Current college freshmen - how many of them are super happy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD is a junior at a Midwestern LAC who has met a lot of first year students through being an orientation leader, an RA, and a peer tutor/mentor. In the past, she would hold "office hours" as an RA and a peer tutor and not that many students would come. This year, she is surprised by the number of first years who are voluntarily coming just to have someone to talk to. A lot of them feel like they lack friends and purpose in college, are homesick and/or want to transfer. DD was a freshman during the first COVID fall, so while these feelings are familiar, it's interesting to hear about it in the context of a near-normal college experience but a disrupted high school experience. One of the first years whom my daughter has befriended graduated in 2021, took a NOLS/Outward Bound gap year, and is really struggling with academic motivation and finding purpose. She speaks of transferring yet doesn't know what her ideal college would look like. She doesn't know what to study, which is typical for being a first year, but mostly wants to pursue outdoor leadership as a career later on (which is a concern that some people have about these amazing gap experiences for kids who were never super academicallg inclined). There are definitely other first years out there who are struggling, including my niece.

This whole notion that she needs to find an "ideal" college is what the problem is. Why do these kids have the expectation that they are entitled to or have to have the "ideal" anything. I don't own the "ideal" home. My job isn't "ideal" and some days my DH will certainly tell you I'm not the "idea" wife but that's life.

This. Times a million.

Great point! I also wonder if schools and colleges aren’t the problem. All of the ridiculous questions in the app be and from counselors that gave nothing to do with the academic experience. Most of these kids didn’t choose their HS and turned out fine. I recall visiting less than a handful of schools, flipping through brochures and choosing a few colleges that offered a wide variety of majors and appealed to me. Other than location and size there was none of this ridiculous theatre in selecting a school. It reminds me of a sleep number sales pitch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD is a junior at a Midwestern LAC who has met a lot of first year students through being an orientation leader, an RA, and a peer tutor/mentor. In the past, she would hold "office hours" as an RA and a peer tutor and not that many students would come. This year, she is surprised by the number of first years who are voluntarily coming just to have someone to talk to. A lot of them feel like they lack friends and purpose in college, are homesick and/or want to transfer. DD was a freshman during the first COVID fall, so while these feelings are familiar, it's interesting to hear about it in the context of a near-normal college experience but a disrupted high school experience. One of the first years whom my daughter has befriended graduated in 2021, took a NOLS/Outward Bound gap year, and is really struggling with academic motivation and finding purpose. She speaks of transferring yet doesn't know what her ideal college would look like. She doesn't know what to study, which is typical for being a first year, but mostly wants to pursue outdoor leadership as a career later on (which is a concern that some people have about these amazing gap experiences for kids who were never super academicallg inclined). There are definitely other first years out there who are struggling, including my niece.

This whole notion that she needs to find an "ideal" college is what the problem is. Why do these kids have the expectation that they are entitled to or have to have the "ideal" anything. I don't own the "ideal" home. My job isn't "ideal" and some days my DH will certainly tell you I'm not the "idea" wife but that's life.

This. Times a million.

Great point! I also wonder if schools and colleges aren’t the problem. All of the ridiculous questions in the app be and from counselors that gave nothing to do with the academic experience. Most of these kids didn’t choose their HS and turned out fine. I recall visiting less than a handful of schools, flipping through brochures and choosing a few colleges that offered a wide variety of majors and appealed to me. Other than location and size there was none of this ridiculous theatre in selecting a school. It reminds me of a sleep number sales pitch.

Yes. You get it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DC is a first year at a top 20 school. His experience so far has been mixed. I am struck by how many of his high school peers are having likewise mixed experiences so far. They are doing well academically but are hit with feelings of ennui. This cohort has been through so much — high school sophomore year interrupted mid-year, a Covid induced discontinuous high school junior year and crazy college application process high school senior year. These kids are so confused now in their first year of college. The sense I get is that these kids just lost a big chunk of their childhood, as the formative high school years were kind of ripped away from them. Talk of transferring, pausing education and going on cross country camping trips abound. Anyone seeing this / feeling this from this cohort of kids? I struggle to offer words of encouragement, namely that it will all sort itself out.

