Girlfriend is messy - moved in 3 months ago

[Anonymous]

I can see how laundry strewn about everywhere is annoying, but a weekly fridge clean… not really a reasonable expectation. You are gonna have to compromise on some stuff - that’s what living together is about. Everything won’t be your way anymore.

[Anonymous]

I think you are a neat freak, OP. It's ok to be a neat person but what you describe is borderline autistic fixation on things being in order. Almost nobody cleans the fridge before grocery shopping (and what's the point? There are always long lasting things in the fridge, isnt it enough to wipe it once a month? ). Of course laundry needs to be washed and not thrown all over the house. I just accumulate it in one basket for the week and do laundry in one day on weekends. I never wash and fold it right away as it takes a LOT of time

You should work towards finding a middle ground, and it's not just her who needs some work

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My girlfriend and I have been living together for almost 3 months. It’s going well except she is more messy than I am. Unlike most men, I’m very neat and like to keep things clean. I hate clutter. I rinse + put dishes in dishwasher right away - gf will put in sink or just leave on kitchen counter until end of day, I will do laundry & fold + put away right away - gf throws her stuff everywhere and never seems to fold or put away. I put things back - gf leaves the bathroom counter a mess with all of her products. I clean the fridge every week before grocery shopping - gf never does it until after or checks that we’re out of something until after. I do a reset every night - dishes put away + run dishwasher, fold blanket, wipe down counters - gf had left it messy many times one the nights she stay up later than I do. I know this is very insignificant and doesn’t really matter, but is it annoying habit she has. I just need to vent my frustrations to someone who hopefully gets it.

I don't see anything wrong with keeping dishes in the sink until the end of the day, and then loading them in the dishwasher. As long as it's not overnight, it won't cause pest issue. Folding blankets is also over the top, people just cover the beds with blankets and coverlets. What is even "folding" the blankets?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You clean out the fridge every week before you go shopping? It sounds like both of you can move a bit towards each other.

OP here. Yes. I thought that was very normal? My mom and dad did it growing up. How else do you know what you need to get?

You visually scan the contents of the pantry and frig and then make a list.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you are a neat freak, OP. It's ok to be a neat person but what you describe is borderline autistic fixation on things being in order. Almost nobody cleans the fridge before grocery shopping (and what's the point? There are always long lasting things in the fridge, isnt it enough to wipe it once a month? ). Of course laundry needs to be washed and not thrown all over the house. I just accumulate it in one basket for the week and do laundry in one day on weekends. I never wash and fold it right away as it takes a LOT of time

You should work towards finding a middle ground, and it's not just her who needs some work

+1. I’ll bet you were raised by perfectionist parents who tried to manage their anxiety by controlling their home environment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My girlfriend and I have been living together for almost 3 months. It’s going well except she is more messy than I am. Unlike most men, I’m very neat and like to keep things clean. I hate clutter. I rinse + put dishes in dishwasher right away - gf will put in sink or just leave on kitchen counter until end of day, I will do laundry & fold + put away right away - gf throws her stuff everywhere and never seems to fold or put away. I put things back - gf leaves the bathroom counter a mess with all of her products. I clean the fridge every week before grocery shopping - gf never does it until after or checks that we’re out of something until after. I do a reset every night - dishes put away + run dishwasher, fold blanket, wipe down counters - gf had left it messy many times one the nights she stay up later than I do. I know this is very insignificant and doesn’t really matter, but is it annoying habit she has. I just need to vent my frustrations to someone who hopefully gets it.

I don't see anything wrong with keeping dishes in the sink until the end of the day, and then loading them in the dishwasher. As long as it's not overnight, it won't cause pest issue. Folding blankets is also over the top, people just cover the beds with blankets and coverlets. What is even "folding" the blankets?

Throw blankets. Like for the couch/living room. Thought that was obvious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That is why living together before marriage is important. If she never changes, would this be a dealbreaker for you? My DH sounds like your gf. Over the years, he has learned to always put his dirty laundry in the hamper, put down the toilet seat, and throw away trash. That’s pretty much it. I handle the rest because I care more about those things and he handles other stuff I don’t want to do.

This^^

You have to decide if you can live with this.

Firstly, you need to talk to her about it and see how she responds and if she changes her ways.

I agree with others that your expectations are soooooo not the norm.

