Sorority recruitment

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I would advise against this.

Have her join specific clubs of her interest instead. Sorriorties can be cruel, rush is cruel.

Ugh, our resident Greek Life hater. Hi! Op, my DD pledged a sorority and can be described very much like your daughter. It has had its' ups and downs, but, in the end, has been a very gratifying experience for her and her friend group. I was ultimately on the side of no Greek life, while my DH fully supported it, with us deciding it was her life and her decision. She eventually received six bids to six sororities and wisely chose the one that she knew she would fit into, not the most popular one which was originally her first choice. The rush experience truly helped her sort out the minute differences that helped her arrive at the final selection. It has been a very supportive and enlightening environment she chose to place herself in, no regrets whatsoever. And yes, my DH gets to tell my "I told you so" whenever he wants on the subject. Lol.

But your DD got 6 bids, including her original first choice. Now imagine being a girl who only gets one bid (or none), and it's to the "lowest ranked" sorority and not one she envisioned being a part of. Can you see how demeaning and damaging that can be to her moral and overall well being?

The lack of self awareness in this complaint is stunning. Can you not see how judgmental your own daughter is being in rejecting the sorority that gave her the bid as being beneath her?

Seriously. How "demeaning and damaging" is it to the girls she thinks are not worth her time? This discussion is making me super happy DD has picked a college that has no Greek life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I would advise against this.

Have her join specific clubs of her interest instead. Sorriorties can be cruel, rush is cruel.

Ugh, our resident Greek Life hater. Hi! Op, my DD pledged a sorority and can be described very much like your daughter. It has had its' ups and downs, but, in the end, has been a very gratifying experience for her and her friend group. I was ultimately on the side of no Greek life, while my DH fully supported it, with us deciding it was her life and her decision. She eventually received six bids to six sororities and wisely chose the one that she knew she would fit into, not the most popular one which was originally her first choice. The rush experience truly helped her sort out the minute differences that helped her arrive at the final selection. It has been a very supportive and enlightening environment she chose to place herself in, no regrets whatsoever. And yes, my DH gets to tell my "I told you so" whenever he wants on the subject. Lol.

But your DD got 6 bids, including her original first choice. Now imagine being a girl who only gets one bid (or none), and it's to the "lowest ranked" sorority and not one she envisioned being a part of. Can you see how demeaning and damaging that can be to her moral and overall well being?

+2 My freshman DD calls often in tears about how miserable she is at school now that all her friends are in a sorority and she isn’t. It is even worse when other girls mention how sorry they are and that they “can’t believe” she was dropped by XYZ sorority. It seems like a silly thing to transfer colleges over, but she really can’t see how this gets better over the next 4 years unless she finds all new friends. I was neutral on Greek life before, but this entire experience has turned me into a hater!

In this situation, a girl stands a very good chance of getting a sophomore invite to the sorority when her friends can talk her up at the rush meetings.

But she has to survive mentally for another 9 months?!?!? She has no friends---the people she thought were friends are now sorority girls and have no time for her. It's cruel and brutal.

I feel your pain for your DD. Mine rushed (not my choice) because all of her friends did and thankfully they all ended up in the same sorority---but it could have just as easily ended really bad (and my DD had a rough start to college and the thought of making friends 3K miles from home---panic attacks, etc) So while I"m glad she found her place, I still am not a fan of greek life. For her not rushing would have been worse, as she definately would have not been with her friends as they are pledges.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hmm...people are really out of touch. You can absolutely NOT get a bid from a sorority and it has nothing to do with whether you accepted invitations to houses or not. For instance, at JMU, say you go through recruitment and you aren't very nice. And then you find out that after each round more and more houses drop you until you don't have one left for preference. You don't get a bid. This has happened. And even for girls who are nice, you don't always get a bid. When 1000 girls rush and you have a certain amount per house then people will get dropped. It's not a great feeling, believe me. But, rush is brutal, especially at JMU. I can't even begin to describe how hard it was on my daughter. It challenged her confidence and self worth in every single way. And ultimately she would have been fine if she hadn't joined her sorority. But, she did know girls who did NOT get bids at JMU.

my DD has gone through this on both sides at UVA and the only people who had NO bids at the end of the process, are those who dropped out and those who were kicked out. Thats it, that's how it works at UVA at least.

I should add, my DD knows lots of people who dropped out of rush as freshman and then rushed again and got into the houses they wanted to, because now they have friends in the house. That works both ways, there were also girls who were shut out again because they have terrible reputations (and almost got kicked out when they were in rush for badmouthing houses).

[Anonymous]

First, sorry for all the DDs on here who did not have a successful rush - hugs to you.

