Reply to Man always using phone won’t text me back

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]He may be stressed and going through some difficult/embarrassing things that he's not quite ready to share yet. People handle stress in a variety of different ways.  Give him grace through this difficult time and show a bit of empathy. [/quote]

Oh, I’d love to hear what you think some of these scenarios could possibly be. [/quote]

Could be many things. They've only been dating for under 6 months. Some people are not comfortable divulging every little intimate detail of their lives after that amount of time. Especially if it's a difficult or painful issue or involves or implicates family members OP has not met and may not ever meet. [/quote]

NP. This is a very understandng post and I agree that maybe he has things going on he hasn't divulged. However, and it's a huge however, it's now time for OP to be blunt with him about the impact his behavior is having on her opinion of him.

OP, you can either keep burning time with someone who is only partially present, or you can take the risk of telling him frankly how much this is affecting you. I would wager he really does not believe that his phone usage (1) is as much of a time suck as it actually is, and (2) is as genuinely insulting to you as it actually is. So script what you want to say. Tell him you need to talk (I would not do this over dinner in a restaurant, or someplace where you could be interrupted etc.). And then ask him to leave the phone in his car for this one talk. Use what you've told us, here.

"When we're together, I laugh a lot and have a lot of fun. But that is only part of the time. When you use your phone while you're with me, I feel as if the phone is the top priority. I realize you say you are answering [i][whatever he actually says--work emails that are SO SO urgent? Responses to family members because....a parent is very ill and needs care and only he can answer some question about that? What is he telling you is this level of crucial?[/i]. Is there something at work or with your family that means you are on 24/7 call, which yoiu haven't mentioned it to me? If that's the case, please fill me in. If there is something going on in your life that is a crisis, like a sick relative or work imploding, I get that and would like to know. But as things now stand, I am considering moving on unless this changes. The issue is not the phone it's the fact that when you are with me but also on the phone, I feel you are not truly present."

That's just a really rough idea but overall, I would tell him "When you do X, I feel Y" (a good construction for not sounding blaming or nagging). And I'd be clear that I was seriously considering ending things. I would give him the opportunity to divulge any personal stuff that keeps him tied to the phone. But OP please do NOT apologize to him for calling him out on the phone use! He is treating you badly in that regard and you should be willing to leave if he cannot immediately fix it. I'd ask him to leave it in his car from now on, after this talk. (Unless he has a kid(s) and is on the hook to pick them up or be an emergency contact etc.) Otherwise? He changes this or you walk. [/quote]

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