Girlfriend is messy - moved in 3 months ago

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You clean out the fridge every week before you go shopping? It sounds like both of you can move a bit towards each other.

OP here. Yes. I thought that was very normal? My mom and dad did it growing up. How else do you know what you need to get?

You visually scan the contents of the pantry and frig and then make a list.

OP here. My gf will stack things in front of everything so I need to clean it out and move things around to see. We don’t have huge fridge and I don’t keep old food in it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you are a neat freak, OP. It's ok to be a neat person but what you describe is borderline autistic fixation on things being in order. Almost nobody cleans the fridge before grocery shopping (and what's the point? There are always long lasting things in the fridge, isnt it enough to wipe it once a month? ). Of course laundry needs to be washed and not thrown all over the house. I just accumulate it in one basket for the week and do laundry in one day on weekends. I never wash and fold it right away as it takes a LOT of time

You should work towards finding a middle ground, and it's not just her who needs some work

OP here. Maybe I wasn’t being clear. I don’t clean out the fridge as in wipe down or anything. I just throw out things that are old or will never be eaten and just organize it a little so I know what to get from the store. We have a clean lady who cleans it once a month.

I’m just used to be being neat. I grew up with a military dad and a mom who cleaned houses and taught me to clean.

The thing that gets to me the most is her clothes thrown everywhere. The entire walk-in closet is a mess with her shoes and clothes dumped everywhere. The other thing is I have no counter space because she leaves her makeup and skin products all over the counter.

Ok, well you have more than more bathroom and closet? Either break up or realize this is your new normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a person who cleans as I go. If I eat something, I will put my plate in the dishwasher once I am done. I do my laundry every day. I wipe my sink and bathroom counters after I use them in the morning. I will swish the toilet with lysol cleaner in the morning. To keep a clean house clean takes a few minutes every day. Another things is that I know how to declutter.

If your girlfriend is spreading her cosmetics or hair styling products in the bathroom counter, she basically needs tote baskets to keep her stuff neatly and a place to stow it away.

I am sure there are many qualities that she has that makes it worthwhile for you to have her in your life. If you cannot stand her messy habits then understand that it will only get worse.

Maybe she can work part time as a maid with a cleaning service and learn on the job?

OP here. I don’t do all of the above but this is basically what I do. I try to keep things neat.

I specifically cleaned out space - we have a double sink with lots of cabinet space for her to keep her stuff. I bought some bins and she still never uses them. She said it’s easier to have everything out and displayed. I got her some nice looking makeup thing to keep on the counter and it’s still a freaking mess.

She works FT and will not take on a cleaning job. She’s not a slob or anything. I have never lived with a woman and I just assumed most women were just as clean, if not cleaner, than I am.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How much do you have in your fridge that it needs to be cleaned out weekly? I have a family of 5 and I can easily see what needs to be restocked without cleaning out the fridge. It’s rare for us to need to clean out the fridge. When food is old or containers get empty, they get thrown out. They don’t go back into the fridge. I wipe my shelves whenever there is a spill or maybe once a month. What re you all doing that your fridge needs that level of scrutiny? That alone makes me think you are over-the-top.

I have a feeling you are dramatizing her level of disorganization. My guess is her stuff isn’t everywhere but there is just more stuff than you want. You need to talk to her and compromise.

OP here. I don’t wipe anything down. I have a cleaning lady that does that once a month.

My gf buys a lot of extra food or will keep takeout in the fridge that she may eat but never ends up eating. We usually have at least a couple of those containers that get thrown away every week. We have a small fridge and she has the habit of stacking things on top of each other in front and I can’t see what’s behind or under it. We have a single door fridge and that space gets used up quickly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My girlfriend and I have been living together for almost 3 months. It’s going well except she is more messy than I am. Unlike most men, I’m very neat and like to keep things clean. I hate clutter. I rinse + put dishes in dishwasher right away - gf will put in sink or just leave on kitchen counter until end of day, I will do laundry & fold + put away right away - gf throws her stuff everywhere and never seems to fold or put away. I put things back - gf leaves the bathroom counter a mess with all of her products. I clean the fridge every week before grocery shopping - gf never does it until after or checks that we’re out of something until after. I do a reset every night - dishes put away + run dishwasher, fold blanket, wipe down counters - gf had left it messy many times one the nights she stay up later than I do. I know this is very insignificant and doesn’t really matter, but is it annoying habit she has. I just need to vent my frustrations to someone who hopefully gets it.

