SAHMs with no retirement or college savings

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know a few women like this. They leaned out to SAH with babies and then did soccer and such for ES aged kids. But then never...work again. HS kids don't need you to be there for them when they get home from school - they have their own lives. These moms get used to a semi-cushy life of yoga and tennis and just hanging out at home. They don't have husbands with the type of jobs where corporate level entertaining or travel are in the mix, not to mention the salaries that go along with that.

Even with outdated resumes they could get some type of not-horrible work in retail or admin, but choose not to. Then they wring their hands over looming college expenses and retirement.

I don’t think anyone should be judging. What if there is a couple where the husband is not as “hands on” with kids and household duties. I would love to go back full time but my husband doesn’t help at all around the house or with the kids games, homework, family socials, etc and I would part time. If I go full time, I would be doing it all and that’s just not fair.

Sorry I meant to say I work part time - typo

[Anonymous]

I know so many international students who work to pay the $40k tuition even though they are not even supposed to work. They don't qualify loans. Why can't these kids go to community college and then work to pay for college.
Somehow the local kids are so much softer.
I have worked here for 25 years and still don't have a college fund for the kid. He will be fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you're a troll, but I'l answer why I probably won't go back to work even though I might not even be able to pay for tuition at a state school.

I have applied to many, many jobs, and I can't get any that will work with a flexible-ish schedule that would actually make a decent amount of money. I am being picky, I know, but I would like medical and maybe 60K. The only thing I can think of that would get me some marketable skills are going back to school (which would require money upfront) or doing something very low-paying in the hopes that it would eventually lead to something more. I'm not sure I'd be better off doing that than I would be focusing on saving money at home.

Right now, I like being able to do all my home tasks while the kids are at school so we can all just chill on the weekends, and I like spending after-school time with my kids since they are going to be gone so soon. At this point I'm not going to get a job that wouldn't let me do those things so they can go to a more expensive school. That is just my choice.

Also, some people don't realize just how expensive college has become. They think that the way to afford college is pretty much the same as what it was when they went, and that every single person complaining about student loans is just an idiot who went to a college that can change lives for a degree in gender studies.

Going to an expensive private college is not worth it for 80% of people. Just attend in state college. If my parents saved 300k for me for college, I would ask them to give me 200k of that for a down payment on a first house. Forget paying 50-70k a year for college, that is BS.

Would you work a flexible(ish) schedule (35 hours/week, 3 days from home) for $40k/year with medical and free college tuition for your kids? I work for a university and we always hire recent undergrads for a research assistant position, although they rarely stay past a couple years- they use the education benefit for grad school then move on. Wondering if we should rethink our hiring strategy.

OMG yes. I guess I don't know where you are and I can't move, but if the commute wasn't unmanageable I would do it and I bet a lot of others in my position would as well.

That is interesting to hear! Someone asked if the tuition benefit transfers- yes, there are other participating universities that have a tuition exchange with GWU (easy to google). However, to my knowledge those are usually granted to employees by longevity and many are 20+ years in, so it definitely is not guaranteed. There several postings on indeed now (or through GWU directly, on-site is Rockville, MD). I'm reviewing a lot of the ones through indeed now, and would definitely consider someone with a kick ass cover letter. I'd prefer someone who would stay 5+ years compared with our usual attrition for the position.

But please double check the tuition benefits- way back in the day when I started it was immediate for family members, but there could be a lag now...

PPP here and I will do that for sure. But I'm actually just interested in jobs like that even without the tuition benefits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My friend was telling me about how her sister is stressed about her high school children and college tuition. The husband makes enough to maintain their everyday lifestyle but they have no college savings. The mom doesn’t work. She has 2 high school kids and all the time in the world and basically hasn’t worked since having kids. This just seems selfish and irresponsible.

I’m a sahm but my Dh earns a seven figure income. If Dh didn’t earn enough for our kids’ college, I absolutely 100% work.

Doesn’t it seem irresponsible and lazy to not work if your family needs the money?

Why do you need to judge other people. Live your own life.

[Anonymous]

I am not a SAHM but I work PT even though I only have one kid who is school age. My take is that people often overestimate how easy it is for middle class people to find reliable childcare when they both work, if they don’t have nearby family or other resources. It’s really challenging and right now we make it work by me being PT. It would be great for us financially if I could go FT, plus obviously very good for my retirement fund. But it would come at a major cost to family stability. I probably am still going to do it, but I dread what it will mean for our day-to-day. My current schedule makes everything so much easier. We never feel hectic. Our relationship are all really solid.

