thanks for making dinner

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds fake and forced

Tell me, when a server brings your food at a restaurant, do you say "thank you"? When a taxi driver picks you up or drops you off, do you say "thank you"? When the doorman at a hotel opens the door for you, do you not say "thank you"?

All these people are doing their jobs. However, I am willing to bet you utter at least "thank you" to them. Now ask yourself, if you are polite and grateful in even the most rote sense to total strangers...why would you treat your family with less politeness, kindness, and consideration than that?

Somehow you will say "thank you" to the pizza delivery guy, but that is too much effort to say to the person you pledged eternal fidelity and love to at an altar?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:BIL and SIL went for marriage counseling. The counselor encouraged a level of gratitude that was ridiculous.

BIL made breakfast. SIL: Thank you, honey for making breakfast! That was so delicious!!

Totally forced, totally fake. But hey, she said the words.

DS's girlfriend's mom insisted on a compliment after the first bite, even if it wasn't very good.

I tend to not drip honey over every day things.





I noticed that he didn't thank her for cleaning up the kitchen after the fact.

If that works for your marriage, that's fine. But little words of gratitude and praise go a long way in many people's marriages. It reminds us not to take each other for granted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I thank each other for everything, including cooking dinner (he thanks me) and cleaning up dinner (I thank him). When he does cook dinner, I always thank him even though I don't particularly like it when he cooks; and I always clean and he thanks me.

There are a lot DH and I get wrong, but this is one thing we get right. We thank each other for taking out the trash, doing laundry, handling dinner and homework and bedtime if one of us has to work late, etc.

Why?

Because gratitude and acknowledgment are good building blocks of love, respect and connection? Are you OK?

Diluted gratitude are the opposite of love and respect.

I had an ex-boyfriend who made this argument. He said that he didn't like to say he loved me, or give me compliments or gratitude, "too often" because it would dilute the impact. Like he thought if he told me I looked nice most days, then I wouldn't understand the compliment if he told me I looked particularly good on another day. Or if he said "I love you" everyday, it would just become reflex and lose meaning.

That relationship didn't work out, and now I'm married to someone who says he loves me multiple times a day, tells me I look nice several times a week, and says thank you almost anytime I do something that benefits him (thanks for cooking, thanks for taking the trash out, thanks for gassing up the car, thanks for booking those flights, thanks for staying home with DD when she was sick, thanks for making sure the dog got his shots, etc.).

It's so much better this way, and I never take my DH's love or gratitude for granted. The opposite. Because we are both vocal with each other about how we feel and in appreciating one another, we are both more aware on a daily basis of the value of our relationship and how we'd rather be together than apart. I can't imagine going back to a situation where my partner doles out compliments and gratitude stingily, like it's a finite resource he doesn't want to waste. So strange and sad.

Gratitude is free. The more you practice it, the more you have.

Sorry you had an abusive relationship.

Science disagrees. If you don’t really mean it there is a negative affect. Nobody is saying no gratitude daily there is just no need to express gratitude or compliment when it’s not sincere.

Your really comparing two extremes instead of normal family gratitude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:BIL and SIL went for marriage counseling. The counselor encouraged a level of gratitude that was ridiculous.

BIL made breakfast. SIL: Thank you, honey for making breakfast! That was so delicious!!

Totally forced, totally fake. But hey, she said the words.

DS's girlfriend's mom insisted on a compliment after the first bite, even if it wasn't very good.

I tend to not drip honey over every day things.





I noticed that he didn't thank her for cleaning up the kitchen after the fact.

If that works for your marriage, that's fine. But little words of gratitude and praise go a long way in many people's marriages. It reminds us not to take each other for granted.

If you need fake and forced compliments there is something deeper wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I thank each other for everything, including cooking dinner (he thanks me) and cleaning up dinner (I thank him). When he does cook dinner, I always thank him even though I don't particularly like it when he cooks; and I always clean and he thanks me.