Second, our DD selected a school with no Greek life. She had been in the most popular girl clique in her HS - she enjoyed it but she also wanted a change and felt a no Greek school was one way to do it. Nearly all her HS friends rushed and nearly all of them matched with one of their top choices and am happy for all of them. Their moms, however, I can't handle it any more - it's ALL they talk about. What are the top sororities at their DD's school, which ones they got into, all the events they have to attend (and clothes they need to order for them), etc. It's endless or at least feels that way. And none of them were in sororities in college!

Hoping that it will die down as the semester unfolds.

[Anonymous]

The whole rush process is demented. I don't know about SLACs, but I went to UGA 30 years ago, and it was bad then. From what I hear from friend's kids, social media has not made it better/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I would advise against this.

Have her join specific clubs of her interest instead. Sorriorties can be cruel, rush is cruel.

Ugh, our resident Greek Life hater. Hi! Op, my DD pledged a sorority and can be described very much like your daughter. It has had its' ups and downs, but, in the end, has been a very gratifying experience for her and her friend group. I was ultimately on the side of no Greek life, while my DH fully supported it, with us deciding it was her life and her decision. She eventually received six bids to six sororities and wisely chose the one that she knew she would fit into, not the most popular one which was originally her first choice. The rush experience truly helped her sort out the minute differences that helped her arrive at the final selection. It has been a very supportive and enlightening environment she chose to place herself in, no regrets whatsoever. And yes, my DH gets to tell my "I told you so" whenever he wants on the subject. Lol.

But your DD got 6 bids, including her original first choice. Now imagine being a girl who only gets one bid (or none), and it's to the "lowest ranked" sorority and not one she envisioned being a part of. Can you see how demeaning and damaging that can be to her moral and overall well being?

The lack of self awareness in this complaint is stunning. Can you not see how judgmental your own daughter is being in rejecting the sorority that gave her the bid as being beneath her?

DP but you talk out of both sides of your mouth. It’s supposed to be a two way process you say. The girls have choices you say. When a house makes a choice, that’s part of the process you say. When a girl makes a choice, you say she’s an ungrateful snob. Do you have any self-awareness???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I would advise against this.

Have her join specific clubs of her interest instead. Sorriorties can be cruel, rush is cruel.

Ugh, our resident Greek Life hater. Hi! Op, my DD pledged a sorority and can be described very much like your daughter. It has had its' ups and downs, but, in the end, has been a very gratifying experience for her and her friend group. I was ultimately on the side of no Greek life, while my DH fully supported it, with us deciding it was her life and her decision. She eventually received six bids to six sororities and wisely chose the one that she knew she would fit into, not the most popular one which was originally her first choice. The rush experience truly helped her sort out the minute differences that helped her arrive at the final selection. It has been a very supportive and enlightening environment she chose to place herself in, no regrets whatsoever. And yes, my DH gets to tell my "I told you so" whenever he wants on the subject. Lol.

But your DD got 6 bids, including her original first choice. Now imagine being a girl who only gets one bid (or none), and it's to the "lowest ranked" sorority and not one she envisioned being a part of. Can you see how demeaning and damaging that can be to her moral and overall well being?

+2 My freshman DD calls often in tears about how miserable she is at school now that all her friends are in a sorority and she isn’t. It is even worse when other girls mention how sorry they are and that they “can’t believe” she was dropped by XYZ sorority. It seems like a silly thing to transfer colleges over, but she really can’t see how this gets better over the next 4 years unless she finds all new friends. I was neutral on Greek life before, but this entire experience has turned me into a hater!

In this situation, a girl stands a very good chance of getting a sophomore invite to the sorority when her friends can talk her up at the rush meetings.

Very few, if any, sophomores get into top houses at most sororities. They prefer the pledge class to be freshman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I would advise against this.

Have her join specific clubs of her interest instead. Sorriorties can be cruel, rush is cruel.

Ugh, our resident Greek Life hater. Hi! Op, my DD pledged a sorority and can be described very much like your daughter. It has had its' ups and downs, but, in the end, has been a very gratifying experience for her and her friend group. I was ultimately on the side of no Greek life, while my DH fully supported it, with us deciding it was her life and her decision. She eventually received six bids to six sororities and wisely chose the one that she knew she would fit into, not the most popular one which was originally her first choice. The rush experience truly helped her sort out the minute differences that helped her arrive at the final selection. It has been a very supportive and enlightening environment she chose to place herself in, no regrets whatsoever. And yes, my DH gets to tell my "I told you so" whenever he wants on the subject. Lol.