TBH, it sounds like you are describing kids/families who prioritized rank over fit. Now you are wondering why they don’t seem happy.

Generally speaking, if you make life decisions based upon pleasing/impressing others, you are unlikely to achieve personal fulfillment (though your social media might be awesome).

Don’t be a dick. A northwestern or Penn is going to open a hell of a lot more doors than JMU and that’s just pragmatic — vs. an attempt to i “impress others”

Sometimes you do the more difficult thing that will yield a bigger payout later

+1

The point of the "pie eating contest" is to live an UMC life in a HCOL city. I don't understand why people here are complaining and moping about how working hard in high school to get into Stanford or wherever is just "a pie eating contest where the prize is eating more pie" -- that's not it at all. The prize is being able to graduate with a lucrative offer in tech or finance so you can set yourself up for a high QoL as an adult. Of course, if your kids at a T20 decide to be a teacher or a marine biologist or whatever do-gooder low-paying job they want, it's a colossal waste of the resources of an Ivy.

I see lots of suggestions for a fun gap year going cross-country camping. That's an AWFUL idea. I highly suggest OP's kid as well as anyone else with a kid in a similar situation take a gap year living on their own working a crappy minimum wage food service job. They will be WAY more appreciative of the opportunities they have when the come back to their T20 and be more focused on setting themselves up for a lucrative career post-grad.

So you would be more proud if your child went into finance than teaching or marine biology? How sad for them.
You seem to think money is the pre-eminent value. Which to me, means you have messed up values.

Yes I would be more proud if my kid went into tech or finance than teaching or marine biology. I want them to have a good quality of life. Two teachers will not be able to afford living in the DMV by the time my kid is of child-bearing age -- unless the teachers have substantial family wealthy (which we don't).

[Anonymous]

I have a freshman who is very happy. Had some moments of homesickness in the first month, but has now settled in with good friends, interesting classes, loves to explore the city, and getting great grades. So proud of my kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP here. I’ll also add that As in college these days are not “relatively rare.” The average GPA at most colleges is well over a 3.0.

Nice try.

Not in stem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid was burnt out from the pressures of a W high school, so she chose a lower ranked school to get out of the pressure cooker . Being a big fish in a small pond helped her blossom. I am proud that she could make that choice.

Lol she “chose” it. It wasn’t chosen for her. Sure. Ok.

DP: The fact that you can't believe a student would choose a school they love that is a great fit over another they got into that is "ranked" higher says more about you. The kid, on the other hand, sounds confident and well adjusted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DC is a first year at a top 20 school. His experience so far has been mixed. I am struck by how many of his high school peers are having likewise mixed experiences so far. They are doing well academically but are hit with feelings of ennui. This cohort has been through so much — high school sophomore year interrupted mid-year, a Covid induced discontinuous high school junior year and crazy college application process high school senior year. These kids are so confused now in their first year of college. The sense I get is that these kids just lost a big chunk of their childhood, as the formative high school years were kind of ripped away from them. Talk of transferring, pausing education and going on cross country camping trips abound. Anyone seeing this / feeling this from this cohort of kids? I struggle to offer words of encouragement, namely that it will all sort itself out.

TBH, it sounds like you are describing kids/families who prioritized rank over fit. Now you are wondering why they don’t seem happy.

Generally speaking, if you make life decisions based upon pleasing/impressing others, you are unlikely to achieve personal fulfillment (though your social media might be awesome).

