This week at family beach home, pretend not to realize a nephew was supposed to graduate?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I graduated from Princeton way back in the late 00s when there was no pandemic closures or anything, I just messed up a course credit transfer and was short a credit at graduation and had to take one more credit over the summer. I think the date on my diploma is some random day when the registrar finally processed my credit. I walked with my class but my mom made it clear that she would not be celebrating my graduation and that I had caused her deep shame. She still cries during graduation season and will call me and say “you never gave me the gradation I deserved!”. I was not first generation college and I paid for school with loans and grants, so it’s not like she paid for it. Anyway, it was not normal to not graduate with your class at Princeton at the time and my mom still refuses to talk about anything from that era because I embarrassed her.

Your nephew may or may not be in a similar situation. You can bring it up 1:1 with him but definitely not in a large group or in front of his mom! Sounds like she is a lot to handle and whatever his situation is- good, bad, neutral- she sees it as a negative.

I would have appreciated a kind person acknowledging the weirdness to me, helping me talk through my disappointment (in myself, the situation, and my mom’s reaction), and giving me an anecdote or two about speed bumps that they encountered in their own adult life.

Correct, people are making a lot of weird excuses in this thread. It is not normal to not graduate on time at the top 50 or so universities. Those universities have 90+% graduation rates. Kids come in with tons of AP credits, a lot of kids finish early and do study abroad trips. It was reported in NYT and WSJ that college kids loved remote coursework because it was so easy and they could load up on credits and get easy As.

It took my oldest five years to graduate from college. He spent two years overseas in combat. So considering that, he graduated early. He is a military officer and a college professor now. People we cared about knew why it took him five years. We didn’t explain it to nosey, gossipy family members who were not close.

[Anonymous]

I haven't read every page, but how is this ten pages long?

A simple, hey, how's school going? Or even a "how's it going?" or "what's on tap for summer?" Could have possibly solved it.

Or if he's the shy awkward around adults type, at a time when it's just you and the mother or father you say, how's school going for Johhny? What's he doing this summer? What's his major? Just, you know, normal family conversation.

Or, if this family is somehow incapable of that, you tell your husband to ask his brother directly what's up when they have alone time.

Normal family interactions, all 3 options. It is weird to me that aunt-in-law is "concerned," snooping, and incapable of interactions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP- stop being so involved with situations that aren’t your business. My goodness, googling on Linked-in to spy. You have too much time on your hands.

Yes, op in what way are your kids such f-ups that you are wetting yourself over this issue? It thrills you to have this exciting gossip, doesn't it?

[Anonymous]

Affluent students at selective colleges probably have a nearly one-hundred percent graduation rate. The students who drag down the percentage are lower income, middle class and first-generation students. It is extremely uncommon for an affluent student (ex. family owns multiple ocean-front beach houses) to not finish on time. In Lena Dunham's memoir, she made a point to stress the creep who allegedly sexually assaulted her took five years to finish at Oberlin because it's so sketchy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Affluent students at selective colleges probably have a nearly one-hundred percent graduation rate. The students who drag down the percentage are lower income, middle class and first-generation students. It is extremely uncommon for an affluent student (ex. family owns multiple ocean-front beach houses) to not finish on time. In Lena Dunham's memoir, she made a point to stress the creep who allegedly sexually assaulted her took five years to finish at Oberlin because it's so sketchy.

Oh yes, because Lena Durham is such a peach!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Affluent students at selective colleges probably have a nearly one-hundred percent graduation rate. The students who drag down the percentage are lower income, middle class and first-generation students. It is extremely uncommon for an affluent student (ex. family owns multiple ocean-front beach houses) to not finish on time. In Lena Dunham's memoir, she made a point to stress the creep who allegedly sexually assaulted her took five years to finish at Oberlin because it's so sketchy.

What a bizarre comment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Affluent students at selective colleges probably have a nearly one-hundred percent graduation rate. The students who drag down the percentage are lower income, middle class and first-generation students. It is extremely uncommon for an affluent student (ex. family owns multiple ocean-front beach houses) to not finish on time. In Lena Dunham's memoir, she made a point to stress the creep who allegedly sexually assaulted her took five years to finish at Oberlin because it's so sketchy.

What a bizarre comment.

+1 OP has way too much of her sense of self-worth tied to her perception of her in laws' wealth and perfection.

[Anonymous]

Some programs are designed to be five years. Mine was. I am from an affluent family, went to a well-known school and while some programs graduated in four years, some graduated in five. It was not unusual at all. I promise we aren’t sketchy. I did have close-minded, ignorant types who wondered why I didn’t graduate “on-time.” I politely told them when I would graduate- why on Earth would they care how many years it took me? I don’t know. Just nosy, busy bodies.

[Anonymous]

This thread is way too long already but virtually every kid I know who was in college during Covid took at least one extra year to graduate. Life just paused for a lot of these kids.

[Anonymous]

OMG. Are we related, OP? I had a relative do that to my parents. I graduated in 5 years,not in 4. Because for my last year I went to Ghana and did a full year there. My parents are humble people, they didn't like to brat but this particular relative just wouldn't let it go. So no, we didn't invite her to my graduation and I hope she shoved her pitiful $25 gift up her ass.Not only was she nosy but also very cheap.

[Anonymous]

To the OP: how old are your kids? Are they still in elementary school?

The last two years have been hard on college students. Maybe your nephew has had some struggles. This does not make him less than nor does it merit you making an ass of yourself and asking why aren't you graduating?

Have some class and empathy. It's not any of your business. Does it really matter to you if it takes him 6 years to graduate? Are you paying his tuition?

And if your kids are younger and you think, MY KIDS would never do this, well, I find parenting to be humbling and it's the wise parent who can recognize I may be dealing with this myself in a few years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read every page, but how is this ten pages long?

A simple, hey, how's school going? Or even a "how's it going?" or "what's on tap for summer?" Could have possibly solved it.

Or if he's the shy awkward around adults type, at a time when it's just you and the mother or father you say, how's school going for Johhny? What's he doing this summer? What's his major? Just, you know, normal family conversation.

Or, if this family is somehow incapable of that, you tell your husband to ask his brother directly what's up when they have alone time.

Normal family interactions, all 3 options. It is weird to me that aunt-in-law is "concerned," snooping, and incapable of interactions.

+1

How’s the weekend go and how’s the nephew?