But your DD got 6 bids, including her original first choice. Now imagine being a girl who only gets one bid (or none), and it's to the "lowest ranked" sorority and not one she envisioned being a part of. Can you see how demeaning and damaging that can be to her moral and overall well being?

+2 My freshman DD calls often in tears about how miserable she is at school now that all her friends are in a sorority and she isn’t. It is even worse when other girls mention how sorry they are and that they “can’t believe” she was dropped by XYZ sorority. It seems like a silly thing to transfer colleges over, but she really can’t see how this gets better over the next 4 years unless she finds all new friends. I was neutral on Greek life before, but this entire experience has turned me into a hater!

In this situation, a girl stands a very good chance of getting a sophomore invite to the sorority when her friends can talk her up at the rush meetings.

But she has to survive mentally for another 9 months?!?!? She has no friends---the people she thought were friends are now sorority girls and have no time for her. It's cruel and brutal.

I feel your pain for your DD. Mine rushed (not my choice) because all of her friends did and thankfully they all ended up in the same sorority---but it could have just as easily ended really bad (and my DD had a rough start to college and the thought of making friends 3K miles from home---panic attacks, etc) So while I"m glad she found her place, I still am not a fan of greek life. For her not rushing would have been worse, as she definately would have not been with her friends as they are pledges.

During parent orientation a psychiatrist spoke and said their team does not need to know the date when rush bids come out. They know by the influx of students seeking help. Repeats ever year and that at a place with a low Greek culture. The kids are so focused on the rush that they have the rug pulled out from under them when they are not getting in and the circle of "friends" they focused on is suddenly busy with their sororities/fraternities. The struggle to deal with rejection and refocus friendships on non-Greek circles that have had now a head start on connecting already.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I would advise against this.

Have her join specific clubs of her interest instead. Sorriorties can be cruel, rush is cruel.

Ugh, our resident Greek Life hater. Hi! Op, my DD pledged a sorority and can be described very much like your daughter. It has had its' ups and downs, but, in the end, has been a very gratifying experience for her and her friend group. I was ultimately on the side of no Greek life, while my DH fully supported it, with us deciding it was her life and her decision. She eventually received six bids to six sororities and wisely chose the one that she knew she would fit into, not the most popular one which was originally her first choice. The rush experience truly helped her sort out the minute differences that helped her arrive at the final selection. It has been a very supportive and enlightening environment she chose to place herself in, no regrets whatsoever. And yes, my DH gets to tell my "I told you so" whenever he wants on the subject. Lol.

But your DD got 6 bids, including her original first choice. Now imagine being a girl who only gets one bid (or none), and it's to the "lowest ranked" sorority and not one she envisioned being a part of. Can you see how demeaning and damaging that can be to her moral and overall well being?

+2 My freshman DD calls often in tears about how miserable she is at school now that all her friends are in a sorority and she isn’t. It is even worse when other girls mention how sorry they are and that they “can’t believe” she was dropped by XYZ sorority. It seems like a silly thing to transfer colleges over, but she really can’t see how this gets better over the next 4 years unless she finds all new friends. I was neutral on Greek life before, but this entire experience has turned me into a hater!

In this situation, a girl stands a very good chance of getting a sophomore invite to the sorority when her friends can talk her up at the rush meetings.

But she has to survive mentally for another 9 months?!?!? She has no friends---the people she thought were friends are now sorority girls and have no time for her. It's cruel and brutal.

I feel your pain for your DD. Mine rushed (not my choice) because all of her friends did and thankfully they all ended up in the same sorority---but it could have just as easily ended really bad (and my DD had a rough start to college and the thought of making friends 3K miles from home---panic attacks, etc) So while I"m glad she found her place, I still am not a fan of greek life. For her not rushing would have been worse, as she definately would have not been with her friends as they are pledges.

During parent orientation a psychiatrist spoke and said their team does not need to know the date when rush bids come out. They know by the influx of students seeking help. Repeats ever year and that at a place with a low Greek culture. The kids are so focused on the rush that they have the rug pulled out from under them when they are not getting in and the circle of "friends" they focused on is suddenly busy with their sororities/fraternities. The struggle to deal with rejection and refocus friendships on non-Greek circles that have had now a head start on connecting already.

So sad. And all the constant visual reminders: all the new girls covered in colors and letters in the first week of classes. Just “in your face” with the pain during your first few weeks of college. So gross.

[Anonymous]

Clear that a lot of people attacking sororities on this thread have no clue how sorority bid matching works. The system, by design, gives every girl who participates in preference night parties (the last night of rush) a bid. Each house is only allowed a certain number of bids which is determined by dividing the overall number of girls participating by the number of houses. So, if there are 3 houses and 75 girls still rushing, each sorority is limited to 25 bids max. A popular sorority probably could give out two or three times as many bids, but they aren’t allowed to as the system wants each house to have an equal shot at a full pledge class.

