Drama over who pays for the wedding

[Anonymous]

Do you have a decent backyard? Or you can use a room at your House of Worship for refreshments after the nuptials. There is no need for an expensive wedding even with a large family.

[Anonymous]

I think the question OP meant to ask is if OP pays for the whole wedding, does the groom’s side get an equally large guest list.

At my wedding, we did it traditionally where the bride’s side paid due to finances. The wedding was in the groom’s town where the couple lived, and the mom had a huge list of guests that had to be pared down significantly. It can get tense to set the guest list realistically.

[Anonymous]

I don't get all of the comments suggesting the bride and groom shouldn't get married if they can't pay for the wedding themselves. The types of people who have college and expensive graduate programs paid for by their parents are the kinds of people whose parents also pay for them to have a nice wedding. It's just a matter of whether it should all be covered by the bride's family as is tradition, or whether the groom's family should contribute something as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You tell your daughter how much you can afford to contribute to the wedding. If the couple wants a wedding that costs more, they can ask his parents. This is not your problem to solve.

THIS is your answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm so confused by the sexes in this scenario. Do you have a dd or a ds? Are they engaged to a fiance? or a fiancee?

Yeah, these acronyms are so stupid.

Does it really save any time to type DS instead of son???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just noting here that one problem with the parents offering what money they can afford -- while making sure that it should cover all the guests that they might want to invite -- is that the parents will not be prioritizing the money in the same way as the kids will be. So they might think $20K is plenty to cover their 100 family members, but actually the kids think it's more important to have the wedding in a fancy location and get a special band to play the reception, which will cut down on the amount of money left to cover a large guest list. Just realize going in that your priorities will be different and you can't get what you necessarily expect. That might be something you want to discuss with the kids -- whether or not you can give the money with certain strings attached re guests. Not sure you can even really do this, but otherwise there is a lot of room not to get what you expected.

They should give the money they want to give, but have no expectations about how it is used. In theory, at least the people getting married are adults; it’s their wedding; they decide (I say in theory because these two getting married are still children who are being taken care of by their parents.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you have a decent backyard? Or you can use a room at your House of Worship for refreshments after the nuptials. There is no need for an expensive wedding even with a large family.

Well, they want a large wedding because they are rich, excuse me, UMC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You tell your daughter how much you can afford to contribute to the wedding. If the couple wants a wedding that costs more, they can ask his parents. This is not your problem to solve.

THIS is your answer.

YES. Also be clear what wedding demands you have upfront… if you give your daughter a set amount, she may not agree that you get to have a say in the details.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm so confused by the sexes in this scenario. Do you have a dd or a ds? Are they engaged to a fiance? or a fiancee?

Yeah, these acronyms are so stupid.

Does it really save any time to type DS instead of son???

It’s not the acronyms, it’s switching back and forth that caused the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm so confused by the sexes in this scenario. Do you have a dd or a ds? Are they engaged to a fiance? or a fiancee?

Yeah, these acronyms are so stupid.

Does it really save any time to type DS instead of son???

Are you people really so dense that you couldn't figure it out from context. Plus, why does the gender matter? The question asked was straightforward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm so confused by the sexes in this scenario. Do you have a dd or a ds? Are they engaged to a fiance? or a fiancee?

Yeah, these acronyms are so stupid.

Does it really save any time to type DS instead of son???

Are you people really so dense that you couldn't figure it out from context. Plus, why does the gender matter? The question asked was straightforward.

Are you so dense you didn't read it? OP called the person getting married both a DD and a DS. Which is it? Please clear up the confusion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the first step is to talk candidly with your daughter. Start getting a feel for the size/type of wedding and what the real numbers are, and then decide if it makes sense to broach the subject of her future in-laws contributing, and if so, the best way to go about that. Of course your future son in law should have input, too, but probably best to let your daughter handle.

Have the future in-laws offered to pay for anything? Typically if the bride's parents are paying for the wedding, the groom's family will pay for the rehearsal dinner and the honeymoon. And many rehearsal dinners end up being mini weddings given the size of the wedding party, inviting out of town guests, etc. That's how my parents and in-laws divided it.

Prior comments that the bride and groom should pay are silly. They are just finishing college and have no money. The bride's parents can afford it and are obviously happy to contribute.

As parents of a groom, we did make the rehearsal dinner a mini wedding, and spent a ton. Also, the whole wedding occurred at our small summer community. So we didn’t feel an ounce of guilt that the bride’s family picked up the tab for the reception. The bride and groom paid for their own honeymoon, which was delayed.

So for the OP, if the groom’s parents are similarly stepping up to the plate, you may have nothing to complain about.

[Anonymous]

You tell your daughter how much you can afford to contribute to the wedding. If the couple wants a wedding that costs more, they can ask his parents. This is not your problem to solve.

This. And for context, I was recently the Mother of the Bride. I did pay for (almost) all of it. I always expected to pay for a daughter's wedding. I did know an amount I wouldn't have gone above. There were things the couple wanted that I thought were too expensive .. example, flowers costing x and it could have been y, so I contributed y. They paid the difference because they wanted something more deluxe.

I agree with the above, that the general advice is: THIS is not your problem to solve.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm so confused by the sexes in this scenario. Do you have a dd or a ds? Are they engaged to a fiance? or a fiancee?

Yeah, these acronyms are so stupid.

Does it really save any time to type DS instead of son???

Are you people really so dense that you couldn't figure it out from context. Plus, why does the gender matter? The question asked was straightforward.

Are you so dense you didn't read it? OP called the person getting married both a DD and a DS. Which is it? Please clear up the confusion.

The context was clear. People post from their damn phones. Get a life.

[Anonymous]

I'm just curious what top MBA programs are taking folks right out of undergrad?