Marrying a nice rich guy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My advice to those men is, "Never ever get married."

Signed, a moderately wealthy nice man.

A good reason not to aim for wealthy men but instead men with potential to build *with.*

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At 28 you shouldn’t be looking for rich you should be looking for a grinder who will get there.

Why? There’s no extra points for this.

Oh yes there certainly are. Many many many advantages. But the first is just being of similar age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At 28 you shouldn’t be looking for rich you should be looking for a grinder who will get there.

Why? There’s no extra points for this.

Hard worker is so much better than family money.

The question is how do you make sure the next generation doesn’t blow it all.

plenty of hard workers never get rich. Startups fail. The boss son gets the promotion. Etc.

And others born into money can lose it all (like Lisa Marie Presley, RIP - she went through $100m). At least if you marry hard working, they can earn it again.

That’s some extreme thinking there on all counts.

This whole thread is extreme thinking, what is your point?

My point is that plenty of people born wealthy don’t blow through it, as a child of a celebrity might. There are lots of wealthy people who are nice and responsible with their money, despite what DCUM wants to see happen to them.

My other point is that hard-working people cannot just “make back” fortunes lost.

And I think that you are better off finding someone hard working as a marriage partner, both for financial and relationship reasons.

No doubt. But hard-working people come from various types of backgrounds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know plenty of heterosexual nice guys who are nearing 40 who want to get married and have a family. They were working their butts off to make money in their younger years because they did not come from wealthy backgrounds.

Unfortunately, all they are getting are gold-diggers women without family values. So they are also stuck.

This is BS.

Do these men live in a bubble?

There are women where they work, women where they live. They have family, friends and acquaintances who know great women.

I guess the first red flag would be that a man chose to stay single until his 49s just because he wanted to " make money in his younger years". It tells you how important money is to him. He is just attracting female versions of himself.

The guys I knew were travelling a lot. They were road warriors who were never at home. They also were not players. The one or two relationships when they were much younger fizzled out because they were so young and unestablished.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is with the repeated threads in recent months about meeting and marrying wealthy people? Do that many of the posters on this site crave wealth and use it as a yardstick for measuring dates? Do people just hope to stop working as soon as possible in their lives and live off what a spouse brings to the marriage? How transactional and mercenary. Yeah, I'm judging and I own the fact I'm judging. It just screams "I want to be 'kept.'" And no amount of excuses like "But! I only desire for our kids to want for nothing!" or "I fear being poor because I was raised poor" or other supposed "reasons" could stop this thinking from being mercenary.

It’s disgusting.

Make your own gdamn $ !!

I really loathe “the man is the plan” thinking and parents that instill this type of thinking in their daughters are just gross people in 2023.

? Every SAHM with kids in school and no major caregiver responsibilities is modeling that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did at around 32. Just as easy to fall in love with someone wealthy as someone poor!

How old are you now? Let us know when he trades you in for someone younger.

We’re good, thanks. But you’re right, many marriages end in divorce so I’m glad that I planned ahead (though I very much believe that we won’t have to deal with divorce; we both have family histories which make us unusually committed).

Getting very strong "second wife" vibes off of this one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Signing up to be dependent sounds awful. I'm sure there are some couples who come together naturally and who work this out. I know a few. But the women almost always still make trade offs and need to "ask permission' to do things in ways that make my skin crawl.

My DH and I have discussions about what we want to do. I just took a weekend away with friends, and I ran it by him, but wasn't really looking for permission. I try to be responsible with our money and he knows that. He is now planning a golf weekend with some friends, and I have no problem with that. I know he'll spend where he needs to and be mindful where he needs to.

The difference is that we are a team on equal financial footing. It matters.

Meh, I have way more money than my DH because I inherited it and it’s fine. He doesn’t have to “ask my permission” for anything. He makes enough money to live a fine life but we spend more and if we divorced, he would count on the divorce settlement because we structure our retirement planning etc based on the money we have together. Also because of parenting, I assume he’d get support for whatever (and I would want to give it to him). When we got married, we joined forces.

Right. I am not talking about a duel income situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is with the repeated threads in recent months about meeting and marrying wealthy people? Do that many of the posters on this site crave wealth and use it as a yardstick for measuring dates? Do people just hope to stop working as soon as possible in their lives and live off what a spouse brings to the marriage? How transactional and mercenary. Yeah, I'm judging and I own the fact I'm judging. It just screams "I want to be 'kept.'" And no amount of excuses like "But! I only desire for our kids to want for nothing!" or "I fear being poor because I was raised poor" or other supposed "reasons" could stop this thinking from being mercenary.

It’s disgusting.

Make your own gdamn $ !!

I really loathe “the man is the plan” thinking and parents that instill this type of thinking in their daughters are just gross people in 2023.

? Every SAHM with kids in school and no major caregiver responsibilities is modeling that.

How are women with “major caregiver responsibilities” NOT modeling that? Of course they are.

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand why “a man is not a plan” and marrying comfortable/well off are somehow mutually exclusive, or why marrying wealthy somehow means not also making money.

