Sister recently said our Stepdad sexually abused her

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact that you can't get your money back for the vacation shouldn't be a factor at all. I would not take the chance. If your stepdad abused your kids, how could you ever forgive yourself???

Op here. I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself! But also, DW and I will both be there and our kids would never be alone with stepdad.

This is a very dumb approach. Sexual abuse is done in a very hidden in plain sight kind of way. Why would you even risk it??

Honestly this thread is so full of drama and triggers that I feel like it’s a troll. I can’t imagine anyone being this clueless. And no way OP’s wife would okay this.[/quote]




But did he tell his wife or just dcum?

[Anonymous]

Better safe than sorry . Do not put your kids at risk.

[Anonymous]

OP, you should believe your sister and keep your kids away from this man, period.

My stepdad molested me when I was 13 or 14. I was able to get myself out of the situation before it escalated to rape, but I didn't tell anyone it happened. He had two daughters who were older than me and who had accused him of raping them, but of course, they were labeled as liars.

Fast forward to when I was 21 and visited my mom and stepdad. She asked me to give him a ride somewhere one night and he confessed to me how he viewed me as more of a wife than a stepdaughter, how he watched me sleeping in bed in my tank top and shorts, and other sick stuff. This time, I told my mom and she made him apologize.

I was done, though, and never went back to visit them. I saw way too many men in my family get away with this behavior with zero consequences and I wanted to change that. I saw my mom when she visited our hometown without him.

Prior to my wedding, my mom asked if she could bring her husband. She envisioned some big happy family reunion. I said no. My DH's stepmom asked me to lunch and gave me a speech about not wanting me to have regrets when my mom died, etc... I think she wanted me to allow my mom to bring my stepdad. I said no.

My mom died 4 years ago and I have zero regrets about the line in the sand I drew.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Those don’t exactly seem like reasons to not believe your sister. In fact they make the narrative more plausible to me. But obviously you know more than I do.

I personally wouldn’t risk having my kids around somebody who had been accused of sexual assault of children. It might not be fair but I just couldn’t risk it.

Agreed. Op, I have a family member who was molested. She still took her young girls to visit her abuser. It boggles my mind.

Ask yourself this please. "Would I believe my daughter if she came to me with this? Would I forgive myself? Would she forgive me for knowingly putting her at risk?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those don’t exactly seem like reasons to not believe your sister. In fact they make the narrative more plausible to me. But obviously you know more than I do.

I personally wouldn’t risk having my kids around somebody who had been accused of sexual assault of children. It might not be fair but I just couldn’t risk it.

+2 Estrangement is a natural result of not being believed/protected in the face of sexual abuse

Women aligning with their husbands appears to be a far more common response than believing and helping their kids

Denial isn’t just a river in Africa

There is no river in Africa named “Denial.”

Lol.

The. Nile.

Wow. That one flew right over your head, didn't it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact that you can't get your money back for the vacation shouldn't be a factor at all. I would not take the chance. If your stepdad abused your kids, how could you ever forgive yourself???

Op here. I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself! But also, DW and I will both be there and our kids would never be alone with stepdad.

This is a very dumb approach. Sexual abuse is done in a very hidden in plain sight kind of way. Why would you even risk it??

Op here. I mean I really can’t see how my kids would be at risk. They sleep in the same bed or the same room as me and DW when we travel. My stepdad has never been alone with them. Also, my kids are younger and my sister said the abuse didn’t start until she was 13/14. I’m not saying we have to go or that we will, but just trying to see how it really would put my kids at risk.

I just can't with this. Being so cavalier with potential groping of your kids.

+2

Troll. And a sick one at that.

+3
I bet this sicko is getting pleasure out of this scenario. Be better, OP. Get help.

This is so typical of how abuse goes. Nobody wants to believe the story. Look at the people calling troll. All the elements are there-blaming the victim, calling her dramatic (wouldn't you be if you were sexually abused?), estrangement, denial, wanting to sweep things under the rug. If you don't want to tell the truth just say you all have Covid or make up something. Just cancel. Protect your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those don’t exactly seem like reasons to not believe your sister. In fact they make the narrative more plausible to me. But obviously you know more than I do.

I personally wouldn’t risk having my kids around somebody who had been accused of sexual assault of children. It might not be fair but I just couldn’t risk it.

+2 Estrangement is a natural result of not being believed/protected in the face of sexual abuse

Women aligning with their husbands appears to be a far more common response than believing and helping their kids

Denial isn’t just a river in Africa

There is no river in Africa named “Denial.”

Lol.

The. Nile.

Wow. That one flew right over your head, didn't it?

Watching the "denial" "the Nile" thing is a nice pallet cleanser from the content of this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The fact that you can't get your money back for the vacation shouldn't be a factor at all. I would not take the chance. If your stepdad abused your kids, how could you ever forgive yourself???

And what if the kids weren’t abused but found out later about what happened to your sister and knew that you let them be around him anyway? I couldn’t live with that either. I wouldn’t do that for a myriad of reasons but one of them is not wanting my kids to experience the gut punch of knowing I put them in a potentially unsafe situation.

[Anonymous]

Not surprised you don’t believe her. This is why most girls and women keep their SA to themselves.

You’re a shitty mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not surprised you don’t believe her. This is why most girls and women keep their SA to themselves.

You’re a shitty mother.

What makes you say OP is a mother? Re-read page 1 again.

[Anonymous]

I absolutely believe your sister. Are you a man? You sound like a man, honestly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister recently told me that our stepdad sexually abused her. She did not provide a lot of details, and I didn’t press her. She said it wasn’t rape, but more like groping and touching. She says our mom knew and would help create opportunities for the abuse to happen. My sister said she wanted me to know because I have my own kids now who are around stepdad and mom.

What are my next steps? I have plans this summer to visit my mom and stepdad with my kids. We are planning to rent a cabin together on a lake. It’s already paid for and arranged. Do I cancel?

I am not totally sure I believe my sister. My sister and mom have had a lot of drama over the years. They’ve been estranged for 10 years now. My sister struggles with depression and anxiety but she has a very successful career as a doctor. She’s married and has her own kids who have never met our mother and stepdad.

Do I talk to my mom about this? What about our other sibling?

You know you should cancel, but you sound like a troll trying to play stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"I knew he was dangerous but I didn't want to lose my deposit"

Imagine saying that to your kid 10 years from now when they ask why you let them get assaulted.

Op here. I shouldn’t have mentioned that the trip is paid for. I just meant that there isn’t some easy way to just put it off. We will have to actually cancel the trip is all, and I will have to give a reason to my mom.

I think you should talk to your mom about this - to gauge her reaction. You seem awfully flippant here. Have you told your wife?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Based on what you’ve said, I’m inclined to believe the sister.

And yes, I think I would cancel the trip. Sorry.

+1

[Anonymous]

Your mom will help create opportunities for the same to happen to your children.

If she asks why you are canceling, simply let her know that past actions have consequences.