URMs Feeling Pressure to Prove Themselves
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Anonymous
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My kid is a URM from a middle class family in Fairfax County. A language other than English is often spoken in our house. Both parents are grads of US universities. My kid has high stats, has been admitted to some sought after universities. I feel they are constantly having to prove themselves in front of their non-URM friends. In addition, I often get the “Your kid will have an advantage in college admissions” comments. It irks me to no end! My kid worked very hard for those grades. Non URM kids from their grade were admitted to comprable schools with similar-possibly lower scores.
They are still working hard in their classes (as they should), while some of her classmates are enjoying some senioritis. If you are a parent to a high performing URM, do you notice this as well? It just makes me sad how they still feel the pressure to show they deserve to attend a prestigious university. |
Anonymous
| That's terrible people say rude things. Your daughter sounds amazing. Congrats on her acceptances! |
Anonymous
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Well it is true that your kid might not have had to do so well to be admitted to those schools. That's the truth and why people say what they say.
That said, your kid sounds amazing. Congrats. |
Anonymous
| PP above, I would simply put it in the bucket of "can't control what I can't control" and move on but the cold hard truth is that URMs will have an advantage in college admission if everything is equal |
Anonymous
| You can’t have it both ways OP. That’s what you/your kids have to pay. They will never shake that doubt in other people’s eyes. |
Anonymous
I sincerely doubt that anyone says what OP is claiming, and I’ve been active in both private and public high schools. No one says that |
Anonymous
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I am surprised ppl are saying it out loud, it's rude.
But this is the quiet feeling that AA generates. Your kid sounds great - focus on that! |
Anonymous
Well, considering that half the people on this thread made comments that you say no one makes... My recommendation, OP, is that once your child is on campus they seek out affinity groups with students who have similar backgrounds and experiences-that will give them a place to vent and decompress. I work for an org is majority Black with a really diverse mix in the rest of the staff. Our interns have a great experience, in part because they get to see a professional environment that isn't majority whit. |
Anonymous
| My DS never encountered that. Was in the top 3 in HS (only 1 white kid in the top 5 other 4 URM's). Now in college and is excelling with no pressure but the pressure he puts on himself to do well. |
Anonymous
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Your experience is exactly like mine except dd didn’t tell me about proving herself to anyone.
Colleges in their common data set put being URM as considered nothing more but a lot of people pretend as if it is a big hook for admission. |
Anonymous
| It’s hard. My husband and I are URM and people have always questioned the schools we went to, ivy and top 20. It almost feels like you have to work even harder to prove that you achieved anything on merit. As much assume affirmative action, we were both top of our respective high school class and he was top of his college class (phi beta kappa) before going to ivy law school with multiple ECs and national awards etc. Yet, people always assume that we only got there bc of affirmative action. Now, even in biglaw, it still doesn’t end. Other partners and associates can graduate from random place whereas every URM has to be from a better law school to be at the same firm. It never ends. |
Anonymous
| That’s very rude. Avoid those people! |
Anonymous
NP Yes they do. My friends dd was in technology focused magnet high school and she was told by students a lot of times how college admission will be easy for her. |
Anonymous
+1 cuts both ways. Lots of Asian Americans can't understand why they got rejected over a lower stat URM other than due to the color of their skin. Oh yes, it's because their personality is lacking. Almost all kids with very high stats worked hard. But the comment " “Your kid will have an advantage in college admissions” is very true, and the numbers reflect that. |
Anonymous
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People never want to acknowledge that maybe their kids are not as amazing as they perceive them to be. So they look for other explanations for why your kid did better.
I am sorry you are encountering thus. In part it also stems from affirmative action policies, but that does not mean they are not justified/a net positive |