Don’t be a dick. A northwestern or Penn is going to open a hell of a lot more doors than JMU and that’s just pragmatic — vs. an attempt to i “impress others”

Sometimes you do the more difficult thing that will yield a bigger payout later

+1

The point of the "pie eating contest" is to live an UMC life in a HCOL city. I don't understand why people here are complaining and moping about how working hard in high school to get into Stanford or wherever is just "a pie eating contest where the prize is eating more pie" -- that's not it at all. The prize is being able to graduate with a lucrative offer in tech or finance so you can set yourself up for a high QoL as an adult. Of course, if your kids at a T20 decide to be a teacher or a marine biologist or whatever do-gooder low-paying job they want, it's a colossal waste of the resources of an Ivy.

I see lots of suggestions for a fun gap year going cross-country camping. That's an AWFUL idea. I highly suggest OP's kid as well as anyone else with a kid in a similar situation take a gap year living on their own working a crappy minimum wage food service job. They will be WAY more appreciative of the opportunities they have when the come back to their T20 and be more focused on setting themselves up for a lucrative career post-grad.

So you would be more proud if your child went into finance than teaching or marine biology? How sad for them.
You seem to think money is the pre-eminent value. Which to me, means you have messed up values.

Yes I would be more proud if my kid went into tech or finance than teaching or marine biology. I want them to have a good quality of life. Two teachers will not be able to afford living in the DMV by the time my kid is of child-bearing age -- unless the teachers have substantial family wealthy (which we don't).

Why do you assume your kid wants to live in the DMV and/or have children? There are many ways to have a good quality of life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid is in CS and complaining other kids with easy majors have much time and having more fun

Well, my kid has a lot of time and is having fun with a busy club, yet has a schedule that is all math and CS right now. Tell your kid to lighten up a little and have some fun too. Balance matters in all things.

[Anonymous]

I would not say super happy, but she is finding her way, and I think it will be great in the end. It just takes time. She is thriving in academics, so that is all good. Social is a bit more challenging. She was pretty homesick. (We are very close). Roommate is nice but has a pre-med friends group that DD is not a part of. Really connected with a couple other girls, but they are in Hillel, and she is not Jewish and worried she will be a bit on the outside of that group. I keep encouraging her to nurture all the friendships -- their is no downside. Not everyone has to be a besty, and you just never know. Things are starting to bloom a bit. Hopefully moreso in Spring.

I think part of it is her getting out and connecting. I think a lot of kids (especially introverts) post-covid struggle with that. they think connecting is liking an IG story!

Friendships/friend groups take time, and classes/profs are great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DC is a first year at a top 20 school. His experience so far has been mixed. I am struck by how many of his high school peers are having likewise mixed experiences so far. They are doing well academically but are hit with feelings of ennui. This cohort has been through so much — high school sophomore year interrupted mid-year, a Covid induced discontinuous high school junior year and crazy college application process high school senior year. These kids are so confused now in their first year of college. The sense I get is that these kids just lost a big chunk of their childhood, as the formative high school years were kind of ripped away from them. Talk of transferring, pausing education and going on cross country camping trips abound. Anyone seeing this / feeling this from this cohort of kids? I struggle to offer words of encouragement, namely that it will all sort itself out.

TBH, it sounds like you are describing kids/families who prioritized rank over fit. Now you are wondering why they don’t seem happy.

Generally speaking, if you make life decisions based upon pleasing/impressing others, you are unlikely to achieve personal fulfillment (though your social media might be awesome).

Don’t be a dick. A northwestern or Penn is going to open a hell of a lot more doors than JMU and that’s just pragmatic — vs. an attempt to i “impress others”

Sometimes you do the more difficult thing that will yield a bigger payout later

+1

The point of the "pie eating contest" is to live an UMC life in a HCOL city. I don't understand why people here are complaining and moping about how working hard in high school to get into Stanford or wherever is just "a pie eating contest where the prize is eating more pie" -- that's not it at all. The prize is being able to graduate with a lucrative offer in tech or finance so you can set yourself up for a high QoL as an adult. Of course, if your kids at a T20 decide to be a teacher or a marine biologist or whatever do-gooder low-paying job they want, it's a colossal waste of the resources of an Ivy.

