This week at family beach home, pretend not to realize a nephew was supposed to graduate?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just have a normal conversation with him! Most normal conversations i have with people I don't see very often involve asking them what they are up to and what is going on with their lives. Then see how he answers. If he does not bring it up, I would not bring it up either.

+1 I can't imagine seeing a college-aged nephew and not asking "how's school?" He'll either tell you he's having a hard time and taking longer to graduate, or he switched majors or is double-majoring or something, or he studied abroad and didn't get all the required credits, or that he quietly graduated early and is building a company in his parents' basement.

If you care about the kid talk to the kid. If you care about embarrassing his mom for being proud of her kid on Facebook in the past, I guess you'll probably find some way to do that.

Or maybe he'll just say "it's great!" without mentioning whether he graduated? It's entirely possible, after all, that it IS great and that he hasn't graduated yet.

Your suggestion isn't helpful.

I'm not trying to help you be nosy. I'm trying to teach you how to be a person.

[Anonymous]

Rare consensus on DCUM: OP sucks and is weird AF for cyber stalking her nephew by marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just have a normal conversation with him! Most normal conversations i have with people I don't see very often involve asking them what they are up to and what is going on with their lives. Then see how he answers. If he does not bring it up, I would not bring it up either.

+1 I can't imagine seeing a college-aged nephew and not asking "how's school?" He'll either tell you he's having a hard time and taking longer to graduate, or he switched majors or is double-majoring or something, or he studied abroad and didn't get all the required credits, or that he quietly graduated early and is building a company in his parents' basement.

If you care about the kid talk to the kid. If you care about embarrassing his mom for being proud of her kid on Facebook in the past, I guess you'll probably find some way to do that.

Or maybe he'll just say "it's great!" without mentioning whether he graduated? It's entirely possible, after all, that it IS great and that he hasn't graduated yet.

Your suggestion isn't helpful.

I'm not trying to help you be nosy. I'm trying to teach you how to be a person.

Maybe. But from the anticipated responses that you've outlined, it sounds like your advising OP how to be surreptitiously nosy about the nephew's graduation status. Because if I were listing the possible responses to the "how's school" question, it wouldn't include a long list of possible explanations for why he didn't graduate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just have a normal conversation with him! Most normal conversations i have with people I don't see very often involve asking them what they are up to and what is going on with their lives. Then see how he answers. If he does not bring it up, I would not bring it up either.

+1 I can't imagine seeing a college-aged nephew and not asking "how's school?" He'll either tell you he's having a hard time and taking longer to graduate, or he switched majors or is double-majoring or something, or he studied abroad and didn't get all the required credits, or that he quietly graduated early and is building a company in his parents' basement.

If you care about the kid talk to the kid. If you care about embarrassing his mom for being proud of her kid on Facebook in the past, I guess you'll probably find some way to do that.

+2 Or he took a semester off for mental health issues, or Covid disrupted his education, or he will be graduating this December, or it's still up in the air. OP IRL you can ask gently and not make anyone uncomfortable, and be a supportive aunt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just have a normal conversation with him! Most normal conversations i have with people I don't see very often involve asking them what they are up to and what is going on with their lives. Then see how he answers. If he does not bring it up, I would not bring it up either.

+1 I can't imagine seeing a college-aged nephew and not asking "how's school?" He'll either tell you he's having a hard time and taking longer to graduate, or he switched majors or is double-majoring or something, or he studied abroad and didn't get all the required credits, or that he quietly graduated early and is building a company in his parents' basement.

If you care about the kid talk to the kid. If you care about embarrassing his mom for being proud of her kid on Facebook in the past, I guess you'll probably find some way to do that.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just have a normal conversation with him! Most normal conversations i have with people I don't see very often involve asking them what they are up to and what is going on with their lives. Then see how he answers. If he does not bring it up, I would not bring it up either.

