody told Amber “He’s single, he wants to date you, you let him pick up your kid from school on your second date, why doesn’t he spend Christmas with you guys”. If they had, she might have started to wonder just what Scott was doing when he was “traveling”.. again weeks before anything bad happened to Laci. Amazing with all the true crime podcasts out there, people still give someone acting strangely the benefit of the doubt.

OP: First of all, thank you so much for these incredibly thoughtful replies, everyone. I can't tell you how much I appreciate people taking time out of their Friday to talk some sense into me. I apologize for the length of this, but so many of you have given me such incredible insight, I wanted to take the time to respond to your questions.

To get into the meat of the questions, he is a nurse. He has a set schedule, and no one is texting him questions from work during times when he's not working. Period. It doesn't happen. What he is getting from work, however, are messages from his 20-something, gorgeous nurse colleague girls. I say "girls" because I've met some of them, and they are still very much chaotic, immature girls. (I think this is where a lot of his social media obsession comes from. This is what they do, so he does it too.) So, what are they doing? They're texting and chatting about stuff. I try very hard not to eavesdrop when he's texting because I feel like that's rude, but I do occasionally catch a glimpse and it's not uncommon for it to be from one of them. It doesn't appear flirtatious or sexual in nature, but we all know what he's doing in chatting with them outside of work.
Second, he has a side business. He is the only employee, so all correspondence goes through him.
Third, he has 2 kids with his ex-wife. They also have a set schedule of visitation, and he does not get along with the ex, so they're definitely not texting throughout the day.
Fourth, he has a best friend (female) who is obsessed with him. This is the bulk of his phone communication from what I gather. She watches his dog for him when he's at work and texts/Snapchats him constantly. (I've posted on here about their relationship before. I can dig up the post subject title if you're interested in that.) They meet up regularly for dinner, drinks, and hanging out. She caused his last relationship to end. She is a problem, and I have told him she is blocking our ability to develop an intimate attachment because she's acting as his confidante and girlfriend already. Since we chatted about this, he has stopped spending so much time with her, but the virtual communication remains near-constant.

So, for the tl;dr version, where is this urgent communication coming from?
1. Work friends
2. Side business
3. Kids
4. Best friend who is a woman

In my mind, none of that feels like particularly urgent communication to me, aside from the children. I would never, ever ask him to delay responding to an issue related to his children. They come first, now and forever.

Before I get totally roasted for having no self respect, let me also say that I'm not typically a very insecure woman. I do not try to control my partner in a relationship. If he has female friends, he can have at it. He wants to go out with them? Have a great time. If his best friend is a woman, fine. You should be your most free and happy self in a relationship. I have no problem with any of this until a problem becomes evident. Then, because I give such a great deal of trust to my partners, I'm done when it's abused.

The issues I have are three-fold:
1. The excessive phone use when we're together, which has already been talked about extensively here.
2. The fact that when I try to be understanding of his his excessive phone, I'm not receiving communication consistent with someone always on their phone.
3. He seems to be prioritizing communication with his female friends over communication with me.

No, you aren’t done though. You’re still there wasting your breath trying to talk this out. He sees you are not a woman of your word and has no reason to respect you for it.

Self-respect has nothing to do with being ‘the cool girl’ who doesn’t care if a man has female friends. Self-respect means you would have ditched this guy a long time ago for trampling over your boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He may be stressed and going through some difficult/embarrassing things that he's not quite ready to share yet. People handle stress in a variety of different ways. Give him grace through this difficult time and show a bit of empathy.

Maybe he should show a little empathy. This woman has stayed with him despite him being a total jerk with his teenage-like phone usage. Anyone would be feeling doubts about a man’s authenticity in this scenario. She’s stayed (I don’t know why; I wouldn’t have.) to give him the benefit of the doubt. He can reply with his darn Apple Watch on the toilet. It isn’t hard.

You don't know how people react to difficult situations. If OP does not like it and wants to leave him at this potentially difficult time, that is entirely her prerogative.

However, she should not expect that any grace be extended her when she eventually goes through her own difficulties.

What in the world are you talking about?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I’ll ask it, what exactly is his work and family responsibilities that he needs to *always* hop to it whenever he gets an email or text? Are you sure he’s single and that his work is legitimate? This sounds very odd if it’s to the point that you are eating in silence while he types away on his phone.
Having said that, it’s also strange that he’s got *both* family and work doing this at the same time. My dad was in a situation kind of like this when I was a baby, and then again when I was about 12, the first was family, the second was work. Still, they happened years apart, everybody knew what was going on, it wasn’t a vague “be patient with me” dramafest.. and both events ended well before six months. When is this stress going to end?
In my dad’s situations, they were concrete, finite and transparent. this dude wants to have you around, you are referring to what you do as “dates”, he needs to tell you what’s going on, or you need to end it. I’m already skeptical of the work *and* family, yet he still had time to find a woman and call it a romantic relationship? You don’t deserve this, op.


