URMs Feeling Pressure to Prove Themselves

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The cost of Affirmative Action.

+1. URM's cannot have it both ways. It's a well known fact that females have an advantage in college admissions for STEM and URM for everything. Frankly even workplaces have DEI initiatives.

I think you forget to mention the advantage for white males in many other college settings, but particularly liberal arts colleges? Or does that upset your narrative?

Why do you think white males would have an advantage at certain colleges? Is it maybe because they are in the minority and the college is looking to increase it's diversity? Same thing in reverse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s hard. My husband and I are URM and people have always questioned the schools we went to, ivy and top 20. It almost feels like you have to work even harder to prove that you achieved anything on merit. As much assume affirmative action, we were both top of our respective high school class and he was top of his college class (phi beta kappa) before going to ivy law school with multiple ECs and national awards etc. Yet, people always assume that we only got there bc of affirmative action. Now, even in biglaw, it still doesn’t end. Other partners and associates can graduate from random place whereas every URM has to be from a better law school to be at the same firm. It never ends.

Bolded is the same for legacy admits, recruited athletes, regardless of whether they had stats etc. Welcome to the club.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid is a URM from a middle class family in Fairfax County. A language other than English is often spoken in our house. Both parents are grads of US universities. My kid has high stats, has been admitted to some sought after universities. I feel they are constantly having to prove themselves in front of their non-URM friends. In addition, I often get the “Your kid will have an advantage in college admissions” comments. It irks me to no end! My kid worked very hard for those grades. Non URM kids from their grade were admitted to comprable schools with similar-possibly lower scores.

They are still working hard in their classes (as they should), while some of her classmates are enjoying some senioritis. If you are a parent to a high performing URM, do you notice this as well? It just makes me sad how they still feel the pressure to show they deserve to attend a prestigious university.

There no pressure to be felt if pressure is not applied. But there are many (just look at this board) that will question their ability and their right to be where they are.

Best thing for them to do is to continue putting in the work. Your kid earned their spot and deserves to enjoy it!

[Anonymous]

If your kid ends up going to Berkeley or Michigan, that should shut them up. But yeah, AA gives your kid a boost at most schools, you can’t have it both ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was a biracial white-passing minority at an elite college in the 90s and knew immediately literally everyone in my class was far smarter and cutthroat. It was awful. And in January of my first year my advisors were trying to get me to consider the easiest majors just because I aced an easy intro class everyone aces. Not try harder and here’s some resources, they just wanted me in an easy department. Being the dumb kid sucks. EVERYONE know you only got in because of affirmative action. Not to say most peers are mean and won’t socialize with you, it’s just you can tell they know you’re not on their level.

At least you are honest about it. Most are not.

+1

I also think that is how HBCUs came to be. Why do HBCUs seem to be falling out of favor?

You need to stop "thinking" and start learning. Take a look at where HBCUs are located and when they were founded. The answer of "How they came to be" should be quite obvious then.

[Anonymous]

When requirements are lower for certain groups (whether race, legacy, gender, etc) than for others, and where there are far more qualified candidates than available slots, it would seem simply correct to state that the people in those groups have an easier time being admitted and that there is not a level playing field. That doesn’t at all mean that they are not qualified and won’t do a terrific job, or won’t make the best and a terrific use of the opportunity. But to simultaneously state your legacy status, race, or gender on an application, knowing that it is to your benefit, and then to express frustration that others recognize this basic fact, seems disingenuous.

I personally am quite glad that there is affirmative action. I think it is good for our society and the right choice. I also know that, on average, my kids will need to score multiple hundreds of points higher than their wealthy URM and legacy classmates at the top of DC private. Is that fair or equitable on the small scale? I think not. Does it make sense to me on the wider scale? To me, yes. But that doesn’t mean that it is not social engineering and that some applicants are held to higher standards. I don’t think that it is inaccurate or offensive to point that out. It’s simply the truth of the policy choice that has been made. But when my daughter is around her primarily URM friends, and they kid her that she and two other girls (Indian descent) in their group should go study, because they actually have to do well on their ACTs, that’s feels true to her. And the kids all know and seem to accept it. Do any of the parents actually think the kids don’t see the different admissions standard applied to certain groups (race, legacy, in certain contexts gender)? They’ve been friends and in school together for years. They are friends, date each other, are in study groups together, etc. does anyone actually think they don’t see that lower grades/scores/activities are required for legacies and URMs, and for goodness sakes that their Asian friends are expected to walk on water to have the same admissions. Could anyone actually say otherwise, regardless of whether you think this is a good policy choice?

