AITA for thinking bride is heinous?

[Anonymous]

Come on, OP. You are 3-4 posts away from revealing that your cousin was just recently released from prison for murder.

We get it. She’s terrible. Drop out of her wedding and put us all out of our misery.

[Anonymous]

If there were anyone I liked in the family to whom it was important, I’d probably suck it up and buy another dress. But if not, I would just drop out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Perhaps I'm in the minority, but I'd suck it up, buy the second dress, be MOH, then dip on this relationship. Here's why:

People like this bring drama everywhere they go. Even if she's estranged from your family, she's your cousin and you'll have to deal with some aspect of this/her going forward. As understandable as resigning would be, now you're a bad actor for contributing to her wedding drama. And trust, she'll bring it up forever. Saying no from the start because she sucks would have been understandable to everyone. Dying on the dress hill after committing makes you look petty and brings you down to her level.

Retain your commitment, knowing it'll be annoying at minimum, and maintain better boundaries going forward.

It doesn’t appear that anyone in OP’s family has any kind of relationship with this person. Whatever happens, there will be no aftermath for OP because the cousin probably isn’t going to keep up a relationship anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Come on, OP. You are 3-4 posts away from revealing that your cousin was just recently released from prison for murder.

We get it. She’s terrible. Drop out of her wedding and put us all out of our misery.

She’s not very nice, but the hard part is the estrangement. I don’t really want to be estranged from her. I want us to be like family that isn’t close, but isn’t at odds and see her annually or biannually. If I cut her off, she’s out of touch with everyone in the family and lost to the family. We spent three years knowing nothing of her whereabouts. Going back to that makes me really sad. That’s what I’m struggling with. I said in my OP that I want out of this MOH gig. It’s the needlessly high stakes fallout that’s hard.

[Anonymous]

What are the other members of the wedding party doing about the dress? And if you buy the new dress is the other bridesmaid on board or will she flake again - doesn’t sound very committed. Buying a second dress is bad but buying it if no one else does or if the flakey bridesmaid doesn’t would be so much worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Come on, OP. You are 3-4 posts away from revealing that your cousin was just recently released from prison for murder.

We get it. She’s terrible. Drop out of her wedding and put us all out of our misery.

She’s not very nice, but the hard part is the estrangement. I don’t really want to be estranged from her. I want us to be like family that isn’t close, but isn’t at odds and see her annually or biannually. If I cut her off, she’s out of touch with everyone in the family and lost to the family. We spent three years knowing nothing of her whereabouts. Going back to that makes me really sad. That’s what I’m struggling with. I said in my OP that I want out of this MOH gig. It’s the needlessly high stakes fallout that’s hard.

You are romanticizing this coordinate relationship. She doesn’t care about you one bit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Perhaps I'm in the minority, but I'd suck it up, buy the second dress, be MOH, then dip on this relationship. Here's why:

People like this bring drama everywhere they go. Even if she's estranged from your family, she's your cousin and you'll have to deal with some aspect of this/her going forward. As understandable as resigning would be, now you're a bad actor for contributing to her wedding drama. And trust, she'll bring it up forever. Saying no from the start because she sucks would have been understandable to everyone. Dying on the dress hill after committing makes you look petty and brings you down to her level.

Retain your commitment, knowing it'll be annoying at minimum, and maintain better boundaries going forward.

I agree with this post. Just get through it and then whatever happens later, happens.

Who knows? She might get her act together later in life and then you’ll still have that family tie with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are the other members of the wedding party doing about the dress? And if you buy the new dress is the other bridesmaid on board or will she flake again - doesn’t sound very committed. Buying a second dress is bad but buying it if no one else does or if the flakey bridesmaid doesn’t would be so much worse.

I don’t know the other three. Never met or talked to them before, so I don’t know if the flakey bridesmaid will flake on this dress too. Totally possible.

