AITA for thinking bride is heinous?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why would you even have agreed to be in this person’s wedding to begin with? She sounds awful.

I’ve gone into this a little in the thread, but it was purely to keep ties. I knew she’d be angry if I said no outright. So, I said yes with a lot of caveats, including that I can’t plan pre-wedding events or commit to attending because of my work travel schedule and that I only have bandwidth to put on a dress and show up the day of the wedding. I thought that would get her to say no to me. To my consternation, she agreed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would offer to drop out of the party and give the dress (the one you already bought) to the bridesmaid who didn’t order in time. That way nobody has to buy a second dress. You can sell it as a sacrifice on your part to save the rest of the party (we all know she won’t buy it and she’ll cut you off, but that was going to happen immediately after the wedding anyway). To everyone else, you look like the bigger person.

This is an amazing idea. But what if the other bridesmaid isn’t the same size? Looking at pics, we don’t have the same body type at all. More ideas for how I can get bridezilla to fire me would be very welcome.

[Anonymous]

I would suggest to the bride and the other bridesmaids in the group chat that we all keep our original dresses and the one without a dress can buy one that coordinates with your dresses. The one with the different dress can be called MOH. Say upfront that it is a matter of cost. I am sure the other bridesmaids are thinking the same thing. Do it quickly before anyone else buys the new dress. In a group chat, I would think the bride is less likely to bully all of you at once lest she is left with no bridal party at all.

[Anonymous]

you don't need to be fired. don't put this on her. Quit. Say it is too much. Offer your dress to the other bridesmaid and wish her well.

No conversations about it. Just I'm sorry I can't do this.

Silly to ask how to be fired, this isn't a rom-com

[Anonymous]

Not to derail this thread, but I find this whole "bridesmaids paying for every thing" for American weddings very cheap and low class.

We are immigrants. When my DD got married, her BFF hosted the bridal shower at our house, but we paid for everything because we felt that the BFF did not have to spend money on top of planning everything. We also paid for the travel costs, room and meals for their bachelorette party. DD was adamant that there would be no gifts. The fact that these girls coordinated their schedules, took time off from work and came together to celebrate my DD for a weekend was already too much of an ask.

For the wedding, I paid for the dresses for the bridal party, hair, makeup, meals, room, transportation. It is ridiculous to have a bridal party and expect everyone to spring for a dress that they would normally would not buy. I think that the tradition of having a bridal party should be simplified. Let everyone wear what they want to wear or pay for their matching outfits.

[Anonymous]

And It seems like you dig the drama. You're keeping her wedding a secret for her? Do you not think that will damage your relationship with your family.

Me thinks you may be part of the drama

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I wouldn't be MOH to someone who treats me like this. She could have found a different dress on Amazon for this girl and moved her to MOH, or done something different, or had her drop out or buy a sample.

Right it’s that other bridesmaids fault and now everyone else has to pay? No. Bride should reimburse you or else solve the problem with the procrastinator.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And It seems like you dig the drama. You're keeping her wedding a secret for her? Do you not think that will damage your relationship with your family.

Me thinks you may be part of the drama

This. Just quit and be done with it. You keep coming up with reasons not to. Don’t be part of the problem.

[Anonymous]

You keep saying that you only agreed to keep ties so she doesn't become estranged with the entire family. But her entire family has already chosen to be estranged from her. You aren't some noble martyr keeping her in the family; you're just the only one not smart enough to let her go.

Let her go.

[Anonymous]

eff that. You are a doormat and you need to drop out of this wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would suggest to the bride and the other bridesmaids in the group chat that we all keep our original dresses and the one without a dress can buy one that coordinates with your dresses. The one with the different dress can be called MOH. Say upfront that it is a matter of cost. I am sure the other bridesmaids are thinking the same thing. Do it quickly before anyone else buys the new dress. In a group chat, I would think the bride is less likely to bully all of you at once lest she is left with no bridal party at all.

Perfect solution!! OP do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You keep saying that you only agreed to keep ties so she doesn't become estranged with the entire family. But her entire family has already chosen to be estranged from her. You aren't some noble martyr keeping her in the family; you're just the only one not smart enough to let her go.

Let her go.

End thread.

[Anonymous]

I would go to the wedding and wear the original dress. You are MOH, so you can have a different dress from the bridesmaids, if the other bridesmaids decide to go that route. After the wedding, it's up to you how much you want her in her life. It doesn't sound like you want to have anything else to do with her, which is perfectly justified, so do what is best for you.

[Anonymous]

I would say you aren't able to buy a second dress. If she wants to purchase it for you, she may. Otherwise you are wearing the first one or are fine not standing in the wedding. Leave it at that. She can fire you if she wants to or buy the new dress.

Who cares about what she thinks. You were estranged until recently anyhow- you aren't close.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are the other members of the wedding party doing about the dress? And if you buy the new dress is the other bridesmaid on board or will she flake again - doesn’t sound very committed. Buying a second dress is bad but buying it if no one else does or if the flakey bridesmaid doesn’t would be so much worse.

I don’t know the other three. Never met or talked to them before, so I don’t know if the flakey bridesmaid will flake on this dress too. Totally possible.

For harmony's sake I’d probably stay in the wedding (knowing it’s merely to be a kind person) but give some pushback so this doesn’t become the top of the iceberg for her demands. Ask her to confirm the others have their dresses in hand before you’ll purchase a second dress. Tell her you don’t have the bandwidth for big adjustments now so you can set the stage to decline anything else.

This gets you off the hook for a big shower or bachelorette expense though. Claim you had to use the funds you’d allotted for the second dress she requested.

The bachelorette party is another mess. I told her upfront before even accepting the MOH gig that I don’t have the bandwidth to plan a bachelorette party and why. She said she totally understood and then she put me on the spot by asking me on a group chat with the whole bridal party “when” the party would be. I’ve laid low on that one, but that’s the next drama brewing. There’s just a lot and I’m tired of all the rolling over to keep the peace that I’ve been. She just keep ratcheting up the demands.

I was a bridesmaid for a bridezilla like this. I was truly happy for her so I bought her an engagement gift. Then came the shower, the bachelorette weekend in the Hamptons, the bridesmaid dress and hair, the wedding gift… Theyre divorced now. But that’s irrelevant. The wedding costs broke me and were all about bridezilla. You know there’s going to be an expensive shower and then bachelorette night or weekend. She does not accept your “no” or “I can’t do this.” You can see where this is all going. Make your decision now.