I don't see anything wrong with keeping dishes in the sink until the end of the day, and then loading them in the dishwasher. As long as it's not overnight, it won't cause pest issue. Folding blankets is also over the top, people just cover the beds with blankets and coverlets. What is even "folding" the blankets?

Throw blankets. Like for the couch/living room. Thought that was obvious.

Why do you need to have so many throw blankets in the living room on couches, and then fold them every day? Isnt it cleaner/easier to have leather furniture that doesn't accumulate dust and not use throw blankets?

OP here. We have two because we sometimes get cold. Who doesn’t have blankets to use in the living room when it’s cold?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP— you are fine. Ignore the DCUM idiots in this thread. I recommend that you break up with this gf. Her kind of messiness won’t get better. Cut her loose and look for someone who matches your style.

OP here. I came here to vent. Her love and amazing qualities far outweight her being messy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you are a neat freak, OP. It's ok to be a neat person but what you describe is borderline autistic fixation on things being in order. Almost nobody cleans the fridge before grocery shopping (and what's the point? There are always long lasting things in the fridge, isnt it enough to wipe it once a month? ). Of course laundry needs to be washed and not thrown all over the house. I just accumulate it in one basket for the week and do laundry in one day on weekends. I never wash and fold it right away as it takes a LOT of time

You should work towards finding a middle ground, and it's not just her who needs some work

OP here. Maybe I wasn’t being clear. I don’t clean out the fridge as in wipe down or anything. I just throw out things that are old or will never be eaten and just organize it a little so I know what to get from the store. We have a clean lady who cleans it once a month.

I’m just used to be being neat. I grew up with a military dad and a mom who cleaned houses and taught me to clean.

The thing that gets to me the most is her clothes thrown everywhere. The entire walk-in closet is a mess with her shoes and clothes dumped everywhere. The other thing is I have no counter space because she leaves her makeup and skin products all over the counter.

Ok, well you have more than more bathroom and closet? Either break up or realize this is your new normal.

OP here. We have another one but very little counter space and we only have one walk-in closet.

[Anonymous]

Some of these answers makes me question how clean people are. This is basic cleaning stuff and I wonder how different most of your houses get.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My girlfriend and I have been living together for almost 3 months. It’s going well except she is more messy than I am. Unlike most men, I’m very neat and like to keep things clean. I hate clutter. I rinse + put dishes in dishwasher right away - gf will put in sink or just leave on kitchen counter until end of day, I will do laundry & fold + put away right away - gf throws her stuff everywhere and never seems to fold or put away. I put things back - gf leaves the bathroom counter a mess with all of her products. I clean the fridge every week before grocery shopping - gf never does it until after or checks that we’re out of something until after. I do a reset every night - dishes put away + run dishwasher, fold blanket, wipe down counters - gf had left it messy many times one the nights she stay up later than I do. I know this is very insignificant and doesn’t really matter, but is it annoying habit she has. I just need to vent my frustrations to someone who hopefully gets it.

I don't see anything wrong with keeping dishes in the sink until the end of the day, and then loading them in the dishwasher. As long as it's not overnight, it won't cause pest issue. Folding blankets is also over the top, people just cover the beds with blankets and coverlets. What is even "folding" the blankets?

Throw blankets. Like for the couch/living room. Thought that was obvious.

Why do you need to have so many throw blankets in the living room on couches, and then fold them every day? Isnt it cleaner/easier to have leather furniture that doesn't accumulate dust and not use throw blankets?

OP here. We have two because we sometimes get cold. Who doesn’t have blankets to use in the living room when it’s cold?

No I don’t use blankets in the living room: I have furry slippers, wool “home” socks and put on warmer longer sleeve sweaters when it’s cold. Also an electric fireplace under the TV that has heating

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you are a neat freak, OP. It's ok to be a neat person but what you describe is borderline autistic fixation on things being in order. Almost nobody cleans the fridge before grocery shopping (and what's the point? There are always long lasting things in the fridge, isnt it enough to wipe it once a month? ). Of course laundry needs to be washed and not thrown all over the house. I just accumulate it in one basket for the week and do laundry in one day on weekends. I never wash and fold it right away as it takes a LOT of time

You should work towards finding a middle ground, and it's not just her who needs some work

OP here. Maybe I wasn’t being clear. I don’t clean out the fridge as in wipe down or anything. I just throw out things that are old or will never be eaten and just organize it a little so I know what to get from the store. We have a clean lady who cleans it once a month.