When you are wealthy and can always afford the extra help you need, or to pay for conveniences that make things easier, you may not realize how valuable that is to family stability and well being. But as a family that has had to sacrifice income to get that peace of mind, I realize how valuable it is. Yes, when I am FT we’ll be putting away way more for college/retirement than now. But that will be the only financial shift. It’s not like my FT salary will enable us to do that AND pay for housecleaners, meal prep, household admin, vacation planning, childcare on school sick days and in the summer, and all the other stuff I currently do. We’ll have to do all that, plus work, in order to get the extra savings. Probably worth it in the end but still: not fun. Which is why we’ve put it off a bit, accepting a few extra years of lower savings in exchange for an easier like during a pandemic.

So maybe before judging a SAHM whose household income is a fraction of yours, you should step back and be grateful that’s not a trade off you ever have to navigate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My friend was telling me about how her sister is stressed about her high school children and college tuition. The husband makes enough to maintain their everyday lifestyle but they have no college savings. The mom doesn’t work. She has 2 high school kids and all the time in the world and basically hasn’t worked since having kids. This just seems selfish and irresponsible.

I’m a sahm but my Dh earns a seven figure income. If Dh didn’t earn enough for our kids’ college, I absolutely 100% work.

Doesn’t it seem irresponsible and lazy to not work if your family needs the money?

Don't be so judgy. Few people with 2 kids have all the time in the world. Raising kids is not a luxury, it's a sacrifice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, have you given the maid, nanny, housekeeper and gardener better wages so they can pay for college?

Yeah, OP, where did you go? I’d like an answer to this question, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not a SAHM but I work PT even though I only have one kid who is school age. My take is that people often overestimate how easy it is for middle class people to find reliable childcare when they both work, if they don’t have nearby family or other resources. It’s really challenging and right now we make it work by me being PT. It would be great for us financially if I could go FT, plus obviously very good for my retirement fund. But it would come at a major cost to family stability. I probably am still going to do it, but I dread what it will mean for our day-to-day. My current schedule makes everything so much easier. We never feel hectic. Our relationship are all really solid.

When you are wealthy and can always afford the extra help you need, or to pay for conveniences that make things easier, you may not realize how valuable that is to family stability and well being. But as a family that has had to sacrifice income to get that peace of mind, I realize how valuable it is. Yes, when I am FT we’ll be putting away way more for college/retirement than now. But that will be the only financial shift. It’s not like my FT salary will enable us to do that AND pay for housecleaners, meal prep, household admin, vacation planning, childcare on school sick days and in the summer, and all the other stuff I currently do. We’ll have to do all that, plus work, in order to get the extra savings. Probably worth it in the end but still: not fun. Which is why we’ve put it off a bit, accepting a few extra years of lower savings in exchange for an easier like during a pandemic.

So maybe before judging a SAHM whose household income is a fraction of yours, you should step back and be grateful that’s not a trade off you ever have to navigate.

High school students don't need childcare. At that age they should be making some contribution to the family they are a part of, be in charge of a meal one night a week, do their own laundry, some simple household tasks. There seems to be a real fear in the middle class that asking 15 or 16 year old kids to take on some responsibility is somehow harmful. It's not. Raising entitled children benefits no one.

[Anonymous]

Is everyone missing the fact that the SAHM is worried about not having college tuition and retirement? If she didn't care, then whatever. But if she's talking about it, then she needs to go to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you're a troll, but I'l answer why I probably won't go back to work even though I might not even be able to pay for tuition at a state school.

I have applied to many, many jobs, and I can't get any that will work with a flexible-ish schedule that would actually make a decent amount of money. I am being picky, I know, but I would like medical and maybe 60K. The only thing I can think of that would get me some marketable skills are going back to school (which would require money upfront) or doing something very low-paying in the hopes that it would eventually lead to something more. I'm not sure I'd be better off doing that than I would be focusing on saving money at home.

Right now, I like being able to do all my home tasks while the kids are at school so we can all just chill on the weekends, and I like spending after-school time with my kids since they are going to be gone so soon. At this point I'm not going to get a job that wouldn't let me do those things so they can go to a more expensive school. That is just my choice.

Also, some people don't realize just how expensive college has become. They think that the way to afford college is pretty much the same as what it was when they went, and that every single person complaining about student loans is just an idiot who went to a college that can change lives for a degree in gender studies.

