Current college freshmen - how many of them are super happy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've already posted about DS who's feeling very little _joy_ at school yet is on stable footing and doing well. Posting again to address the thread drift, which states that Super Duper Happiness is found only that the lower ranked universities that all Just Fit Better. Or something.

I suspect I speak for a lot of kids and parents who believe their kids WOULD have a hell of a lot more fun at a big party school with tons of tailgating, many easy Gen Ed majors to choose from, and a centralized vibrant bar, music and party scene -- or at the very least, a chill, dominant laid back student vibe.

My DS would love that! He applied to multiple schools that offer that!

And none of them are nearly as good as the school / program he chose. None of them will open the same doors directly out of undergrad, just by virtue of graduating (ie, no hustle required). None of them have the name recognition in his chosen study.

Eyes wide open, he's accepting the interim struggle inherent in his caliber of school /program as the price to pay for the almost guaranteed rewards in a couple of years. I think this is a valid and rational plan.

Wow. The bolded is delusional.

Wow. you've never met my kid.

The PP is just jealous that their kid goes to a "laid-back, fun" party school with little job opps after graduation like VCU or College of Charleston. Meanwhile, the poor tortured tiger cubs at Ivies majoring in Econ or CS are walking into six figs jobs after graduation.

Sounds like the camp counselor/internship troll is back.

Oooh. Well spotted. Yes, you are right.

[Anonymous]

How many people - college or not - are SUPER HAPPY with their life? If one is introspective in the least, there is always some glum around. OP must be one of those perpetually “positive” people who whistle by the graveyard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've already posted about DS who's feeling very little _joy_ at school yet is on stable footing and doing well. Posting again to address the thread drift, which states that Super Duper Happiness is found only that the lower ranked universities that all Just Fit Better. Or something.

I suspect I speak for a lot of kids and parents who believe their kids WOULD have a hell of a lot more fun at a big party school with tons of tailgating, many easy Gen Ed majors to choose from, and a centralized vibrant bar, music and party scene -- or at the very least, a chill, dominant laid back student vibe.

My DS would love that! He applied to multiple schools that offer that!

And none of them are nearly as good as the school / program he chose. None of them will open the same doors directly out of undergrad, just by virtue of graduating (ie, no hustle required). None of them have the name recognition in his chosen study.

Eyes wide open, he's accepting the interim struggle inherent in his caliber of school /program as the price to pay for the almost guaranteed rewards in a couple of years. I think this is a valid and rational plan.

Wow. The bolded is delusional.

Wow. you've never met my kid.

The PP is just jealous that their kid goes to a "laid-back, fun" party school with little job opps after graduation like VCU or College of Charleston. Meanwhile, the poor tortured tiger cubs at Ivies majoring in Econ or CS are walking into six figs jobs after graduation.

My God your children must despise you. I feel so, so sorry for them.

Oh no! I want my children to have a high quality of life. How dare I?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sooooo … I think what this thread has shown is that there are a lot of kids who are indeed miserable in college, but it has a lot more to do with their monstrously competitive and insane parents than it does with the actual college.

Or... this thread shows that many college students (particularly from privileged backgrounds) are not mature enough to use college as the career accelerator it is. And instead dream about "cross country camping trips" to immaturely escape their current responsibilities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sooooo … I think what this thread has shown is that there are a lot of kids who are indeed miserable in college, but it has a lot more to do with their monstrously competitive and insane parents than it does with the actual college.

Or... this thread shows that many college students (particularly from privileged backgrounds) are not mature enough to use college as the career accelerator it is. And instead dream about "cross country camping trips" to immaturely escape their current responsibilities.

Mature or not, they’re clearly happier than the ones with the monstrous parents. And that was OPs question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sooooo … I think what this thread has shown is that there are a lot of kids who are indeed miserable in college, but it has a lot more to do with their monstrously competitive and insane parents than it does with the actual college.

Or... this thread shows that many college students (particularly from privileged backgrounds) are not mature enough to use college as the career accelerator it is. And instead dream about "cross country camping trips" to immaturely escape their current responsibilities.