To the poster who said op had better put up with it because nobody will show her grace when she is struggling, that’s nonsense. It actually comes across as a bit bullying, “do what he wants or you’ll be alone at your most vulnurable”.. Why would you suggest such a thing? All that will likely happen is op will put up with this guy, text him after say a car accident and he “won’t see the text” or “didn’t have service” or “thought he hit send”, in other words, he won’t be there for op. That’s how people like this dude roll. Giving people who act weird grace only means you get a bad boyfriend, a bad employee, a bad friend, and when you tell someone about what’s going on, you get people telling you to “be understanding” or “give grace” where frankly, none is deserved. Even my dad has said “I’m real grateful for the people who stuck around.. and I also understand those who didn’t, they weren’t mean, they just couldn’t or didn’t want to deal with the situations.. which is their right”.
Nobody has to put up with behavior from another person that they aren’t comfortable with, and the reason doesn’t much matter. As a side note, I’ve only heard the “People deal with stress differently” in the context of “put up with whatever bad behavior they dish out.. because they’re stressed, grieving, worried.. whatever it is. In some cases you find out that these badly behaving people are people you’d prefer not to associate with, into drugs or drinking, married when they present as single, say they work in a profession when they really do not. In extreme cases, you end up on the news, think Chris Watts girlfriend or Scott Peterson’s girlfriend, both of which who claim to believe what their respective boyfriends were saying. I even think that Scott Peterson along with some of Amber’s friends told her to “be understanding,, he’s grieving” well before Laci died. Nobody told Amber “He’s single, he wants to date you, you let him pick up your kid from school on your second date, why doesn’t he spend Christmas with you guys”. If they had, she might have started to wonder just what Scott was doing when he was “traveling”.. again weeks before anything bad happened to Laci. Amazing with all the true crime podcasts out there, people still give someone acting strangely the benefit of the doubt.

OP: First of all, thank you so much for these incredibly thoughtful replies, everyone. I can't tell you how much I appreciate people taking time out of their Friday to talk some sense into me. I apologize for the length of this, but so many of you have given me such incredible insight, I wanted to take the time to respond to your questions.

To get into the meat of the questions, he is a nurse. He has a set schedule, and no one is texting him questions from work during times when he's not working. Period. It doesn't happen. What he is getting from work, however, are messages from his 20-something, gorgeous nurse colleague girls. I say "girls" because I've met some of them, and they are still very much chaotic, immature girls. (I think this is where a lot of his social media obsession comes from. This is what they do, so he does it too.) So, what are they doing? They're texting and chatting about stuff. I try very hard not to eavesdrop when he's texting because I feel like that's rude, but I do occasionally catch a glimpse and it's not uncommon for it to be from one of them. It doesn't appear flirtatious or sexual in nature, but we all know what he's doing in chatting with them outside of work.
Second, he has a side business. He is the only employee, so all correspondence goes through him.
Third, he has 2 kids with his ex-wife. They also have a set schedule of visitation, and he does not get along with the ex, so they're definitely not texting throughout the day.
Fourth, he has a best friend (female) who is obsessed with him. This is the bulk of his phone communication from what I gather. She watches his dog for him when he's at work and texts/Snapchats him constantly. (I've posted on here about their relationship before. I can dig up the post subject title if you're interested in that.) They meet up regularly for dinner, drinks, and hanging out. She caused his last relationship to end. She is a problem, and I have told him she is blocking our ability to develop an intimate attachment because she's acting as his confidante and girlfriend already. Since we chatted about this, he has stopped spending so much time with her, but the virtual communication remains near-constant.

So, for the tl;dr version, where is this urgent communication coming from?
1. Work friends
2. Side business
3. Kids
4. Best friend who is a woman

In my mind, none of that feels like particularly urgent communication to me, aside from the children. I would never, ever ask him to delay responding to an issue related to his children. They come first, now and forever.

Before I get totally roasted for having no self respect, let me also say that I'm not typically a very insecure woman. I do not try to control my partner in a relationship. If he has female friends, he can have at it. He wants to go out with them? Have a great time. If his best friend is a woman, fine. You should be your most free and happy self in a relationship. I have no problem with any of this until a problem becomes evident. Then, because I give such a great deal of trust to my partners, I'm done when it's abused.

The issues I have are three-fold:
1. The excessive phone use when we're together, which has already been talked about extensively here.
2. The fact that when I try to be understanding of his his excessive phone, I'm not receiving communication consistent with someone always on their phone.
3. He seems to be prioritizing communication with his female friends over communication with me.

Those are some pretty huge issues.
Any one of those on its own sounds like a deal breaker.

All three together kind of sounds trollish.