Current college freshmen - how many of them are super happy?

[Anonymous]

As adults, we refer to our college years as the BEST years of our life! In actuality, was it really after one semester of school?? Be realistic with your children. There are a lot of “firsts” from roommates to living far away from home to homesickness.

[Anonymous]

My freshman at one of the Maine SLACs is very happy. I don't get "the best years of my life" vibe from him, but he's not that introspective! He's doing well in school, having fun and making friends, slowly becoming a responsible adult.

[Anonymous]

My kid is in CS and complaining other kids with easy majors have much time and having more fun

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As adults, we refer to our college years as the BEST years of our life! In actuality, was it really after one semester of school?? Be realistic with your children. There are a lot of “firsts” from roommates to living far away from home to homesickness.

I was pretty miserable through most of my college years, but I always gave my parents the impression that everything was great because it had been drilled into my head that I was suppose to be having the best time ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As adults, we refer to our college years as the BEST years of our life! In actuality, was it really after one semester of school?? Be realistic with your children. There are a lot of “firsts” from roommates to living far away from home to homesickness.

I was pretty miserable through most of my college years, but I always gave my parents the impression that everything was great because it had been drilled into my head that I was suppose to be having the best time ever.

This was me as well. Hated it, but always told my parents how much I loved it. Even today in casual conversations I'll lie and say I loved it.

[Anonymous]

Mine is really happy at a not top 20 school. She loves it. She’s made wonderful friends, loves her professors, and got a research internship for next semester. I think a lot of kids struggle their first year. Im not sure what the college’s ranking has to do with it, though.

[Anonymous]

Mine is fine but not SO HAPPY. When he got together with his high school friends over break, they were all the same. None of them loved their experience so far but are doing fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mine is fine but not SO HAPPY. When he got together with his high school friends over break, they were all the same. None of them loved their experience so far but are doing fine.

+1. It's still early in the game and they're still figuring out so much. My son, last year as a freshman, jumped into all kinds of activities, met a lot of new people, and he wouldn't have said he was "super" happy. But he was fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DC is a first year at a top 20 school. His experience so far has been mixed. I am struck by how many of his high school peers are having likewise mixed experiences so far. They are doing well academically but are hit with feelings of ennui. This cohort has been through so much — high school sophomore year interrupted mid-year, a Covid induced discontinuous high school junior year and crazy college application process high school senior year. These kids are so confused now in their first year of college. The sense I get is that these kids just lost a big chunk of their childhood, as the formative high school years were kind of ripped away from them. Talk of transferring, pausing education and going on cross country camping trips abound. Anyone seeing this / feeling this from this cohort of kids? I struggle to offer words of encouragement, namely that it will all sort itself out.

I suspect I know you IRL. My DS is the same, and his entire friend group (all at T20 schools) is right there too. I mention the T20 thing only because of the 'the proze for winning the pie eating contest is MORE PIE' thing. That's hitting DS unexpectedly hard, among other factors you cite. Namely the ennui of missing so much of HS (we live in a city that was locked down almost the longest).

More than one guy in DS's friend group is coming apart at the seams now in freshman year. It's heartbreaking.

The whole prize for winning is more pie thing is why I’d love my current jr to consider a gap year but it’s a hard sell since it’s so uncommon

Our DD22 is on a gap year and it was the best decision I have ever seen her make. It is in an intensive language program (language was already part of intended college major). DD is learning how to take care of herself, make friends in new environment, etc. but with one academic focus for the year. Will go where DD intended next Fall. It is uncommon in the US, but I DD's friends were really supportive and interested and some wishing they had made a similar plan. I think the difference is a gap year with no real plan vs gap year that keeps the graduate moving ahead on intended path

[Anonymous]

First semester of college is always hard. It will take well into the second semester to start to feel comfortable, and others even longer.

[Anonymous]

I think "super happy" does these kids a disservice and sets up kids to feel like if they aren't "super happy" there is something wrong with them. College is an adjustment and it takes some kids longer than others to find their home there.