I’m just used to be being neat. I grew up with a military dad and a mom who cleaned houses and taught me to clean.

The thing that gets to me the most is her clothes thrown everywhere. The entire walk-in closet is a mess with her shoes and clothes dumped everywhere. The other thing is I have no counter space because she leaves her makeup and skin products all over the counter.

Ok, well you have more than more bathroom and closet? Either break up or realize this is your new normal.

OP here. We have another one but very little counter space and we only have one walk-in closet.

Well I agree that throwing clothing, shoes and cosmetics everywhere is not a good or typical habit. You need couples counseling

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You clean out the fridge every week before you go shopping? It sounds like both of you can move a bit towards each other.

OP here. Yes. I thought that was very normal? My mom and dad did it growing up. How else do you know what you need to get?

I certainly look through it and throw out old stuff and check inventory levels.

Great habits OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Messy girls make the best lovers. True or not true?

Irrelevant.

If she’s not able to keep communal places tidy or clean and her own stuff in order nice in awhile, she’s not roommate material. Or managing a household frankly.
No self pride either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My girlfriend and I have been living together for almost 3 months. It’s going well except she is more messy than I am. Unlike most men, I’m very neat and like to keep things clean. I hate clutter. I rinse + put dishes in dishwasher right away - gf will put in sink or just leave on kitchen counter until end of day, I will do laundry & fold + put away right away - gf throws her stuff everywhere and never seems to fold or put away. I put things back - gf leaves the bathroom counter a mess with all of her products. I clean the fridge every week before grocery shopping - gf never does it until after or checks that we’re out of something until after. I do a reset every night - dishes put away + run dishwasher, fold blanket, wipe down counters - gf had left it messy many times one the nights she stay up later than I do. I know this is very insignificant and doesn’t really matter, but is it annoying habit she has. I just need to vent my frustrations to someone who hopefully gets it.

I don't see anything wrong with keeping dishes in the sink until the end of the day, and then loading them in the dishwasher. As long as it's not overnight, it won't cause pest issue. Folding blankets is also over the top, people just cover the beds with blankets and coverlets. What is even "folding" the blankets?

Won’t work with a family 2-3 meals a day or more than 1 roommate.

Plus who knows how much Op is doing of cleaning up her messes.

[Anonymous]

I don't know why you are explaining everything in such detail here on DCUM. I think that's the oddest thing about your situation.

It sounds like you love your GF and want it to work out. I would suggest that she should keep her clothes and stuff in another bedroom that is just hers even if she sleeps in your bedroom. She also needs her own private bathroom.

The other stuff you can likely work out or compromise on.

[Anonymous]

Are you older? You sound rather set in your ways. You have to learn to compromise. Especially if you’ve never lived with a woman before - even my very neatest female friends don’t keep their makeup and closet looking tidy all the time. You probably just have a few things - razor, face wash, sunscreen. While she likely has a ton of anti-aging products, makeup, hair products etc. It’s a lot of stuff and would take more effort to keep it all display worthy! Same for clothes - you have pants and shirts. She likely has lots of different outfit types (dresses, skirts, pants etc) for work and casual, plus tons of accessories. It takes my husband 10 mins to put away laundry but takes me much longer because I have so many more things to deal with.

Anyway, I would pick one or two things that really bug you and ask her to work on those. The makeup and the closet don’t seem like a big deal - those are private areas that guests wouldn’t see and I don’t think you have a right to micromanage how she stores her things. But if you don’t have space for your toothbrush, ask her to leave you room! Same for the closet - her laundry should be her own business, but if she is blocking your ability to get to your shoes or whatever, ask her to keep a path clear for you. And you just have to get used to it.

So maybe you ask that she store leftovers in a way you can see what else is in the fridge? She puts her own dishes in the sink?

Honestly the more I think about it, the more I think you are way too uptight about stuff. We have throw blankets but never really told them. I leave dishes in the sink for hours until I feel like loading the dishwasher (sometimes the breakfast dishes sit in the sink until after dinner!)