Mature or not, they’re clearly happier than the ones with the monstrous parents. And that was OPs question.

Well duh. Immature, irresponsible college students tend to be happy because they don't realize that they should be hustling and working to secure a lucrative future during their four years of college.

[Anonymous]

My DD is a junior at a Midwestern LAC who has met a lot of first year students through being an orientation leader, an RA, and a peer tutor/mentor. In the past, she would hold "office hours" as an RA and a peer tutor and not that many students would come. This year, she is surprised by the number of first years who are voluntarily coming just to have someone to talk to. A lot of them feel like they lack friends and purpose in college, are homesick and/or want to transfer. DD was a freshman during the first COVID fall, so while these feelings are familiar, it's interesting to hear about it in the context of a near-normal college experience but a disrupted high school experience. One of the first years whom my daughter has befriended graduated in 2021, took a NOLS/Outward Bound gap year, and is really struggling with academic motivation and finding purpose. She speaks of transferring yet doesn't know what her ideal college would look like. She doesn't know what to study, which is typical for being a first year, but mostly wants to pursue outdoor leadership as a career later on (which is a concern that some people have about these amazing gap experiences for kids who were never super academicallg inclined). There are definitely other first years out there who are struggling, including my niece.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD is a junior at a Midwestern LAC who has met a lot of first year students through being an orientation leader, an RA, and a peer tutor/mentor. In the past, she would hold "office hours" as an RA and a peer tutor and not that many students would come. This year, she is surprised by the number of first years who are voluntarily coming just to have someone to talk to. A lot of them feel like they lack friends and purpose in college, are homesick and/or want to transfer. DD was a freshman during the first COVID fall, so while these feelings are familiar, it's interesting to hear about it in the context of a near-normal college experience but a disrupted high school experience. One of the first years whom my daughter has befriended graduated in 2021, took a NOLS/Outward Bound gap year, and is really struggling with academic motivation and finding purpose. She speaks of transferring yet doesn't know what her ideal college would look like. She doesn't know what to study, which is typical for being a first year, but mostly wants to pursue outdoor leadership as a career later on (which is a concern that some people have about these amazing gap experiences for kids who were never super academicallg inclined). There are definitely other first years out there who are struggling, including my niece.

This whole notion that she needs to find an "ideal" college is what the problem is. Why do these kids have the expectation that they are entitled to or have to have the "ideal" anything. I don't own the "ideal" home. My job isn't "ideal" and some days my DH will certainly tell you I'm not the "idea" wife but that's life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son, is a junior now, and started college during the worst of the pandemic, when classes were online from his dorm room and the campus was "de-densified." Freshman fall was a slog but by spring, even under not great circumstances, he had made friends and was finding his groove. As a junior, he loves college and is the happiest I've ever seen him.

All of this is to say that under any circumstances, change is hard and you need to give it time and effort. Attending college is a privilege and the opportunity to obtain an education is a gift, and sometimes kids need to stop wallowing and navel gazing and just get on with it. Yes, it's hard, yes it's ok to feel sad and lonely sometimes, but avoidant behavior like camping or whatever is not going to cure what ails you.

If you go camping, it's avoidant behavior? That's random.

I'm referring to the OP's first post in which they say that kids are thinking of taking gap years and cross country camping or the like. And yes, that's avoidant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son, is a junior now, and started college during the worst of the pandemic, when classes were online from his dorm room and the campus was "de-densified." Freshman fall was a slog but by spring, even under not great circumstances, he had made friends and was finding his groove. As a junior, he loves college and is the happiest I've ever seen him.

All of this is to say that under any circumstances, change is hard and you need to give it time and effort. Attending college is a privilege and the opportunity to obtain an education is a gift, and sometimes kids need to stop wallowing and navel gazing and just get on with it. Yes, it's hard, yes it's ok to feel sad and lonely sometimes, but avoidant behavior like camping or whatever is not going to cure what ails you.

If you go camping, it's avoidant behavior? That's random.

I'm referring to the OP's first post in which they say that kids are thinking of taking gap years and cross country camping or the like. And yes, that's avoidant.

