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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I could have written most of your post OP.  My DD would even get sick and throw up after parties bc of eating too much.  After that happened more than once we knew she needed some guidance.  My DD is a teen now and it is a lot better, pretty much a non issue now.

[b]I know DCUM disagrees largely, but for us, we set limits. At home, she would serve herself her dinner portion and what she wanted, but if she wanted seconds it would be a much smaller portion, no thirds.  Hungry later? Then fruits, vegetables, or milk/cheese.[/b]

At parties, before we went, I would remind her 1 dessert, no more than 3 pieces of pizza.  She can have something else later at home if she is still hungry.

For snacks I helped guide her with what a portion size looks like and how we need to vary the food groups we are eating.

We also upped her physical activity.

She was on borderline of overweight (according to children's BMI percentile) but now she isn't and for the most is good at self regulation, but it does take her effort and thought on her part.  But that is true for most people as they get into adulthood.  It is a good skill to learn that just because you want a third piece of pie doesn't mean you should eat it[/quote]

This. A normal sized first portion, a smaller second portion. Then dinner is over. If she is actually still hungry later, a healthful snack. (She likely won’t be). Allowing your child to simply eat as much as she wants is insane, when your child wants three helpings. [/quote]

This is the problem though - portion sizes are arbitrary and by telling someone externally what amount they “should” want, you are getting them no closer to being able to follow their own internal cues.

It’s also fine to have a lot of food sometimes. If the idea of having three servings is anxiety-provoking for you, then you need to think about why that is.[/quote]

Her daughter's internal cues aren't working.  [b]Many[/b] adults and some kids struggling with finding a balance between enough enough but not too much.  If her daughter is overweight, what her body is telling her to eat and what her body actually needs are not corresponding.  Its ok to follow portion guiandance in this instance.  OP doesn't need to weigh out every gram of food, but it is totally appropriate to set limits on certain food: you can have 1 dessert, you can have 1 granola bar, you can have one bowl of pasta, 3 pieces of pizza, 2 pancakes, etc. Then leave plenty of foods that she can consumer as much as she wants such as lean meats, fruits, vegetables, beans, cheese, yogurt, eggs[/quote]

Her internal cues are there - she is not listening to them. She needs to learn to do so. This is why your advice will not work and is more damaging long term. It continues to focus on external cues. It is important to allow her to do this now rather than further distort her ability to tune into her body. OP - a weight neutral dietician may be able to help you with some tools to support your daughter. Be wary of the advice given here.[/quote]

Her internal cue is to eat to excess. Once you have packed on a certain amount of weight the adipose cells multiply and send out excess hunger hormones. Once you are that overweight it is really not possible to experience meaningful weightloss without some hunger. [/quote]

This is not accurate and weight loss should not even be the immediate goal, anyway. Getting the daughter to be comfortable with food and learning to recognize her appetite, hunger and fullness is the goal. Please stop giving advice that is not based on proven effective methods for children.[/quote]

This isn’t taught.  It should come naturally.  If it doesn’t, then that means it doesn’t work for you.  To teach it, means to recognize what a reasonable portion is.  [/quote]

It does come naturally, and is then sometimes ruined by things like when well meaning family force their food ideology and portion guidance on you. In these cases there are tools that can help regain it but they do need to be taught. It never involves prescribing portions. And it takes time. At 9, OPs daughter is quite young and has plenty of time to learn.[/quote]

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