Friend asked to join book club - how to politely say no?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, OP, how did you respond. Can’t leave that txt unanswered for too long…

I told her I'd check in with the group.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lol at the idea of having an exclusive book club.

Right? The same people with the same opinions all the time. What a boring book club.

[Anonymous]

I think people are being super dramatic about you saying to the neighbor "Sorry, the group doesn't want new members, but I'll let you know if things change. I'd love to be in a book club with you though - shall we post on Next Door to see who else wants to join?"

I wouldn't be offended by that because I understand about how one person can change a group's dynamic especially if they have a long history.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To all the people saying OP is a "terrible friend" and a snob trying to look intellectual and exclusive -- do you have any friends or friend groups that actually matter to you? That you have picked because you click? Or do you just operate under an open-door policy, that anyone who crosses paths with you can be your friend? That's just weird.

This is my take. I am the person who is like the friend. People hang out with me and have fun but, don't invite me to the "extra" events and then they tell me they socialize together without me! So, I am a little sensitive. I just don't know why the book club and op cold be kind and invite her.

If you don't care for this friend do what the pp says. the world is so unfriendly. Would it kill anyone to be kind?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol at the idea of having an exclusive book club.

Right? The same people with the same opinions all the time. What a boring book club.

You are free to start your own. Are you being tied down?

[Anonymous]

I would just ask your group and report what they say. I am someone who shares friends. I have some friends who do not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol at the idea of having an exclusive book club.

Right? The same people with the same opinions all the time. What a boring book club.

You are free to start your own. Are you being tied down?

Of course not and I'd do a fade on this "friend" too because she doesn't sound like much of one. Especially if she gave a dick response like yours.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand why you can't tell her the truth--this was formed 20 years ago when the kids were little. You've all been through the weeds together, and you have a certain dynamic that might change with new people. Offer to help form a new one with her.

[Anonymous]

Ask the group but I think your reasons for excluding her are lame. If you weren’t open to new members, she should not know about it. It sounds like you discussed it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why you can't tell her the truth--this was formed 20 years ago when the kids were little. You've all been through the weeds together, and you have a certain dynamic that might change with new people. Offer to help form a new one with her.

If this were the case, the new person should never have heard about the book club. They shouldn’t have been discussing it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, OP, how did you respond. Can’t leave that txt unanswered for too long…

I told her I'd check in with the group.

Wonderful, rejected by a dozen people instead of one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ask the group but I think your reasons for excluding her are lame. If you weren’t open to new members, she should not know about it. It sounds like you discussed it.

OP put her foot in her mouth and now can't think of how to fix the faux pas. Don't mention the secret groups if they are exclusive and not taking new members.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, OP, how did you respond. Can’t leave that txt unanswered for too long…

I told her I'd check in with the group.

Wonderful, rejected by a dozen people instead of one.

You're being too sensitive. Some groups have long-held dynamics, as other posters have explained.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol at the idea of having an exclusive book club.

Right? The same people with the same opinions all the time. What a boring book club.

You are free to start your own. Are you being tied down?

Of course not and I'd do a fade on this "friend" too because she doesn't sound like much of one. Especially if she gave a dick response like yours.

You would need to do a immature “fade.” I would cut you off easily for your judgy, closed-minded stupidness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol at the idea of having an exclusive book club.

Right? The same people with the same opinions all the time. What a boring book club.

You are free to start your own. Are you being tied down?

Of course not and I'd do a fade on this "friend" too because she doesn't sound like much of one. Especially if she gave a dick response like yours.

You would need to do a immature “fade.” I would cut you off easily for your judgy, closed-minded stupidness.

Bullet dodged.