Current college freshmen - how many of them are super happy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DC is a first year at a top 20 school. His experience so far has been mixed. I am struck by how many of his high school peers are having likewise mixed experiences so far. They are doing well academically but are hit with feelings of ennui. This cohort has been through so much — high school sophomore year interrupted mid-year, a Covid induced discontinuous high school junior year and crazy college application process high school senior year. These kids are so confused now in their first year of college. The sense I get is that these kids just lost a big chunk of their childhood, as the formative high school years were kind of ripped away from them. Talk of transferring, pausing education and going on cross country camping trips abound. Anyone seeing this / feeling this from this cohort of kids? I struggle to offer words of encouragement, namely that it will all sort itself out.

TBH, it sounds like you are describing kids/families who prioritized rank over fit. Now you are wondering why they don’t seem happy.

Generally speaking, if you make life decisions based upon pleasing/impressing others, you are unlikely to achieve personal fulfillment (though your social media might be awesome).

Don’t be a dick. A northwestern or Penn is going to open a hell of a lot more doors than JMU and that’s just pragmatic — vs. an attempt to i “impress others”

Sometimes you do the more difficult thing that will yield a bigger payout later

+1

The point of the "pie eating contest" is to live an UMC life in a HCOL city. I don't understand why people here are complaining and moping about how working hard in high school to get into Stanford or wherever is just "a pie eating contest where the prize is eating more pie" -- that's not it at all. The prize is being able to graduate with a lucrative offer in tech or finance so you can set yourself up for a high QoL as an adult. Of course, if your kids at a T20 decide to be a teacher or a marine biologist or whatever do-gooder low-paying job they want, it's a colossal waste of the resources of an Ivy.

I see lots of suggestions for a fun gap year going cross-country camping. That's an AWFUL idea. I highly suggest OP's kid as well as anyone else with a kid in a similar situation take a gap year living on their own working a crappy minimum wage food service job. They will be WAY more appreciative of the opportunities they have when the come back to their T20 and be more focused on setting themselves up for a lucrative career post-grad.

So you would be more proud if your child went into finance than teaching or marine biology? How sad for them.
You seem to think money is the pre-eminent value. Which to me, means you have messed up values.

Yes I would be more proud if my kid went into tech or finance than teaching or marine biology. I want them to have a good quality of life. Two teachers will not be able to afford living in the DMV by the time my kid is of child-bearing age -- unless the teachers have substantial family wealthy (which we don't).

They would have more money, yes. But you are equating that with happiness. That is what the prior post is pointing out.

You seem not to care if they are helping anyone, contributing to society, find fulfillment, etc. You are one dimensional.

You said it yourself: you don’t have “substantial family money” and that’s too bad for your kids. We have had enough to pay for all of college, great weddings, big down payments, vacations, AND be big helps with childcare so our kids don’t have to be slaves to boring corporate jobs and can do what they really want. Too bad you can’t do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD is a junior at a Midwestern LAC who has met a lot of first year students through being an orientation leader, an RA, and a peer tutor/mentor. In the past, she would hold "office hours" as an RA and a peer tutor and not that many students would come. This year, she is surprised by the number of first years who are voluntarily coming just to have someone to talk to. A lot of them feel like they lack friends and purpose in college, are homesick and/or want to transfer. DD was a freshman during the first COVID fall, so while these feelings are familiar, it's interesting to hear about it in the context of a near-normal college experience but a disrupted high school experience. One of the first years whom my daughter has befriended graduated in 2021, took a NOLS/Outward Bound gap year, and is really struggling with academic motivation and finding purpose. She speaks of transferring yet doesn't know what her ideal college would look like. She doesn't know what to study, which is typical for being a first year, but mostly wants to pursue outdoor leadership as a career later on (which is a concern that some people have about these amazing gap experiences for kids who were never super academicallg inclined). There are definitely other first years out there who are struggling, including my niece.

This whole notion that she needs to find an "ideal" college is what the problem is. Why do these kids have the expectation that they are entitled to or have to have the "ideal" anything. I don't own the "ideal" home. My job isn't "ideal" and some days my DH will certainly tell you I'm not the "idea" wife but that's life.

This. Times a million.