The sororities rank just as the girls do. A sorority might love the 36th girl on their list but she still won’t get a bid from them if their quota is reached. The matching between lists is not done by the sororities themselves (they just turn in their list) , and they are sometimes as surprised by the results as the girls rushing. It’s an imperfect system but designed to give every girl an option, and to have as many full (aka vibrant) sorority houses on campus as possible.

I am sure it is momentarily devastating not to get the most desired house. But I hope that we are raising our daughters with enough resilience and grit that they can accept this disappointment and move on, just as they would do if they don’t make a varsity team or first chair in orchestra.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I would advise against this.

Have her join specific clubs of her interest instead. Sorriorties can be cruel, rush is cruel.

Ugh, our resident Greek Life hater. Hi! Op, my DD pledged a sorority and can be described very much like your daughter. It has had its' ups and downs, but, in the end, has been a very gratifying experience for her and her friend group. I was ultimately on the side of no Greek life, while my DH fully supported it, with us deciding it was her life and her decision. She eventually received six bids to six sororities and wisely chose the one that she knew she would fit into, not the most popular one which was originally her first choice. The rush experience truly helped her sort out the minute differences that helped her arrive at the final selection. It has been a very supportive and enlightening environment she chose to place herself in, no regrets whatsoever. And yes, my DH gets to tell my "I told you so" whenever he wants on the subject. Lol.

But your DD got 6 bids, including her original first choice. Now imagine being a girl who only gets one bid (or none), and it's to the "lowest ranked" sorority and not one she envisioned being a part of. Can you see how demeaning and damaging that can be to her moral and overall well being?

+2 My freshman DD calls often in tears about how miserable she is at school now that all her friends are in a sorority and she isn’t. It is even worse when other girls mention how sorry they are and that they “can’t believe” she was dropped by XYZ sorority. It seems like a silly thing to transfer colleges over, but she really can’t see how this gets better over the next 4 years unless she finds all new friends. I was neutral on Greek life before, but this entire experience has turned me into a hater!

In this situation, a girl stands a very good chance of getting a sophomore invite to the sorority when her friends can talk her up at the rush meetings.

But she has to survive mentally for another 9 months?!?!? She has no friends---the people she thought were friends are now sorority girls and have no time for her. It's cruel and brutal.

I feel your pain for your DD. Mine rushed (not my choice) because all of her friends did and thankfully they all ended up in the same sorority---but it could have just as easily ended really bad (and my DD had a rough start to college and the thought of making friends 3K miles from home---panic attacks, etc) So while I"m glad she found her place, I still am not a fan of greek life. For her not rushing would have been worse, as she definately would have not been with her friends as they are pledges.

During parent orientation a psychiatrist spoke and said their team does not need to know the date when rush bids come out. They know by the influx of students seeking help. Repeats ever year and that at a place with a low Greek culture. The kids are so focused on the rush that they have the rug pulled out from under them when they are not getting in and the circle of "friends" they focused on is suddenly busy with their sororities/fraternities. The struggle to deal with rejection and refocus friendships on non-Greek circles that have had now a head start on connecting already.

+1

I wish my DD had not rushed, but in her case, it seems to have worked out well and if we had told her "no, we aren't paying for rush", she would have definately been left with all her friends going greek and that wouldn't have been mentally healthy either. Thankfully her process was 4 days---it's a smaller school and greek is not the same there as at a big school, thankfully. She's already at a school where it's "nerdy/smart and some like to party one day a weekend". Very academic school so for her it's just an extension of her friends (so she tells me). I figure, she missed out on the social process of HS with covid, so can't control the college process.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Clear that a lot of people attacking sororities on this thread have no clue how sorority bid matching works. The system, by design, gives every girl who participates in preference night parties (the last night of rush) a bid. Each house is only allowed a certain number of bids which is determined by dividing the overall number of girls participating by the number of houses. So, if there are 3 houses and 75 girls still rushing, each sorority is limited to 25 bids max. A popular sorority probably could give out two or three times as many bids, but they aren’t allowed to as the system wants each house to have an equal shot at a full pledge class.

The sororities rank just as the girls do. A sorority might love the 36th girl on their list but she still won’t get a bid from them if their quota is reached. The matching between lists is not done by the sororities themselves (they just turn in their list) , and they are sometimes as surprised by the results as the girls rushing. It’s an imperfect system but designed to give every girl an option, and to have as many full (aka vibrant) sorority houses on campus as possible.