[Anonymous]

I cant wait until next year (possibly even the RD round this year) for all of this handwringing to just disappear.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry your kid is going through this, OP. Even if race was one unique aspect your student brought to the table, that doesn't detract from their accomplishments. It's not like any consideration for diversity replaces merit. There are lots of potential meritous kids, but they chose yours.

My kid is white, but she got into some top schools I think because she brought some artistic diversity to the table. It's about creating an academically stimulating environment with the admitted students. Your student contributes perspective along with their outstanding merit. It doesn't have to be an either/or. Congrats!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's terrible people say rude things. Your daughter sounds amazing. Congrats on her acceptances!

I sincerely doubt that anyone says what OP is claiming, and I’ve been active in both private and public high schools. No one says that

NP
Yes they do.
My friends dd was in technology focused magnet high school and she was told by students a lot of times how college admission will be easy for her.

Because it IS!

[Anonymous]

Haters are going to hate.

Ignore and keep it moving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's terrible people say rude things. Your daughter sounds amazing. Congrats on her acceptances!

I sincerely doubt that anyone says what OP is claiming, and I’ve been active in both private and public high schools. No one says that

OP here. I assure you, these comments have come from parents of my kid’s peers. One, I clearly remember, was the same mom who, back when they were in Kindergarten, asked if I would “let” my kid date a Black person. I was in shock! I grew up in a liberal state, and was not ready for this kind of comment. Just a few months ago, this same mom said to me, “You know, your kid will have an easier time getting into XX University, because you are Hispanic”. Which in some cases may be true, but kid did get high grades, and deserves to be there.

I have also heard, “Well, if my kid were were Hispanic, we would totally use that to our advantage”

It can't be both ways.. sometimes it's needed, sometimes not. While your kid may be smart.. IS smart.. I'm sure there are a thousand other Asian kids who could beat the snot out of him in academics and ECs that did not get *that* seat. What do you tell them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's terrible people say rude things. Your daughter sounds amazing. Congrats on her acceptances!

I sincerely doubt that anyone says what OP is claiming, and I’ve been active in both private and public high schools. No one says that

NP
Yes they do.
My friends dd was in technology focused magnet high school and she was told by students a lot of times how college admission will be easy for her.

Because it IS!

But it's not necessarily so. I have plenty of friends with children who are black, biracial, Latino/a, Asian, etc. Many of these kids didn't get into their ED and they were competitive applicants, especially the STEM ones. Some finally got in RD, but the idea that "college admission will be easy" is just not always the case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's terrible people say rude things. Your daughter sounds amazing. Congrats on her acceptances!

I sincerely doubt that anyone says what OP is claiming, and I’ve been active in both private and public high schools. No one says that

NP
Yes they do.
My friends dd was in technology focused magnet high school and she was told by students a lot of times how college admission will be easy for her.

Because it IS!

But it's not necessarily so. I have plenty of friends with children who are black, biracial, Latino/a, Asian, etc. Many of these kids didn't get into their ED and they were competitive applicants, especially the STEM ones. Some finally got in RD, but the idea that "college admission will be easy" is just not always the case.

DP, not saying it's easy, but it's definitely easier. The following proves you need stronger stats depending on race.

https://www.thecrimson.com/article/2018/10/22/asian-american-admit-sat-scores/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Welcome to the ugly side of living in a highly educated “liberal” community. The hypocrisy in these comments is truly astounding.

Seems to me the people who are saying "this is what happens when we have aa" are the ones who probably don't support aa in college admissions. I don't see those comments as hypocritical. Your mistake is that you think everyone on dcum is a progressive liberal who supports aa. That's not the case.

Also, imagine being an Asian American, having high stats, all the right E.C.s, leadership positions, etc.. and still being passed over for someone with less stats than this student. Don't tell me you would not feel like it wasn't fair.

Yea, the system is not "fair'. Life's not fair. Tell that to OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was a biracial white-passing minority at an elite college in the 90s and knew immediately literally everyone in my class was far smarter and cutthroat. It was awful. And in January of my first year my advisors were trying to get me to consider the easiest majors just because I aced an easy intro class everyone aces. Not try harder and here’s some resources, they just wanted me in an easy department. Being the dumb kid sucks. EVERYONE know you only got in because of affirmative action. Not to say most peers are mean and won’t socialize with you, it’s just you can tell they know you’re not on their level.

Can you tell if this is a race baiting troll?

Or maybe telling an honest story, who knows?

They describe themselves as "white passing" and then says everyone thought they got in because of affirmative action. That does not make sense. Why would anyone think that if everyone thought they were "white?"

Troll.

Maybe her name was “Maria de los Angeles Rodriguez”, but was “white passing”. “Hispanic” is not a race.