I see lots of suggestions for a fun gap year going cross-country camping. That's an AWFUL idea. I highly suggest OP's kid as well as anyone else with a kid in a similar situation take a gap year living on their own working a crappy minimum wage food service job. They will be WAY more appreciative of the opportunities they have when the come back to their T20 and be more focused on setting themselves up for a lucrative career post-grad.

So you would be more proud if your child went into finance than teaching or marine biology? How sad for them.
You seem to think money is the pre-eminent value. Which to me, means you have messed up values.

Yes I would be more proud if my kid went into tech or finance than teaching or marine biology. I want them to have a good quality of life. Two teachers will not be able to afford living in the DMV by the time my kid is of child-bearing age -- unless the teachers have substantial family wealthy (which we don't).

They would have more money, yes. But you are equating that with happiness. That is what the prior post is pointing out.

You seem not to care if they are helping anyone, contributing to society, find fulfillment, etc. You are one dimensional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DC is a first year at a top 20 school. His experience so far has been mixed. I am struck by how many of his high school peers are having likewise mixed experiences so far. They are doing well academically but are hit with feelings of ennui. This cohort has been through so much — high school sophomore year interrupted mid-year, a Covid induced discontinuous high school junior year and crazy college application process high school senior year. These kids are so confused now in their first year of college. The sense I get is that these kids just lost a big chunk of their childhood, as the formative high school years were kind of ripped away from them. Talk of transferring, pausing education and going on cross country camping trips abound. Anyone seeing this / feeling this from this cohort of kids? I struggle to offer words of encouragement, namely that it will all sort itself out.

TBH, it sounds like you are describing kids/families who prioritized rank over fit. Now you are wondering why they don’t seem happy.

Generally speaking, if you make life decisions based upon pleasing/impressing others, you are unlikely to achieve personal fulfillment (though your social media might be awesome).

Don’t be a dick. A northwestern or Penn is going to open a hell of a lot more doors than JMU and that’s just pragmatic — vs. an attempt to i “impress others”

Sometimes you do the more difficult thing that will yield a bigger payout later

+1

The point of the "pie eating contest" is to live an UMC life in a HCOL city. I don't understand why people here are complaining and moping about how working hard in high school to get into Stanford or wherever is just "a pie eating contest where the prize is eating more pie" -- that's not it at all. The prize is being able to graduate with a lucrative offer in tech or finance so you can set yourself up for a high QoL as an adult. Of course, if your kids at a T20 decide to be a teacher or a marine biologist or whatever do-gooder low-paying job they want, it's a colossal waste of the resources of an Ivy.

I see lots of suggestions for a fun gap year going cross-country camping. That's an AWFUL idea. I highly suggest OP's kid as well as anyone else with a kid in a similar situation take a gap year living on their own working a crappy minimum wage food service job. They will be WAY more appreciative of the opportunities they have when the come back to their T20 and be more focused on setting themselves up for a lucrative career post-grad.

So you would be more proud if your child went into finance than teaching or marine biology? How sad for them.
You seem to think money is the pre-eminent value. Which to me, means you have messed up values.

Yes I would be more proud if my kid went into tech or finance than teaching or marine biology. I want them to have a good quality of life. Two teachers will not be able to afford living in the DMV by the time my kid is of child-bearing age -- unless the teachers have substantial family wealthy (which we don't).

Why do you assume your kid wants to live in the DMV and/or have children? There are many ways to have a good quality of life.

Sounds like he thinks he wants to live through them or sculpt them into his image and likeness. Again, quite sad and twisted perspective on parenting.