Pre-marital counseling is on the list for you.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think your being a neat person sets you up for success in life - professional and personal. Your girlfriend may not have been raised by parents who valued routine and cleanliness. I would gently talk to her and teach her how to be neat. Compromise on some things but you need to actually show her how to fold clothes etc and how to clean. Many people grow up not knowing basic "adulting". Then there are long threads on this forum about how their spouse is not helping at home.

I suggest that you watch "Hoarders" and "AuriKatrinna" together on youtube. You can also watch Mari Kondo on Netflix. Then you both need to do these kinds of cleaning chores together every day so that this habit becomes ingrained in her. It takes 21 days of doing something every day to form a habit.

Tell her that you are also willing to learn things from her. Maybe she is great in cooking or loves to garden. The best part about spending time with each other is that you can teach each other, compromise with each other or figure out if you are compatible or not.

[Anonymous]

I am a person who cleans as I go. If I eat something, I will put my plate in the dishwasher once I am done. I do my laundry every day. I wipe my sink and bathroom counters after I use them in the morning. I will swish the toilet with lysol cleaner in the morning. To keep a clean house clean takes a few minutes every day. Another things is that I know how to declutter.

If your girlfriend is spreading her cosmetics or hair styling products in the bathroom counter, she basically needs tote baskets to keep her stuff neatly and a place to stow it away.

I am sure there are many qualities that she has that makes it worthwhile for you to have her in your life. If you cannot stand her messy habits then understand that it will only get worse.

Maybe she can work part time as a maid with a cleaning service and learn on the job?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My girlfriend and I have been living together for almost 3 months. It’s going well except she is more messy than I am. Unlike most men, I’m very neat and like to keep things clean. I hate clutter. I rinse + put dishes in dishwasher right away - gf will put in sink or just leave on kitchen counter until end of day, I will do laundry & fold + put away right away - gf throws her stuff everywhere and never seems to fold or put away. I put things back - gf leaves the bathroom counter a mess with all of her products. I clean the fridge every week before grocery shopping - gf never does it until after or checks that we’re out of something until after. I do a reset every night - dishes put away + run dishwasher, fold blanket, wipe down counters - gf had left it messy many times one the nights she stay up later than I do. I know this is very insignificant and doesn’t really matter, but is it annoying habit she has. I just need to vent my frustrations to someone who hopefully gets it.

I don't see anything wrong with keeping dishes in the sink until the end of the day, and then loading them in the dishwasher. As long as it's not overnight, it won't cause pest issue. Folding blankets is also over the top, people just cover the beds with blankets and coverlets. What is even "folding" the blankets?

Throw blankets. Like for the couch/living room. Thought that was obvious.

You seem insanely anal. Serious turnoff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you are a neat freak, OP. It's ok to be a neat person but what you describe is borderline autistic fixation on things being in order. Almost nobody cleans the fridge before grocery shopping (and what's the point? There are always long lasting things in the fridge, isnt it enough to wipe it once a month? ). Of course laundry needs to be washed and not thrown all over the house. I just accumulate it in one basket for the week and do laundry in one day on weekends. I never wash and fold it right away as it takes a LOT of time

You should work towards finding a middle ground, and it's not just her who needs some work

+1 except I’d swap out the word autistic for anal.

[Anonymous]

You can be my boyfriend. I don't need one, but a neat freak roommate would be great.

[Anonymous]

How much do you have in your fridge that it needs to be cleaned out weekly? I have a family of 5 and I can easily see what needs to be restocked without cleaning out the fridge. It’s rare for us to need to clean out the fridge. When food is old or containers get empty, they get thrown out. They don’t go back into the fridge. I wipe my shelves whenever there is a spill or maybe once a month. What re you all doing that your fridge needs that level of scrutiny? That alone makes me think you are over-the-top.

I have a feeling you are dramatizing her level of disorganization. My guess is her stuff isn’t everywhere but there is just more stuff than you want. You need to talk to her and compromise.

[Anonymous]

Put your foot down now. If not, she’ll continue to be messy and ten years from now, you’ll be posting/complaining about your messy wife and you should have put a stop to it ten years ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You clean out the fridge every week before you go shopping? It sounds like both of you can move a bit towards each other.

I do that too. It creates more space, lets me see what I need to eat in the next two days, and what I need to buy more of. My parents cleaned out the fridge every week too.

I look to see what we need but we do not clean out the fridge every week.