There are a lot DH and I get wrong, but this is one thing we get right. We thank each other for taking out the trash, doing laundry, handling dinner and homework and bedtime if one of us has to work late, etc.

Why?

Because gratitude and acknowledgment are good building blocks of love, respect and connection? Are you OK?

Diluted gratitude are the opposite of love and respect.

I had an ex-boyfriend who made this argument. He said that he didn't like to say he loved me, or give me compliments or gratitude, "too often" because it would dilute the impact. Like he thought if he told me I looked nice most days, then I wouldn't understand the compliment if he told me I looked particularly good on another day. Or if he said "I love you" everyday, it would just become reflex and lose meaning.

That relationship didn't work out, and now I'm married to someone who says he loves me multiple times a day, tells me I look nice several times a week, and says thank you almost anytime I do something that benefits him (thanks for cooking, thanks for taking the trash out, thanks for gassing up the car, thanks for booking those flights, thanks for staying home with DD when she was sick, thanks for making sure the dog got his shots, etc.).

It's so much better this way, and I never take my DH's love or gratitude for granted. The opposite. Because we are both vocal with each other about how we feel and in appreciating one another, we are both more aware on a daily basis of the value of our relationship and how we'd rather be together than apart. I can't imagine going back to a situation where my partner doles out compliments and gratitude stingily, like it's a finite resource he doesn't want to waste. So strange and sad.

Gratitude is free. The more you practice it, the more you have.

How long have ya'll been married? Just curious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you cook, do you expect your DH to say "this taste great!" or some form of verbal appreciation for making dinner? Just wondering if I'm expecting too much?

I don’t expect them to like it, but to eat it. I try to make tasty stuff, but sometimes it doesn’t work. As long as it’s not gross, I expect them to eat it. If im making 10 tasty meals per week, excluding breakfast and snacks, it’s ok if 4 of them aren’t too great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds fake and forced

When DH makes grilled cheese, salad and tomato soup for me and the kids, I do not lavish him with praise as if he is a Voltaggio brother gracing me with a five-course tasting menu. But hey, he got home first, he helped the kids with homework, and I get to roll in the house and sit down to dinner. I appreciate that. I say thank you.

I honestly think it might take more effort for me to not thank something than to acknowledge what they did for me.

So you say thanks for dinner, thanks for being home for the kids, thanks for helping with homework?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds fake and forced

When DH makes grilled cheese, salad and tomato soup for me and the kids, I do not lavish him with praise as if he is a Voltaggio brother gracing me with a five-course tasting menu. But hey, he got home first, he helped the kids with homework, and I get to roll in the house and sit down to dinner. I appreciate that. I say thank you.

I honestly think it might take more effort for me to not thank something than to acknowledge what they did for me.

So you say thanks for dinner, thanks for being home for the kids, thanks for helping with homework?

Every single day, every single time? No. In that scenario, I would definitely say thanks for the dinner. But I would say we thank each other at least 80-90% of the time for routine chores, and always for dinner.

For example, my husband is working late tonight. He knows I will be doing pickup, dinner, homework, and bedtime with the kids. When I reminded them to give him extra hugs because they will be asleep when he gets home tonight, he said, "Thank you for taking care of everything tonight." Last night, I thanked him for carrying three loads of laundry from the basement up to our bedroom. Gratitude is a good habit that we have.

I mean, you can keep arguing with me about it, but yeah. That's how it is in our marriage. And it won't change just because you're trying to poke holes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds fake and forced

When DH makes grilled cheese, salad and tomato soup for me and the kids, I do not lavish him with praise as if he is a Voltaggio brother gracing me with a five-course tasting menu. But hey, he got home first, he helped the kids with homework, and I get to roll in the house and sit down to dinner. I appreciate that. I say thank you.

I honestly think it might take more effort for me to not thank something than to acknowledge what they did for me.