[Anonymous]

Freshman at commuter schools tend to be unhappy in my experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DC is a first year at a top 20 school. His experience so far has been mixed. I am struck by how many of his high school peers are having likewise mixed experiences so far. They are doing well academically but are hit with feelings of ennui. This cohort has been through so much — high school sophomore year interrupted mid-year, a Covid induced discontinuous high school junior year and crazy college application process high school senior year. These kids are so confused now in their first year of college. The sense I get is that these kids just lost a big chunk of their childhood, as the formative high school years were kind of ripped away from them. Talk of transferring, pausing education and going on cross country camping trips abound. Anyone seeing this / feeling this from this cohort of kids? I struggle to offer words of encouragement, namely that it will all sort itself out.

TBH, it sounds like you are describing kids/families who prioritized rank over fit. Now you are wondering why they don’t seem happy.

Generally speaking, if you make life decisions based upon pleasing/impressing others, you are unlikely to achieve personal fulfillment (though your social media might be awesome).

Don’t be a dick. A northwestern or Penn is going to open a hell of a lot more doors than JMU and that’s just pragmatic — vs. an attempt to i “impress others”

Sometimes you do the more difficult thing that will yield a bigger payout later

+1

The point of the "pie eating contest" is to live an UMC life in a HCOL city. I don't understand why people here are complaining and moping about how working hard in high school to get into Stanford or wherever is just "a pie eating contest where the prize is eating more pie" -- that's not it at all. The prize is being able to graduate with a lucrative offer in tech or finance so you can set yourself up for a high QoL as an adult. Of course, if your kids at a T20 decide to be a teacher or a marine biologist or whatever do-gooder low-paying job they want, it's a colossal waste of the resources of an Ivy.

I see lots of suggestions for a fun gap year going cross-country camping. That's an AWFUL idea. I highly suggest OP's kid as well as anyone else with a kid in a similar situation take a gap year living on their own working a crappy minimum wage food service job. They will be WAY more appreciative of the opportunities they have when the come back to their T20 and be more focused on setting themselves up for a lucrative career post-grad.

So you would be more proud if your child went into finance than teaching or marine biology? How sad for them.
You seem to think money is the pre-eminent value. Which to me, means you have messed up values.

Yes I would be more proud if my kid went into tech or finance than teaching or marine biology. I want them to have a good quality of life. Two teachers will not be able to afford living in the DMV by the time my kid is of child-bearing age -- unless the teachers have substantial family wealthy (which we don't).

Marine biology is vastly more interesting post grad school than finance ever could be for many people. I would love it if my child was a marine biologist living an interesting life making a good living. Weird that you such a tiny view of what a successful life can look like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DC is a first year at a top 20 school. His experience so far has been mixed. I am struck by how many of his high school peers are having likewise mixed experiences so far. They are doing well academically but are hit with feelings of ennui. This cohort has been through so much — high school sophomore year interrupted mid-year, a Covid induced discontinuous high school junior year and crazy college application process high school senior year. These kids are so confused now in their first year of college. The sense I get is that these kids just lost a big chunk of their childhood, as the formative high school years were kind of ripped away from them. Talk of transferring, pausing education and going on cross country camping trips abound. Anyone seeing this / feeling this from this cohort of kids? I struggle to offer words of encouragement, namely that it will all sort itself out.

TBH, it sounds like you are describing kids/families who prioritized rank over fit. Now you are wondering why they don’t seem happy.

Generally speaking, if you make life decisions based upon pleasing/impressing others, you are unlikely to achieve personal fulfillment (though your social media might be awesome).

Don’t be a dick. A northwestern or Penn is going to open a hell of a lot more doors than JMU and that’s just pragmatic — vs. an attempt to i “impress others”

Sometimes you do the more difficult thing that will yield a bigger payout later

+1

The point of the "pie eating contest" is to live an UMC life in a HCOL city. I don't understand why people here are complaining and moping about how working hard in high school to get into Stanford or wherever is just "a pie eating contest where the prize is eating more pie" -- that's not it at all. The prize is being able to graduate with a lucrative offer in tech or finance so you can set yourself up for a high QoL as an adult. Of course, if your kids at a T20 decide to be a teacher or a marine biologist or whatever do-gooder low-paying job they want, it's a colossal waste of the resources of an Ivy.

