In class with a kid we requested not to be with

[Anonymous]

I’m a teacher. We get no say over class placements so if you brought this up to me I would have nothing to offer you. What the teacher can do is separate their seats and that’s probably a good idea. Beyond that, I think you need to step back. They’re 5. Summer camp is a different arena. Very likely the ignore eachother completely or end up coexisting just fine in a busy class with other peers and things to focus on besides free play. Asking to switch now means disrupting your child’s schedule and making him reacclimate to a new class where kids have already paired up - because if you persist in a switch, it will be your son who goes - AND, you never know- he could tussle with somebody else in the new class.

Kids will butt heads a bit. The solution isn’t to separate them forever after a couple run ins at age 5 at camp. Your son will be fine. You need to think way, way bigger picture here.

[Anonymous]

What a desperate idiot. You can’t do anything OP

[Anonymous]

You realize is they make the switch now, it will be your kid that will be moved, not the other kids, right?

[Anonymous]

On the subject of other moms, we had 6th graders when one said to me, “I really wish our kids could be friends.” They clearly weren’t. My reply, “I only wish they are polite.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait, your kid has been picking on hers and had to apologize and your description of their interactions is "historically her kid has problems with other kids"? You should say less because it just keeps getting worse.

I mean the narrative of being the victim. He’s not actually a victim but without revealing too much, she’s got a lot of issues surrounding her own life and intense paranoia that people are being mean to her and her kid. She’s in a lot of therapy etc but has these delusions that people are slighting her when they aren’t.

Op, you're well within your rights to minimize contact with the mom. You're not in school with these two boys--just let the teacher know that the two boys occasionally have fought, and that the other parent has highlighted their concerns to you, and you wanted to make sure that the teacher was aware. The teacher will do their job and deal with it if it's an issue.

Op: The mother is definitely more of the problem for sure, but she has sort of created a monster by really obsessing (since preschool!) who was mean to him and he therefore feigns sadness and then she goes on a wrath against that child. Even if the kid wasn’t actually mean to him, and even if he was actually mean to the kid! Example: her son took and hid my kids shoes and made my kid run around the rocks barefoot at camp and then ny kid made fun of his smelly feet, and then because her son was upset by the smelly feet comment I got call about the harsh words about the feet and it blows up into this whole thing where she wants to discuss how my kid needs to watch his words etc etc. it’s just a strange situation I want to avoid, hence not sitting next to one another

This is your oldest right? Elementary schools don’t care about smelly feet comments or hidden shoes. They don’t care about the wrath of a mom. If there is physical assault that results in actual injury (stitches, broken arm) they will move one kid (probably the victim). If there is documented bullying that stretches on for months (with paperwork filled out and observed by a teacher, inside the classroom and not at camp or the playground) they might maybe possibly separate them. But maybe not. And definitely not for this kind of stupid stuff at camp.

He’s growing up! Better start adjusting to the new world he is entering.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son went to camp this summer and didn’t get along with this kid. Their altercations were normal 5 year old horsing around but the real issue for me was the mother who kept calling me and wanting to have meetings about their friendship. It didn’t end well and I requested to the school that they not be in class together this year to avoid any further todo. Then school started and not only are they in class together but they are seated next to one another. How do I alert the teacher without sounding dramatic? Objectively this kid historically has problems with others and mine doesn’t so I hate to bring it up and set the precedent that my kid is the problem. Seeing the mom everyday is also giving me so much anxiety.

I’d wait and see how things go for a few weeks. The kids are five and you yourself said their issues were pretty typical 5-yr old stuff and the issue had more to do w/ your annoyance w the mom. If that’s what you told school, I suspect that’s why they didn’t honor the request. They can’t plan class placement around annoying parents, there just aren’t enough places to put all those requests.

This. You have no reason to think that this is actually going to affect your kid detrimentally, and kids being in classes with other kids they don't get along with is just life. If there are any actual problems, then you can say something to the teacher, but I'd wait to see how it plays out. These are pretty young kids and you say that the issues were "normal 5 year old" behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait, your kid has been picking on hers and had to apologize and your description of their interactions is "historically her kid has problems with other kids"? You should say less because it just keeps getting worse.