Going to an expensive private college is not worth it for 80% of people. Just attend in state college. If my parents saved 300k for me for college, I would ask them to give me 200k of that for a down payment on a first house. Forget paying 50-70k a year for college, that is BS.

Totally agree. It always amazes me how parents are sending their kids to college far away to study most of the time for degrees like sociology, biology or so that could easily be finished in the nearest town for 80% less. I am an immigrant who went to community college, then in-state college while working around the clock and paid cash for each semester. I was debt free and got a job that pays me 100K annually. I had no help from my parents whatsoever.

Not everyone is aiming to finish an undergrad degree and work right away. I went into undergrad already knowing that I would then go straight into graduate school. Lots of people do that...go to undergrad already knowing they will then go to grad school/law/med school/etc. I feel like very few professions start out with a Bachelor's.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is everyone missing the fact that the SAHM is worried about not having college tuition and retirement? If she didn't care, then whatever. But if she's talking about it, then she needs to go to work.

She does, but please know that since she has been out of the workforce for almost 18 years it'll be a crappy job.

But actually the retirement part is another bit that makes me think it's a troll. I know there must be exceptions, but most people realize they need to save for retirement before they are on cusp of becoming empty nesters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We’ll, people just prioritize different things. Your friend prioritizes being home with kids over paying for college. I don’t think it’s selfish or not. I definitely don’t personally find any good reason why a woman would stay home bar a child with severe disabilities (even the ones w 7 figure husbands, but it doesn’t matter what I think. Every person gets to make their own life choices and set their own priorities.

Perhaps she has a “silent disease” like anxiety, depression, ADHD, or a rare disorder. That’s why I stay home; I can manage better that way, I am mentally healthier without the stress and conflicting demands of the workplace. Granted, I had a high level job, so maybe I would do better in a simpler job, but honestly, having two teens is still a lot of work - making sure they have proper meals, all that they need for school, ferrying them places, and keeping up with the house and other responsibilities is a big job in and of itself. Some superstars, well organized people can do it all - but in reality, few can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I swear you people are among the most gullible or the Internet. The OP is trolling. She made this up. Don’t people have better things to do with a Friday night?

+1

I think this is the same troll who started the thread in the college forum about why people haven’t saved for college.

++
And if not a troll then you really need to get a life. Talk about having all the time on the world!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What’s interesting to me is that a lot of SAHMs don’t seem to realize they aren’t contributing to retirement. They will often say their husband is saving in other accounts, but they don’t recognize how the benefit of a 401k is bankruptcy, tax deferred etc. They also don’t seem to understand that their husband’s 401k is only in his name. My own mother stayed home and I have power of attorney for my dad. She can’t even call up the brokerage firm to make a transaction since her name isn’t on the account. SAHms are truly screwed on the retirement front.

Only if their husbands don’t pay attention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you're a troll, but I'l answer why I probably won't go back to work even though I might not even be able to pay for tuition at a state school.

I have applied to many, many jobs, and I can't get any that will work with a flexible-ish schedule that would actually make a decent amount of money. I am being picky, I know, but I would like medical and maybe 60K. The only thing I can think of that would get me some marketable skills are going back to school (which would require money upfront) or doing something very low-paying in the hopes that it would eventually lead to something more. I'm not sure I'd be better off doing that than I would be focusing on saving money at home.

Right now, I like being able to do all my home tasks while the kids are at school so we can all just chill on the weekends, and I like spending after-school time with my kids since they are going to be gone so soon. At this point I'm not going to get a job that wouldn't let me do those things so they can go to a more expensive school. That is just my choice.

Also, some people don't realize just how expensive college has become. They think that the way to afford college is pretty much the same as what it was when they went, and that every single person complaining about student loans is just an idiot who went to a college that can change lives for a degree in gender studies.

Going to an expensive private college is not worth it for 80% of people. Just attend in state college. If my parents saved 300k for me for college, I would ask them to give me 200k of that for a down payment on a first house. Forget paying 50-70k a year for college, that is BS.

Would you work a flexible(ish) schedule (35 hours/week, 3 days from home) for $40k/year with medical and free college tuition for your kids? I work for a university and we always hire recent undergrads for a research assistant position, although they rarely stay past a couple years- they use the education benefit for grad school then move on. Wondering if we should rethink our hiring strategy.

Absolutely!