+1 I can't imagine seeing a college-aged nephew and not asking "how's school?" He'll either tell you he's having a hard time and taking longer to graduate, or he switched majors or is double-majoring or something, or he studied abroad and didn't get all the required credits, or that he quietly graduated early and is building a company in his parents' basement.

If you care about the kid talk to the kid. If you care about embarrassing his mom for being proud of her kid on Facebook in the past, I guess you'll probably find some way to do that.

+2 Or he took a semester off for mental health issues, or Covid disrupted his education, or he will be graduating this December, or it's still up in the air. OP IRL you can ask gently and not make anyone uncomfortable, and be a supportive aunt.

She could, but I don't think that's her goal. She's trying to score points on nephew's mom for some perceived slight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait, you are supposed to add your college internship onto Linked In?

Somewhat o/t, but yes if you are in college.

[Anonymous]

What could you possibly be concerned about that would be at all within your locus of control? If they wanted to tell you what was going on they would or they will if it comes up in conversation. Mind your own business! you're clearly not close enough with them to be privy to this information

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just have a normal conversation with him! Most normal conversations i have with people I don't see very often involve asking them what they are up to and what is going on with their lives. Then see how he answers. If he does not bring it up, I would not bring it up either.

+1 I can't imagine seeing a college-aged nephew and not asking "how's school?" He'll either tell you he's having a hard time and taking longer to graduate, or he switched majors or is double-majoring or something, or he studied abroad and didn't get all the required credits, or that he quietly graduated early and is building a company in his parents' basement.

If you care about the kid talk to the kid. If you care about embarrassing his mom for being proud of her kid on Facebook in the past, I guess you'll probably find some way to do that.

Or maybe he'll just say "it's great!" without mentioning whether he graduated? It's entirely possible, after all, that it IS great and that he hasn't graduated yet.

Your suggestion isn't helpful.

I'm not trying to help you be nosy. I'm trying to teach you how to be a person.

Maybe. But from the anticipated responses that you've outlined, it sounds like your advising OP how to be surreptitiously nosy about the nephew's graduation status. Because if I were listing the possible responses to the "how's school" question, it wouldn't include a long list of possible explanations for why he didn't graduate.

I say "if you care about the kid talk to the kid" and you take away "this is my primer for how to be surreptitiously nosy." I can't help you. It's possible no one can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just have a normal conversation with him! Most normal conversations i have with people I don't see very often involve asking them what they are up to and what is going on with their lives. Then see how he answers. If he does not bring it up, I would not bring it up either.

+1 I can't imagine seeing a college-aged nephew and not asking "how's school?" He'll either tell you he's having a hard time and taking longer to graduate, or he switched majors or is double-majoring or something, or he studied abroad and didn't get all the required credits, or that he quietly graduated early and is building a company in his parents' basement.

If you care about the kid talk to the kid. If you care about embarrassing his mom for being proud of her kid on Facebook in the past, I guess you'll probably find some way to do that.

+2 Or he took a semester off for mental health issues, or Covid disrupted his education, or he will be graduating this December, or it's still up in the air. OP IRL you can ask gently and not make anyone uncomfortable, and be a supportive aunt.

Again, you all sound as nosy as OP for offering up these possible explanations. Just ask "how's school?" It's a pro forma question, and unless you're nosy or a bad person you hope only that the answer is "great!"

[Anonymous]

Someone comes off looking bad here, and it's not the person taking more than 4 years to finish college.

(Also, OP, you might want to think about why the setting is so important to you. Because you mention it more than once.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just have a normal conversation with him! Most normal conversations i have with people I don't see very often involve asking them what they are up to and what is going on with their lives. Then see how he answers. If he does not bring it up, I would not bring it up either.

+1 I can't imagine seeing a college-aged nephew and not asking "how's school?" He'll either tell you he's having a hard time and taking longer to graduate, or he switched majors or is double-majoring or something, or he studied abroad and didn't get all the required credits, or that he quietly graduated early and is building a company in his parents' basement.

If you care about the kid talk to the kid. If you care about embarrassing his mom for being proud of her kid on Facebook in the past, I guess you'll probably find some way to do that.