I mean the narrative of being the victim. He’s not actually a victim but without revealing too much, she’s got a lot of issues surrounding her own life and intense paranoia that people are being mean to her and her kid. She’s in a lot of therapy etc but has these delusions that people are slighting her when they aren’t.

Op, you're well within your rights to minimize contact with the mom. You're not in school with these two boys--just let the teacher know that the two boys occasionally have fought, and that the other parent has highlighted their concerns to you, and you wanted to make sure that the teacher was aware. The teacher will do their job and deal with it if it's an issue.

Op: The mother is definitely more of the problem for sure, but she has sort of created a monster by really obsessing (since preschool!) who was mean to him and he therefore feigns sadness and then she goes on a wrath against that child. Even if the kid wasn’t actually mean to him, and even if he was actually mean to the kid! Example: her son took and hid my kids shoes and made my kid run around the rocks barefoot at camp and then ny kid made fun of his smelly feet, and then because her son was upset by the smelly feet comment I got call about the harsh words about the feet and it blows up into this whole thing where she wants to discuss how my kid needs to watch his words etc etc. it’s just a strange situation I want to avoid, hence not sitting next to one another

This is your oldest right? Elementary schools don’t care about smelly feet comments or hidden shoes. They don’t care about the wrath of a mom. If there is physical assault that results in actual injury (stitches, broken arm) they will move one kid (probably the victim). If there is documented bullying that stretches on for months (with paperwork filled out and observed by a teacher, inside the classroom and not at camp or the playground) they might maybe possibly separate them. But maybe not. And definitely not for this kind of stupid stuff at camp.

He’s growing up! Better start adjusting to the new world he is entering.

I have been in the situation where my child definitely did something wrong and we dealt with it but I felt the mother really really over reacted. Requested the kids be separated etc. but guess what? Her kid was over it by the next day and would seek mine out at lunch and recess. I was tempted to try and tell my kid to stay away from the other one because she clearly likes to get other kids in trouble and her mom goes nuclear over everything but I have just completely stayed out of it, aside from discussing the specific misbehavior with my child. I no longer interact with this mom beyond being pleasant when we run into each other. All you can do is encourage your kid to strengthen other friendships. The teacher will have a good sense of if something is really wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait, your kid has been picking on hers and had to apologize and your description of their interactions is "historically her kid has problems with other kids"? You should say less because it just keeps getting worse.

I mean the narrative of being the victim. He’s not actually a victim but without revealing too much, she’s got a lot of issues surrounding her own life and intense paranoia that people are being mean to her and her kid. She’s in a lot of therapy etc but has these delusions that people are slighting her when they aren’t.

Op, you're well within your rights to minimize contact with the mom. You're not in school with these two boys--just let the teacher know that the two boys occasionally have fought, and that the other parent has highlighted their concerns to you, and you wanted to make sure that the teacher was aware. The teacher will do their job and deal with it if it's an issue.

Op: The mother is definitely more of the problem for sure, but she has sort of created a monster by really obsessing (since preschool!) who was mean to him and he therefore feigns sadness and then she goes on a wrath against that child. Even if the kid wasn’t actually mean to him, and even if he was actually mean to the kid! Example: her son took and hid my kids shoes and made my kid run around the rocks barefoot at camp and then ny kid made fun of his smelly feet, and then because her son was upset by the smelly feet comment I got call about the harsh words about the feet and it blows up into this whole thing where she wants to discuss how my kid needs to watch his words etc etc. it’s just a strange situation I want to avoid, hence not sitting next to one another

Again your problem is with the mom, you sound insane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On the subject of other moms, we had 6th graders when one said to me, “I really wish our kids could be friends.” They clearly weren’t. My reply, “I only wish they are polite.”

How rude of you!

