Man always using phone won’t text me back

[Anonymous]

Alright. At the risk of sounding like a 16 year old girl, I’m going to ask a question about issues I’m having with my boyfriend texting me.

I’m 33. He’s 36. He is habitually on his phone. We’ve had fights about it. I’ve let him know he needs to be present with me. He has tried hard to be more conscious of his phone usage when we’re together, but he’s explained he has a lot going on and will often need to respond to an email, call, or text urgently. He asked me to please be understanding of his work and family responsibilities when this happens, and he said he’d try hard to put it down more when we’re together. Fine.

This man who is on his phone so often that I’ve had to eat meals in silence while looking around a restaurant because he’s using his phone for whatever has started taking 5-6 hours to reply to a text from me. When I ask if anything is wrong or if he wants to talk about something (since I’ve gathered he’s losing interest), he’s adamant that he’s happy with me and nothing is wrong. Still, I find it pretty insulting that the man who can’t leave his phone alone for 30 minutes when we’re together is taking 6 hours to respond to me.

I’ve already asked if something’s up. He insists we’re all good. Should I just stop responding to him as well? I KNOW he’s not too busy to get back to me. I’ve seen him text while driving down the highway. WWYD, honestly?

[Anonymous]

Why do you want to be in a relationship with him?

[Anonymous]

Just drop him. Via text preferably. People who care about you are present with you.

[Anonymous]

I’m so sorry, but he’s not that into you. Dump, block, next please!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you want to be in a relationship with him?

OP: Obsessive phone usage aside, he’s a really nice guy. We laugh a lot when we’re together. It’s a relatively new relationship (less than 6 months), so I’m also just trying to get a feel for him and see if this is worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m so sorry, but he’s not that into you. Dump, block, next please!

OP: Why won’t he just tell me this? How can I ask him this directly to get a real answer?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you want to be in a relationship with him?

OP: Obsessive phone usage aside, he’s a really nice guy. We laugh a lot when we’re together. It’s a relatively new relationship (less than 6 months), so I’m also just trying to get a feel for him and see if this is worth it.

OP I think you have already got a feel. Your answer is right in front of you. You don't need him to tell you directly. He is telling you already.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you want to be in a relationship with him?

OP: Obsessive phone usage aside, he’s a really nice guy. We laugh a lot when we’re together. It’s a relatively new relationship (less than 6 months), so I’m also just trying to get a feel for him and see if this is worth it.

OP I think you have already got a feel. Your answer is right in front of you. You don't need him to tell you directly. He is telling you already.

OP: Yeah, I guess you’re right about that.

[Anonymous]

He may be stressed and going through some difficult/embarrassing things that he's not quite ready to share yet. People handle stress in a variety of different ways. Give him grace through this difficult time and show a bit of empathy.

[Anonymous]

If a guy doesn’t want to focus on your in the first 6 months, imagine what it will be like at year 10. This is supposed to be the good, easy part. Ditch him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He may be stressed and going through some difficult/embarrassing things that he's not quite ready to share yet. People handle stress in a variety of different ways. Give him grace through this difficult time and show a bit of empathy.

Oh, I’d love to hear what you think some of these scenarios could possibly be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He may be stressed and going through some difficult/embarrassing things that he's not quite ready to share yet. People handle stress in a variety of different ways. Give him grace through this difficult time and show a bit of empathy.

Maybe he should show a little empathy. This woman has stayed with him despite him being a total jerk with his teenage-like phone usage. Anyone would be feeling doubts about a man’s authenticity in this scenario. She’s stayed (I don’t know why; I wouldn’t have.) to give him the benefit of the doubt. He can reply with his darn Apple Watch on the toilet. It isn’t hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m so sorry, but he’s not that into you. Dump, block, next please!

OP: Why won’t he just tell me this? How can I ask him this directly to get a real answer?

Because he is a coward and doesn’t want to ruffle the waters, because he wants to keep you around for the benefits he is getting from you, because he doesn’t value you…whatever the reason is he’s telling you with his actions what his answer is. Even if you ask him, he’ll use his words to pacify you and then keep his actions the same. You’ve already had this conversation before, he is showing you he literally doesn’t care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He may be stressed and going through some difficult/embarrassing things that he's not quite ready to share yet. People handle stress in a variety of different ways. Give him grace through this difficult time and show a bit of empathy.

Oh, I’d love to hear what you think some of these scenarios could possibly be.

Could be many things. They've only been dating for under 6 months. Some people are not comfortable divulging every little intimate detail of their lives after that amount of time. Especially if it's a difficult or painful issue or involves or implicates family members OP has not met and may not ever meet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you want to be in a relationship with him?

OP: Obsessive phone usage aside, he’s a really nice guy. We laugh a lot when we’re together. It’s a relatively new relationship (less than 6 months), so I’m also just trying to get a feel for him and see if this is worth it.

It's been said, and I think it's appropriate here:

When somebody "tells" you who they really are, believe them.