+100

Anyone who lets their kid do that is an irresponsible parent. No wonder anxiety is on the rise among kids -- tons of accommodating parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD is a junior at a Midwestern LAC who has met a lot of first year students through being an orientation leader, an RA, and a peer tutor/mentor. In the past, she would hold "office hours" as an RA and a peer tutor and not that many students would come. This year, she is surprised by the number of first years who are voluntarily coming just to have someone to talk to. A lot of them feel like they lack friends and purpose in college, are homesick and/or want to transfer. DD was a freshman during the first COVID fall, so while these feelings are familiar, it's interesting to hear about it in the context of a near-normal college experience but a disrupted high school experience. One of the first years whom my daughter has befriended graduated in 2021, took a NOLS/Outward Bound gap year, and is really struggling with academic motivation and finding purpose. She speaks of transferring yet doesn't know what her ideal college would look like. She doesn't know what to study, which is typical for being a first year, but mostly wants to pursue outdoor leadership as a career later on (which is a concern that some people have about these amazing gap experiences for kids who were never super academicallg inclined). There are definitely other first years out there who are struggling, including my niece.

This whole notion that she needs to find an "ideal" college is what the problem is. Why do these kids have the expectation that they are entitled to or have to have the "ideal" anything. I don't own the "ideal" home. My job isn't "ideal" and some days my DH will certainly tell you I'm not the "idea" wife but that's life.

This. Times a million.

[Anonymous]

DS is a freshman cadet at Virginia Tech. It's a crazy difficult path, but happier than I've seen him in years. Go figure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS is a freshman cadet at Virginia Tech. It's a crazy difficult path, but happier than I've seen him in years. Go figure.

A sense of purpose, discipline, structure and camaraderie will do that for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DC is a first year at a top 20 school. His experience so far has been mixed. I am struck by how many of his high school peers are having likewise mixed experiences so far. They are doing well academically but are hit with feelings of ennui. This cohort has been through so much — high school sophomore year interrupted mid-year, a Covid induced discontinuous high school junior year and crazy college application process high school senior year. These kids are so confused now in their first year of college. The sense I get is that these kids just lost a big chunk of their childhood, as the formative high school years were kind of ripped away from them. Talk of transferring, pausing education and going on cross country camping trips abound. Anyone seeing this / feeling this from this cohort of kids? I struggle to offer words of encouragement, namely that it will all sort itself out.

TBH, it sounds like you are describing kids/families who prioritized rank over fit. Now you are wondering why they don’t seem happy.

Generally speaking, if you make life decisions based upon pleasing/impressing others, you are unlikely to achieve personal fulfillment (though your social media might be awesome).

Don’t be a dick. A northwestern or Penn is going to open a hell of a lot more doors than JMU and that’s just pragmatic — vs. an attempt to i “impress others”

Sometimes you do the more difficult thing that will yield a bigger payout later

+1

The point of the "pie eating contest" is to live an UMC life in a HCOL city. I don't understand why people here are complaining and moping about how working hard in high school to get into Stanford or wherever is just "a pie eating contest where the prize is eating more pie" -- that's not it at all. The prize is being able to graduate with a lucrative offer in tech or finance so you can set yourself up for a high QoL as an adult. Of course, if your kids at a T20 decide to be a teacher or a marine biologist or whatever do-gooder low-paying job they want, it's a colossal waste of the resources of an Ivy.

I see lots of suggestions for a fun gap year going cross-country camping. That's an AWFUL idea. I highly suggest OP's kid as well as anyone else with a kid in a similar situation take a gap year living on their own working a crappy minimum wage food service job. They will be WAY more appreciative of the opportunities they have when the come back to their T20 and be more focused on setting themselves up for a lucrative career post-grad.

So you would be more proud if your child went into finance than teaching or marine biology? How sad for them.
You seem to think money is the pre-eminent value. Which to me, means you have messed up values.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS is a freshman cadet at Virginia Tech. It's a crazy difficult path, but happier than I've seen him in years. Go figure.

A sense of purpose, discipline, structure and camaraderie will do that for you.

I’m that poster and completely agree. After the chaos of covid, all of that is righting the ship.