So you say thanks for dinner, thanks for being home for the kids, thanks for helping with homework?

Every single day, every single time? No. In that scenario, I would definitely say thanks for the dinner. But I would say we thank each other at least 80-90% of the time for routine chores, and always for dinner.

For example, my husband is working late tonight. He knows I will be doing pickup, dinner, homework, and bedtime with the kids. When I reminded them to give him extra hugs because they will be asleep when he gets home tonight, he said, "Thank you for taking care of everything tonight." Last night, I thanked him for carrying three loads of laundry from the basement up to our bedroom. Gratitude is a good habit that we have.

I mean, you can keep arguing with me about it, but yeah. That's how it is in our marriage. And it won't change just because you're trying to poke holes.

You sound super defensive… wild.

I’m not arguing just wondering… but yea I dont need that much validation and it’s also okay that you do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds fake and forced

When DH makes grilled cheese, salad and tomato soup for me and the kids, I do not lavish him with praise as if he is a Voltaggio brother gracing me with a five-course tasting menu. But hey, he got home first, he helped the kids with homework, and I get to roll in the house and sit down to dinner. I appreciate that. I say thank you.

I honestly think it might take more effort for me to not thank something than to acknowledge what they did for me.

So you say thanks for dinner, thanks for being home for the kids, thanks for helping with homework?

Every single day, every single time? No. In that scenario, I would definitely say thanks for the dinner. But I would say we thank each other at least 80-90% of the time for routine chores, and always for dinner.

For example, my husband is working late tonight. He knows I will be doing pickup, dinner, homework, and bedtime with the kids. When I reminded them to give him extra hugs because they will be asleep when he gets home tonight, he said, "Thank you for taking care of everything tonight." Last night, I thanked him for carrying three loads of laundry from the basement up to our bedroom. Gratitude is a good habit that we have.

I mean, you can keep arguing with me about it, but yeah. That's how it is in our marriage. And it won't change just because you're trying to poke holes.

You sound super defensive… wild.

I’m not arguing just wondering… but yea I dont need that much validation and it’s also okay that you do.

Awwww, you've been raised to think that simple gratitude, manners and politeness are seeking and giving "validation." It's OK. We can't choose how well we were raised.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds fake and forced

When DH makes grilled cheese, salad and tomato soup for me and the kids, I do not lavish him with praise as if he is a Voltaggio brother gracing me with a five-course tasting menu. But hey, he got home first, he helped the kids with homework, and I get to roll in the house and sit down to dinner. I appreciate that. I say thank you.

I honestly think it might take more effort for me to not thank something than to acknowledge what they did for me.

So you say thanks for dinner, thanks for being home for the kids, thanks for helping with homework?

Every single day, every single time? No. In that scenario, I would definitely say thanks for the dinner. But I would say we thank each other at least 80-90% of the time for routine chores, and always for dinner.

For example, my husband is working late tonight. He knows I will be doing pickup, dinner, homework, and bedtime with the kids. When I reminded them to give him extra hugs because they will be asleep when he gets home tonight, he said, "Thank you for taking care of everything tonight." Last night, I thanked him for carrying three loads of laundry from the basement up to our bedroom. Gratitude is a good habit that we have.

I mean, you can keep arguing with me about it, but yeah. That's how it is in our marriage. And it won't change just because you're trying to poke holes.

You sound super defensive… wild.

I’m not arguing just wondering… but yea I dont need that much validation and it’s also okay that you do.

Awwww, you've been raised to think that simple gratitude, manners and politeness are seeking and giving "validation." It's OK. We can't choose how well we were raised.

Imagine this I have a different love language … your’s is word of affirmation, mine is not… and you need Xanax.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I cook a meal almost every single night. My husband not only has never thanked me, but doesn't even comment on it or help clean up. Unless there are people over and he wants to put on a show of being a helpful guy.