I am sure it is momentarily devastating not to get the most desired house. But I hope that we are raising our daughters with enough resilience and grit that they can accept this disappointment and move on, just as they would do if they don’t make a varsity team or first chair in orchestra.

Huge difference: They make the varsity team or first chair in orchestra based on actual Talent/skills. "making the sorority" is based on appearance, whether the right people like you, family money, where you vacation, etc. Very different situations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Clear that a lot of people attacking sororities on this thread have no clue how sorority bid matching works. The system, by design, gives every girl who participates in preference night parties (the last night of rush) a bid. Each house is only allowed a certain number of bids which is determined by dividing the overall number of girls participating by the number of houses. So, if there are 3 houses and 75 girls still rushing, each sorority is limited to 25 bids max. A popular sorority probably could give out two or three times as many bids, but they aren’t allowed to as the system wants each house to have an equal shot at a full pledge class.

The sororities rank just as the girls do. A sorority might love the 36th girl on their list but she still won’t get a bid from them if their quota is reached. The matching between lists is not done by the sororities themselves (they just turn in their list) , and they are sometimes as surprised by the results as the girls rushing. It’s an imperfect system but designed to give every girl an option, and to have as many full (aka vibrant) sorority houses on campus as possible.

I am sure it is momentarily devastating not to get the most desired house. But I hope that we are raising our daughters with enough resilience and grit that they can accept this disappointment and move on, just as they would do if they don’t make a varsity team or first chair in orchestra.

+1000 this. Its not personal and no some of the girls in the sororities themselves don't even know who was dropped. Its all fed into the computer and the computer matches. No one is snickering about the rushees behind their back, unless they are in the top houses that don't even give people a chance if they don't know them, but again why would you want to be with that group? Just because some boys think they are the prettiest?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Clear that a lot of people attacking sororities on this thread have no clue how sorority bid matching works. The system, by design, gives every girl who participates in preference night parties (the last night of rush) a bid. Each house is only allowed a certain number of bids which is determined by dividing the overall number of girls participating by the number of houses. So, if there are 3 houses and 75 girls still rushing, each sorority is limited to 25 bids max. A popular sorority probably could give out two or three times as many bids, but they aren’t allowed to as the system wants each house to have an equal shot at a full pledge class.

The sororities rank just as the girls do. A sorority might love the 36th girl on their list but she still won’t get a bid from them if their quota is reached. The matching between lists is not done by the sororities themselves (they just turn in their list) , and they are sometimes as surprised by the results as the girls rushing. It’s an imperfect system but designed to give every girl an option, and to have as many full (aka vibrant) sorority houses on campus as possible.

I am sure it is momentarily devastating not to get the most desired house. But I hope that we are raising our daughters with enough resilience and grit that they can accept this disappointment and move on, just as they would do if they don’t make a varsity team or first chair in orchestra.

Huge difference: They make the varsity team or first chair in orchestra based on actual Talent/skills. "making the sorority" is based on appearance, whether the right people like you, family money, where you vacation, etc. Very different situations.

are offers ever made based on a pledge's boyfriend and which frat they are in?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Clear that a lot of people attacking sororities on this thread have no clue how sorority bid matching works. The system, by design, gives every girl who participates in preference night parties (the last night of rush) a bid. Each house is only allowed a certain number of bids which is determined by dividing the overall number of girls participating by the number of houses. So, if there are 3 houses and 75 girls still rushing, each sorority is limited to 25 bids max. A popular sorority probably could give out two or three times as many bids, but they aren’t allowed to as the system wants each house to have an equal shot at a full pledge class.

The sororities rank just as the girls do. A sorority might love the 36th girl on their list but she still won’t get a bid from them if their quota is reached. The matching between lists is not done by the sororities themselves (they just turn in their list) , and they are sometimes as surprised by the results as the girls rushing. It’s an imperfect system but designed to give every girl an option, and to have as many full (aka vibrant) sorority houses on campus as possible.

I am sure it is momentarily devastating not to get the most desired house. But I hope that we are raising our daughters with enough resilience and grit that they can accept this disappointment and move on, just as they would do if they don’t make a varsity team or first chair in orchestra.

Huge difference: They make the varsity team or first chair in orchestra based on actual Talent/skills. "making the sorority" is based on appearance, whether the right people like you, family money, where you vacation, etc. Very different situations.

are offers ever made based on a pledge's boyfriend and which frat they are in?

My DD is IN a sorority and at no point are they even asking if they have a boyfriend much less if they are in a frat. In fact, it's technically against rush rules to talk about boys and drinking.