[Anonymous]

Wear the original dress. Done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are the other members of the wedding party doing about the dress? And if you buy the new dress is the other bridesmaid on board or will she flake again - doesn’t sound very committed. Buying a second dress is bad but buying it if no one else does or if the flakey bridesmaid doesn’t would be so much worse.

I don’t know the other three. Never met or talked to them before, so I don’t know if the flakey bridesmaid will flake on this dress too. Totally possible.

For harmony's sake I’d probably stay in the wedding (knowing it’s merely to be a kind person) but give some pushback so this doesn’t become the top of the iceberg for her demands. Ask her to confirm the others have their dresses in hand before you’ll purchase a second dress. Tell her you don’t have the bandwidth for big adjustments now so you can set the stage to decline anything else.

This gets you off the hook for a big shower or bachelorette expense though. Claim you had to use the funds you’d allotted for the second dress she requested.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are the other members of the wedding party doing about the dress? And if you buy the new dress is the other bridesmaid on board or will she flake again - doesn’t sound very committed. Buying a second dress is bad but buying it if no one else does or if the flakey bridesmaid doesn’t would be so much worse.

I don’t know the other three. Never met or talked to them before, so I don’t know if the flakey bridesmaid will flake on this dress too. Totally possible.

For harmony's sake I’d probably stay in the wedding (knowing it’s merely to be a kind person) but give some pushback so this doesn’t become the top of the iceberg for her demands. Ask her to confirm the others have their dresses in hand before you’ll purchase a second dress. Tell her you don’t have the bandwidth for big adjustments now so you can set the stage to decline anything else.

This gets you off the hook for a big shower or bachelorette expense though. Claim you had to use the funds you’d allotted for the second dress she requested.

The bachelorette party is another mess. I told her upfront before even accepting the MOH gig that I don’t have the bandwidth to plan a bachelorette party and why. She said she totally understood and then she put me on the spot by asking me on a group chat with the whole bridal party “when” the party would be. I’ve laid low on that one, but that’s the next drama brewing. There’s just a lot and I’m tired of all the rolling over to keep the peace that I’ve been. She just keep ratcheting up the demands.

[Anonymous]

I would offer to drop out of the party and give the dress (the one you already bought) to the bridesmaid who didn’t order in time. That way nobody has to buy a second dress. You can sell it as a sacrifice on your part to save the rest of the party (we all know she won’t buy it and she’ll cut you off, but that was going to happen immediately after the wedding anyway). To everyone else, you look like the bigger person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Come on, OP. You are 3-4 posts away from revealing that your cousin was just recently released from prison for murder.

We get it. She’s terrible. Drop out of her wedding and put us all out of our misery.

She’s not very nice, but the hard part is the estrangement. I don’t really want to be estranged from her. I want us to be like family that isn’t close, but isn’t at odds and see her annually or biannually. If I cut her off, she’s out of touch with everyone in the family and lost to the family. We spent three years knowing nothing of her whereabouts. Going back to that makes me really sad. That’s what I’m struggling with. I said in my OP that I want out of this MOH gig. It’s the needlessly high stakes fallout that’s hard.

You are romanticizing this coordinate relationship. She doesn’t care about you one bit.

Yea, the more I write this all out, the more I wonder if I need my head checked. Holding on to family shouldn’t be this fraught and she should be trying to hold on to me too. There’s no mutuality here.

[Anonymous]

Why would you even have agreed to be in this person’s wedding to begin with? She sounds awful.

[Anonymous]

I would drop a line in the group chat and let the estrangement happen. If you do not have the backbone to do that then go ahead and suffer but FFS end this thread.

"...Hey everyone, I am sorry to say that I will be dropping out of the MOH role and from the bridal party. Some personal issues have come up that I have to prioritize. I know that one of you will step up and fill my shoes and will stand by cousin Larla on her important day. My thanks to whoever will graciously pitch in. I will try my best to attend the wedding but right now I cannot promise.

- Larlita. ..."