My college kid is happy - he picked well (not his highest ranked admit). He loves his friends, he loves his extracurricular activities, he is doing great in a double major. But of course, there are things he doesn't love - his advisor isn't great, the housing situation at his school is awful and he didn't get what he wanted. He is currently stressed about finals and this year had a disagreement with a close friend. It's not normal life to be super happy all the time. But if he had to pick again, he would pick his school every time.

I also have a high school senior. We talk a LOT about fit, places he would like to go, what his sibling likes and dislikes about his school and how no school is perfect. We talk pros and cons of every school in terms of things he wants in a school. He has a list of things that are important to him and we try fit schools into what he wants. (size of school, athletics or greek life, location, curriculum stuff, etc).

I think it's important for parents to moderate discussions with their kids and not measure a successful college pick by rank or if they are "super happy".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Happy all semester, but now dealing with finals and ready for a break.

Same here. Kid has always been pretty grounded went in knowing it would be not all roses in the beginning and things taking time. Kid has more patience than me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think "super happy" does these kids a disservice and sets up kids to feel like if they aren't "super happy" there is something wrong with them. College is an adjustment and it takes some kids longer than others to find their home there.

My college kid is happy - he picked well (not his highest ranked admit). He loves his friends, he loves his extracurricular activities, he is doing great in a double major. But of course, there are things he doesn't love - his advisor isn't great, the housing situation at his school is awful and he didn't get what he wanted. He is currently stressed about finals and this year had a disagreement with a close friend. It's not normal life to be super happy all the time. But if he had to pick again, he would pick his school every time.

I also have a high school senior. We talk a LOT about fit, places he would like to go, what his sibling likes and dislikes about his school and how no school is perfect. We talk pros and cons of every school in terms of things he wants in a school. He has a list of things that are important to him and we try fit schools into what he wants. (size of school, athletics or greek life, location, curriculum stuff, etc).

I think it's important for parents to moderate discussions with their kids and not measure a successful college pick by rank or if they are "super happy".

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As adults, we refer to our college years as the BEST years of our life! In actuality, was it really after one semester of school?? Be realistic with your children. There are a lot of “firsts” from roommates to living far away from home to homesickness.

We do? College was fine, I enjoyed the freedom, but it was not the best time of my life.

I tell my kids that it's not realistic or even desirable that college (or HS) will be the best years of their lives. There is SO MUCH life after college - why would you even want to peak by 22?

My freshman at W&M is happy enough, not SUPER happy, but I think that's very normal. She likes her classes, has a great roommate and good friend group who she's planning to live with next year as well. No talk of transferring. She doesn't like the food (fair) and complains that Williamsburg is boring (also fair), but overall seems to have found a good fit. Her best friend at UVA feels about the same about her choice, though she's had a tougher time making friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DC is a first year at a top 20 school. His experience so far has been mixed. I am struck by how many of his high school peers are having likewise mixed experiences so far. They are doing well academically but are hit with feelings of ennui. This cohort has been through so much — high school sophomore year interrupted mid-year, a Covid induced discontinuous high school junior year and crazy college application process high school senior year. These kids are so confused now in their first year of college. The sense I get is that these kids just lost a big chunk of their childhood, as the formative high school years were kind of ripped away from them. Talk of transferring, pausing education and going on cross country camping trips abound. Anyone seeing this / feeling this from this cohort of kids? I struggle to offer words of encouragement, namely that it will all sort itself out.

I suspect I know you IRL. My DS is the same, and his entire friend group (all at T20 schools) is right there too. I mention the T20 thing only because of the 'the proze for winning the pie eating contest is MORE PIE' thing. That's hitting DS unexpectedly hard, among other factors you cite. Namely the ennui of missing so much of HS (we live in a city that was locked down almost the longest).

More than one guy in DS's friend group is coming apart at the seams now in freshman year. It's heartbreaking.

This is what happens when kids (often pushed by parents) select schools by "rankings" and not by fit. Going to a T20 school is not always best---many are pressure cookers. So the "pie eating contest" analogy is spot on.