I would much rather my daughter have her career prospects widened and her stress level lowered by marrying a man with money than have to choose every job based on whether she can keep a roof over her head.

Money is a major factor in divorce and lower HHI corresponds to higher divorce rate. No one gives you a medal for marrying a poor partner and struggling and acting like people who marry wealthy don’t marry for love is ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand why “a man is not a plan” and marrying comfortable/well off are somehow mutually exclusive, or why marrying wealthy somehow means not also making money.

I would much rather my daughter have her career prospects widened and her stress level lowered by marrying a man with money than have to choose every job based on whether she can keep a roof over her head.

Money is a major factor in divorce and lower HHI corresponds to higher divorce rate. No one gives you a medal for marrying a poor partner and struggling and acting like people who marry wealthy don’t marry for love is ridiculous.

Yup. Relying solely on your income is a stool with one leg (for both partners).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand why “a man is not a plan” and marrying comfortable/well off are somehow mutually exclusive, or why marrying wealthy somehow means not also making money.

I would much rather my daughter have her career prospects widened and her stress level lowered by marrying a man with money than have to choose every job based on whether she can keep a roof over her head.

Money is a major factor in divorce and lower HHI corresponds to higher divorce rate. No one gives you a medal for marrying a poor partner and struggling and acting like people who marry wealthy don’t marry for love is ridiculous.

Completely agree with you. I married young, but I always dated smart. It's almost 10 years and 2 kids later and we are still extremely happy and love each other. When I was dating, I wouldn't entertain someone who wasn't from a good family, and a professional degree in hand or one they were working on. I plan on telling my kids to do the very same. They shouldn't have to struggle in their every day life when they've had a comfortable life during their childhood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My advice to those men is, "Never ever get married."

Signed, a moderately wealthy nice man.

Are you sharing this advice as somebody that is unhappily married or did you take your own advice? If it’s the latter, do you have a long term partner that you’ll never marry or do you just have short term relationships?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is with the repeated threads in recent months about meeting and marrying wealthy people? Do that many of the posters on this site crave wealth and use it as a yardstick for measuring dates? Do people just hope to stop working as soon as possible in their lives and live off what a spouse brings to the marriage? How transactional and mercenary. Yeah, I'm judging and I own the fact I'm judging. It just screams "I want to be 'kept.'" And no amount of excuses like "But! I only desire for our kids to want for nothing!" or "I fear being poor because I was raised poor" or other supposed "reasons" could stop this thinking from being mercenary.

It’s disgusting.

Make your own gdamn $ !!

I really loathe “the man is the plan” thinking and parents that instill this type of thinking in their daughters are just gross people in 2023.

I was a really good student, worked very hard. I was a star athlete. I had ambition. I didn't want to be dependent on someone else to support me---that right there means you have no options if things go hayward and you stay in situations that are harmful for that reason.

My parents raised us to always have a means to support ourselves, keep a foot in the door, etc. Their aspirations were not 'marry me off'.

I can't imagine have zero ambition in life except to 'marry a rich guy'. Not to mention that is not the kind of marriage I aspired to or why I would want to live the rest of my life with someone.

Just so gross and gold-digging.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is with the repeated threads in recent months about meeting and marrying wealthy people? Do that many of the posters on this site crave wealth and use it as a yardstick for measuring dates? Do people just hope to stop working as soon as possible in their lives and live off what a spouse brings to the marriage? How transactional and mercenary. Yeah, I'm judging and I own the fact I'm judging. It just screams "I want to be 'kept.'" And no amount of excuses like "But! I only desire for our kids to want for nothing!" or "I fear being poor because I was raised poor" or other supposed "reasons" could stop this thinking from being mercenary.

It’s disgusting.

Make your own gdamn $ !!

I really loathe “the man is the plan” thinking and parents that instill this type of thinking in their daughters are just gross people in 2023.

I was a really good student, worked very hard. I was a star athlete. I had ambition. I didn't want to be dependent on someone else to support me---that right there means you have no options if things go hayward and you stay in situations that are harmful for that reason.

My parents raised us to always have a means to support ourselves, keep a foot in the door, etc. Their aspirations were not 'marry me off'.

I can't imagine have zero ambition in life except to 'marry a rich guy'. Not to mention that is not the kind of marriage I aspired to or why I would want to live the rest of my life with someone.

Just so gross and gold-digging.

This really seems to trigger people. Where does the OP say they have no ambition in life or that they’re not keeping a foot in the door in the door or they have no means of supporting themselves?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My advice to those men is, "Never ever get married."

Signed, a moderately wealthy nice man.

Are you sharing this advice as somebody that is unhappily married or did you take your own advice? If it’s the latter, do you have a long term partner that you’ll never marry or do you just have short term relationships?

I didn't take my own advice. I'm divorced and it cost a lot. I thought I married well but she turned out to be lazy and mentally ill and took on a drug addiction.

My advice to women is work hard at something and be good at something.