Or maybe he'll just say "it's great!" without mentioning whether he graduated? It's entirely possible, after all, that it IS great and that he hasn't graduated yet.

Your suggestion isn't helpful.

I'm not trying to help you be nosy. I'm trying to teach you how to be a person.

Maybe. But from the anticipated responses that you've outlined, it sounds like your advising OP how to be surreptitiously nosy about the nephew's graduation status. Because if I were listing the possible responses to the "how's school" question, it wouldn't include a long list of possible explanations for why he didn't graduate.

I say "if you care about the kid talk to the kid" and you take away "this is my primer for how to be surreptitiously nosy." I can't help you. It's possible no one can.

I'm not the OP.

All I'm saying is that your anticipated responses assume there's some kind of explanation -- justification, really -- for why the nephew didn't graduate. And maybe there isn't , other than that things are great and he plans on graduating in his own damned time time and that's that. If I were asking a nephew about school, there would be no implicit question about when he plans on graduating, why hasn't he already, etc. I'd simply be wanting to know if he's happy and enjoying himself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Someone comes off looking bad here, and it's not the person taking more than 4 years to finish college.

(Also, OP, you might want to think about why the setting is so important to you. Because you mention it more than once.)

The “family beach home”? Who even says that

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And while we’re at it, OP, here’s a question for you: why is your life so empty that you fill it with Google-stalking a young man whose education you did not pay for, and whose well-being is not your responsibility? Are you estranged from your own kids or something? Get a hobby.

Anonymous wrote:This. Why are you Google-stalking someone else’s kid?

When you overshare on Facebook, you invite curiosity among family and friends. And it's natural to wonder what a college senior is up to, as far as major, graduation, internships, job offers, and where they plan to live.

You can wonder.

You can't corner someone and put them publicly on the spot to give you an answer that most people could find embarrassing. I mean, obviously you can, but only if you are an impolite person who wants to show your a$$ in public.

This is called "courtesy." It's a part of being a decent, civilized person. Look it up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just have a normal conversation with him! Most normal conversations i have with people I don't see very often involve asking them what they are up to and what is going on with their lives. Then see how he answers. If he does not bring it up, I would not bring it up either.

+1 I can't imagine seeing a college-aged nephew and not asking "how's school?" He'll either tell you he's having a hard time and taking longer to graduate, or he switched majors or is double-majoring or something, or he studied abroad and didn't get all the required credits, or that he quietly graduated early and is building a company in his parents' basement.

If you care about the kid talk to the kid. If you care about embarrassing his mom for being proud of her kid on Facebook in the past, I guess you'll probably find some way to do that.

Or maybe he'll just say "it's great!" without mentioning whether he graduated? It's entirely possible, after all, that it IS great and that he hasn't graduated yet.

Your suggestion isn't helpful.

I'm not trying to help you be nosy. I'm trying to teach you how to be a person.

Maybe. But from the anticipated responses that you've outlined, it sounds like your advising OP how to be surreptitiously nosy about the nephew's graduation status. Because if I were listing the possible responses to the "how's school" question, it wouldn't include a long list of possible explanations for why he didn't graduate.

I say "if you care about the kid talk to the kid" and you take away "this is my primer for how to be surreptitiously nosy." I can't help you. It's possible no one can.

I'm not the OP.

All I'm saying is that your anticipated responses assume there's some kind of explanation -- justification, really -- for why the nephew didn't graduate. And maybe there isn't , other than that things are great and he plans on graduating in his own damned time time and that's that. If I were asking a nephew about school, there would be no implicit question about when he plans on graduating, why hasn't he already, etc. I'd simply be wanting to know if he's happy and enjoying himself.

Considering one of my "anticipated responses" was that he's already graduated, it seems like you're looking for something to be offended by. I said I would ask him "how's school?," you say I'm just as nosy as OP, and then go on to tell another PP that you, an actual good person and not a fake good person, would ask "how's school?"