In class with a kid we requested not to be with

[Anonymous]

My son went to camp this summer and didn’t get along with this kid. Their altercations were normal 5 year old horsing around but the real issue for me was the mother who kept calling me and wanting to have meetings about their friendship. It didn’t end well and I requested to the school that they not be in class together this year to avoid any further todo. Then school started and not only are they in class together but they are seated next to one another. How do I alert the teacher without sounding dramatic? Objectively this kid historically has problems with others and mine doesn’t so I hate to bring it up and set the precedent that my kid is the problem. Seeing the mom everyday is also giving me so much anxiety.

[Anonymous]

I think you can reach out to the teacher to give her a heads up that they boys don't always get along. Because they are so young, it is possible that they will turn a corner this year (or not). At this point, you don't necessarily have to request anything other than that the teacher keep an eye on them.

And don't worry about the mother. You don't have to engage with her.

[Anonymous]

Don't snowplow your kid out of difficult situations. They need to develop healthy coping mechanisms to deal with life's constant stream of issues.

Kids who are always taken out of challenging situations are denied the opportunity to mature and develop.

Within reason of course.

[Anonymous]

Contact the school to see if there was a reason why they denied your request. It could be they simply overlooked it or they have reasons for sticking them together.

Just know that your child will be moved out of the class if they do honor your request not the other way around.

[Anonymous]

Just give the teacher a heads up but don't make it personal about the boy.

As for the mom you will just have to suck it up and deal.

[Anonymous]

Hm. Not sure that we can necessarily take your word for it that these were normal 5 year old horsing around type incidents, something sounds fishy here. And how would you know that this kid “historically” has problems with others if they’re 5? Also “seated next to each other”? If these are assigned seats at tables (…which must be the case, at age 5) - they don’t spend a lot of time at their tables, and the table assignments switch regularly. But either way: don’t create a problem until there is one. If there start to be problems at school, then it can be addressed…

[Anonymous]

If the problem is real, you can simply refuse to send your kid to school until the problem is resolved. Save that for when there's blood or a hit-head notice in the backpack.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son went to camp this summer and didn’t get along with this kid. Their altercations were normal 5 year old horsing around but the real issue for me was the mother who kept calling me and wanting to have meetings about their friendship. It didn’t end well and I requested to the school that they not be in class together this year to avoid any further todo. Then school started and not only are they in class together but they are seated next to one another. How do I alert the teacher without sounding dramatic? Objectively this kid historically has problems with others and mine doesn’t so I hate to bring it up and set the precedent that my kid is the problem. Seeing the mom everyday is also giving me so much anxiety.

I’d wait and see how things go for a few weeks. The kids are five and you yourself said their issues were pretty typical 5-yr old stuff and the issue had more to do w/ your annoyance w the mom. If that’s what you told school, I suspect that’s why they didn’t honor the request. They can’t plan class placement around annoying parents, there just aren’t enough places to put all those requests.

[Anonymous]

How does your child feel about it, OP? Has he expressed any concern or frustration about this kid being in his class and being seated next to him? If not, take a wait and see approach.

And to be clear, I don't recommend asking your child point-blank about whether it bothers him. Ask your normal questions about the school day and see if he mentions anything about it. For all you know, the dynamic at summer camp may have contributed to the altercations. Maybe their interactions will be different in a classroom setting.

[Anonymous]

If it was serious enough to make me request a separation, and it was not honored, I would be following up with the school to know WHY and whether they could make a switch even now.

However if the child is not the problem but the mother is, I would not have requested a separation in the first place. I got into an argument with a fellow parent (and neighbor!!!), and of course our kids were then put in the same class the following year. We just ignored each other.

[Anonymous]

You don’t. But the first time you are contacted from the school about an issue, you politely let the person know the boys have issues being together and you have already tried to make staff aware. Then you politely ask for them to be proactive and change the seat chart. This is what I had to do when DS and another kid were not only in the same class but always at the same table.

Hope for the best. Maybe they will get along now. Our boys eventually grew out of it and there were no further issues after a few years.

[Anonymous]

You can't possibly think a school is going to make classroom assignments based on which mom annoys which other mom. If the kids' behavior was age-appropriate, there's really no reason for the school to do anything different.

Nobody wants to be in a class with a difficult kid, but 20+ kids have to do it every year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can't possibly think a school is going to make classroom assignments based on which mom annoys which other mom. If the kids' behavior was age-appropriate, there's really no reason for the school to do anything different.

Nobody wants to be in a class with a difficult kid, but 20+ kids have to do it every year.

That’s not true. Nobody wants to deal with two kids who don’t get along. Usually a school will accommodate requests like these to avoid disruptions for the rest of the class.

[Anonymous]

Wait you requested your kid not be in class with a kid because the mom annoys you? Check yourself OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can't possibly think a school is going to make classroom assignments based on which mom annoys which other mom. If the kids' behavior was age-appropriate, there's really no reason for the school to do anything different.

Nobody wants to be in a class with a difficult kid, but 20+ kids have to do it every year.

That’s not true. Nobody wants to deal with two kids who don’t get along. Usually a school will accommodate requests like these to avoid disruptions for the rest of the class.

You need to reread OP's post -- normal 5 year old horsing around. OP just can't handle the mom! Will that be disruptive to the rest of the class?