[Anonymous]

I agree with OP that the other mother sounds unhinged and annoying. But I also agree with other posters that that's not a reason to request a room switch. I think an email to the teacher making them aware of the situation without asking for anything in particular, other than an update if she/he notices anything happening between the the kids would be appropriate. But otherwise, it's just one of those things. You will not like everyone in your kid's classes. Your kid will not like everyone in their classes. You teach them to deal with that reality in a polite way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a teacher. We get no say over class placements so if you brought this up to me I would have nothing to offer you. What the teacher can do is separate their seats and that’s probably a good idea. Beyond that, I think you need to step back. They’re 5. Summer camp is a different arena. Very likely the ignore eachother completely or end up coexisting just fine in a busy class with other peers and things to focus on besides free play. Asking to switch now means disrupting your child’s schedule and making him reacclimate to a new class where kids have already paired up - because if you persist in a switch, it will be your son who goes - AND, you never know- he could tussle with somebody else in the new class.

Kids will butt heads a bit. The solution isn’t to separate them forever after a couple run ins at age 5 at camp. Your son will be fine. You need to think way, way bigger picture here.

This is good advice.

Why does the other mom have your phone number Op? I’d just ignore all her calls if she is calling to discuss the kids

[Anonymous]

OP, my sister went through this with her daughter and the crazy mother of another little girl. The little girl would start something and then when it didn't end the way she wanted she would go home and cry to her mom, Her mom would go crazy sending emails and coming into class to volunteer "to keep an eye on things" and telling teachers and other parents that my niece was a "sociopath" (niece is a nice, normal kid. 9 years old.).

My sister's response to the first few texts and emails was "It sounds like the girls are learning about friendships/ sportsmanship/ taking turns whatever. I think the teachers are great at their job so let's let them handle it." After that, she ignored. It took the other adults about 30 seconds to figure out that the other mom was unhinged. My sister finally met with the teacher to express concern that someone who called her daughter a "sociopath" was allowed to volunteer, and the teacher let her know they were setting boundaries as necessary. She also talked about "confidentiality" and made some meaningful pauses during their talk, so my sister got the impression that everyone was one her side and handling it appropriately, but they couldn't really talk about it.

It is a private school. The woman toned it way down after no one cared that she threatened to withdraw her daughter. Since then she's sent my sister friendly texts wanting to get together. My sister still ignores her.

TL/DR either ignore her or respond to suggest teacher be allowed to handle conflicts as she sees fit. Meet with teacher if parent crazy starts to affect your kid at school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, my sister went through this with her daughter and the crazy mother of another little girl. The little girl would start something and then when it didn't end the way she wanted she would go home and cry to her mom, Her mom would go crazy sending emails and coming into class to volunteer "to keep an eye on things" and telling teachers and other parents that my niece was a "sociopath" (niece is a nice, normal kid. 9 years old.).

My sister's response to the first few texts and emails was "It sounds like the girls are learning about friendships/ sportsmanship/ taking turns whatever. I think the teachers are great at their job so let's let them handle it." After that, she ignored. It took the other adults about 30 seconds to figure out that the other mom was unhinged. My sister finally met with the teacher to express concern that someone who called her daughter a "sociopath" was allowed to volunteer, and the teacher let her know they were setting boundaries as necessary. She also talked about "confidentiality" and made some meaningful pauses during their talk, so my sister got the impression that everyone was one her side and handling it appropriately, but they couldn't really talk about it.

It is a private school. The woman toned it way down after no one cared that she threatened to withdraw her daughter. Since then she's sent my sister friendly texts wanting to get together. My sister still ignores her.

TL/DR either ignore her or respond to suggest teacher be allowed to handle conflicts as she sees fit. Meet with teacher if parent crazy starts to affect your kid at school.

Op wow this situation sounds exactly the same as mine. The unhinged mom is also signing up for all of the volunteering. I feel weird about it because a year ago when our kids were in preschool together she watched a movie where the mom kills the kids bully and said she has fantasies of doing the same to a kid is ever mean to her kid. She is obsessed with who is mean to her kid, like a kid will walk by and she’d whisper “I heard that kid is mean.” Meanwhile it was a normal tk student and she’s just going off the unreliable narration of her son. Anyway, I wound up emailing the teacher a quick note and she responded she was grateful for the information and would move their seats.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do parents normally request meetings with other parents?

I tried to request a meeting with the parents of a child who was bullying and hitting my son, then 6. They wisely declined. Dh and I were low key planning on beating their asses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh. This sounds like a nightmare. Only 177 more days to go!