Current college freshmen - how many of them are super happy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DC is a first year at a top 20 school. His experience so far has been mixed. I am struck by how many of his high school peers are having likewise mixed experiences so far. They are doing well academically but are hit with feelings of ennui. This cohort has been through so much — high school sophomore year interrupted mid-year, a Covid induced discontinuous high school junior year and crazy college application process high school senior year. These kids are so confused now in their first year of college. The sense I get is that these kids just lost a big chunk of their childhood, as the formative high school years were kind of ripped away from them. Talk of transferring, pausing education and going on cross country camping trips abound. Anyone seeing this / feeling this from this cohort of kids? I struggle to offer words of encouragement, namely that it will all sort itself out.

TBH, it sounds like you are describing kids/families who prioritized rank over fit. Now you are wondering why they don’t seem happy.

Generally speaking, if you make life decisions based upon pleasing/impressing others, you are unlikely to achieve personal fulfillment (though your social media might be awesome).

+1000
Fit is so important and often overlooked by so many chasing "prestige"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DC is a first year at a top 20 school. His experience so far has been mixed. I am struck by how many of his high school peers are having likewise mixed experiences so far. They are doing well academically but are hit with feelings of ennui. This cohort has been through so much — high school sophomore year interrupted mid-year, a Covid induced discontinuous high school junior year and crazy college application process high school senior year. These kids are so confused now in their first year of college. The sense I get is that these kids just lost a big chunk of their childhood, as the formative high school years were kind of ripped away from them. Talk of transferring, pausing education and going on cross country camping trips abound. Anyone seeing this / feeling this from this cohort of kids? I struggle to offer words of encouragement, namely that it will all sort itself out.

TBH, it sounds like you are describing kids/families who prioritized rank over fit. Now you are wondering why they don’t seem happy.

Generally speaking, if you make life decisions based upon pleasing/impressing others, you are unlikely to achieve personal fulfillment (though your social media might be awesome).

Ha ha ha DP here. And YOU sound like someone whose kid couldn’t get into a top school!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid was burnt out from the pressures of a W high school, so she chose a lower ranked school to get out of the pressure cooker . Being a big fish in a small pond helped her blossom. I am proud that she could make that choice.

Lol she “chose” it. It wasn’t chosen for her. Sure. Ok.

[Anonymous]

DS wasn't so happy as a freshman but is much happier now as a sophomore at a T15. A lot of this relates to the pandemic I believe. The kids have lost significant social skills and it's just harder for them all to just 'make friends'. Hopefully for your DC it's not the school choice but rather just an adjustment period.

[Anonymous]

Our kid at a top 15 LAC called home a lot in the first semester of her first year and sounded pretty miserable. We listened and didn’t say much. We knew that change isn’t always easy but is a part of life.

She came around and ended up loving it, ultimately married a classmate, and to this day counts several classmates among her best friends.

Give your kid time. Don’t baby him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As adults, we refer to our college years as the BEST years of our life! In actuality, was it really after one semester of school?? Be realistic with your children. There are a lot of “firsts” from roommates to living far away from home to homesickness.

I was pretty miserable through most of my college years, but I always gave my parents the impression that everything was great because it had been drilled into my head that I was suppose to be having the best time ever.

I hope that's not what we are doing now.

[Anonymous]

How many of the posters whose kids are having adjustment problems sent their kids to small, expensive private high schools? I’ll bet it’s the majority.

[Anonymous]

It's really very simple....having a good set of friends means everything....and it's not just limited to the college years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid is in CS and complaining other kids with easy majors have much time and having more fun

CS is hard. My kid is doing CS and Econ. He is putting in a lot of work. Dorm mates and floormates are also in CS, Engineering, Physics, Math and pre-Med. So everyone is working really hard. Thankfully, he is able to come home pretty frequently and so we are supporting him in all other things as much as we can to make life easier for him. He is making sure that he is doing all the fun stuff too - clubs, mixers, games, shows, trips etc. But he has to manage his time and work very carefully to do that. All his friends are in the same boat as him so there is no FOMO.

Since he is close by, I am providing him the laundry service, snacks, home made food, food/drinks/decor for any parties he throws and chauffer service when needed.

[Anonymous]

My son, is a junior now, and started college during the worst of the pandemic, when classes were online from his dorm room and the campus was "de-densified." Freshman fall was a slog but by spring, even under not great circumstances, he had made friends and was finding his groove. As a junior, he loves college and is the happiest I've ever seen him.

All of this is to say that under any circumstances, change is hard and you need to give it time and effort. Attending college is a privilege and the opportunity to obtain an education is a gift, and sometimes kids need to stop wallowing and navel gazing and just get on with it. Yes, it's hard, yes it's ok to feel sad and lonely sometimes, but avoidant behavior like camping or whatever is not going to cure what ails you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:College sucks compared to back in the day. The control freaks (parents, government, administration) have completely stunted and ruined growing independent and strong. It’s psychotic and depressing.

+1

Parents smother their kids now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our kid at a top 15 LAC called home a lot in the first semester of her first year and sounded pretty miserable. We listened and didn’t say much. We knew that change isn’t always easy but is a part of life.

She came around and ended up loving it, ultimately married a classmate, and to this day counts several classmates among her best friends.

Give your kid time. Don’t baby him.

x10000

Give them life skills - don't take them away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid was burnt out from the pressures of a W high school, so she chose a lower ranked school to get out of the pressure cooker . Being a big fish in a small pond helped her blossom. I am proud that she could make that choice.

Lol she “chose” it. It wasn’t chosen for her. Sure. Ok.

Yeah, she turned down six more highly ranked schools. You can’t picture that I know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As adults, we refer to our college years as the BEST years of our life! In actuality, was it really after one semester of school?? Be realistic with your children. There are a lot of “firsts” from roommates to living far away from home to homesickness.

I was pretty miserable through most of my college years, but I always gave my parents the impression that everything was great because it had been drilled into my head that I was suppose to be having the best time ever.

Well look at the post title, are your kids “super happy”

Always the pressure and competition to excel. It is not about COVID.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid was burnt out from the pressures of a W high school, so she chose a lower ranked school to get out of the pressure cooker . Being a big fish in a small pond helped her blossom. I am proud that she could make that choice.

Lol she “chose” it. It wasn’t chosen for her. Sure. Ok.

Yeah, she turned down six more highly ranked schools. You can’t picture that I know.

No, she didn’t. You’re full of it. There’s not a college student in America who chose their 7th ranked choice. Name the schools she turned down and the one she selected.