But more importantly I wanted to say that my son (21) always tells me thank you and lets me know how good it tastes. Last night, it was just catching my eye and giving me the thumbs up while he was chewing. It means a lot to me, and it's nice to hear and see, at least once in a while.

My other kids also express their gratitude in varying ways, and it makes life much more pleasant to at least be noticed by someone.

so you are married more than 21 years and you have allowed your husband (yes, I am using the word allowed) to not clean up after you make dinner? and no "thank yous"? You have obviously not set expectations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds fake and forced

When DH makes grilled cheese, salad and tomato soup for me and the kids, I do not lavish him with praise as if he is a Voltaggio brother gracing me with a five-course tasting menu. But hey, he got home first, he helped the kids with homework, and I get to roll in the house and sit down to dinner. I appreciate that. I say thank you.

I honestly think it might take more effort for me to not thank something than to acknowledge what they did for me.

So you say thanks for dinner, thanks for being home for the kids, thanks for helping with homework?

Every single day, every single time? No. In that scenario, I would definitely say thanks for the dinner. But I would say we thank each other at least 80-90% of the time for routine chores, and always for dinner.

For example, my husband is working late tonight. He knows I will be doing pickup, dinner, homework, and bedtime with the kids. When I reminded them to give him extra hugs because they will be asleep when he gets home tonight, he said, "Thank you for taking care of everything tonight." Last night, I thanked him for carrying three loads of laundry from the basement up to our bedroom. Gratitude is a good habit that we have.

I mean, you can keep arguing with me about it, but yeah. That's how it is in our marriage. And it won't change just because you're trying to poke holes.

Do you thank him for working late because that sounds like the worst chore being accomplished that day. But I love the time with my kids so that’s not something that needs a thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds fake and forced

When DH makes grilled cheese, salad and tomato soup for me and the kids, I do not lavish him with praise as if he is a Voltaggio brother gracing me with a five-course tasting menu. But hey, he got home first, he helped the kids with homework, and I get to roll in the house and sit down to dinner. I appreciate that. I say thank you.

I honestly think it might take more effort for me to not thank something than to acknowledge what they did for me.

So you say thanks for dinner, thanks for being home for the kids, thanks for helping with homework?

Every single day, every single time? No. In that scenario, I would definitely say thanks for the dinner. But I would say we thank each other at least 80-90% of the time for routine chores, and always for dinner.

For example, my husband is working late tonight. He knows I will be doing pickup, dinner, homework, and bedtime with the kids. When I reminded them to give him extra hugs because they will be asleep when he gets home tonight, he said, "Thank you for taking care of everything tonight." Last night, I thanked him for carrying three loads of laundry from the basement up to our bedroom. Gratitude is a good habit that we have.

I mean, you can keep arguing with me about it, but yeah. That's how it is in our marriage. And it won't change just because you're trying to poke holes.

You sound super defensive… wild.

I’m not arguing just wondering… but yea I dont need that much validation and it’s also okay that you do.

Awwww, you've been raised to think that simple gratitude, manners and politeness are seeking and giving "validation." It's OK. We can't choose how well we were raised.

Imagine this I have a different love language … your’s is word of affirmation, mine is not… and you need Xanax.

I answered the OP's question. You tried to poke and prod and get more out of me to try to make it seem that somehow, my husband and I showing basic politeness and gratitude to one another is forced or absurd or what have you. Clearly you are the defensive one, who is realizing what a jerk you are for not saying thank you to your own spouse once in a while. Have a great day.

And by the way, it's "yours" not "your's".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I thank each other for everything, including cooking dinner (he thanks me) and cleaning up dinner (I thank him). When he does cook dinner, I always thank him even though I don't particularly like it when he cooks; and I always clean and he thanks me.

There are a lot DH and I get wrong, but this is one thing we get right. We thank each other for taking out the trash, doing laundry, handling dinner and homework and bedtime if one of us has to work late, etc.

+1 we also thank our daughter when she does things around the house, etc.