Atheist bil won’t allow 3 year old nephew to receive a gift during holidays

[Anonymous]

It hilarious yo watch people be rude to their family all in the name of Jesus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Send the kid a gift in august or september or october and remind him to bring it to play with.

That might work. Thanks, pp.

Oh please, obviously you don't have your own kids. They won't remember that they got a gift last week much less months ago.

op here- I don’t think it’s great, but at least he’d get a gift. Imo, the whole scenario is going to be a nightmare when the other kids open their gifts. Meltdown nightmare.

DP. Agree, it will be meltdown nightmare.

But this is BIL's problem to deal with, not yours. You can't fix this. With any luck, BIL will relax his stance next year to something like, "We don't believe but the gifts are fun and secular."

I agree with your assessment. Bil is an only child and was raised without holidays of any kind. He’s inflicting the same strict joylessness on his son. I don’t get my sister, she loved Christmas. My mom is old and I want her to have a nice Christmas. She loves everyone and wants everyone to be happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is their decision, but I don't see why they come to the Christmas gathering at all if they are against celebrating... We are atheist/agnostic in our house but we love Christmas as a cultural celebration - food, Santa, gift giving!

Agree! Part of going is the whole point of why it's largely secular holiday!

They may want to spend time with family at what OP said is one of the few times a year they all get together. But the "cultural" holiday is still based on Christianity. Would you expect BIL to go along with gifts from Santa (or from grandma, for that matter) if he we're Jewish or Muslim?

I think there's a difference between
1. getting together with family during their holiday and
2. partaking in Christmas gifts.

OP, let your sister and BIL handle their child's reaction. They will probably prepare him ahead of time for the fact that there will be gifts and he won't get one. If he gets upset in the moment, I'm sure they have thought about how to handle that too. Just trust them to parent their own kid.

I'm not Jewish but would not care if someone wanted to get my kid a Hanukkah gift if we were celebrating with them. What's the issue?

[Anonymous]

Are the other children in the family young? Is Santa Claus real for them? I’d check with them on their willingness to keep that up at the celebration. Because other families won’t be thrilled if they wreck that as part of their views on Christmas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It hilarious yo watch people be rude to their family all in the name of Jesus.

We don’t give the kids Christmas gifts from Jesus and I intend to follow their wishes, as will grandma. I don’t see how that is rude.

[Anonymous]

Mail gifts to the kids who may receive them ahead of time, and enjoy a time of family, food and fun without gifts.

[Anonymous]

Why is it so hard to open the gifts when they are not there?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have a gift in plain paper ready for the child. If the parents change their mind while visiting, you can have the gift ready to go.

If they do not opt for this, then continue to respect the parents’ wishes. I’m confident your mother can stop being dramatic for five minutes and think of other ways to make her grandchild feel loved and included.

This. My guess is that BIL is being so rigid because he is afraid of a "give an inch, take a mile" scenario.

Also, have you all discussed how you will handle it when your nephew starts telling the other kids that Santa isn't real?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mail gifts to the kids who may receive them ahead of time, and enjoy a time of family, food and fun without gifts.

The problem is that grandma “needs” to see the kids open the gifts. They are looking for a “compromise” that takes the form of the nephew receiving a gift during this holiday time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mail gifts to the kids who may receive them ahead of time, and enjoy a time of family, food and fun without gifts.

The problem is that grandma “needs” to see the kids open the gifts. They are looking for a “compromise” that takes the form of the nephew receiving a gift during this holiday time.

Yea, well, it wouldn’t kill the friggin’ atheist to allow it. He’s an ass. And the sister sucks for tolerating this bs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are the other children in the family young? Is Santa Claus real for them? I’d check with them on their willingness to keep that up at the celebration. Because other families won’t be thrilled if they wreck that as part of their views on Christmas.

Yes, we are also worried about that. Even if bil doesn’t say something about Santa not being real and the other kids overhearing, when Larlo is older, letting the other kids know Santa isn’t real and bil saying something like “the boy speaks the truth” will cause a problem. He doesn’t call him by his name, he calls him “the boy.” I know it sounds made up but it’s real. We are all respectful because everyone has their ways but this could really cause issues.

[Anonymous]

I honestly don’t know any atheist who would do that. We are not evils OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why atheists suck.

Religious nonchristians as well? Or just atheists?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this some weird troll against atheists?

My very atheist husband, who refused a church wedding and Catholic baptisms for the kids, is perfectly happy with me explaining the meaning of Christmas to them, Christmas carols, gifts, etc.

And I myself am keenly aware that most Christmas traditions predate the Catholic church, and are pagan in nature.

I don't believe this story, frankly.

I don’t believe this either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mail gifts to the kids who may receive them ahead of time, and enjoy a time of family, food and fun without gifts.

My mom said that even though it will kill her not to have Larlo included, she’s not going to stop something she enjoys and has done for years. All the grandkids look forward to it. We have 2 new babies this year that get First Christmas ornaments from the cousins as well, they make the ornaments by hand before we eat and wrap them for the mom and dad to open. We love to look back at these memories.