Exactly. My kid at Temple. Looked to Rutgers, penn state, Delaware. She would have been equally happy/unhappy at any of those schools. Happiness and unhappines comes from within.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD is a junior at a Midwestern LAC who has met a lot of first year students through being an orientation leader, an RA, and a peer tutor/mentor. In the past, she would hold "office hours" as an RA and a peer tutor and not that many students would come. This year, she is surprised by the number of first years who are voluntarily coming just to have someone to talk to. A lot of them feel like they lack friends and purpose in college, are homesick and/or want to transfer. DD was a freshman during the first COVID fall, so while these feelings are familiar, it's interesting to hear about it in the context of a near-normal college experience but a disrupted high school experience. One of the first years whom my daughter has befriended graduated in 2021, took a NOLS/Outward Bound gap year, and is really struggling with academic motivation and finding purpose. She speaks of transferring yet doesn't know what her ideal college would look like. She doesn't know what to study, which is typical for being a first year, but mostly wants to pursue outdoor leadership as a career later on (which is a concern that some people have about these amazing gap experiences for kids who were never super academicallg inclined). There are definitely other first years out there who are struggling, including my niece.

This whole notion that she needs to find an "ideal" college is what the problem is. Why do these kids have the expectation that they are entitled to or have to have the "ideal" anything. I don't own the "ideal" home. My job isn't "ideal" and some days my DH will certainly tell you I'm not the "idea" wife but that's life.

This. Times a million.

Exactly. My kid at Temple. Looked to Rutgers, penn state, Delaware. She would have been equally happy/unhappy at any of those schools. Happiness and unhappines comes from within.

This. If your kid is miserable at Harvard, they would've been miserable at a "lower stress" school. The navel-gazing and lack of grit among UMC DMV kids is really concerning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DC is a first year at a top 20 school. His experience so far has been mixed. I am struck by how many of his high school peers are having likewise mixed experiences so far. They are doing well academically but are hit with feelings of ennui. This cohort has been through so much — high school sophomore year interrupted mid-year, a Covid induced discontinuous high school junior year and crazy college application process high school senior year. These kids are so confused now in their first year of college. The sense I get is that these kids just lost a big chunk of their childhood, as the formative high school years were kind of ripped away from them. Talk of transferring, pausing education and going on cross country camping trips abound. Anyone seeing this / feeling this from this cohort of kids? I struggle to offer words of encouragement, namely that it will all sort itself out.

TBH, it sounds like you are describing kids/families who prioritized rank over fit. Now you are wondering why they don’t seem happy.

Generally speaking, if you make life decisions based upon pleasing/impressing others, you are unlikely to achieve personal fulfillment (though your social media might be awesome).

Don’t be a dick. A northwestern or Penn is going to open a hell of a lot more doors than JMU and that’s just pragmatic — vs. an attempt to i “impress others”

Sometimes you do the more difficult thing that will yield a bigger payout later

+1

The point of the "pie eating contest" is to live an UMC life in a HCOL city. I don't understand why people here are complaining and moping about how working hard in high school to get into Stanford or wherever is just "a pie eating contest where the prize is eating more pie" -- that's not it at all. The prize is being able to graduate with a lucrative offer in tech or finance so you can set yourself up for a high QoL as an adult. Of course, if your kids at a T20 decide to be a teacher or a marine biologist or whatever do-gooder low-paying job they want, it's a colossal waste of the resources of an Ivy.

I see lots of suggestions for a fun gap year going cross-country camping. That's an AWFUL idea. I highly suggest OP's kid as well as anyone else with a kid in a similar situation take a gap year living on their own working a crappy minimum wage food service job. They will be WAY more appreciative of the opportunities they have when the come back to their T20 and be more focused on setting themselves up for a lucrative career post-grad.

So you would be more proud if your child went into finance than teaching or marine biology? How sad for them.
You seem to think money is the pre-eminent value. Which to me, means you have messed up values.

Yes I would be more proud if my kid went into tech or finance than teaching or marine biology. I want them to have a good quality of life. Two teachers will not be able to afford living in the DMV by the time my kid is of child-bearing age -- unless the teachers have substantial family wealthy (which we don't).

They would have more money, yes. But you are equating that with happiness. That is what the prior post is pointing out.

You seem not to care if they are helping anyone, contributing to society, find fulfillment, etc. You are one dimensional.

You said it yourself: you don’t have “substantial family money” and that’s too bad for your kids. We have had enough to pay for all of college, great weddings, big down payments, vacations, AND be big helps with childcare so our kids don’t have to be slaves to boring corporate jobs and can do what they really want. Too bad you can’t do that.

Yes, it's too bad we can't do that. I wish I were as wealthy as you so my kids don't have to be slaves to boring corporate jobs. But unfortunately, that's not possible. So instead, I'll push my kids hard to make their own fortune in tech/finance/medicine/Big Law/consulting so their own kids (aka my grand kids) can afford to take some meaningful job in NPO work.