I see lots of suggestions for a fun gap year going cross-country camping. That's an AWFUL idea. I highly suggest OP's kid as well as anyone else with a kid in a similar situation take a gap year living on their own working a crappy minimum wage food service job. They will be WAY more appreciative of the opportunities they have when the come back to their T20 and be more focused on setting themselves up for a lucrative career post-grad.

So you would be more proud if your child went into finance than teaching or marine biology? How sad for them.
You seem to think money is the pre-eminent value. Which to me, means you have messed up values.

Yes I would be more proud if my kid went into tech or finance than teaching or marine biology. I want them to have a good quality of life. Two teachers will not be able to afford living in the DMV by the time my kid is of child-bearing age -- unless the teachers have substantial family wealthy (which we don't).

Why do you assume your kid wants to live in the DMV and/or have children? There are many ways to have a good quality of life.

Sounds like he thinks he wants to live through them or sculpt them into his image and likeness. Again, quite sad and twisted perspective on parenting.

Not at all. Just don’t want DC to end up like the many posters on DCUM who wail about not being able to buy in a good pyramid or have multiple kids or be a SAHM because they did some low-paying do gooder job in their 20s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DC is a first year at a top 20 school. His experience so far has been mixed. I am struck by how many of his high school peers are having likewise mixed experiences so far. They are doing well academically but are hit with feelings of ennui. This cohort has been through so much — high school sophomore year interrupted mid-year, a Covid induced discontinuous high school junior year and crazy college application process high school senior year. These kids are so confused now in their first year of college. The sense I get is that these kids just lost a big chunk of their childhood, as the formative high school years were kind of ripped away from them. Talk of transferring, pausing education and going on cross country camping trips abound. Anyone seeing this / feeling this from this cohort of kids? I struggle to offer words of encouragement, namely that it will all sort itself out.

TBH, it sounds like you are describing kids/families who prioritized rank over fit. Now you are wondering why they don’t seem happy.

Generally speaking, if you make life decisions based upon pleasing/impressing others, you are unlikely to achieve personal fulfillment (though your social media might be awesome).

Don’t be a dick. A northwestern or Penn is going to open a hell of a lot more doors than JMU and that’s just pragmatic — vs. an attempt to i “impress others”

Sometimes you do the more difficult thing that will yield a bigger payout later

+1

The point of the "pie eating contest" is to live an UMC life in a HCOL city. I don't understand why people here are complaining and moping about how working hard in high school to get into Stanford or wherever is just "a pie eating contest where the prize is eating more pie" -- that's not it at all. The prize is being able to graduate with a lucrative offer in tech or finance so you can set yourself up for a high QoL as an adult. Of course, if your kids at a T20 decide to be a teacher or a marine biologist or whatever do-gooder low-paying job they want, it's a colossal waste of the resources of an Ivy.

I see lots of suggestions for a fun gap year going cross-country camping. That's an AWFUL idea. I highly suggest OP's kid as well as anyone else with a kid in a similar situation take a gap year living on their own working a crappy minimum wage food service job. They will be WAY more appreciative of the opportunities they have when the come back to their T20 and be more focused on setting themselves up for a lucrative career post-grad.

So you would be more proud if your child went into finance than teaching or marine biology? How sad for them.
You seem to think money is the pre-eminent value. Which to me, means you have messed up values.

Yes I would be more proud if my kid went into tech or finance than teaching or marine biology. I want them to have a good quality of life. Two teachers will not be able to afford living in the DMV by the time my kid is of child-bearing age -- unless the teachers have substantial family wealthy (which we don't).

Marine biology is vastly more interesting post grad school than finance ever could be for many people. I would love it if my child was a marine biologist living an interesting life making a good living. Weird that you such a tiny view of what a successful life can look like.

Nope. Not weird at all. Head over to the jobs forum on this website and take a look at all the PhD Biology folks who can’t afford to live in a decent area in the DMV.